Saturn is Kicking My Ass

I have been dealing with Saturn. More quietly, I have been working with Jupiter and Venus. 

Jupiter brings me joy and smiles and odd looks from people that suddenly like me that used to view me with indifference. I enjoy that entire package.

Venus is pretty much no impact at the moment but I am about to step that up.

Saturn is kicking my ass.

I had a dream of a dead person on a slab of stone. The odd part was the dead person was aware. If felt sorry for him. Against my better judgement I moved closer. He started screaming, "He is alive! He is coming for me!" Then as I approached he asked me if I was alive. Before I could answer he grabbed me. The feeling of being grabbed was so tangible that I checked my body for marks when I woke up.

The more troublesome part is that there are times I just want to give up. I am tired. I am tired of my social difficulties. I am tired of physical pain. I am tired of feeling like I have no real connection to folks. I have a lot of friends now. They care about me. They check in consistently and I love them. I reached a point where the people that I know live the life they work to espouse rather than live in creepy shadows. I like that. These are good people. 

Yet I feel disconnected. I feel like giving up. Oddly, there is no depression to go with this at all. I am not sad. I am not melancholy. I do feel very isolated and worn down.

I am sure this is Saturn. 

My Gal is Back! And not!

My Gal, who is my ex-gf, is back to blogging. She is now doing so under Sorer Gimel. As she says, she is tired of defining herself through someone else. That is my gal! or...a not...

You can find her here