Thursday, September 27, 2012

Updates: My Nephesch; A Client; The Agnostic

Last night, I went through some old idiosyncratic ceremonial magick stuff and put my Nephesch back in the bottle. I will master the skill of working with my Nephesch and keeping it under control. I just don't have that yet. As for last night, I slept better than I had in years. Sweet. I feel 'clean' and refreshed. This is a direct result of what I did last night. I am considering doing this as part of maintenance practice. If I do, I will outline that here.

I hesitate because this practice is very personal for me. Given all the personal stuff I share here, I hope I am forgiven for my reluctance.

On a related note, my back has been a mess over the past two days. It was shaky anyway but in this case the emotional hit from the Nephesch made it worse. This is one more reason why it will be awhile before I call on it for energy.

The Client:

I hate calling people clients. I consider each of them to be much more in the friend category. There is something that happens when I work to heal that fosters those feelings. Of course, humans are humans, the level of intensity varies.

I do not have a nickname for this person because the obvious would reveal too much about her. In fact, it would reveal the one thing she told me that I may not reveal. She wrote the following in a recent email about the healing work we have done together. Apologies for the one-word edit but it is necessary as it reveals the one thing as well.

- Knowing I'm not blocked xxxxxxx, and addressing my mental lockup by setting a regular schedule
- Recognizing that I have an idea in my head of what is a "right" way to live based on what I know of my parents' and brother's lives and ways of thinking, and how that affects me 
- Acknowledging that my life would be happier and more joyful if I let my true self manifest instead of restraining it (we keep coming back to this; it's a big issue for me)
I am not sure people understand how good it feels to be of use to others like that given my history.  Nothing feels better than to heal or in this case help people find a path past certain obstacles. This ability comes from a the path of Teth on the tree of life. I will post something called "Balancing Leo" that will explain that a bit more.
This is the same client that disturbed me so a while back. I saw her girl parts quite clearly. I asked her about a specific detail a day later to determine if I was seeing reality or some metaphor. My question came out as something pervy. I chastised myself for poisoning my healing. I have nothing against some healthy sexuality but it should not spill over to healing work. Ever. It deeply disturbed me and bothered the client as well.
This is what she told me in her letter of last week about that.
It's kind of like that image you had during one of our readings a while back that caused you so much confusion and worry. Now that some time has passed, I know EXACTLY what that was about. It was not a literal representation, but it was representative of some changes in my life since that time - basically, letting go of fears and judgments that had caused me to exclude things from my life that I enjoy, and that can help me grow and more fully express myself.

As posted in this space, I reached a similar conclusion from things on my end. I determined that this was a trust thing. I see nudity as an indication of the client's trust and what I see is not literal. I like non-literalness as that as it ensures proper privacy. My mistake was asking the client if what I saw was literal or not.

Perhaps, I should have said nothing about the image but delved into the picture for meaning like I do every other image I receive. That is half of what I do now. I see a similar image, take it as a trust image and move on quickly. Maybe I am assuming too much of what it means for each person. Maybe, I should just take a deeper look to make sure that is what it is. If not, just include it in the reading like I do with all else.

The Agnostic

Many will remember the Agnostic that did the the Manifestation Meditation while not believing she had a soul. Her original attempts in doing so were to get a job. I am not sure but I believe she stopped the MM long ago but now she has a job, a good job and one she is very comfortable with.

It doesn't surprise me that she is employed. Sooner or later that had to happen. The fact that she is comfortable after having so much mental distress tells me this may be the MM at work.

My initial magicks worked like that. At first, I didn't believe in what I was doing. I wanted to but I didn't. Then as time moved on and I did know what I was doing in the present tense, I looked back. All those magicks I had done before had worked! At the very least, the goals of those magicks had all been reached.

We are all innate magicians and create much more than we think we do. HINT.

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