Tonight I am alternating between some house work, a Dodger game and the laptop.
A thought occurred to me that I am missing the boat or fooling myself. Perhaps I am thinking I am doing the work of personal alchemy but instead I am avoiding. I posted not long ago that one can only do some much personal alchemy before it just becomes self-flagellation. No one is perfect.
Maybe I'm fighting so hard not to be some negative examples of my past rather than simply becoming. I wonder why I haven't repeated the work that got me astral. I wonder why I haven't continued studying the material that will take me to the next level. I wonder why I still won't meditate on a regular basis even though I simply love it.
Are these discussions ranging from evangelism to my personal hiccups just a distraction? Should I just be in temple every day doing as much magick as I can handle? It isn't that today is a bad day or that I'm depressed. I've been subtly chewing on this for a while.
I am becoming very in tune with my HD partner. If she is having a rough day or experiencing highs or lows in emotions, I feel them. Nine times out of ten I can tell her what caused the emotion or turn it the abstract emotion into accurate enough English words. The one time I missed, I assumed something from a fact I knew rather than paying attention to my intuition as to her physical location. Yesterday, I went looking for her as I hadn't had an intuition about her and was able to describe both mood and the scene even though I've never been where she was.
Years ago, I would have been impressed with myself. Now I wonder, what would I ever do with this? If Timmy falls down a well, I may be of use. Aside from that, I'm at a loss.