The Lesser Than Shard

The other day, I saw a picture of an ex on Facebook and my heart sank. I thought to myself, Are you kidding me? That was almost two years ago. What is your malfunction? I don't mind being human but sometimes being human in certain ways is quite silly.

I asked a friend what my problem was. Her reply was that she didn't know but it was likely a different version of the soul shard. Rejection hits me harder than most. Some random dude on the internet is not a problem. People I know in person and care about is a different story.

Last night, I did the MM and asked to be shown my problem. The answer was instant. You think these people* are better than you. 

Fuck.

Then, Everyone of them is passive-aggressive.

Holy Shit.

The passive-aggressive personality creates an illusion that I fall for. I learned of this illusion through life coaching. In life coaching, the coach only speaks ten to twenty percent of the time. It should be closer to ten. When the coach does speak, it is in the form of a question. Teaching moments and statements of fact from a coach are very rare. I noticed this creates the illusion of friendship. I like my coach. He is a nice guy. He has a warm personality but I do not know him. This I knew and realized before the meditation. Funny how learning dovetails like that.

When I look look back at all of these people. The interactions were pretty much like my relationship with my life coach. Likely unconsciously, they shared little and let the assumption of friendship reign. I projected high qualities upon them they had not demonstrated. Naturally, any relationship has its issues. When issues arose these folks respond passive-aggressively which drives me nuts and closure never happens. Hence why I have such a hard time getting over things: I projected my ideals and they are incapable of adult dialogue in difficult situations, at least with me.

I now know which personality types to avoid but there is something more.

When I look at these people with clear eyes. I see them as much more human than I saw them before. I see the flaws and in one person past the outrageous magickal glamour. They're flaws do not make them less than me; They put them on par with me. Suddenly, I feel old things that have sat silent behind some cobweb of my mind releasing. We'll see what happens when that next picture shows up.

* I am speaking of only four people here.