Is American Goetia Dangerous?

Anonymous asked if American Goetia is dangerous. S/he has heard that regular Goetia is dangerous. I have to answer that on several levels.

Is the Lesser Key of Solomon, commonly referred to the Goetia, dangerous?

As a book no, it pretty much just lays there. I have never been attacked by it. The Lesser Key has not done so much as fall off a shelf in my presence.Working that magick in that book can be a different story. Warning, I am going to say stuff other magicians are going to disagree with. Put on your asbestos shorts.

People tend think of these guys as serial killers. This is not true for all of them. Some of them even try to help. Think of your crazy aunt that decides you are dating the wrong man and pushes you to go on just one date with a man she thinks is just perfect for you. Every time she sees you she pushes you to date Charlie. You finally relent. The date with Charlie is a disaster. Your beau finds out and drops you. You are miserable but you have survived your encounter with a demon of Venus.

How much better would life be if you put your aunt to work for you? What if your crazy aunt was instructed to help you and your man learn to cook healthier meals for each other? In this manner your love life improves, your health improves and you are happier. Isn't this what your aunt wanted in the first place?

Some spirits may as well be Charles Manson. An astute person may have noticed he only killed a select few. I'd rather deal with any goetic spirit over Dick Cheney. At least I'd have a chance with a demon. Cheney can shoot a man in the face and the man had to apologize for getting in the way!

The trick is attitude.

1. Check your ego at the door. If you run into Dick Cheney, RUN. Actually, banish and get the 'hell' out of there. You've discovered something you cannot handle. Come back when you're better, stronger, faster than you were before. Just make sure you do come back.
2. Your job as a magician is NOT to control the demon. Your job is to help him help the universe instead of acting like a crazy aunt. Fortunately for you, the first lesson you give it just happens to be useful to you.
3. Be prepared to go on an adventure. You will make your own animal sacrifice but losing part of your animal self. If you fight that, you're doomed.The blogosphere has seen one such magician go through a heroic ordeal. Dare, I say, he is the better for it.

Fortunately, I haven't had to face much more than a hidden wallet in my ordeals with these guys. I have a few theories as to why. All of them may be true or none of them.

1. Aside form building a spirit box for them, I made them no offerings. The first thing these guys want is for you to make a deal. I advise against that. Well, I did send some energy to one once to help him out on a project. It didn't seem like it made any difference. These guys can build Solomon's temple. Do they really need my energy?
2. I got lucky by picking the spirits I did or happening to land them on a good day.
3. I am a poor magician and maybe only got a little bit of them. Over time that little bit manifested the good parts and not the bad. 
4. As a worker of initiatory traditions, I've seen initiatory fall out happen before the initiation. This may have happened with my first one. I once asked him why he never interfered with my current teacher. In answer to that, he apologized for fucking with me and my first 'teacher'. You haven't lived until you've been apologized to by a demon. Then he said, he couldn't mess with the second relationship because, "Neither of you would let me."
5. One of my few natural magical talents is being willing to learn a lesson. I don't actively try to fight them. I may get hopelessly confused. I may fail to learn but I am always willing to learn. Once you've taken the Oath of the Abyss, you have no choice in things like that. 
6. The first words out of my mouth when the spirit appears is, "I do not want any animosity between me and thee." You can feel them relax at that point. Wouldn't you after a few centuries of being called up by pompous windbags calling you fowl things and ordering you about like some slave?

American Goetia, Is it Dangerous?


From what I've been told Goetia isn't a term a that means demon invocation. It means an evocatory method of magick or some such thing. I'm sure someone will point out the exact meaning for me. That said, culturally the term has some dangerous connotations. I am sure being given that name implies a level of danger. 

Here are the signs of danger ahead:

1. No one has worked with these spirits before. There is no way to prepare myself for them through study.
2. The Solomonic formula I know may not apply. It likely doesn't except in the most rudimentary ways.
3. I have no idea how powerful the forces are that I am about to wake up. 
4. I have been flat out told through spirit communication that there are some things one cannot do with this system as they are absurdly dangerous.
5. I have been told the warning signs for dangerous spirits that I will encounter.
6. I have no idea what danger I may face. Therefore, I can only rely on my own experience to prepare for whatever it may be.

 My goal is to create a workable system that isn't dangerous for others. At the very least, I will establish a safety protocol. I am reasonably sure I will not get through this completely unscathed. Adventure is afoot!

As for another opinion, a magician I know that has done things that I find incredibly dangerous in his experimentation said, and I quote, "And people say I'm dangerous."

Questions from the Nutty Professor

S/he asked if I would be working the system myself. Yes. I will be evoking as many spirits as I can over an extended period of time. This is a very long term project. The system yields and extraordinary number of spirits. I am pretty sure I will not be able to evoke them all in a lifetime. At some point, I will have to publish the system as I learned it and let others contribute.

S/he asked what the Orobas 'wants from me' and says that the spirit sounds pretty vague.

I am not sure that Orobas wants anything. He simply revealed a system. Revealing this particular system does fit with some tasks that I suppose fits in line with my HGA's instructions when I first had knowledge and conversation. For that reason, I will work this system. Given that I am 100% sure of my HGA contact, I can say this is within the realm of my tasks generally speaking. That said, as real as that contact was, I never fully solidified it. Therefore, American Goetia work will necessitate allowing my HGA manifest more directly.

That said, I published only the first communication on the American Goetia site. When I went back through my old notes, I found discussions spanning over months. I do have concrete information to work with.

Once Again My Bullshit Has Been Corrected

Today, I received my second Reiki initiation. I once wondered how anyone could take a system like Reiki seriously. I mean all you have to do is walk up to a random stranger, pay them some money and you get initiated. My BS detector went off.

Reiki has already impacted my magick by adding lack of ownership to my magickal vocabulary. Immediately after this initiation, we did some Reiki. I could feel the difference between the energy of my own concentration and the Reiki energy. Through that I was able to 'not concentrate' and thus gain a greater focus.

Upcoming Post

Anonymous asked me if American Goetia TM was dangerous as s/he heard that goetia was. My views on goetia have changed over the years. I look forward to writing this one. I also expect to get blasted a bit by anyone that has practiced from the Lesser Key.

American Goetia II

Last night, I went to bed thinking of the American Goetia. I felt astral as I fell off to sleep. Nearly, immediately a dream came to me. I saw a very peculiar brown earthy mixture that looked like finely shredded tree bark. There was an awareness that this was a fertilizing ground cover. One could surmise that it is a warning that I am about to fall into the shit. I don't think so. Perhaps it is saying that I am making the ground fertile. We shall see.

I know the dream was immediate because I woke up about a half hour after going to bed and clearly remembered the dream.

I reviewed my notes today and was astonished to find how much work I had done on this previously. There are notes covering every day for a week and sporadic notes for months after. I have a philosophical outline, techniques, warnings and a full symbol set. The last was the only thing I really recalled. Even that, I didn't remember fully. We may be ready for actual practice quicker than I thought.

I will make a note here whenever I update the website. I did that today but only to add some Amazon links. I figured it couldn't hurt.

The American Goetia

I posted earlier today about my planned work with the American Goetia. This is a system of evocatory magick brought to me by a spirit of the Lesser Key of Solomon, also known as the Goetia. This system uses spirits born in the lands of North America.

This announcement was rather impetuous. I have had this cooking since January 1, 2008 but never pursued it. I plan to rectify that in the relatively near future. The problem is that my mentor has warned me off of goetia in my present stage of development. He likely has good reason but I feel now is the time for this particular activity. I'm sure he'll watch in wry amusement if I blow myself up.

In order to protect any copyright to the name American Goetia, I have purchased a website and created a quick page. In time, that will fill out into a commercial enterprise. The domain has not propagated across the web yet. The address is AmericanGoetia.com.

The Golden Dawn Systems have some Sucky Parts

Readers of this blog know well my feelings for Alexandrian Wicca. My experience with it was horrible. To this day, I regret my neophyte initiation into that tradition. However, in watching the behavior of others within my tradition, I want to rush in and claim "Hey the Golden Dawn isn't like that!" I call bullshit.

I have pointed out that one must see the entire picture. Jesus may be the transcendent logos. He is also the diety that supports the wacko meanness of the Christian right. Yahweh maybe me the loving father of Christ. He is also a war of God. Jesus is Lord of all of his domain,the good and the bad. You can't have it one way. Well, I suppose you can, if you like. You can claim the transcendent form has nothing to do with the immanent form.

What is good for the goose is good for the gander.

Therefore, I must admit this poor behavior I have watched with pity over the years is also the result of the GD systems. There is much good to be found in the quiet orders but there is also a negative in them as well. I'm sure there is some quiet good going on in the 'famous' lodges that is overshadowed by the sad public events.

From this I must conclude that there may be a very positive side to Alexandrian Wicca. Frankly, I've never seen it. That does not mean it isn't there. I've likely painted the tradition with too broad a brush. Maybe Alexandrian Wicca is toxic to me. Maybe it was just those people. Maybe it was just those people in just that time period of their lives. Recent events over the illness of a friend seemed to reinforce my view that their thinking is so far from my own that I find it incomprehensible. Yeah, so what? I don't think they get me either.

The point of this is two-fold.

I was about to post something that was an attempt to defend my tradition. Fuck that. Defending my tradition from public displays of smallness is just an exercise in my own lower ego. I know what I got out of an what it can offer is so much more. There is no point in convincing others of that fact.

The second was that I need to take a more wholistic approach to a lot of things. Perhaps this forced recognition of the other side of the coin, well help me to transcend such dualities. I don't expect that any time soon but steps are steps.

Impetuous Plan Made Not so Impetuous

About a year or two ago, I had a moment that I didn't post about. I received a magickal download. The information came hard and fast over two or three days. For about a week, I contemplated the information. I even played with it a bit intellectually. After that, I did nothing.The download came with a bit of ego stroking.

The reason for that was the information came from one of the spirits of the Lesser Key of Solomon. It involved a series of symbols that could be merged and taken apart like a set of spiritual Legos. These Legos could call a new set off demons from this land. In effect, I was given the beginning keys to American Goetia. My plan was to conjure these planetary spirits, write my own grimorie and publish it using the title American Goetia.

As I was working on the What I Learned This Year post, previously mentioned the other day, I realized I have the ability to conjure nearly anything. I've contacted a heretofore unknown spirit using a simple ritual of my own design using a skryer that I have confidence in, I've conjured goetic spirits, shemhamphoresch angels, Enochian spirts and made contacts with a set of gods.

I contacted my HD partner, Flower, this morning. I also call her the Brave One as does HD. In an act of foolishness, trust in me on a level I cannot comprehend or extraordinary bravery, she has agreed to evoke some of these beings. I have no idea if this will get to the grimorie/book stage. I have a lot of such plans that I haven't shown the dedication to make real. However, I am pretty sure evocation of one such spirit is indeed going to happen.

I wanted to rush out and just do this. Instead I am going to collect my notes which uncharastically are stored in an easy to find binder. Then I will work out a rite, divine and the like. Then we will work on it.

Stay tuned to this channel for updates.

Other Notes

Since meeting with the Rabbi, my father has spoken to me respectfully about magick. After asking about certain principals and hearing my answer he exclaimed, "You can teach that?" Previously, my father just sort of smirked when the topic came up. I'm not sure if he now associates my work with an 'accepted religion' or if it is somethign else. However, the change in attitude is so remarkable, I thought I'd record it in this space.

The incomplete and yet unpublished What I've Learned This Year post has been an interesting experience. Though, it isn't the easiest thing blog post I've written. It is giving me much more confidence a magician. I feel like I'm always searching around for skills I don't think I have. In reading this last year's posts, I realize I have better skills than I have internalized, have learned a great deal and do a lot of freaking work. Reviewing has proved more fruitful than embarrassing. Though there are embarrassing moments of course. I feel much less embarrassed than I thought I would. I am finding it easier to accept my humanness.

Hyper Focus Results in Being Present

Today being Christmas day, I spent eight hours with my family. My family and I don't get on too well. We have such different perspectives on the world that there is very little common ground to bond over. Love is mixed with pains and animosity. Some members I love, others I prefer to love from a distance. There is one that I'd simply prefer stayed at a distance. This makes my family events exercises in forbearance.

Today, I woke up practicing the hyper focus as I mentioned in yesterday's post cleverly entitled Hyper Focus. Given that I was tired, I wasn't as good at it the second time around. I wasn't paying attention to each movement and the like. I did succeed in being very present.

Being present at the family function morphed it from controlled anger to a pleasant time. There was good conversation. People that don't normally hug me hugged me. The person I would prefer would simply stay at a distance was actually warm and loving.

There was a brief moment of annoyance. A continually present non-family member was there. She has always annoyed me. It didn't matter if she was perfectly civil or not. It was just a personality issue. I simply don't like her. There is no animosity or bad blood. Tonight at dinner, I was present -- the observer. I found that being present made me more aware of my subtle bodies. I could feel her aura pushing on mine. This was the source of annoyance I've always had with her. I pushed her aura back a bit and strengthened mine, problem solved.
I will never be friends with her. However, I doubt I will be so annoyed the next time she is around.

It occurred to me this being present in the moment may help with my frustration issues at work. If I take each phone call, email and request as something totally new and attach only enough history to put the request in terms of customer service, I may succeed in being less frustrated. We shall see.

Hyper Focus

For a good portion of the day, I've been reading this year's posts. I am writing an entry that will be titled What I Learned This Year. I've gleaned a great deal by reading those posts. That isn't the point.

Something else happened. For reasons unexplained I hit upon the idea of hyper focus. This is doing everything by being very aware of what you are doing, paying attention to each keystroke as I type, refusing to digress in word or thought as I do so. I watched a scene from a nameless movie this way. I think in watching that scene, I was more alive in that moment than I have been in a month. I know, I haven't experienced a movie or television show like that since I was a kid.

I have endeavored since this hyper focus idea struck me to remain utterly in the moment as I cooked, ate, cleaned, watched the movie. Feelings of loneliness do not occur nor do feelings on longing. I feel strong like a young man. Oddly, it hasn't been much mental work. I haven't had to bring my mind back. It seems very willing to stay there. My neck and skull muscles do tend to tighten. I am taking moments of focus to relax them.

I believe I have heard the term mindfulness to describe such things. The label doesn't matter. I believe this is a worthy experiment to continue and I shall.

Non-Ownership/Reiki Initiaition/Unable to Communicate

The impacts of the Reiki initiation continue.

I am really focused on this idea of non-ownership. In Reiki, the concept is simple as far as the energy movement is concerned. In my mental, magical and emotional processes the idea is simple. Really knowing it, as I know the aces of the tarot, is a different story.

This is very difficult to explain. The idea of no longer owning the walls in my mind that separate me from the universe is personally baffling. I've meditated on that one idea. I like where it takes me but I truly do not understand.

Another idea is forming. That of false ownership.There are things I have taken personally/emotionally that simply aren't personal. In fact, they are utterly impersonal. They may hit me like a truck which is personal but the forces behind them are not. This is very interesting.

I am also having a very hard time blogging. The reader may have noticed much shorter posts and less opinion. The things I am experiencing now are getting harder and harder to communicate. It is as if language falls short of the mark. I don't even have the mental language, which is probably a good thing.

Follow Up on Those Who Needed Healing

The woman with the bug has recovered nicely from its removal. She says her life is the same but changed.

The person that I do not know reports a series of incremental improvements.

The PhoenixAngel reports the migraine did not return.

These things do my heart some good. I would like to continue doing such work. It is good putting all this magickal training to good use.

Reiki Odd

Tonight, I worked on a someone I haven't met. The feelings and visuals were intense.

Once that was done, my astral self returned to me and I had the idea of using it to perform Reiki on myself. This was very odd as my consciousness was with my body but my astral body felt nearly physical when it touched me. I had thought that if those bodies touched, they would snap back into the whole. I simply kept telling myself to trust the Reiki.

I treated myself just as I treated my Reiki initiator. At one point, I could have sworn there was three of me my physical body and mind, the astral body touching me with the Reiki (though the touch was not continual) and a much lighter part of me that can see better on the astral. The latter part of me rose up within a white dome that had hole in the center. I was very high off the ground but nowhere near the opening. When I sought the opening, I stopped. That reminded me to trust the Reiki. The three of me stayed in place for a while until it ended. 

The amount of light I saw for both myself and the someone I worked on was phenomenal.

New Mindset

The Reiki initiation has already vastly influenced my magick. I've been asked to heal others in times past. I used to call myself a human aspirin. If you could buy something over the counter for your ailment, I was your man. I also had some success with a severe mental illness. However, I thought I was confusing the poor woman's doctors as the medication doses changed when I worked on her versus when I didn't. So, I stopped. When I've done things like that in the past, I used my own natural energies. When I worked Reiki on my teacher, I quickly learned that the energy is not mine at all. If I tried to use my own the flow got all messed up. Once I realized that, things were a cinch.

A friend of mine asked me to aid her with a migraine tonight. Naturally, she was put up to asking by the nefarious My Gal. I did what I would have done normally. I except I placed my astral hands as I would in Reiki. No more migraine. The only part of me in that was getting there as this person lives in Bakersfield.

Rain Rain Go Away

Fresno is under assault by storm clouds. Most of the San Joaquin Valley is. The prediction was for dire storms. This afternoon, there was a very heavy downpour. Unusual enough that it drew people onto their porches to watch. I wondered if I could punch a hole in the clouds. So, I focussed like I learned with Reiki. I didn't punch a hole in the clouds but the focal point of my efforts turned from dark gray to white. I watched over a five minute span the whiteness grew until covered the patch of sky I could see. The rain stopped.

I am not taking credit for stopping the rain. That wasn't my intent. I am merely reporting a magick effort and what happened immediately after that effort. Perhaps the rain would have ended in that moment anyway. Perhaps not.


Philosophy

The concept of Reiki and not owning the the process is going to color my magickal thought for quite some time. I just love learning new things.

How to Avoid Absorbing Energy from Healing

In a comment to a previous post, the Nutty Professor asked, "Can you tell me how you avoid absorbing the energy/affliction of others when healing them? Or how to "turn off" your empathy? I am sorry if I don't use the right words but I hope you understand me."

That is an excellent question. I will answer in a way that I would have answered at the time of making that post, as my interactions with Flower and The Psychic have taught me and then with my new found understanding from my Reiki initiation.

How I'd respond from a magick point of view...

In magick there is a law of contagion. Any object that has touched another object can be used to influence the other object. I extend that to believe that any contact with another human during magick expands our soul to accept another facet of reality. This a good thing, even if that reality is warped, delusional and problematic. Though, on a fundamental mental health perspective, it can be a most troubling problem indeed. Yes, I know those are contradictions.

One of the things you do magickally to stop that sort of feedback is doing basic banishing rituals like the LBRP and the somewhat lesser known Banishing Ritual of the Hexagram (BRH) immediately before and after such work. These are very good at breaking up those astral ties. They are not so good at a physical level. By that I mean you're not going to banish a stray dog from your living room that wondered in through your doggy door.

Advice form the Psychic

Check in with yourself regularly. Ask, is this my emotion or someone else's?

Of late, I've experienced this a couple of times. The first was when Flower, the woman I do Helpful Deity work with became depressed. I became depressed too. I suppose the brain has to have a reason to explain such feelings to itself. I dredged up all sorts of regrets from my past to explain why I was depressed. Things that are legitmate life regrets but nothing in my current awareness. That was the tip off. I asked Flower if she was sad. She said yes. Her reasons were tied to the reasons my mind dredged up. I immediately understood there was bleed through. I accepted that and my mood went back to my own. Banishing would begin cutting ties with my friend and I don't' want to do that.  Magick is about expanding the size of the soul. I suppose my advice there is the more you know your self and your patterns the better protection you have.

The second time was when the Psychic had a planned night of drinking. I had this overwhelming urge to drink. So, I went to the liquor store bought a brand of booze I don't normally buy and got drunk. I never drink alone. Two tips offs that I missed.

Reiki Advice

This answer comes from my intuitive understanding of Reiki from my initiation. I do not believe it was specifically taught. 

The healing energy of Reiki is very impersonal to the practitioner. I don't 'own' the energy. It isn't mine to give. I simply create connections that allow it to flow. This is more like turning on a spigot. The lack of 'self' put into the process prevents any feedback.

As I advance in the practice of magick, I give more value to the second two responses than the first. Which is not to say that I'd even think about advising a person learning the formal system of magick taught by Golden Dawn influenced groups not to banish. This is a very important part of those systems that should not be abandoned.

I hope that answer was useful to you.

Reiki Part Two

I was advised to do Reiki upon myself on a daily basis. Reiki is basically placing the hand on the body intuitively and allowing energy to flow. I was also advised to be very creative with the energy.

I placed my hand on the wall near where I invoke Raphael for the LBRP and tried to connect with him. My voice told me to vibrate their names first which I did. I reached into that vision of Raphael's wings I had not long ago and placed the other hand on my heart. My hands got hot. Eventually, I went to each archangel using different hand positions. I even dropped by my temple plant and gave it Reiki.

To say that I have a energy buzzing through my body is an understatement. Sensations are crawling up my legs. My crown chakra feels like it is on fire but in a good way. My mind does have that after meditation fuzzy feeling that I sometimes get from a less than perfect meditation.

Reiki and Dream

Reiki

I am now a certified Reiki practitioner. The class and attunement/initiation were very positive experiences. I will go back and get a level 2 from her as well. Initially, I don't think I gained much but I gained a certain something that took things to a new level. One of the things about Reiki is that it is easier to get out of your own way. There is less ownership of the energy moving around. Less? How about none? I think this will translate very well to other magickal work.

There isn't a great deal of point in describing the sensations and visuals. I did find it interesting that I found myself seeing eyes on the palms of my hands. This was followed up by doing reiki by seeing the energy flow through my hands. Very cool stuff. I put my initiator to sleep when I did the Reiki on her.

Dream

Last night I had a dream. Angels were trying to put a white robe on me. There was something written on the inside front just under the neck line. I never got my eyes up high enough to see it as the robe was too small. In other ways, I have to get rid of some stuff. There was a lot of focus on a clock it was either 9:45 or 9:48.

What is it Like?

A red scar
alive
a parasite of light
and fang
imbedded deep
skull pierced
bloodless

a burning heat
never felt
yet lived, acted out
sarcastic wit
raging fit
Shove the bastard away!
Shove the pain...
and only
cause more

wash me! cleanse me!
she knew
waiting waiting


sarcastic wit
raging fit
Shove the bastard away!
Shove the pain..

wash me! cleanse me!

finally a bath
she is clean
now what?
where is the pain?
the rage?
the wit?
who am I?

a questioned asked
in code
                                


The above written by request of Lavanah

Healing Others

In this post from earlier today, I mentioned doing some work healing my friend with the bug that scared the you-know-what out of psychics. I have since corresponded with her. Her mood has improved and she, "didn't wake up lost." Giving that to just one person for one day makes all the of my work worth while. Then she said this, "I have felt peaceful before but never at ease....this morning i did that" I will follow up on this for a while magickally.

I've also began working with another person on an obsession. That person reports mild improvement. I felt compelled to work on him on a given day. It turned out that was his birthday. I took that as an auspicious sign. I also sent him a list of three inanimate objects and asked if they meant anything to him. Two of those I made up. One of them I saw in my vision as I was aiding him. It turns out that he doesn't own the item in question but asked for something very similar as a gift. Another good sign. Though a bit more questionable, he did pick out the object closest and to what I saw and what I saw was not that far off the mark.

I also kept calling him by another name. He says the name means nothing to him but I strongly suspect there is meaning to it neither of us is aware of at the moment.

What Did I Kill Last Night and The Virgin Mary

What Did I Kill Last Night?

I've had a low grade fever for five days. My normal is well below normal so a fever of 100 is significant for me. It became annoying. Aside from fatigue and fever there were no other symptoms. I was getting sick and tired of being sick and tired. I previously mentioned that I was going to get rid of a bug attached to a friend of mine that scared the crap out of psychic readers. Three people in one day mentioned this may be a cause of my ills.

Around 10:00 last night, I popped into my temple room, did an LBRP and checked for signs of infestation. I saw strands that looked like jelly fish tentacles with  red claws tipped in bright yellow attached to my head. I created tiny banishing pentagrams of air at each point. I thought by removing the air, the fiery element would be snuffed out. The lines snapped and the claws fell out. I crushed them beneath my feet. The filaments wouldn't go away like that. So, I hit them with a bigger pent of the same type and they disintegrated. However, there was 'stuff' left over. I used my water chalice and dumped an endless stream of 'water' on the mess, which turned into green slime and washed away.

I immediately felt cooler.

Thinking these things were from my friend's bug, I went to her and dumped water on it from the chalice. It too turned into green slime. I called to the ocean to wash away the mess. I felt myself standing in its cool waters.

It took much longer than this to do but that is the basic description. Upon leaving the temple room, I found my temperature had dropped 1.5 degrees from the time I entered. That is about .1 degree a minute.

My temperature is now at my normal range. I made it to work today but left early. I'm still very tired but no fever at all.  Though, I thought I had one when I left for home. I haven't asked my friend with the bug if s/he felt anything different yet.

I thought that I killed some sort of appendages from my friend's bug or its larvae. Then I went back to work today. Normally, when I am out, I respond to my emails. I can get up to 150 a day. Fifteen of which are important. So, it behooves me to keep up. This time, I just didn't have it in me. This resulted in my being surprised that three of my five staff were out with the same symptoms. By noon, another one left.

I am now assuming I killed off some part of a flu bug that caused the fever. Those things were external. However, my body hasn't recovered. I don't think what was attached me was directly related to the bug on my friend. There were significant physical features (like all of them) that didn't match. I'm not sure I did the correct thing for myself. Fever fights things off. Maybe, I didn't help myself.


On War and the Virgin Mary

I didn't mention it but a couple of weeks ago, I had a vision of the Virgin Mary. I told her that I don't do war gods. Yes, I know she isn't but I do feel she is associated with them a bit too closely. She said, "We have a very different perspective on war." Part of my mind understood the overt meaning and subtle nuances. Part of me did not. Her statement has been weighing on my mind. She also expressed infinite patience.

Self Help

I have had a low grade fever for three days. I have been exhausted. There have been no other symptoms. Today is day four. Color me irritated.

I popped into the temple room intent on doing a middle pillar with healing intent. As I sat in the meditation chair, I remembered a YHVH meditation the rabbi shared with the group. This was shortly followed by the admonition not to teach it. Apparently, the good rabbi is concerned that teaching things to folks that are not ready to deal with the energies created can, and I quote, "blow their heads off".

Personally, I don't think this particular technique qualifies but what do I know? Keeping a secret someone wants you to keep is part of the discipline of magick. WitchDoctorJoe gave me one of his techniques once. I've used it. In fact, I thought of a variation of that technique I will use again. Even though hearing it from somewhere else gives me an out, I've never told a soul. You just don't do that. 


I know why he asked me to keep it secret. My choice there is that if I have a student that I judge can gain benefit from the technique, who is of sound judgment, good character, and isn't bat-shit crazy, I may...may...share the technique. That follows in the spirit of the promise. 


The problem with magickal promises is that breaking them in any way can come back to bite you on the ass. Before I did that with Joe's technique, I'd have to be very very sure the student was in need. The likelihood of such a need that couldn't be satisfied in another way is very small. However, the technique is so cool and useful, I wish I could teach it.


Why did I go into all that? Because someone is going to send me a comment or private email asking me about the rabbi's technique. No, I am not going to share. If you do enough reading on the qabala or kabbalah, I'm pretty sure you'd come across it on your own. It wasn't new to me. I've just never done it.

Back to today's magick. The meditation was cool. The visual focus slowly morphed into something more and more complicated. It ended when I simply couldn't focus on the complexities. I could have started over or just gone back a step. I didn't.

I then did a middle pillar with the intent to use the energy to heal myself.

I feel stronger. I cleaned up the house a bit. I washed the sheets etc. I have felt the energy of the exercise impacting my subtle bodies over the last couple of hours. How do I feel now? I have a low grade fever and I'm a bit tired. Shrug.

Some Follow-Up

I posted about an incredible experience here. Flower, myself, the Helpful Deity and Hermes all interacted. I wasn't able to express what happened in full. There are not words.

Several things have happened since.

Flower felt miserable for a couple of days. I have a mild flu, low grade fever etc. Coincidence? Maybe.

Flower just had a huge realization about her past behavior patterns, sources of those patterns and has been released from them. At least, she is aware of the beginning of release. This was a moment of theurgy.

The Rabbi Speaketh

So, I met with the good rabbi's group to study the Zohar in a more or less traditional manner. I have learned a few things.

First of all, I will not use the term Judeo-Christian again. My friend Lavanah told me to avoid it as it was generally offensive. I didn't understand. I'm sure I still don't but I understand a little more now. I did hear the terms 'we' and 'us' referring to events from near pre-history. The Jewish people are a tribe.  My first visit to the temple, seeing a more pagan-like celebration than I expected and feeling the power radiating from the holy place, was precursor to this understanding.

This brings new meaning to the term tribal god for me.

I gave rabbi my super secret humility test. When I see someone that radiates spiritual understanding and I can offer what are sincere well wishes and compliments, I do so. The rabbi is one of the few people I've ever met that closed his aura instantly, turned away and would not hear compliments. I'm sure you can practice that. I am sure he didn't. He passed.

There was teaching of the Zohar but more importantly teachings of the spirit and it was awesome. I took things home that I will share with those that seek my guidance. The group was very surprised to hear me say that there was nothing said there that I had not been exposed to in my Golden Dawn training. Nothing. There were of course nuances, subtleties and perspectives of language that were new but they were more in the way of intellectual spice.


As For My Part

I was asked to speak on the Golden Dawn and provide my lineage. I began by sharing the different spelling of Kaballah, Cabala and Qabala and their meanings. This was new to them but as I got to the q spelling someone wasn't fond of it blurted out, "Stay away from that," as she surmised what must have been coming. The rabbi would have none of it. Another such comment was made by the same person. Again, the rabbi intervened. He invited me back at that moment to emphasize his point.

I've never been asked to provide lineage before. The question taught me something. First of all, I have never thought of it because I don't care who my initiator's initiator's initiator's initiator was. Whatever impact that person had has been concealed by time. I've always known it is my teacher that matters and perhaps his. I provided those names too and added the commentary that since they didn't know the names, that didn't matter either.

I then added this thought that very much surprised the rabbi. I do not know if he never thought of it or didn't expect to hear it or thought I was full of beans. It has been my experience that students believe they are being taught by the master, which is amazing, considering it is really the other way around. So, perhaps the question shouldn't be, who are your teachers but who are your students. What have they done?

By that measure, a fellow by the name of Alfred Sepulvada, Jr., whose motto was I Shall Lead the Way, did a fine job indeed.


As for Me and the Rabbi

I don't know where it is going but he indicated he wanted me to come back and indicated he had some things to share with me next time. I am looking forward to that day.

Repost on the Golden Dawn (The Golden Blind)

I keep feeling the need to dig this up and repost it. I have no idea if it was for me to reread or someone else. Without addressing the Golden Dawn wars, it reveals my take on them. Follow this link. You can also find a link on the Notable Posts page which I am very slowly building. If anyone has suggestions for things that should be included there, let me know.

Follow-Up to Last Night

Flower and I have been experiencing the results of last night's work all day. I feel from time to time that I am a like a cup of Alka Seltzer. My body feels as if it is externally carbonated. I have felt the horns on and off all day. I have the sensation that the rite hasn't been completed.

Flower has been strangely out of her body or felt similar things all day. She says that the Goddess is still very present. Instead of describing the ritual as incomplete, she says it left things open.

I can honestly say last night was the most immediately powerful rite I've ever participated in. I feel like it was an initiation of sorts.

I do have follow ups to the meeting with the Rabbi and some other things but time is short. 

Helpful Deity Brings the Kundalini

Flower came by to call the Helpful Deity tonight. I had tried to write a mantra but failed. I shouldn't have bothered. The only thing that came of it was telling Flower that i wanted to call Hermes and the Helpful Deity together as last time Hermes crashed the party on his own.

All of our rituals are very simple. We meditate for 15 minutes. We do a mantra. HD arrives. Simple. Of late, the mantras are coming to me as I meditate. Tonight's I had within a minute or two of sitting down. The rest of the meditation was simply repeating the mantra.

When the meditation timer went off, we stood. I said the mantra audibly. Normally, I may repeat it anywhere from 10 to 30 times. Tonight, I think I made through three, maybe four.

I was aware but I had no thoughts for the rest of the ritual. The kundalini energy rose in both of us. It was off the charts. All I was aware of was her/Her. Flower morphed into the Goddess. Sometimes she morphed about half way back to human but mostly she was the Goddess. I watched the Her create the earth. I understood some pagan art. From time to time, I could hear directly from Flower's brain a few yes/no thoughts.

She saw a vast pit or bowl full of snakes for an instant. She saw horns upon my head. She saw the universe.

The first two minutes of god possession contained verbalized words between us. He spoke to Her. She replied to Him. Aside from that, no words were spoken. We were both 100% present. Not a single stray thought entered our minds. There was not one personal insecurity. There was not one thought of friend, family or television show. Nothing. We were present.



When it was over, we collapsed onto the floor. Upon both our heads, I saw golden crowns.

The ritual lasted from just before 8:00 PM until just before 10:00 PM. Two hours without a stray thought.

I haven't even bothered to try to explain what this was like.

The ritual ended forty minutes ago. I am still vibrating like a tuning fork.

Stopped Cold!

Have I mentioned that I am a Leo? Leo's have some issues with injustice. Frankly, we can't stand it. It doesn't matter who the unfortunate soul is on the wrong side of the stick. We hate injustice. Hate is a strong word. It has connotations. I used that word on purpose.

So, I've been told that I am being demoted at work. I am being demoted, not because I've messed up, on the contrary. The demotion was arranged because my boss hadn't demoted or laid anyone off in a couple of years and the other managers decided that was unfair. He should have to do that too. I am not making this up. Who runs a business that way?

Naturally, I have been doing a Leo slow burn over this. Once you figure career longevity and retirement benefits I'm out a number well into A LOT OF MONEY.

I am pissed.

I've been doing a slow burn over this for a week or two. I've wanted to curse a soul or two but my brain just says no. It screams no. Damn. I feel betrayed by folks that sing my praises then hit me with this.

Tonight, I had that odd feeling that I'm missing something. Given that I'm all fiery, I chatted with Micheal.

"EVERYONE IS TRYING TO HELP YOU."

Say what?

So, instead of looking at the players as folks that screwed me, I need to stop and reassess things as if folks are trying to help? Does everyone mean that everyone is consciously looking out for me or that the universe tends to provide the right things so even negative things are help? Fuck me. I don't know. I do know it is more fun to try to figure out how this would be a help than to be pissed off.