Yesterday's post was a little weird because I wrote it high. I wasn't on drugs though it was a contact high. That contact was so intense that my mind was still making those huge leaps that occur in contemplation, tarot readings and moments of inspiration. I wanted to record those thoughts in that frame of mind and so I did. Unfortunately, that made for some poor reading. I received a back channel comment that it was "obvious that I was editing again". This was not true. There was a lack of foundation on some things that made it look that way though. This post is intended to clear up that poor read.
I must note that much like Pan long ago, my HGA is still hanging around. It is prompting me to write mainly but ritual work is included in that writing. These are not demands. It is a combination of someone holding a sign saying "This way to Albuquerque" (look out for that left turn) and a high school teacher telling you, "This is solid B work, nice job but you can do better and I expect that of you." I am more than a bit surprised to be told this blog is part of what I"m supposed to be doing. Though, it make explain the alarm I saw on my mentor's face when I said that it was getting harder and harder to do and that I may stop. I guess the idea of stopping has gone out the window.
I ate an early but light lunch today, finishing around 11:30 AM. An episode of Dr. Who was just finishing on Netflix when I felt a pleasant astral touch. It was full of love and I took it to mean some kind soul was praying for me. The feeling became more and more intense and I realized my HGA had come calling. It felt much like his initial appearance so long ago.
My first contact with my HGA was after doing Liber Samekh for a very short period, maybe a couple of weeks. It came so fast because of all the previous work I'd done to that point. It decided to make itself known while I was standing in line at Wendy's for lunch. At that time, I did not do the requisite activity of conjuring a host of demons and getting them under my control. Frankly, I didn't feel I had that skill set nor the time. The former my be true the latter was a pointless excuse. When does a working man ever have the time to do that?
Hopefully, that background makes the following sentence more understandable.
In the privacy of my own home, rather than standing in a Wendy's, I was so much more at ease.
The paragraph below could have been worded differently and broken up but I think the meanings are clear.
He told me that the books I am writing, the tarot, the American Goetia and future works were part of my work as was this space. These things must me focused on now. For my part, I just listened and kept inviting him for closer and closer contact. This is bliss like I've never felt before. The only physical analogy I can think of is when someone is performing oral sex upon me. This is very pleasurable but there is little work on the part of the recipient and the giver is joyfully participating.
In the paragraphs above and below, I'm trying to express the emotion of the contact. Bliss and union are the only words I really have. I'm telling you that if I could stay in that place for the rest of my life, I'd simply sit in meditation until I starved to death.
At times I was overcome with the bliss of it all, the closeness, the union. I am so overwhelmed even now that I know I am not recording all that has happened.
The paragraph below is so convoluted with different images that it demands clarification. If you read it first the clarification that follows will make more sense.
I can say I saw a great many faces, bearded men and an ancient Chinese man with a small white oriental style mustache/goatee. I felt the need to perform oral sex on one particular woman I know. This seems incongruous to the experience but I assure you that it was not. That sensation occurred right after I realized that I kept drawing him in deeper and deeper that there was also an opportunity to expand outward. Like last night, I was informed that I am connected to all things. I saw more older faces all appearing rather medieval. Eventually, I was taken down into an ancient castle. The hallway become taller and narrower as we descended. The cold stone brushed my shoulders.
During the visions associated with this event, I saw many faces. Seeing the faces of old men is relatively common for me when I am really on my game. Of late, I've noticed a Chinese face that is prominent in such visions. It appears larger and more clearly defined than the others. I have no explanation for the ethnicity of this face. I have no Chinese heritage nor am I aware of any on my initiatory paths. I do recall that in years gone by a Chinese face in such visions but it wasn't in any way different than the others.
The desire to perform oral sex on a particular woman was a bit odd. I'm not sure where it came from. It arrived as I was expanding. By that I mean forming larger connections to the universe than I'd normally consider part of my sphere. Rather than just compassion, this was actually connecting with people and events. Perhaps the oral sex things was just a sexual way of saying in service to another in a non-selfish way. I don't know. I can say that in the moment it was congruous with the state of mind and visionary process I was experiencing.
The quickly merged into visions of more faces. These were older medieval period faces. I'm not sure why I know that but I do. It may have been by their garments but I do not recall seeing them. From that jumping off point, I entered a medieval castle and was taken down a tunnel. That tunnel narrowed as it descended. The walls on either side grew very tall as the tunnel grew so narrow that my shoulders brushed its sides. I emerged in a tomb. The tomb was circular and contained deep niches in the walls in which I knew dead bodies could be found. At the time, this very much reminded me of the Knights Templar. Likely because there is a circular church/burial ground in a surviving temple in England.
Hopefully, that clarifies the above and some of the item below.
After a quite long walk that reminded me very much of the path of the devil, I arrived at a tomb. The walls and floors made of stone. The floor stones were much smaller than the huge pieces that comprised the wall. In the walls were niches in which bodies were placed. I couldn't' see them but I knew they were there. Eventually, it became apparent I was to enter one of the niches. In it lie a dead adept, his rose cross on his chest. Nothing had color, it was all gray. The man and cross were ancient. At one point my focus wavered and I found myself back in the main hall of the tomb. I realized this was a test of resolve.
Suddenly my hand was on the cross and triangle of the Golden Dawn. They rested on a stone pillar with a tapered point. I am pretty sure that pillar grew at just that moment. It wasn't there before. My hand was placed upon it and I was asked if I accepted and pledged to follow? live within? be true to? the oath of the adept. I said I did.
As I included in my edit last night, I asked something like, "What about selling magick as in "promise nothing except to heal and that gratis." I was told it did not apply. I haven't the foggiest idea why. Seems to me an oath is an oath. It could be that isn't actually part of the oath. It could be that paragraph 3 subclauses A - D exclude tarot, reiki and a host of other things...but I doubt it.
The next two short paragraphs seem to make sense.
Once again I was given the opportunity to see the dead adept in the niche. It took some effort but I did so. I lifted the cross off his chest, bent down and kissed it. His head lifted to witness the event.
The tomb then became a beautiful church. I assume medieval Catholic. It was awesome. There was a figure of Christ, which I did not rebel against.
The paragraph below refers to the Abramelin formula in which you get various high ranking demons to swear allegiance to you the day you get contact. The next day you get their underlings. The next day you get even more. I have read both Abramelin and the Lesser Key of Solomon. Often people think the demons in the latter are what Abramelin refers to. I disagree. In one of my recent path workings, I was shown that those demons are more like personal cast offs than demons you can find in some book.
At some point I was told that I had the right of it regarding the 'demons' to evoke when getting one's HGA. I was also told not to do that yet, I would receive instruction and to refer to the Book of Abramelin.
The very focused journey took an hour. I know about what time it started and I 'awoke' an hour later. I am shaken in a good way. It was so pleasurable and intense. My focus was absolute, except that one wobble. As Pink Floyd once said, "There is no sensation to compare to this."
The above Pink Floyd reference again was trying to explain the bliss I felt during this experience.
At one point, I was once again told to release all barriers of acceptance regarding contact with my HGA and the entire universe. When I brought more internal personality walls down, the sensations notably intensified. I heard that quote I love so much, "Perfection isn't achieved when there is nothing left to add but when there is nothing left to take away."
I am in quiet contemplation now. I know this wasn't an end or a beginning. Simply part of the process towards adepthood and service. I am more than moved.This was a deep religious experience minus the religion. I am not near tears of joy or ecstatic laughter but quiet in a non-smiling joyful sort of way.
Hopefully, the reader will find this post to make more sense than the last one.