Wednesday, December 28, 2011


I am burning out relationships left and right. I suppose this could be a necessary thing in my continuing deconstruction or it could be that I'm just an ass. I am not even trying to figure things out anymore. I am just watching things burn.

Some people have stuck with me and I am amazed. Some have not creating a sad surprise. I don't blame them at all. However, I have long been of the opinion that your real friends are there when you are at your worst. Anyone can hang in there when you're at your best.

I have seen signs of progress in dealing with some annoying frustration issues.


Anonymous said...

Have you been having any dreams?

Pyrocephalis said...

The key is in you. Looking away from the interior chaos isn't going to result in the exterior world around you or any other person suddenly fixing it or deliver the peace you are truly seeking. I don't mean to sound harsh or mean here, as I'm just trying to be direct with you and to offer you my encouragement through this. I can tell you with certainty from my own experience that discouragement in such a critical time manifesting as apathy is a distraction better left unindulged as apathy will only allow you to stop looking at what counts and to imbibe the belief that what actually matters doesn't and that somehow the peace only you have the key to will somehow magically arrive without your effort. Whatever you do, Robert, don't give up on working out the chaos. I believe that through this you will eventually find certainty in a peace no one will ever be able to take from you ever again. Don't give up the battle, because this is your heart and soul you're talking about here and it just sounds like you're becoming very discouraged and starting to reflect on yourself with apathy. You are the most important aspect of the equation and you deserve more peace than I think you're letting yourself believe that you don't. Take care of yourself. I believe you have what it takes to ride this out. There's no telling how long it could be, but the stakes are real and you can't stop taking it seriously when it gets ugly. Fight the good fight to find the peace of self you deserve with honesty to yourself and courageous introspection. You can do it!

Rose Weaver said...

I'm finding the same thing happening within my life as I continue with my own work, especially the past month but I look at this phenomenon as a positive event in the long run.

After all, as you've aptly pointed out, real friends are there when you are at your worst. And they are there because they understand what you are dealing with and what you are going through; and most importantly, that it is a temporary thing which will eventually improve.

Anyone who plunges into the deep, incredibly difficult self work you do, and which I am also doing, discovers some who profess to be "true friends" really aren't.

We can continue to put on a false front in order to maintain the illusion that everything is okay so we don't "disturb" others, but doing this kind of work demands we be true to ourselves. This means masking everything with false fronts to ease the discomfort of others and to do things to make them happy isn't our priority.

Our priority is to ourselves and our work.

This is the only way we can progress.

I read your blog regularly and you are incredibly honest and forthright with your work. I've also read many comments and in my humble opinion, you have more true friends than you may realize.

I give you kudos for continuing in spite of what obstacles you may encounter along the way, and for remaining true to yourself and your intent.

My best to you!

Anonymous said...

Some people have stuck with me and I am amazed.

Why are you amazed? What have you been doing to your friends that's so horrible and unforgivable that you're "amazed" that anyone would stick around?

Robert said...

I am a very difficult student.

Anonymous said...

We're All difficult students. You know it, I know it, all your readers know it. We have our petty fears, our ruinous anxieties, and more.

Keep working. This too shall pass. Possibly like a kidney stone, but it'll pass. :-).