Last night, I sat in my temple room in prayer. I love these quiet moments. There is a real feeling of connection to the divine, whatever that is. There is union and agape. These are quiet personal moments that I've always wanted but could not put into words much less experience.
I began to wonder why I couldn't take this with me wherever I went. Why can I only find it in my temple room or in quiet natural places? Why not indeed? Today, I sat in a meeting. My participation wasn't necessary for about 20 minutes. Suddenly, I remembered the visions of 'spirit' I had when working with the akasha tattwas. The visual was of dots hanging in space like a three-dimensional grid. I like this. It brings to mind how everything is connected by spirit but in a hidden way. To me, this is spirit acting in this world. I do not think this is how it is on the subtle realms. It is just my idiosyncratic representation.
It was this representation I focused on in the meeting. I felt that connection, agape. It didn't reach my closed off heart. These have not been people I've worked with. Instead, we've worked at each other. I made the effort to open my heart as I focused on the visual. I liked the feeling.
The odd part was the reactions of others in the room. Three of the four became very uncomfortable, making sidelong glances in my direction. The other remained at ease.