Most never realized how bad it was. Six or seven years of constant thoughts, anger, emotional turmoil born from the emotional trauma. It was constant, daily, all the time. It was the first thought of the morning, the last of the evening. Every other thought I had, had to be pushed aside this overwhelming obsession, pain, anger, torment. At best I could succeed at going a couple hours but those times were rare. This occurred from the day of the primary event six or seven years ago to now. I took most of the joy and happiness out of being alive. There were times I hid it very well, if you didn't live with me. Many people I know would be very surprised to read the above. Over the years, I received a lot of advice
- realize you're just hurting yourself
- get mad
- beat pillows
- destroy the ego
- don't be so arrogent
- you're wasting energy
- just forget about it
All of these had some value, I suppose. None of them contained the answer.
What worked? I know some of that answer but not all of it yet. I'm still in the process of transformation. Sooner or later, I will be able to put it all into words.