Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Confession Time

There has been more discussion with the blogger I'd most like to meet, Ananael Qaa. Part of his last comment was this:

Moving on to the subject of this post, let me ask you this: do you seek union with the divine out of the sense that you are lacking something or out of the sense that you want to be more than you are now? It may seem like a semantic difference, but I think it's important. It's what I was trying to get at in my previous comments regarding whether or not magical motivations are fear-based.

I believe a good deal of my initial drive to unity with the divine was fear-based. It stemmed from the idea of not being good enough. I have no idea where that came from in my life. I do know naming that fear answered a question I've had for a long time as to why I have such an adverse reaction to Christianity and religion in general. My perception of Christianity has always been that it is a religion of telling you that you are not good enough. The starting point of life is that you deserve to be in hell for the crime of being born. You will always be unworthy of God, unless you say these words, confess to Jesus and give this priest a dollar. This is also a problem I had with Trad Wicca in a different form. 

Let's please not have a debate on Christianity.

So, this fear of not being good enough, drove a great deal of personal alchemy. I wanted to meet my end by saying that, pass or fail, I always made an effort towards the higher. So, the above religious experiences, perceptions and attitudes hit that fear and I responded like a wounded animal.

At some point, that went away. Now, it is really based on love, service and being more than I am now. That to may be a bad way of saying it. I believe we are fully who were are right now. We have just forgotten.

All that said, I still have serious issues with Christianity and those that evangelize in my direction. I am just much more willing to walk away.


Ananael Qaa said...

Barrabbas keeps telling me I need to make it to Pantheacon one of these years. Maybe next year, since I'll have my new Enochian book out and that would be a good place to promote it. It would be nice to meet you as well, so that would be another reason for going.

Thanks for this response. As you recommended in your original article, it's important for everyone but especially magical practitioners to take such an inventory of their motivations as they traverse the path. And the transition from fear to aspiration that you describe here is a very important step along it.

Iris Shaelynn Firemoon said...

It always amazes me how other people have evolved and find love and service on their paths, too. I see affirmation of my own path, that I am on the right track, we I see my self-realizations mirrored by others on different paths. I wonder what the realization will be as the self continues to evolve. I can imagine folks reading this and knowing the deeper mystery. How exciting to feel a part of something bigger than the self. Blessing to you on your path.