Death

I have been learning a lot about death over the last two years.

I have dreamed many a dream about dead bodies, my own death, other people have dreamed of my death and I've even both killed myself and been killed in dreams. Killed dead. It isn't true that if you die in dreams you die in real life.

There are other death themes that I cannot post here.

Today, My Gal made a decision to give away her beloved jacuzzi rather than having it stay and rot in my place. This is a reflection of death of our relationship and a death for her as she really really loved that jacuzzi. It makes me feel like shit.

So today, my mentor announced the official death of the Bennu-Kheper lodge, which practiced in the style of the Golden Dawn. That lodge was a foundation of my spiritual life. It also kept me trapped dealing with a small subset of people that took great joy in causing some serious pains in my life. They may have regretted it later. I don't know. So being rid of it isn't a bad thing on the whole. It is an end of a chapter. A very significant chapter and it makes me sad to see it go.

I can see magickal obligations for me elsewhere. I've previously mentioned seeing the future and not being willing to rush out and meet it. Something things only fools wish upon themselves. However, we do learn to serve on this path and I owe.

I pay my debts.

The problem is that I'm not ready to pay them. You can't pay a bill if you don't have the cash. This too makes me sad. I've blown a lot of opportunities to grow faster, sooner, with more enthusiasm and more joy. I have little choice now.

Or maybe it is just one more delusion of grandiosity that will have to die too. I've learned not to take my perceptions too seriously no matter how many of them prove true.

I am fully ready to die, figuratively. I'm not that far away from being ready to die literally. However, I am not so ready to experience other people's pain. I've been a selfish asshole for a long time. That it infinitely easier than having a heart and feeling love, compassion and empathy.

I'm also more than a little drunk. So, I suppose I will regret this post tomorrow. That is okay. It may, in an odd way, give people some hope.

Learning the Obvious

When we last worked with HD, It told me that I could find it in anyone I looked at. "Find me in their eyes." So, I've been looking.

I saw someone that I've known all my life and saw the teenager in her. Her face literally morphed into that young person full of life. Then morphed back into the current human that lives in a great deal of mental pain. Compassion.

I then watched a conversation between two people. They were discussing work issues. I realized the person was asking questions in order to make her way through the day but more importantly, she was seeking to understand. Then I realized that almost all (if not all) the conversations we have are an attempt to understand or be understood.

My work is to understand and learn about the ultimate divine. I have always felt alone in this. Robert doing one thing, the world doing another. Suddenly, I realized that even people not doing any work are still trying to understand the Universe. We are all just trying to understand. I then felt foolish. How could I feel alone in this? There are 140 followers of this space on blogger, 250 people subscribe to the feed and it has over a hundred fans on Facebook. Almost all of my friends are into magick, spirituality or religious in some very active form. How the hell did I feel alone in my work? Sometimes the things I am blind to truly astonish me.

The HD also told me that It is the all. Well not really, Its words were more subtle than that but what was not subtle was, "If you reject anyone, you are rejecting a part of me." Anyone really meant anything. So, here is my conundrum. What human being does not reject the child molester, rapist, holocaust engineer etc.? Yes those are extreme examples and meant to be. These are all part of the all. Given that It also told me that all human beings are in their 'right place' all the time, these actions are part of the divine, not human failings. These are things I understood when It was present in ritual that frankly I don't understand now.

Regardless of that internal conflict, being with HD is all about peace. I feel all embroiled in a work situation and normal mundane life and still feel peaceful. Work frustration is handled much better both internally and socially. I feel more connected. That part of me that builds walls and separates from others is crumbling, SLOWLY but it is.

It is 2:30 AM. I'm hitting the post button and going to bed. I am not doing the slightest of proof reading. SO, if this doesn't make sense, please forgive me.

Peace all...

More Helpful Diety

My partner and I invoked the Helpful Diety last night. The time before, we came across a higher aspect because we called It in a different manner. This was intentional. Immediately after that, one of the few that knows for sure which deity it really is, suggested we use a different name. That name applies to Its highest aspect. We gave that a shot.

HD arrived but in a sublime state like we've never experienced. Just as importantly, It did not land in me but in my partner. This was wondrous.

It told me that I seek to understand because to understand is my destiny, I can not avoid it.  It said that humans are so afraid because we are so small and that we are always in exactly the right place. None of that sounds earth shattering in print. However, when you're that close to a deity that big who expresses such silent love everything has greater meaning. There are meanings that cannot be expressed in print. They need to be felt to be understood and to feel one must be complete present in the moment. This was truly a rock your world spiritual experience.

One of the amazing things for me was how the most sincere spiritual question sounded so unbelievably selfish, self-centered and self-absorbed.  This too was wonderful to experience.

Note on Comments

I haven't felt like blogging lately. I haven't read them. So, I didn't approve any comments. Your comments only go through when I approve them. I only do that because if I don't, I miss those who comment on long ago posts.

Peace.

Revisiting Issues

There was a time I railed against Trad Wicca. I fought against that religion for issues of fact. There I endured injustice, bigotry, maltreatment and a host of other things. These are facts. Over time, with the aid of the Helpful Deity, that has faded. I am no fan of Trad Wicca. However, the anger and the need to express it have faded.

However, passing a test and healing are not the same thing.

Now, I am railing against the Abrahamic religions. All of them. Here I have their own words and facts of history. Few but their most ardent adherents can disagree. Instead they try to soften those facts with other facts and their benevolent perceptions.

The point here is that it is the same test. Robert versus religion. So far, I have not passed. However, at least I have recognized the test. Maybe that is something. So the question is here, what do I have against religion as a whole?

Peace

Follow Up to the Helpful Deity Post

I was very uncomfortable last night after the rite. I have also find myself reluctant to post. However, I view this as a magickal diary of sorts and try to maintain the discipline of writing things down. Lately, this has been an effort, which is why you are finding a great increase in typos and the like. Please forgive me. This does not mean that I'm not in great spirits and doing well. I'm just having a harder time posting. As far as reading blogs? I am doing so sporadically.


Last Night with the Helpful Deity

This deity has certain categories of aspects. The invocational chant was rewritten to cover each broad category. It wasn't as well researched as I wanted but I've never let that stop me with this deity. We received a very 'high' aspect. I had a very difficult time invoking It. Its was all around but not within. My partner did a good job of getting It to land in me. Her work impressed me last night.

This high aspect did not mention that item I have previously posted concern about.

When the Deity finally entered me It came showing me two of Its creatures up close and personal. Were they physical animals, I'd be dead. Gone. Buried. Well, except that they were completely docile. Both of them were so close our noses almost touched. It was impressive.

HD answered our questions and now I think it is safe to publish some of Its repeated themes culled after meeting all of Its aspects.

• It has no interest in being worshiped. We've asked numerous times how to do so and it simply doesn't care. It usually responds by telling us not too.
• We've asked about various techniques both GD based and traditional to Its lore for making our contact stronger. We've made offerings. We've made our own incense. I've bought bowls dedicated to It. We've left out fruit as an offering. It simply does not care. It ignores them all and tells us all the bobbles and trappings do not matter. We can make the contact stronger, simply be continuing to call It.
• It calls me priest or wounded priest, usually the former and my partner as soon to be priestess or words to that effect.
• It has a very harsh intimidating side that we've only seen flashes of. Ninety-nine percent of the time, It comes across as a very loving friend/parent figure. 
• It wants to be invoked and often. 
• It answers all of our questions in some form or fashion only rarely refusing or giving us something vague.
• The images that I am shown are always spot on to Its lore whether I know that at the time or not.
• Its speaks of no one but us and another member of the group that has yet to arrive. Note: this I feel is a very good sign. As soon as a spirit starts speaking of others, I think it is really my ego. That hasn't happened to me for quite some time. 
• It consistently but not instantly tries to get me to take an action in my personal life. I have not complied. I am beginning to think this is a test.  Though, as mentioned, the topic was not mentioned last night.
• We believe there are people out there that think they sent HD to me. HD has a different viewpoint on that. 
• It has brought other deities into contact with us.

Last night, on direct questioning, It revealed the name of two of them. It would not tell us on Its own. We had to ask.

The first was a no brainer. I have felt this deity all over me for a while. I think it started just after the Leo spirit we invoked in late July. It may have started prior to that. I pray to it and it answers immediately with action in the mundane world. I didn't know this was happening to my partner too. Same deity. Though, with less directed prayer and therefore less help with mundane matters.

The second was only an intuitive guess on my part having read some of Its lore. I came across a name and wondered, could this be? It turned out the answer was yes but we'd only have contact with that one after "more work."

It never mentioned Hadit which was plain as day obvious to my partner. She described it as a full waking vision of a white sphere with maybe gray/silver swirls. The wings were very realistic, as if plucked straight from a living bird and attached to the sphere. My partner didn't know this imagery. I reminded her of the Egyptian winged solar disk and she said no. It wasn't Egyptian and at all. I am confident she saw some measure of the Chaldean Hadit. I think this is why I was so out of sorts after the rite. Having a god of that magnitude emerge from your chest can do that to a person.

We also asked it about a rite for Samhain. Its suggestion was appropriate, moving, inspiring and humbling.

Invocation of the Helpful Deity

Tonight, we took Its advise and called upon a variety of Its aspects at once. It gave us that advice when we asked how we could work with It but not feel so out of sorts afterwords. It didn't work.

It came from all around us but it my partner had to push and prod It to get it into me. Before she succeeded, she witnessed a white sphere with wings within my chest. This brought to mind Hadit of Thelema. However, she said it didn't remind her at all over the solar disk of Egyptian art. It was too realistic. It was as if someone ripped a real bird's wings off and stuck them on a white sphere. This reminds me of Had of the Chaldean Oracles.

Eventually, the HD arrived and answered our questions. It brought great joy to my partner. It blessed the land we were on and my house and home. It said it did so through my feet. A half hour or more after the ritual, my feet feel tingly like they had fallen asleep and the blood was beginning to flow again.

I am very out of sorts physically uncomfortable. I feel as if I may have undergone some sort of initiation. Maybe not. It is hard to say. It was definitely an odd night.

Giving a Gift

In this post, I wrote, "Most of us live abroad our entire lives without ever experiencing the peace, serenity and beauty of being in our proper place. If I could gift something to humanity, that gift would be feeling this."

Someone asked me for "peace" when s/he knew a rough day lay ahead. I using a white pentagram, I created a door to what I think may be this person's equivalent of an astral temple of Malkuth. I emoted peace there. It has been reported that this person has felt extreme peace for many days now.

This has to be the coolest thing I've managed to do for someone with magic. Giving the gift of peace, no matter how short lived, is simply awesome.

A Dream's Impact

Last night I had a dream.

Allow me to back track a little to say that as one is going through the elemental grades in a lodge that practices in the style of the Golden Dawn one has marker dreams. I am not going to detail what those are but I will say they are elementally appropriate. I've also had the Tipereth dream. Now, I cannot tell you if it the Tipereth dream or merely an exiting Netzach dream. It seemed like Tipereth to me.

Last night's dream was vaguely reminiscent of the Tipereth dream in some ways but it didn't have that astral quality to it that marks a significant dream. In fact, the sky was a bit cloudy, not what I have perceived as a quality of Tipereth, the sphere of the sun.

I was in a stadium filled with people. I was performing some function related to the event. I picked up a wooden tray with two burning black candles on it. For whatever reason, I put the tray on my head. It was painfully heavy on my head and I had to hold it place with my hands. I remember thinking that it is a bit dangerous to carry lit candles on my head and wondered why I was doing this in such an awkward fashion. As I turned to put the tray down on a structure meant for that purpose, a very short young man came up to me and told me that he'd kick my ass. Then he began to walk away. I told myself I had decided that I wasn't going to take that sort of crap from anyone anymore and challenged him to do it right then. If you're going to threaten me, back it up right then. I pushed him into a confrontation as I knew I could win the fight.

Then someone with a microphone spoke. The whole stadium could hear him say, "I thought you came here with the expectation..." I interrupted, "I came here with no expectation at all." I said something else and then told everyone to enjoy the game.

I woke up after the dream which is likely the reason I can remember it now. However, by this morning I forgot it. Later in the day, I was carrying some boxes and I put them on my head causing me to remember the dream. I never carry things on my head.

Now, I am wondering if that dream was a teaching dream telling me that my expectations after this much alchemy were to be less aggressive. All day today, I had opportunities to get irritated with folks. Each time, I was able to make a conscious decision not to be. It was a good day.


Results of Prayer

Lately, during prayers I've noticed that my aura is spherical and a light gray/white color. The shape is very well defined by the color is sort of a blur of whitish. I don't normally see my own aura. So, I find the phenomenon interesting.

Today at lunch, I was reading some ancient Pagan philosophy. I stopped and prayed. I did not make a show of it. I did not clasp my hands before me. I sat with my hands in my lap and did my emotive prayer. My eyes focussed on a point of empty space. As I prayed, I saw in my peripheral vision two heads turn towards me. The men who were sitting together just stared at me. This continued until my mind attached to their attention and my eyes moved in their direction. They quickly turned away.

I went back into prayer and two women sitting on my opposite side did the same thing. It only stopped when my mind attached to their attention and my eyes flickered in their direction.

Apparently, people notice when one's aura changes, even when they don't know what they are noticing.

Angels and Prayer

I have been so prayerful of late. My prayers ask for nothing. I simple emote desire for unity, desire for understanding, love, compassion. I like me best when I am doing these things. Between that and Hermes' assistance, work has been very nice.

The above sounds like such a lackluster entry but it is more. I am learning to experience peace they way I learned to experience happiness and joy when I finally defeated the obsession. 

I called upon those four angels again and ask them a question. The responses were immediately recognized as valid and I will act on what they had to say.

What is in a Name?

Tonight, I logged on to something using my email address. That address is my first name @ my first, middle and last name. While doing so, I realized that name has no meaning. It has no substance. If I lost it, I would not die. Yet attached to that name are illusions:

I think it defines that which I am, it does not.
It is attached to my reputation, which matters not.
It is attached to my history, which is both past and independent of the name.
It gives meaning to my words, it does not.
It is good. It is not.
It is attached to embarrassing moments, it is not and they do not matter.
It holds a sets of beliefs both true and false, it does not.
It embodies a set of ideas both good and bad, it does not.
My name is no more than the random digits of my social security number.
My name is falsehood for it defines the illusion of self and other.

I am not the first to realize such a thing. I am not the last. I have no delusion that I have learned this thing by simply being aware of it. Yet, there is a great truth there.

After these thoughts, I preformed the q-cross it was with one word. No other ritual was necessary. I invoked the four angels I've worked with of late. I asked them each two questions? Is your name of substance? Each answered, "No." What is your substance? Each said, "One."

Roberts Rules of Life

There is only One Thing.
Allow to each reflection of that One what it needs
Do so with love and without judgment
Ask for only what your reflection needs
Needs are not many but few
Every interaction reveals the One
Be grateful for that revelation
Love

Winner! Awesome Experimental Magick Award

I followed this link from Gordon's regular What Wizards Taught Me column.

Duncan Barford tells the story of trying to liberate a demon. I liken this to tikkun. That is the idea deeply simplified of simply making the universe a slightly better place. Those that to this extreme to do that are pretty cool in my book. Though in the story is a warning.

There have been times in my life where I thought I could 'fix' or help another fix some perceived fault. Unless directly asked for such help, this explodes nearly 100% of the time. It matters not if you do magick, use mundane means or a combination of the two. BOOM.

The Bible says something like one should remove the boulder from his own eye before removing the pebble from the eye of another. Damn good advice. Fixing someone else is arrogance.

I post this for those new to the arts that seek to aid others with magick. Doing so speaks well of you. However, the backlash will open your soul. Take care not to do so too fast. 

Opening the Aura

In this post, I mentioned I was advised to open my aura each time I spoke with someone. I have found this difficult to remember. I have consistently noticed that I forgot as soon as I was alone. As soon as I remember that I forget, I could feel the act of withdrawing the aura in the presence of another. Today, I succeeded in remembering. Nothing special happened. However, I learned much in the forgetting. The withdrawal of the aura does not feel good. I will continue to push myself to be open and see what happens.

Hermes

I have been praying to the old goat-footed Hermes upon entering meetings at work. In each meeting, I communicated much better than before and was able to understand the needs of others that they were not articulating well.





Hail Hermes! I thank you.

The Polyamorous Pagan

Rainsong asked me to comment on her post about Polyamorism in the Pagan Community in this space.

She lamented that as a monogamous pagan she is under pressure to become poly and that she feels she is sometimes viewed or feels she is viewed as less than pagan. This is not the first time I've heard this. I've even heard the complaint from very well-known pagan authors. It seems that many pagans fear the strict doctrinal societal cages of Christendom only to recreate the same cages elsewhere. This is sad. I have seen this in many forms. Please allow me to say it slowly. Those of you that enjoy the non-judgemental pagan attitude about your freer version of sexuality should respect those that live within a different set of sexual norms. Is this really that hard people?

I am going to pick on a few things she has said to agree or disagree with. However, I encourage you to read her post. She is quite the writer.

I am strong and secure in my own choices and I know myself well enough to know that this is not the path for me.

Damn straight. Finding one's inner strength and being able to walk away from what is not healthy for you is a huge step for most people. We all want to get along and have friends. There is a tendency among humans to cave in around the edges to make that happen. That is fine. However, caving in against who you are is not so good. My only caution there is that one must recognize when you're inner self changes. Sometimes, we fight against something because it is bad for us. However, we forget to do an internal inventory and realize that what we fight against is no longer harmful but expanding. I am not targeting that statement to the polyamorist or monogamist but to those that adopt any ist, ism or point of view.


But what of new Seekers? What of people just seeking us out to learn our Mysteries? If they, at every turn, encounter only the polyamorous, they will assume that it is some unwritten guideline of the Pagan religions and we will lose many fine minds and hearts in the course of it. We are supposed to be open and free and it seems that we can only be “open and free” if we defy every rule of our modern society. And let me tell you, right now, honey – that is backwards. Backwards? Yes, BACKWARDS!

How can it be so you might ask, as well you might. Because if one shapes oneself according to a rule, even in defiance or opposition to that rule, one is letting that rule dictate their behavior and shape who they ultimately become. That is not being free; it is not being who one truly is...
That is difficult to argue with. So, I won't.


Polyamory has been presented as an ideal to be pursued, a “higher” form of love and life and to fall short of it is to not fully express one’s sexuality and spirituality.** Not so. Simply not so.

I am not sure about this one. If one is truly feeling deep and abiding love for each partner and is capable of doing that without harming another, that seems like a pretty high expression of love. However, if the innermost need is somehow selfish in nature or in avoidance of tackling difficult issues in relationships, it is nothing more than being a swinging slut, not that I've ever had a problem with being a slut. I simply have a problem in fooling yourself.

(Note: The word slut applies to both genders and is not a pejorative in my way of thinking.)

I must admit that I do not believe that many are truly suited to the polyamorous lifestyle they purport and/or pursue. If one cannot commit to a single relationship, then one cannot commit to several. 

Agreed. I have no moral problem with polyamory. However, I do feel that the average American can not handle the lifestyle well. Sexual attitudes are deeply ingrained. Breaking the societal pull is not enough. A true polyamorous relationship takes so much work in communication, time allocation, personal jealousy issues and the like, that most people are simply too lazy or ill-equipped to live in that manner. Than again, as a poly friend points out, he doesn't see a better track record among monogamous couples either. I can't argue with that.

One is, by the very nature of polyamory, not sharing oneself fully with any of one’s partners because those partners can’t be expected to “fulfill every need”, so there is no reason to turn to them, to work on it, to figure it out and to move forward together.

I disagree. A real polyamorous relationship takes so much more caring, giving and understanding that one cannot be successful without the willingness and ability to work through tons of issues. Again, the key thing here is amorous. If it is just about sex, that isn't polyamory.

As an aside, how can one fully commit to a partner if one is always on the lookout for the next partner?

There is a faulty assumption here. I was once in a poly relationship. It wasn't sought after, it just happened. No one was continually looking for the next partner. I assume there are many folks out there in committed poly relationships that don't seek others out.

If I poly situation naturally occurred in my life, I wouldn't reject it out of hand but I am not going looking for one. I would assess myself and the others and determine if I thought it could work. The gods provide challenges on all levels as we need them.
 

Idiosyncratic LIRP

Today, I awoke in the mood of deep emotive prayer. This is prayer without words. The emotion is one of love and unity with the divine that can simply be overwhelming in a positive way. It is a realization of who you are and understanding of the deep current of love. The feeling is so special because it is not directed at a lover, parent or friend. The power of peace is universal and touches all things. The energy of unity constantly flows but so quietly we miss it in our busy world. Being reminded, experiencing the movement of the divine is like coming home from a long journey abroad. Most of us live abroad our entire lives without ever experiencing the peace, serenity and beauty of being in our proper place. If I could gift something to humanity, that gift would be feeling this.

After my traditional weekend breakfast of a poppy seed bagel at Uncle Harry's, I did my idiosyncratic version of the LIRP.

I prayed to the Divine Physician in the east by asking it to heal those parts of me that prevent me from unifying with the Divine. When I was done, I gave him the sign of air. Much to my surprise, I heard him reply, "That is not the sign." He explained more about that but that story is not pertinent to the rest of what it said. It said that what prevents me is no longer at work. That part of me is healing and will continue to heal. My next hurdle is how I feel about my prior group. I need to view them with compassion and realize that they have lived their lives in pain just like I have. I need to move away from what is right and wrong and focus on compassion. There are some things even a stubborn Leo can not argue with.

In the south, I prayed to the Herald of God to reveal to me the divine in every day life and the path to unity. He told me that God was in every kind word and action. Every pleasant interaction was reflection of God. Actions that are totally self-serving are not against God but counter to unity. This will take some consideration for me. My concept of the ultimate divine is unity. I suppose even that is another form of dualism -- unified, not unified.

The Herald also told me I am in unity when I feel as I do now. He said that by cultivating this feeling unity can then be seen without. Further, he asked me to consider how I feel about certain friends and to recognize that as unity and a sense of my proper place.

In the west, I prayed to the Contemplation of God. It said that I've always been more aligned with water than I know. As all of my work has been in trying to contemplate and join with God. The water simply hasn't always flowed out my heart to other humans. This is being repaired.

In the north, I prayed to the Messiah. It told me it was a leader of a cause. It shows the way. The role of the Messiah for me is lead me in my work/manifestation. In short, It will guide me in the job I have to do. According to it, I have a dual role. One of them is the uncomfortable role I've vaguely hinted at in the past. This is primary. One of them is the root cause of a future course of action I can plainly see but dare not mention. The alchemy has not taken place that would allow such things and speaking of it prematurely would spoil the stone. It further said, that it would guide me in establishing better contact with my HGA and told me how to do my own Bornless ritual to continue that process.

I know it wasn't in the east but I am not sure of which other angel told me that I must not withdrawal and protect my aura when I encounter other humans. I must seek to expand it, join with them. My first reaction to that is that I am a distrustful Leo. I don't trust people enough to do that. Then I thought no. People are in so much pain. I do not wish to feel that pain. Funny how this circled back on itself isn't it? What better way to teach compassion than to actually feel what others feel. No one said the Great Work was easy.

Peace All.

Clarification and Very Kind Award

In my last post, I mentioned the Helpful Deity had a troubling aspect. Due to my sloppy writing, several people assumed that this was full deity possession. In rereading my post, it is obvious why someone would reach that conclusion.

When I mentioned Hoodoo or Voodoo, it was simply a reference to what I perceive as traditions that willingly allow a much greater range of behaviors within the ritual space. However, this too is imprecise and likely incorrect. You could write many books covering everything I don't know about these paths.

What I was trying to convey is that the Helpful Deity seems to want to have greater influence in at least one of our personal lives than we really feel comfortable giving It. Now, it's a god. If it really wants either of us to do something, there isn't much hope of resisting for long. However, what it wants done, while making sense, given the make-up of the two people in the group, is further than we can go at this time. There have been no threats or anything like that just a very persistent theme.

Instead of mentioning the names of other paths, I should have said that HD is pushing us in ways that make the ceremonial magician in me nervous. Those on the more liberal paths, and perhaps paths that are more realistic about the nature of gods and their awesome power, may be just fine with or more accepting of what It is pushing.

The only thing that comes close to full spirit possession in the way I think my reader's mean is the repeated refrain that I will get deeper and deeper with each invocation. Though, I take that as closer and closer to It within the ritual space. As it is now, I have a very difficult time opening my eyes after It leaves. I think it has taken as long as ten minutes and as short as two or three. It feels like it takes half an hour but there is no way that is right. I think we'd both panic if I couldn't open my eyes for that long or at least be concerned.

Award

Many thanks to the beautiful Serenity Athenina for giving me a Pay it Forward award on her blog. I can now say I write an award winning blog! Serenity writes a blog, The Domestic Witch, that has about 2,000 followers if you combine her blogger followers with those that follow on Facebook.

Psychic Stuff

The last couple of times I thought I knew the thoughts of my partner, I was WAY off. Interesting that I was very much on target until I mentioned that fact here.

Writing

One of the things about my readers that I like is that the make comments. Those comments have taught me how imprecise my words are. As a magician, precise words can be a huge benefit. So, thanks all for helping me get better at my craft.

Follow-up on Courage Post and HD

Last weekend I posted this cryptic jumble of words. I had a couple of comments which stopped after I said I'd post about it later in the week. I've had some back channel questions on it even after that. So, here goes...

I'm at a point in my Golden Dawn based career where I am on my own. There are certain things I must do to advance to the rank of adept. Frankly, I'd do them anyway. I'm climbing that tree one way or the other. I have no doubt I can do the ritual work necessary. I have some doubt as to a couple of technical issues. So, I wrote to my mentor about one of the two things I was considering doing. It had to do with a particular spirit I must call that has a relatively scary association. I have the courage to meet it. My question was technical in nature.

The moment I hit the send button the spirit landed on me or maybe it was the energy of that spirit. Yes it was a bit scary. My way of looking at things like that is that the spirit would not have been so present were I not ready to deal with it. So, I dove in writing a balanced ritual. However, I didn't have some technical details that mattered. I don't shy away using maybes anymore. This was important, at least to me.

So, the universe dropped a spirit in my lap and I wasn't ready to met the challenge. It was a frustrating moment for me.

Why didn't I just pop into a meditation and deal with the spirit? Damn good question. Then again, as a good friend recently pointed out, there is a reason I am less crazy than others. I am a careful magician.

Helpful Deity

We called the Helpful Deity last night.

We asked if there was a method to call It so that we weren't so psychologically wonky after It left. It gave us a small tip. We were also not tripped out during the afterglow. It felt nice and right. It felt like I feel after a GD-type initiation only a bit different.

I asked if I could reveal its name. The answer was, and I quote, "No. No. No." The explanation was something neither of us had thought of but makes absolute perfect sense. I trust the answer.

We were also instructed a more balanced way of calling It. This will require some research on my part but it shouldn't be too bad. 

It also did some healing work on my partner. This was interesting as IT would not let me feel my partner's pain but It did let me feel It's compassion. This was really cool. Time will tell the effect last night will have on my partner. I will report what she feels comfortable with. She is more private than I.

We are a bit concerned as it seems focused on something that gives us pause. It is something that, if I posted about, you, my genteel reader, would get all over me for. You'd be concerned. However, if you were a hoodoo practitioner or voodoo or from some other culture, you may not be. Hard to tell. Obviously, there isn't many folks I can talk to about this one.

Assessing Magical Workings

Karmagnha posted on sigil magick yesterday. His act of magick worked according to his assessment. In short the argument goes, I did magick for X and X happened. Therefore, my magick worked. There is nothing wrong with this. I have done the same.

The argument works as far as it goes but is more believable as the number of data points increases. There is a limitation one must be aware of. There is a fallacy of logic called post hoc ergo propter hoc -- after this therefore because of this. Precedence does not prove cause. One should keep that in mind when assessing one's own magick.

One of the verification methods I use, came from beginning things within a tradition that employs a graduated system of learning. I found myself seeing the initiation badges of higher grades within my personal ritual work, such as a daily LBRP only discovering them much later as I was actually initiated into those grades. This led me to the ignorance method.

If I obtain information in ritual that I did not possess before, I count that as a magical success. This worked very well with the Helpful Deity. I had no idea of Its lore as I began to work. I saw things in those meetings I later found in Its lore. That is a pretty strong confirmation. Of course, ignorance has its down sides. I'm pretty sure I don't have to cover them here.

I am not sure I'd recommend this technique even within an order as I stumbled across it. It may be one of those things that you let develop in someone rather than encouraging. It is hard enough to get folks to study on their own. 


There will be more posts about how I assess my magick in the coming weeks. Some of these are subjective, some much less so and I'm sure anyone with a scientific bend of mind can discount them all as coincidence. The problem with that is longevity. Any one act of magick can be a coincidence but what of twenty coincidences in a row? Thirty? Magick is a long term practice. Like the divine, magick is ever unfolding before our eyes.

It's About Theurgy

Small acts of magick like Karmagnha's are necessary for those that are at a beginning whether that beginning is with magick itself or simply a new technique. I have no problem with those acts of magic. They build confidence and teach valuable lessons.

That being said, long term magick is still about theurgy to me. Magick has a spiritual component. Every single act of magick links us to the divine in some way. My view is that we may as well do magick with that in mind instead of going the long way around and influencing those around us or our mundane situation as a matter of course, no matter how tempting the scenery. I am aware others have a contrasting point of view. I can only speak for myself.

Thaumaturgy impacts the relationship between people or people and objects. Theurgy defines our relationship to the divine. Every act of magick impacts the relationship between the mage and himself. This leads to another of Robert's Rules of Magick, all magick is relational.

The LBRP

As previously posted, I've changed my version the LBRP (Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram). I have swapped out the archangels. I substituted angels whose names mean the following:

Air - Divine Physician
Fire - Herald of God
Water - Contemplation of God
Earth - Messiah

I am doing invoking pentagrams for each element and then praying to each angel.

Air - Please heal any part of me that interferes with my unity with the divine
Fire - Please reveal to me the path of unity
Water - Please remind me to contemplate the divine and provide me the intuition to understand
Earth - Please teach me how to pray to you. What are you?

These prayers are not exactly what I say, they are more spontaneous than that. I have not tried to hear their responses in words but in how I feel, think and observe.  I have suddenly become more contemplative. I feel magickally charged, like I do in ritual, but all day long. This is a very pleasant thing. I'm not sure it is a good thing. Once can blow out one's circuits. We will see.