You may feel that the distance between you and G-d is so vast that you think the closest you will get to "Him" is a Charlton Heston movie. You look at your current state of being, the continual mistakes, the uncontrollable habits, the fears and insecurities and you feel unworthy of your friends. You look at the past and you see little more than a wondering path of good times and bad, poor decisions that you exactly to where you are now. You look forward and see nothing better. After all, you will always be there.
You are absolutely correct. Life will suck you down a vacuum tube and drop you off exactly where you need to be. When that lightbulb clicks on and you see everything as perfect, when you hear your soul, when you know what you're supposed to do, you will understand your entire past. You will understand every mistake. You will know why you had to make them and suffer their consequences.
You. Will. Understand.
Of course, once you do, understanding means little. You simply will not care about the past. You will live in the now. You will build a future by being in the present and it is glorious.
You can do this. All you have to do is keep working. Keep going internal. Ask yourself provocative questions. Keep asking. You will awaken and find that state to be glorious. Continue my friends, continue.
Peace...it's everything it is cracked up to be.