I have a friend that I call the Disciple of Christ. This is a woman that has never had the mildest curiosity that doesn't result in a question and she has never let a question go unasked. As I learn from speaking and questioning, I learn a lot from her that she is not intending to teach.
Last night was no exception. Sparing the details of what led up to this, I remembered a moment from my early explorations of magick. I was eighteen or nineteen years old. It was during a meditation...
I went to the gates hell.
The basic view was a purple haze and a cave at the base of a mountain. In recalling the image, I see two pillar-like constructions on either side of the gate that barred the cave. I am not sure if that is my present knowledge interposing itself on that old image or not. Things flew in and out using an opening at the top of the gate. Sounds came from within. I didn't hear screams, cries of torment or the maniacal laughter of the deity of punishment. The rattles of chains rang forth with a hollow echo revealing depths unimaginable. In that moment, I felt fear, doom and hopelessness.
Scared shitless does not describe me in that moment but soul liquifying terror is too over the top. The feeling was somewhere in between. For a long time this experience was a big deal. I thought about it a lot. The thought hasn't reoccurred in years.
I cannot say if I went to the gates of hell or not. That may have been a projection of fears. The contemporaneous feelings and thoughts were real to me. Given this happened on the astral, I am wondering if that experience manifested for me in normal life. There is a 'magickal law' that if something is created on the astral it must manifest. My experience has been that symbols do to manifest exactly as is but by analogy.
I went through 10 years of obsession, chained to thoughts of fear, hopeless and rejection. I chained myself to a teacher that refused to fully disclose the events and that perpetuated those feelings. Could these things be caused by that experience or were these things foreshadowed by my vision? My answer is:
I have no idea. I am not drawing conclusions.
Could it have manifested in my enraged reactions to Christianity? I often speak of threats of hell coming from its priests. I do not know.
She has experienced zero back or neck pain since my last working on her. The aforementioned x-rays were lost by the hospital. She is now battling several infections which the doctors are focusing on above all else.