I used to think that we needed to purify ourselves and put myself through alchemical hell. Yet something I wrote yesterday changed my perspective. I wrote:
This isn't necessarily meanness on the part of the other but more of a natural unconscious reaction. Often, there is some impure part of the personality at work here but that is all well as they are tugging at an impure part of the seeker's personality.
I wish I used the word ill-defined. Our misses or errors in life are not because we are bad people. If you look closer there is something intrinsic to our nature that contributes to that behavior. The fellow that is a workaholic may believe he is taking care of his family by earning 100K a year working 70 hours a week. The meaning of 'taking care' has been warped. When he realizes he hasn't taken care of but abandoned his family, he may feel like a bad human. That negative judgement is devastating as it piles on to the very real damage his behavior has caused. Yet, if someone shares that the core need to take care of is there but has been misapplied, he has a chance to heal. While he may never heal the damage he has done, he may find other outlets in a helping profession or volunteering.
This is not about semantics or being emotionally pc. This is about what happens when core divinity hides behind learned behavior. When the inner divine is exposed, even the pain of causing pain drifts away like litter in a breeze.
So when you look at your behaviors that you feel are hiding your divinity look to those same behaviors for answers. There is a clue there about who you really are. When you find that, you are living a spiritual life.