Thursday, July 8, 2010

Lust of Result

I made a Helpful Deity post about an hour ago. You may have noticed, it didn't have the same normal tone.

My partner and I had felt a tension building up the two days before. The two of us have formed some sort of psychic connection at least for the moment. Between that and feeling the HD hovering around me for a couple of days, I was beginning to develop an ego. I was beginning to expect this grand experience. To this point, each experience has been pretty grand and thoroughly enjoyable, albeit disconcerting at times. In the moment, I enjoyed them. To this point, I simply looked forward to the next one.

This time, I was looking for an experience. I expected big things. I expected there to be a so much more.

Naturally there was an experience but it was different than the others. The contact with It was very real but less fulfilling. It may have been the CM. It may have been other things but I doubt that. I think I had unrealistic expectations a lust of result. It still arrived and did not show any displeasure. Though, I wonder how much of that experience was me and how much It.

This is the first time I have felt that way. Lusting for experience does not help. Having that experience does. No doubt, I will have to learn this lesson again.


simon said...

So is there much you can share about HD and its qualities? All this talk and no background story is very mysterious!

Frater POS said...

I do find it odd. As my nature is to talk and discuss these things. I reveal a lot of personal info and magickal info in my work. I dare say much more than most.

But this deity I keep this close to myself out of pure instinct. When I get too close to mentioning the name I can tell. There are a couple of close friends who are smart enough to figure it out but kind of enough to remain silent.

Part of what this entity seems to do with us is alchemical in nature. It brings us to a slow boil