Tonight a force descended or perhaps more accurately, exploded from the earth after I sent lightening into its core. My guess is this was Xcai and not Exarp given the work I've been doing. The energy that I moved through me today was rough and vertical and more likely to be in line with Xcai. I didn't ask who it was...instead, I received.
I received more explanations of the tarot. Ace, Knight (King), Queen, Prince, Princess, two, three, etc. Tonight, it was swords. Miserable suit that. To see those explanations and so much of myself. Yuck! To know that all of us face these cards in our lives -- we all go through the same processes is heart breaking. I feel sorry for my deepest enemies. Heck, I'd feel sorry for THE ENEMY where I a Christian, if he had to go through swords.
The upside is I know where I am and where I have been with that suit. I am not in a bad place. Humbling yes but bad no. Bad was before. Where so many people are and have been but so few escape. Sad sad humanity. Sad sad because our sadness is not caused by our emotions but by logic. The logic that makes us and them. The logic of individualization. PAIN! What fools we are. Fools. In these cards are the ability to utterly destroy another or be utterly destroyed. No unity is possible when we live within these sharp edges. There is nothing but bloody ideas resulting from dull and misused blades.
So far the Enochians have 'downloaded' Cups, Wands and Swords. Earth should be next. Earth. After that, I would assume the major arcana will come slower. Maybe not. Maybe not. The truth. Unity. Life. These are not found in swords. True death comes from that which dissects, separates. Oh, how humanity suffers upon weapons of their own creation. Fools. So many fools.