Also, there have been some excellent comments regarding my Mastering Witchcraft posts. I am going to post them to the main page and discuss this a bit more. Then, I think I will be done with that.
I have been a mess of late. Part of that is a lot of recent life shocks. Part of that, the by far larger part, was a past trauma. I mostly defeated the obsession, mostly, but never the underlying anger. The most recent hits, coming in an emotionally quick sequence, removed my ability to suppress those emotional reactions from past trauma. Those emotions are raging now. This is likely good because they tend to leak out inappropriately. I briefly dated a very very good psychic that stopped dating me because she read that I was violent. She missed. I am not now, nor have I ever been violent. She picked up on the anger within.
Along with that emotional rage is anxiety and depression. I am not about to work on the anxiety. It is nameless and displaced. That will take a while. The depression carries with it pessimistic logic. The logical train of thought is, well, logical. You can't beat it with logic unless the facts change. However, in my case, I turn into the 7 of Swords.
My definition of that card, is the frozen rancid logic. We use this on other people from time to time. When we don't like someone, no matter what happens, we can spin it to show someone is just as bad or worse than we thought. Everyone does that from time to time. Further, my definition holds that when you do it to yourself, suicide is the only result.
There is something else I am doing though. I am applying that rancid logic, not to others (in this case) and not to myself. My self-esteem over all is pretty good, mostly, sorta. I am applying that horrible logic to my environment and future. I am experiencing woe before I am facing it.
This is seventeen colors of stupid. However, it is a mental habit in times of emotional discord.
So tonight, I am going to scry the seven of swords but I am going to skry the reverse of the card to see if I can take myself out of this mindset 11:23 PM
I have returned twenty minutes later, exactly.
My technique was simple. I ran through the planetary hierarchy of Venus. The reason for that is that the sevens exist in the sephira of Netzach which relates to Venus. I then called upon the hierarchy of air as the swords relate to air. I could have done the names for Libra and Luna as they also relate to this card. Call me lazy, if you like. I then stared at the reversed card until I could close my eyes and see the card. I did no ritual whatsoever.
I entered an icy place. A harsh snow was falling. I asked how to overcome this mental/emotional habit. Everything sparkled with gold flecks. This ice and snow still fell. It was still very cold but the image was warmer.
A woman appeared in a fur coat. She was smiling. I asked her why and she said that it is cold but she has a coat and a warm cave. She took me to the cave. I immediately recognized what she did to calm the drafts. She had created wood screens and placed them in staggered manner to trap the wind. The where joined by skins that could be pushed aside for access to the next chamber. She had created a series of small wind breaks that trapped the air. It looked like this:
SKIN---------------------------------------------------
-----------------------------------------------------SKIN
SKIN----------------------------------------------------
The interior was warm, dry and inviting but very simple. I then asked her how to look at the situation with my former coven in a different way. The answer was that it was a gift. Had I stayed I would have accumulated the karma of being associated with people whose ethics are seriously different from my own. The pain of the events that occurred was burning off the karma that attracted me to that group in the first place.
Is any of that true? Well. Who the heck knows?
I asked about my health situation and I was shown that if I can get back to work for a while. I have the opportunity to change some life style habits that have the potential to help.
I asked about my attitude for magick helping and I was shown what I was doing. Easily accessing a form of wisdom that I didn't even know I wanted to access ten minutes prior. You can't really argue with that.
So, maybe there is some hope for my mood and everything else. Frankly, that is a big habit to change but I was also given a way for my friends to help. I am afraid to ask them. Not because they wouldn't do it but because they would. Looking in the mirror is getting tough. I am willing and able to do it but I am so tired of every thing I think and feel being challenged over the last ten years of the Great Work. I am getting exactly what I asked for but emotionally it feels as if I am constantly under attack.
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