I am spiraling myself into a black hole.
I have continued to look for outside validation for sustenance. This is foolish, stupid, and unproductive. It is a trap. It is a very simple trap and one that I cannot release myself from.
There is life or death at the bottom of that spiral. I feel that I have not yet bottomed out.
Those who called this the dark night of the soul lied. It lasts longer than a night.
4 comments:
There is absolutely nothing I can do to help, I wish there was. But you have to finish the interior spiral, before you can find your way out, again. If I were on the West Coast, I would at least hold your hand. I know my words don't really help, but there are people who love you.
And you WILL find your way out again.
Lavanah is right. It would also take longer to try to claw your way to the top again. This is your on putrefaction, and it is a worth while thing to do.
It will get better, once you are out the other side.
As Vergilius said to Dante, "The only way out is through." Just make it a short trip, and be in the realm of the living on the other side.
I've taken enormous comfort in making artwork these days. I recommend trying that.
Of all the Magicians online or blogosphere, you seem to be the most in pain...
For Gods sake Robert, conjure a demon (I like Bael), offer him a couple of shots of brandy and kick back.
Or at least try the late Dr. Hyatt's Radical Undoing dvd's for few months and.
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