The Lotus and Double-Wood

Today, I did indeed take the lotus image to work. Today, I prayed when I glimpsed the image, which was often. Today, I gave my unruly side to my HGA via the lotus for his use. Altogether, my work day was very busy but pleasant. Though, I did demand some double-wood scotch as payment for services rendered. I figured if asking for a cookie worked so well, I may has well set my sites on the good stuff.

I think there is much more to this white lotus thing that at first meets the eye. I made a decision about a topic that I can not discuss here due to previous oaths.

Over the last couple of days, I have burned incense as an offering to the gods in general. On both occasions, I have thanked lighter, flame, candle, charcoal, incense and the ability to obtain these things during the process. I have found this to be relaxing.

I sanded my earth pentacle today. The wood feels much smoother. Progress is being made.

As I type this, I can feel someone angry with me. Whom and over what I am not quite sure. I do not think it is a member of my household as it feels like an old grudge. It is my sincere hope the person feels better soon.

I feel different somehow. I am experiencing some sort of spiritual/emotional state that I am unfamiliar with. I think I am experiencing some level of peace without having fully let go of war and the conflict within. Fascinating. I think my general dislike for my fellow man is easing and moving into more 'like' and compassion. This would be a good thing.

White lotus. White lotus. What will you bring?

The Lotus Spell

I have been following the promptings of my HGA all day and spending short amounts of time in prayer and in connection with him. One of the things he said yesterday was to use the thaumaturgical spells I have learned and redirect them to spiritual intent.

I have also sacrificed some of my unruly energy to my HGA's use in a direct reflection of how my so-called demon familiars have given their unruly energy to me. As a reward, I have a few fleeting moments of peace. I feel that spiritual aaaaawwwwwwww unity feeling that I so love, is better than any sex and just as fleeting.

As part of that, he told me to bring part of my spirituality to work as that is were most of my unruly energy remains. I am to remember to pray there. As a reminder, I am to hang a picture of a white lotus as a type of small shrine or altar. This is the picture that I found from symplified zone systems web site.

And Now a Word from My Sponser (HGA)

This weekend, I have have through strained eyes, read a great deal of the Dalai Lama's autobiography. Feeling anything but inspiration when reading his words is nigh impossible. As I read, I began to get that peculiar feeling of understanding some unknown thing. I am beginning to think that feeling is for me a test entitled, "Am I listening?" So, I listened.

I made myself comfortable in my temple room with lamen in hand. I was told that while others are correct that thaumaturgy is perfectly acceptable, I must turn away from temporal control. I could lose my destiny and become lost in such power where I to remain focused there.

Instead, I must return to the theurgy that has so driven me. Over the past couple of days, I have wondered that I have called up demons and have them align with my true will by sending their energy up to me but through all my Work, I have not been consciously sending energy up to the higher realms. Prayer, I was told, will do this. So, would middle pillars intentionally directed for the purpose. I was also instructed to work on the Stavish astral projection techniques differently. Instead of projecting through pentagrams of the elements, I am do more of a rising in the planes technique after drawing the active and passive pentagrams of spirit within my body.

That last may be one of those things meant symbolically that I have a tendency to take literally. at any rate, a shift of focus has been directed. I see no reason not to do as instructed.

Saturday Night Dreams

I have been making an effort at remembering my dreaming even though I haven't recorded that much here on the topic of late. However, last nights was a bit odd and likely reveals more about me than I'd really like. However, my goal was to make this as uncensored as possible.

I dreamed that my mentor and a much more famous magician were with me in a large room. They had tattooed an image on my back that I could see. I was very upset that they did this without my knowledge. My mentor explained that this image would help the Goddess manifest. I assumed in my life. I was quite upset by this prospect as a past religious experience has ingrained in me that the generic "Goddess" brings nothing but extraordinary pain and useless pain at that. My emotional state about the situation upset my mentor as well. He wasn't angry. He was upset about and for my upset. He tried to explain the hows and whys but I wasn't able to hear him or maybe I wasn't able to understand.

The other magician was present but distant, detached may be a better word.

I also had a dream where my mother took my sister and I to a house we've never been before. Two older people arrived and thanked her for taking care of their pets and home while they were away. I was pretty sure that this was only time my mother had been there. My mother said something about how these nice folks would take care of us when she was gone.

Note: My mom passed away about twenty years ago.

Stavish and Familiars

Stavish Meditation

I have been concerned that I am not making enough effort in each session. So, I set a timer for this one. Then, I spent a great deal of time building up that energized body of light. There were times when I could 'see' even the hairs on the knuckles of my toes. Each breath energized the area of focus. There were times when I couldn't make sense of what side of my body I was 'seeing'. Once, I felt this odd sense of space around me. As if "I" had created a bit of a void around me. Then I saw a body, my body, glowing a soft blue. The body was in fine shape, young and strong, completely hairless. I had it draw the air pentagram. The linear form was hard to control on the first down stroke. I had the body try again and again until it got it right. I made it draw the aleph in the center and then use the side of the enterer to move through. Nothing much happened but I viewed this exercise as an improvement because of the void space and the strong young male image is one of Yesod.

I was out of there in fourteen minutes! I can do better than that. Those other meditations must have been so very short.

Familiars

I need new glasses. I've ordered them. They came in so poorly done that I was amazed. They came back again better but not as good as my current script. The technician was clueless. When I left I told one of my familiars to make sure that I received the product I ordered and paid for. Soon the problem was discovered. I needed to order a different frame. The frames I had picked out would not accommodate the prism needed. I picked a new frame and should have them soon. As a kicker, the technician that didn't check the frame allowances gave me a Starbucks gift card. I am sure that didn't come from the doctor.

There was a time when I would have looked down on such things, mundane magick. However, I see no harm in getting folks to deliver what I have purchased in proper working order. Would this have happened without the help of my familiar? Maybe. Though, I didn't seem to be making any progress until I called for his help.

On another note, since calling Bune, my work relationships have seriously improved. I have people bringing me cookies and today, cake! I have a new enthusiasm which makes things go much easier. Again, this isn't what I asked for at all. But, an unruly Bune could have created difficult days at work that don't seem to happen anymore. I don't speak to him as often as I do my other familiars. That may be why his work isn't so obvious to me. I am keeping an open mind on this one.

What if I don't get what I asked him to do in a sixty day time frame? Do I call him up and threaten him? While my mentor would say yes, I am saying no. If a human didn't give me what I wanted would I treat him or her that way? So, why is it okay to call something up and demand such an action and then berate the being for not complying? If what needs to happen doesn't, I will have a talk with my HGA and a talk with Bune. The puzzle will get solved. I am to keep true to my greeting, "I wish there to be no animosity between thee and me."

Frater POS

I am a bit tired. Today was a rather long day at work and some OT at home. No work tonight.

And the Will of the Magician was Achieved!

Today, a woman appeared at my desk with not one but TWO chocolate chip cookies!

I am working on dreaming along with the Stavish meditations. So, this space my find itself inundated with the dream reports. The last two nights, I have awakened from dreams but not quite had the will to get up and write them down. I do remember unusual methods of locomotion. The first night I was using skiing poles and last night I was in a wheel chair. Both times I was climbing a mountain and handicapped with some sort of baggage. The symbolism there is obvious.

I will not post about my Stavish meditation tonight, unless something that needs writing down happens.

Getting back to cookies. I noticed my work life has been much more friendly and I am enjoying my work much more. I gave credit to consecrating my sword but it may have been the Bune evocation. Yes, that does mean I did my first two goetic evocations without a consecrated sword. Well, it was consecrated by use but I digress. I am wondering if Bune is making me more appreciative of what I have and allowing me more riches by making my work day more pleasant. This isn't what I asked for but it is certainly a pleasant side-effect. I have not reached any definite conclusions yet. My first two were much more chatty that Bune. Bune is nearly silent. Though, something interesting did occur last night. I said out loud, on the advice of Frater RO, "Bune make yourself visible to me." Nothing happened. Then he was sitting on the couch opposite me. For the briefest of moments, I saw him. However, my adrenaline kicked in, my heart raced and I lost the vision. I had always thought that feeling was fear. No, it is surprise. Same result but infinitely more curable. Yet one more thing to work on.

Forgiveness is a Blind

Forgiveness lets us feel good about being judgmental.

The list for today is:

Stavish Meditation

I did the meditation. I had to created the bouncing effect reported last night but once I did it functioned on it is own and stayed more focussed than before. When it faded and I opened my eyes, the cup on my altar appeared to be moving or wavering. The effect was so pronounced I had to get up and touch it. Of course, I found it to be perfectly stable.

I don't think I'm staying focussed long enough on this one. Tomorrow night, I will focus on the building up of the astral body for a longer period. I have been lazy.

Pentacle

I sanded more and added a bit more putty to some trouble spots. The main trouble spot is very smooth.

Other

I did some classified reading.

My Sword

I have noticed something odd. Since my sword consecration my normal cantankerous work personality has changed. Now, if someone calls me and annoys me, I demand a chocolate chip cookie in payment for services. I've received several cookies through email. Even today during a meeting that would be bland at best and tense at worst, I had them laughing most of the time. I am beginning to think there is a solid link between that and the consecretion ritual. I am not 100% sure I know what that link is.

Stavish Restart

As those who've read this from the beginning may recall, I was making progress in dream work and astral project using a book called Between the Gates by Michael Stavish. That work was interupted by one of the more severe back episodes of recent memory. While working without a break is better, coming back to this work is better than not.

The Stavish exercise is as follows.

• Establish a ball of white light around around oneself six feet in all directions.
• Inhale and visualize the breath enlivening the astral left foot in as much detail as possible. Each bone and sinew can be visualized but at the end the foot should glow a pale blue.
• On the next breath, do the same with the right foot.
• Alternate up the body until the entire body is enlivened.
• Let light gather at the solar plexus and use one's will to project it away from your body.

After that is mastered

• Draw a pentagram before you
• Include a Hebrew Mother letter in the center if you so choose.
• Push the light through the pentagram

Tonight, I did all of the above using a yellow pentagram with aleph in the center. A couple of odd things happened. When I enlivened my right foot, I'd swear I saw red nail polish on my right big toe. More importantly, after pushing the light through the pentagram, I felt a thread of that light bounce back. I allowed a natural rhythm to take shape. After some time, the thread grew in size and the feeling faded.

I also worked on sanding my pentacle tonight.

Progress and Medication

Pantacle

As reported recently, I've been working on my earth pantacle. Choosing hard oak was a mistake due to the tremendous amount of sanding and Jesso required. I had sanded one area so much that another problem appeared. I had sanded away the softer areas and left hard ridges. Disaster!

I had been continually hearing the same conversation about modern magicians using modern equipment because if they had this stuff back then, the old magicians would have used it. However, I missed that part of those conversations were for my benefit. I polluted (drove) myself over to the hardware store and bought some wood putty. Poof! Just like magick the problem is gone. I expect to make serious headway now.

Medication

On another note, this weekend sucked. I have felt ill all weekend and at once point wondered if I was suffering from vicoden withdrawals. I take a lot of that for back pain but this weekend the pain was at a minimum. So, no pills were necessary. I took a half pill to see if my illness symptoms stopped. If they did, I was having a problem. They didn't. I did more research into the symptoms of vicoden withdrawal and I had about one of twelve. I was relieved to say the least. However, this reminded me to remain vigilant and careful with my medication.

Frater POS

Pantacles and the Homeless

Today, I painted my earth pentacle a bit after doing some serious sanding and painting yesterday. I choose a big heavy piece of oak. Mistake! The process involves sanding a disk until it is baby butt smooth and adding coat after coat of Jesso until the baby butt surface is whiter than white. Then you add the color and names etc. I've worked on this thing off and on for over two years. I am still sanding and Jessoing. I will win, eventually.

I went for a walk and encountered a man with mental issues compounded by raging alchoholism. I see him at the corner liquor store a lot. He spends a lot of time talking to himself and radiating pain. He is harmless I suppose. He asked for a dollar. I gave it to him gladly.

Over the years, I've given lots of money to pan handlers. Mostly because I felt a bit guilty that they had so little. It doesn't matter that they have so little because they are druggies or drunks or crazy. I have always forked over my change. But always, with a tinge of guilt. This time, I was happy to give the man a dollar. Odd. Was that Bune? Since calling him I have become more appreciative of what I have. This is not a sensation of coveting what I have or fear of loosing it but truly grateful.

That isn't a bad feeling. If Bune taught me that, good for him! If not, well, good for whatever did.

Shifting Money Issues

Today brought some interesting news. One of my coworkers not only started talk of forming a union with our small band. There are likely thirty of us scattered among the other seven thousand employees. He also managed to get the larger group of hundreds of IT folks to let us work with them. That means we' get reclassified and immediately see a raise of less than five percent. Within a year or so of being reclassified, it would mean another five to six hundred a month. That is some time away.

In the week since calling Bune, I have been threatened with a twenty percent pay cut, had that reduced to six percent, and am now being threatened by a significant raise down that road. That road would switch me to an hourly employee with no more free overtime. Not that I do much free overtime but every out of town trip for training would seriously rack up the dollars.

I also bought ten dollars worth of lottery scratchers and won a free ticket. Yesterday and collected the ticket and that won four dollars. I am awaiting the next prompt to turn that into another ticket.

Tonight, I also worked on my earth pantacle.

To You, My Reader

I am going to take just a moment to thank all of you for reading this. Sometimes, this feels like an exercise in narcissism but the occasional comments from folks I don't know personally are really cool. The comments from folks I do know are nice too. I like hearing your take on things. But there is something nice about hearing from folks out there that don't have friendship as a reason for reading. It gives me hope that a little bit of service is really occurring. That someone out there is being helped, educated or at least feel like they are less alone on the path.

I sincerely thank you.

Modification

The 20% pay cut may have been a bargaining strategy or a way of making us feel relieved to hear it was only 6% and not even that. My HGA may have been somewhat correct.

My HGA Overuled My Fears

Overruled may be too strong a word. I am sure I could be afraid if I wanted to be and some parts of me are. However, today we learned the news at work that many of us are facing a twenty percent pay cut. This coming so close to my Bune working seems to be a poor omen.

Tonight, I entered the temple room, held lamen in a hand and had a chat. The lamen isn't really necessary but for some reason my HGA's voice becomes deeper. At any rate, I was told that the Bune working was successful and I need to be patient.

S/HE/IT also told me that part of solidifying my spiritual experience now revolved opening my heart, expanding to let all others in. As a cranky-ass Leo, that isn't easy? But who said magick and growth were supposed to be easy? No one.

Frater Bonehead Returns!

In the previous post, I mentioned that 26 equals 8 which is Netzach/Venus. While 2 + 6 is indeed 8, that corresponds to Mercury and Hod. I could stretch that and say that has to do with Bune working with money and commerce, I won't. My mistake.

Bune Working

Yesterday, I laid down a tarp in my back yard. Upon that tarp, I laid down my pre-made goetic circle. Unlike most folks that write the names of the Universe upon their circle, I printed the names of the Shemhamporesch angels in appropriate astrological colors and epoxied them to tiles.


This gives the circle a very colorful look from within. From without, the view is downright confusing. I placed my triangle outside the circle, gathered dittany of crete, the metal seal of the spirit and my pentagram of Solomon, pinned hexagram of Solomon on my robe, a notebook and pen, my elemental tools, sword and HGA lamen. At the suggestion of my gal, I covered the working space with some blankets and sheets to make sure some cat didn't mark his territory on my circle in the middle of the night.

As an aside, I must mention some peculiar markings found on my cloth circle. The markings look like white under a black light and appear in many areas. One looks like a Leo sign, my birth sign. I have no idea where these came from.

I also set up an incense burner with three disks of self-lighting charcoal connected together with two pieces of slow burning bamboo charcoal. When I light the first one, it burns over to the first piece of bamboo. That burns slowly until it hits the next disk, which it lights. I loaded each piece with dittany of crete. This has the effect of a long burn time in case I need to add more incense but also keeps the incense burning throughout the rite.

This morning, the alarm woke me at 4:30 AM. Am I really getting up at this hour to call a demon? Yup. So, up I go, shower with hyssop, fresh from the garden, take care of some preliminaries, pull the sheets off the work space and went to work at sunrise 5:39 AM.

In accordance to my instructions from my HGA, I used the second degree opening. This was a little odd because I never work out of doors and I was being relatively quiet so as not to get any early riser curious. I have a special mantra I use at this point, which I will not share. This is not a big secret. I think it is best of these things are developed on one's own. Somewhere during recitation of the mantra, I felt fear. I continued. The fear intensified. I ignored it -- no more fear. I continued with the mantra for some time.

The spirit was called using slight modifications from the original.

I could barely see the spirit. I welcomed him and used my standard line, "I wish there to be no animosity between thee and me." I received a very gruff, "Why am I here?" I told him what I have been charged by my HGA to do and how he could help. Part of my charge was for him to align with my true will as I understood the concept and to modify that alignment as my understanding changed. I asked him if he understood. In a very cordial voice he repeated my charge back to me. I asked him if he would comply. I received an affirmative answer with the explanation that he'd willingly do this because I did not get greedy. I am not sure how I feel about that answer considering it is so inline with the way I think. It may have just been the answer I wanted to hear.

I told him I'd like to see him better. He said he needed more incense. When I looked at the placement of the censor, I realized I'd placed it uncomfortably far out of reach. My sword my make it out there but I wasn't going to risk my hand crossing over the circle. He laughed in good nature. Hopefully, this is a lesson I will not forget. My asafoetida may have been close to useless had I been in need. I could have ordered him to more fully appear but I really didn't see the point. Had he done so, what would it have proved? Besides, I try to treat the spirits as I would like to be treated. I am not the type to unnecessarily order any being to do anything.

I noticed something odd at closing. When I started, the birds where chirping and cats were moving too and fro. They use the backyard as some sort of feline highway. A slight breeze blew. At the beginning, I had concerns about making the neighbors curious. After drawing the final closing pentagram of the LBRP, I immediately heard and saw the birds. The ambient noise of the neighborhood seemed to 'turn on' as if someone had just turned off the mute button on a television. Again, as if for the first time, I felt the breeze.

Looking back, the normal world sounds must have went away with the fear during the mantra.

Frankly, I am not sure I landed Bune or not. I think I did. The image fit the image I've had of him previously.

A lot of brain power wouldn't be necessary to realize that one could call Bune for financial reasons and this ritual did involve that but for a very specific purpose. So, as I was sitting here about to type this, I heard a voice telling me to buy scratcher lottery tickets because that is the easiest way. I did so and followed the 'prompts' and purchased some tickets. When I play lotto, which is rarely, I alway play the draw. I don't think I've ever purchased a scratcher ticket. Taking them home, I won a free ticket. The winning number was 26. Two plus six equals eight, Netzach, Venus. Bune is a duke. Dukes are associated with Venus. There are other interesting connections to that number in Sepher Sephiroth, including, the tetragrammaton.

I am concerned about the lottery tickets because it would be like a disobedient spirit to try to lead me into gambling and a large loss of money.

I will continue to post results here, if such is prudent.

May peace be upon you,

Fr POS

Warning?

An acquaintance was stabbed this morning walking home from work. Fortunately, though hospitalized, he appears to be okay. I consecrate a sword, get into discussions of war and know someone that has been stabbed. Perhaps the universe is warning me about misapplied force?

Martial Things

I went to a pagan meet-up here in town tonight. After short small talk with various folks, I had a long talk with a fellow that is into martial arts and military history. He is so into World War II that he has a stack of note books outlining what Hitler did wrong. He's also been thrown out of the army for being too aggressive. This fellow was very much militaristic.

The next person I spoke to talked about his days as a boat captain in Micronesia, about sunken warships he had visited as a diver and caves in the Philippines stocked with ammunition. Some of the caves still wore battle scars.

Interesting conversations considering I just consecrated a sword. Coincidence? No. Magick is cool like that.

Catch up and Sword Consecration

I am amazed it has been so long since my last post.

In a nutshell, this weekend I worked on the lotus part of my lotus wand. The instructions were passable but not great. The two problems I had involved the instructions. The first was that the petals had to be cut through the metal to the base of the flower to allow them to bend properly. This was left out of the instructions. The second is that pattern left sharp points on the end of each petal. When I looked at pictures of a real lotus the leaves were rounded. I am going to redo last weekend's work.

Tonight, I consecrated my sword. Previously, it has been consecrated by use. For the most part, I used the ritual out of Greers, Circles of Power. Doing the deed and using the tool for a banishing afterwards, taught me a valueable lesson. There is a significant difference between consecrated by use and consecrated by ritual. The universe 'rippled' after the banishing LBRP in a way it never has before. It was as if the air thickened, curled up in a wave and 'opened' before me. Wow.

At the closing, I asked my HGA for instructions. S/he/it said, "Be kind to everyone. To let my sword banish the hatred within. Without that, you are at peace now." I find it interesting that in my youth I was the nice guy. The nice guy that no one paid much attention to. I learned to be direct an unwavering in my beliefs and words. No longer nice, I had to be reckoned with. Some find that sort of honesty refreshing in a world full of people that can't look one in the eye and speak honestly. Others felt like they've had their heads bashed in. Now, I am being instructed to go back to that nice guy. The difference is the newly emerging nice guy has a core of steal.

Blessings,

Fr POS

Second Post of the Day

Work Work Work

I had an interesting thought last night. The thought woke me up, literally. Well, not quite, the idea occurred to me as I was falling asleep and became of many that kept me up.

One must immediately blame Frater R.O., whose blog is here. During IM conversations, he told me that he goes back and blesses his past self for riches. My thought was I ought to go back to change my habits of eating poorly whenever I give in to a bag of M&Ms. I then next thought that followed was going back to reinforce positive things as well. I don't know if I will make the effort on that or not. I have so much to do.

Having just consecrated my lamen, smile, I am going to add a lotus flower to my old rainbow wand over the weekend. I have also been diligently working on my earth pentacle. I am also working on my upcoming goetic invocation.

My obligations to my magickal group are cropping up again so there will be a ton of work there and, no doubt, it will last the rest of the summer.

Odd Thought

When I closed down tonight's ritual, I had a flash of a terrible seen at a Dodger game. A gun man had taken out two or three players that lay on the field. I am hoping this was just a flash of astral garbage from a not-so-well executed closing.

In the Day and Hour of Jupiter

I am now the owner of a consecrated lamen. At twilight, in the day and hour of Jupiter, I consecrated a lamen bearing the seal of my HGA.

I based this rite on John Michael Greer's instructions but used the second degree opening instead of the first. I based this on the fact that John things Circle of Power is for beginners and his ritual appears to create a lamen based on a conceptualization of Tipereth rather than a seal given by a being of Tipereth. The seal already being in the sephiro, it seemed odd to aspire to a location. Instead, I was just there.

I think this may be the first time I've done the GD version of the hexagram ritual of the sun. I feel like I flew in from Cleveland. Boy, my arms are tired! That is a lot of repetitive work. Though, I found it surprisingly easy.

The wording of the consecration had to be changed. Such things really must be one's own.

I feel proud of myself but in a quiet sort of way. That was quite a bit of work to earn that connection.

Lamens and Visitors

This can't be a coincidence.

I have finished constructing my lamen. Just as I put a touch of glue on the jump ring, the doorbell rang...

Effect of Constructing the Lamen

I feel like there is something I am supposed to do magickally. My awareness has shifted to a state of potential. I feel the universe opening up. There is a call to the temple room but there is a vagueness to the emotion. The only name I can put on the emotion is magickal or magickal prep.

So, I ask my HGA. He says there is nothing for me to do magickally. I am feeling the initiatory effects of creating my lamen, which holds his symbol. He says it will be different than any initiation I've experienced and that he will not explain. I have to experience it myself.

Right now, he is sounding very much like my human mentor. Frankly, I like that he doesn't usually do that because I'd be concerned that I'd just made him up as a substitute for when my mentor isn' available.

He says, "This is a mini-initiation with large effects...an opening...a void..." He just showed me the tattwas of Akasha, spirit.

Hodge Podge

Despite the lack of posts there has been a hodge podge of activity and planning going on.

I am perfecting my work with the 2nd Degree opening to use with an invocation of my next goetic spirit. This is going to be my first one done out doors. It adds a bit of flavor to things.

I am in the process of turning the symbol my HGA gave me into a lamen to be worn at the same right. This is simply a physical representation of that contact.

My sword will be consecrated soon. I've never done that except through use.

I am again working on my earth pentacle. That is a ton work using the methods I am using so I may consecrate it before I am done and get to work on the air dagger.