I watched a documentary the other day on the impact of absentee fathers. The claim was made that there is a specific male question. "Do I have what it takes?" The young child needs that questions answered affirmatively by his father. The father presents challenges that boy must eventually overcome. "I am proud of you son," goes a long way. Eventually, there should be some rite of passage in adulthood. Females have a different question, "Am I valued enough to be worth protecting?" Again, fathers must demonstrate this and answer that question with an empathic yes.Women do not need (as much) the right of passage because their menstrual cycle is a very bold physical rite of womanhood.
When this question isn't answered, men often have aggression issues. They are either overly or under aggressive. They either cannot stand for what is right or their response is over-the-top and usually misplaced. Women end up looking for "Daddy's love" all over the place and generally wind up pregnant as teens.
I cannot scientifically back up their claims. I can state that a lot of things fell into place for me. Many friends have run into walls trying to get those answers. So much is clear in retrospect. I ran into a lot of that question myself. My dad was present but emotionally silent. I don't think I ever heard, "I am proud of you," until my late thirties -- too late.
My recent experiences have made those questions mute.
When I speak on the HGA make a comment about how everyone has a word. Buddha had awareness; Jesus had forgiveness; Moses had law. Each of us has a word of our life too. "What is my word?" is a sacred question for the answer uncovers the divine purpose.
There are many smaller questions too that lead you along the road. "Why do I do that?" "What lead me into this trap?" "What is my internal script and who wrote it?" "What part of me demonstrates my sacredness?" All of these and many more are sacred questions. Most fear to ask them. The answers are extraordinary and uplifting. The answers heal. It is a pity so many are afraid to ask.