Thursday, November 3, 2011

Dark Night of the Soul

In my occult career, I have gone through some shit. Each initiation brings it own disaster, large or small. Each initiation can bring multiple such events. It is the job of the the GD-style aspirant to weather the storm, learn, assimilate and move on.

With all that, I have never understood what the dark night of the soul is. I think I am facing that now. I am seeing links to all sorts of negative events in my life. Those that have been done to me and those I have done to others. I can see the very first one as just a moment in life that may have never impacted anyone  but it did. I can see the emotional input and/or lack thereof from my parents that cracked my windshield of life. I can see other events that would be traumatizing for any kid. Still others were horrific acts perpetrated upon me. Other things were from me in the opposite direction. Yet every single one of them is linked.

This is the poison of my life. The venom inherent in the human experience that some simply deal with in ways others do not see. The venom I deal with in socially unacceptable ways.

Intellectually, I know how to  do deal with this. Complete and utter silence on all issues. Know, Will, Dare and be Silent. However, silence never has been my strong suit.

3 comments:

nutty professor said...

Have you magickly/energetically cleared your karmic attachments and agreements (or had someone do it for you)? I know you don't need to hear about another ritual, but this sounds like something that can offer immediate relief for what you describe here...unless it is another initiation...??

andrewbwatt said...

I've tried posting this a few times here; maybe the FOURTH time will work... :-/

Anyway, I'm working on a small notebook for my lodge of Sunday rituals — prayers and adorations to the Sun from a lot of traditions (once it's done, I'll do Monday, then Tuesday, and so on). As part of that, I'm reviewing my understanding of Tiphareth.

One of the things that comes out of that study is the awareness of the incommensurable truths — the awareness that two things are true that seem mutually incompatible. The real hardship of Tiphareth, it seems, is the challenge of having to deal with and accept both realities, even though that acceptance is painful.

I don't know if that is at all related to what you're going through right now, but if it is... know that you're not the first to get there, nor the last. We sympathize, and honor you for getting that far, at least.

Robert said...

Andrew, I don't know you but you win a kewpie doll. Nicely done. That is indeed part of the issue(s). Though, my post today of the same title will clear things up in another direction.