Tonight Called for Courage

and Courage was defeated by ignorance.

Note to those on studious paths: Know your shit before you need it.

The LBRP and Some Notes

As previously reported, I add statements of intent and prayer to the LBRP at the last evocation. I prayed to each archangel according to my perception of its role. I was amazed by the results.  I haven't done the LBRP on a daily basis in quite a while. In the beginning it was a two times a day affair, seven days a week. I think this is a good practice in the GD system. Though, I also think a sincere prayer and offering to any spirits on the area beforehand is a great addition. That last thought is straight from Jason. This is what I get out of reading his works. I do not adapt his techniques wholesale but use them to modify and enhance my own. I would not instruct the LBRP to a new person now without offering that advice as well.

Last night, I could not sleep. There was no stress that I am aware of. I was calm relaxed tired but awake. Having nothing more constructive to do, I did an LBRP. Frankly, it wasn't my best. I did use prayer. I asked Raphael to calm my turbulent thoughts when needed. I asked Gabriel to wash away impurities with his water. Michael was asked to consecrate me with his fire. Auriel was asked to all me to manifest these gifts on earth and use them to heal the pains of others.

I went to bed and was out like a light.

This morning as I was parking at the hardware store, I thought of the LBRP. A variation of the angels came to my mind. I was immediately overcome by a sense of profound peace. The peace drove home to me a sense of the difference between what one wants to do and what one does when in proper alignment. This was the latter.

So, this morning I did the variation and found it to be good. The power I felt at the call to the archangels was extraordinary. However, I did err. This should not be an LBRP but a LIRP.

Something Positive

I often write about my challenges, personality traits that I want to refine or mistakes I've made. I receive a lot of comments on and off line about them. Apparently, this sets people back a bit. I'm not sure why. A magician must be honest with himself. He must see the good, the bad and the whole. I write about these things for a couple of reasons. One is to show one portion of the Great Work. Another is my own note taking and progress gauge. Yet another is that I had a plan when I started writing this not to be one of those guys that tries to project the idea that he knows everything. Fortunately, few of the blogs I've read do that. The bloggers are much different than the average e-list participant for which I am grateful.

I realized that in my caution not to sound like I know everything, I post about my negative perceptions of self and do not point out the positive. It may be this that makes folks shrink from the negative. More importantly by only blogging specifically about the negative, I am not presenting and acknowledging the good and the whole. So, in a step to change that...

After careful consideration and thought, I took the Oath of the Abyss some time ago  and by some time ago, I mean years. Part of that oath is this, "that I will interpret every phenomenon as a particular dealing of God with my soul." While I've always been pretty good at working on my issues, this oath has had another impact. I am one of the few people I know that can respect people that don't like me, that can genuinely like people that don't care for me, and can listen to the advice of people I don't like and agree with them when they are right. I can hear the validity of a messages or the lack there of regardless of the messenger. It has been my experience that few can do that.

It is through this that I can admit to my former group my mistakes, apologize and thank them for what they tried to do, right or wrong, good or bad. I can do those things and still object to a specific event(s) or behavior(s). This is a reflection of the situational balance that I tried to communicate in a previous post. Until I tried to articulate it there, I didn't realize that I had a achieved a measure of it other places. It doesn't matter to me (anymore) that they publicly spin that as full capitulation. Maybe it isn't spin maybe they believe that it is full capitulation. I will never know. This may be me being put down the sack referenced in Karmaghna's previous post.

Results of Work

The evocation I posted about here seems to have yielded results today. There was a work situation. There is no kind way to say this but it involved some incompetence. I took very necessary but unusual steps. Those steps could have exploded into quite the controversy in a meeting today.

I was calm, confident, direct without being overbearing, made my points and may have made some headway. My boss was very pleased. Conflict averted with maybe some results. Maybe but being "old Robert" would not have yielded better results.

I asked the spirit if this was his doing. The answer was not directly but it is the result of the evocation itself. I've had goetic spirits tell me the same thing.

What These Guys Said...and a question

I have nothing to ad to these posts but someone should make them required reading. If you only have so much time, blow off this space for the next two weeks and just read these two posts.

RO

RO's post encapsulates my long term objection to thaumaturgy perfectly. Though, I've never articulated it that well. I surrounded it. I was close but he nailed it. Funny, that came after I have actually dabbled in more thaumaturgy. HD has a reputation for a lot of practical magick but when I get close to that topic It is really harsh. I have no idea what that means but I do make note of it.

Karmaghna

Reveals an excellent teaching moment.


And now a question...

It has been said that those who know remain silent. Or as someone recently posted in the comments: "It really is a truism that he who talks does not know."

First of all, that means all the bloggers are f---ed! Smile. But more importantly, this has always confused me.

Let me get this right, those that know remain silent, then how do they teach? This is not a flip question as I have a teacher who is annoyingly silent right up to when he hits you over the head with a clue-by-four. I have a few insights into his methods, some of which I agree with and others I look at differently. He isn't the only teacher. So, those of you that have been taught...enlighten me.

Secondly, on silence be wary and look at the whole picture of the whole person not just one trait. I know all of you know that but for some reason I think it needed to be said. If I am wrong, no harm. 

brief note to other bloggers

While some of you are likely grateful, I cannot post comments on the following blogs. When I do, It asks for which account to use. I select my google account and then nothing happens.

Kenan (nice post today)
VFF
Phoenix Angel

This is you. If you find you have other problems like this please let me know. I'd like to fix the problem.

Another Experiment in the Offing

My partner and I are going to do another evocation. This time, I am going to call a better known entity. One whose behavior can be judged and confirmed. However, I am going to call it silently. Her eyes will be closed during the calling. This will reduce the chances of my influencing what she sees. When I call what she will see what she sees. She will tell me. If she  sees what I mean to call, well that would be great. It will not mean all the evocations are perfect or even right. If it goes poorly, it won't mean nothing else is working.

What will be will be. 

This will likely happen after the next calling of HD. So, it won't be too soon.

Fooling Myself - Psychic Stuff

Tonight I am alternating between some house work, a Dodger game and the laptop.

A thought occurred to me that I am missing the boat or fooling myself. Perhaps I am thinking I am doing the work of personal alchemy but instead I am avoiding. I posted not long ago that one can only do some much personal alchemy before it just becomes self-flagellation. No one is perfect.

Maybe I'm fighting so hard not to be some negative examples of my past rather than simply becoming. I wonder why I haven't repeated the work that got me astral. I wonder why I haven't continued studying the material that will take me to the next level. I wonder why I still won't meditate on a regular basis even though I simply love it.

Are these discussions ranging from evangelism to my personal hiccups just a distraction? Should I just be in temple every day doing as much magick as I can handle? It isn't that today is a bad day or that I'm depressed. I've been subtly chewing on this for a while.

Partner Stuff

I am becoming very in tune with my HD partner. If she is having a rough day or experiencing highs or lows in emotions, I feel them. Nine times out of ten I can tell her what caused the emotion or turn it the abstract emotion into accurate enough English words. The one time I missed, I assumed something from a fact I knew rather than paying attention to my intuition as to her physical location. Yesterday, I went looking for her as I hadn't had an intuition about her and was able to describe both mood and the scene even though I've never been where she was.

Years ago, I would have been impressed with myself. Now I wonder, what would I ever do with this?  If Timmy falls down a well, I may be of use. Aside from that, I'm at a loss.

Christian Evangelisim, Ellic Howe, Secrecy, Lodge Conflict, Balance and Personal Work

That is the most convoluted headline in the history of this blog. I bet you're dying to know how I have linked Evangelism to Ellic Howe, assuming you've every heard of him. I am going to cover, Christian evangelism,  lodge conflict and secrecy, balance, proportions and personal work. There is even a reference to country music. All of this is inspired by Jason's excellent post of today, Phoenix Angel's post on proportions and a past conflict played out right here in this space. I am amazed at how many threads are interweaving in my mind from the blogs of the last two weeks. You've heard of spaghetti westerns? This is a mixed pasta post.

So, in the words of the venerable Vin Scully, "A pleasant good evening to you. Pull up a chair. We are just getting started."

Jason makes the point that while reactionary, the pagan response to Christianity and evangelism is understandable. He scores on both counts. I'd argue the Christian counter-response is the same. However, Jason did not convince me on all counts in his various posts on this topic.

For instance, his definition of evangelism includes your excited neighbor telling you about his new car and how you should get one too. To him, it means any excited utterance of good news. While I suppose that fits a very broad definition, it isn't mine. It isn't dictionary.com's for evangelize either which reads

1. to preach the gospel to.

2. to convert to Christianity

My issue was that I took item 2 personally by adding that an evangelist must be devaluing me. This made me angry, defensive and out of balance.

Segue to conversations I've had with friends in which I have stated that my behavior has become balanced in the whole but not in the specific. What I meant was that if emotions had weight and you put the opposing emotions on a scale for the totality of my behavior, the scale would more or less balance. However, in specific situations, I've been way too harsh or way too merciful or way too depressed or way too intellectual etc. I recognized this but didn't know how to balance the specific situation.

When it comes to evangelism and only at an intellectual level at this point, I am taking a much less personal approach. I will work on not feeling anger or dislike towards the evangelist as a person. It will take a while for that to hit the emotional and deeper levels but it is a start.  This is a microcosmic change.

Macrocosmically, I am still against evangelism as a whole. Jason points out in one of his posts that under his definition, Wiccans, Hoodins and many others evangelized to him about their religions. He values those experiences. What he may not be taking into account is that, if the intent of Christian evangelism was realized, these people would not be of those religions. There would be no one for Jason to have spoken to. That valuable experience would be lost. Likewise, I'd have lost Jason and his strong influence on my work.

I want to protect the culture of all religions. So, to steal Gordon's analogy,  we have many bowls of soup to chose from, . Christianity wants one big bowl-- their bowl. I see little difference, aside form the level of physical violence, between evangelism aimed at converting people from one religion to another, then any other form of cultural destruction. If I said that as a Native American protecting my culture or as Jew or as any other minority group (not as in life or death but culturally), I'd be understood clearly. However, as a middle-aged middle-class white guy pagan, I may not be given the leeway to defend my cultural heritage that others may. I value my pagan experience. I needed my pagan experience and I will defend the opportunity for others to have the same opportunity.

So, is being individually non-hateful and perhaps compassionate toward the evangelist but being rabidly opposed to the practice and egregore of Christian evangelical activities a step toward situational balance? Does this also fit into Phoenix Angel's concept of proportion as well?

One of my favorite lines from the GD Neophyte ritual says that unbalanced severity is but cruelty and barrenness of the soul and that unbalanced mercy is but a lack of will that allows evil to flourish.  Maybe this applies to what I'm working on.


Lodge Conflict and Secrecy

In order to delve into this, I have to bring up the conflict with myself and RO which is appropriate here as it was essentially a stupid religious argument. It also is very much aligned with Jason's post linked above.

In short, after some contemplation, I realized that my issue with RO, while triggered by some bad behavior on his part, was really my emotional reaction to a prior statement he made to me. He said that pagans are further away from "God" because they don't have Jesus "and they deserve it." One can easily see that this would hit my issues outlined above. In fairness to RO, I know he was not trying to be hurtful. Frankly, I didn't call him on it at the time because I didn't realize how deep that struck. I often don't process my emotions until much later.  Also in fairness to RO, he says he likely meant to but a smiley behind the statement. Likely, my issues with that are deep enough that a smilie would have been little help.

In my mind, this sort of statement reminds me of what I've seen other people do. They express their ideals, whom they want to be, who they idealize themselves as but in reality are not there yet. So, their words betray them. I have done the same. I used to call this hypocrisy. Now, I call it a desire for growth. I am not saying RO did that or is in that place or was in that place, only that it reminds me of what I've observed in others and myself.

So, how does this relate to lodge work? Imagine my little blow up with RO. It impacted our relationship. He no longer reads this space. We no longer IM. Now, imagine that we are in a lodge together, doing initiations and the animosity goes unresolved. Who cares? On the scale of things I've seen that is nothing.

Now imagine someone going through an initiation that tears them down. [Cue the country music] His wife leaves with his hound dog in his best friend's pick-up truck after selling his guitar. Some lodge members knew of the affair, some of them made eyes at his hound dog and the guitar was sold to another lodge mate. Now we have some animosity brewing. Add twenty people in a lodge all going through mild to extreme versions of that destruction, often on similar themes and playing their issues out on each other. Even with healing, resentments remain. The interpersonal relations have a much greater level of angst because so many people are going through so much trauma all at once and in an interconnected manner.

We all sign up for the trauma. We know dissolution is coming. We were warned.

So now we add secrecy, is it best for a lodge master to hide as much as this as possible to keep the resentment from gluing up the social structure so much that work can not be done or is it better to lay it all out in the open? I have no idea but I'm glad I'm not a lodge master! Anyone that signs up for that job is insane.

So, how does Ellic Howe fit into all of this? He is one of the many outside historians of the Golden Dawn. For some reason, the system attracts outside researchers. Howe wrote Magicians of the Golden Dawn: A Documentary History of a Magical Order, 1887-1923. It is a good book and certainly worth a read. In it, he takes a dim view of the order. While I have heard it argued that he takes that view because the GD was seen as one of they many side orders of masonry and 'lesser' than masonry itself, I take a different view. My view is from the examples he uses in his work. He finds these base fights, not so base disputes, personal trauma and intralodge behaviors as some sort of proof that system is bogus. Being an outsider, he doesn't understand those traumas are the system at work. Initiates get destroyed to be reborn. The destruction is ugly.

So maybe this post is about saying that. I don't understand RO's point of view because I am on the outside, I am not Christian. RO doesn't understand mine because he isn't a pagan that has to deal with the constant drumbeat of direct and indirect conversion attempts in this part of the country. The Central Valley is the Bible Belt of California. Jason may not understand me as he has experienced a different brand of Christianity than I've been exposed to. Maybe that is the point. Maybe that is why we blog and interact. Maybe we do this as our own sort of mini-destructions and rebuilds. Maybe we all change each other a little bit. The work takes on many forms. It is all good.

Teaching/Mentoring

I have several topics to cover today. I will break them up over a few posts.

Nick Farrell posted on secrecy as it applies to the Golden Dawn oaths. Phoenix Angel posted  on Belly Dancing, Qabalah and the Golden Mean. At first blush, these topics may not appear to be related.

I don't think Phoenix Angel would be upset with me mentioning that we've had a lot of conversations on magickal topics. Given that I am not a GD adept, I do not put myself in teacher roles. However, I am willing to be an elder class man type and do what I can to be of use. Like most Leo's, Phoenix is very persistent, asks a lot of questions and is very focused. This doesn't bother me at all. More importantly, she is working very hard at learning. That earns a measure of respect. Too many folks want knowledge without having to work on all levels to earn it.

The problem with any sort of mentoring in the GD system is what to say and what not to say. Teaching is at an individual level and about what the individual needs. Yes there is a core material but some students may need some key explained so they can go on while another needs to struggle over the exact same item in order to have their own revelation. Yes, this seems very unfair from certain perspectives. Yes, it is very subjective. Yes, errors can be made. Yes, it isn't perfect. Yes, people can use that attitude to hide stuff they don't know as Nick pointed out in his post.

With Phoenix, I often drop into vague mode. I answer facts. I duck most subjective questions. I duck things that I think she'll figure out on her own. There is a purpose to this. Yes, I could impress her with what I may think I know but that doesn't serve her. This frustrates her as it did me when my mentor did it.

However, by keeping silent she gets the victory of her revelations. The memory of these victories can help one stay on the path during the tougher tomes. Her thoughts on proportions and balance are great. Yes, I could fine tune them. Yes, I could say a lot of things. I will not. They are great on their own. On this one idea, she is far ahead of I at the same stage.

Alchemy is not a fast process.

So what does this have to with Nick's post? Nick outlined all sorts of factual reasons about keeping or discarding this or that interpretation of secrecy oaths on a case by case basis. I do not feel this is a productive discussion on secrecy. The point isn't what you're keeping secret. The point is forming the internal discipline. That discipline comes in handy when you're in a mentor position. Anyone with a heart wants to hand folks some answers when you see the struggling. Doing that does not serve the student maintaining your discipline does.

Regardless of the very good intellectual arguments Nick made, that is the reason for the secrecy.

Evocation of a Spirit Aligned with Geomancy

I am going to apologize in advance. I simply do not have time to do this post justice. I am going to ramble, back track, move sideways, do some loops, turn back on myself and generally write this in a confusing manner as the thoughts hit. There is too much info that I want to record right now as it occurs. Someday, I may learn to craft posts like Faust or write artistically like WitchDoctorJoe. Both of those may occur in my next lifetime. They certainly will not occur today.

I wrote that halfway through. Having cut out some historical diversions that were unnecessary to record at this time, it isn't that bad but still...

Back in May, I hit upon the idea, likely with Faust's help, to evoke spirits connected to each symbol of geomancy. I had a plan inspired by my work in the back yard with the Helpful Deity. I would simply invoke a host of hierarchical powers and then draw an analogous earth spirit up through the earth. Due to the ungodly heat of Fresno summers the back yard area I was do this in never got in enough shape. I also had two and a half weeks of severe back problems that slowed things down.

Thanks to the Druid's massage therapy and a touch of occult arts, those issues cleared up quite nicely.

So, I knew the first day of the year, July 23 in sidereal astrology was coming up. This is hard for me to miss as it is my birthday. Oddly, this is one of the reasons HD gives me for the way we communicate. "You were born closer to the beginning than you know." Referring to Leo specifically and the exact time of my birth. It implies that man's 'clock' is off. Trust me I have no idea what that means and I don't care. By extension that statement obviously means the Source and that statement could be made towards anyone incarnate with equal meaning.

With July 23 coming up, I knew I had to prepare. I just couldn't. I was lazy. Things got in the way. I was distracted by discussions of Jesus and how I was interpreting evangelism. I also know that my partner was really looking forward to it. I hate letting people down. I still did nothing until Thursday night. As I thought about what to do, a new plan emerged. Oddly, it fit into past magickal ideas and spirit prompts but I only realized that afterward. 

July 23 is the beginning of Leo. So, we called a spirit that relates to the first decanate (10 degrees) of Leo AND the geomantic symbol of Fortuna Major.

Those educated about astrology will find all sorts of problems in the above. The gods protect fools and uneducated magicians when their hearts are in the right place or they get lucky.

So, here is what we did.

I set up my Solomonic circle in the temple room. Long time readers know that my circle is surrounded by the names of the Shemhamphoresch Angels not the traditional names of God you'll find in the Lesser Key. Directly facing the present location of Sirius, the dog star, which is what I believe(d) is sidereal astrology's starting point, I placed a table with a black mirror.

I purified with water and consecrated with fire. I ran through my mantra I use for Solomonic work. Given that the angels span five degrees of each sign, I called upon two of them as we were going for a 10 degree span, Vehuiah and Yeliel. I called them in a way that directly relates to the mantra I use. In short order they appeared. I am sure they were there before I sensed them but once I felt their presence,  I asked them if they were here by their names (I'm learning to get that one right) and they said, "Yes, we are here. Oh presumptuous one." Danger Danger will Robinson! Danger? Peshaw!

I then described the nature of the spirit I wanted to come up from the earth and appear in the mirror for my seer. Oddly, at the calling of the angels, my partner/seer felt like she was weighted down with lots of sand all over her body.  The spirit I asked for had to be under the powers of Saturn in Leo (5 of Wands my birth card which I assume comes from Tropical Astrology not Sidereal); of willing disposition; of the first decanate of Leo; under the powers of Teth (Hebrew Letter associated with Leo) of the nature of the geomantic symbol Fortuna Major; and that is under the charge of the angels I called.

It appeared. [Cue dramatic music]

My seer is a visional occultist. I am auditory. The point of the rite was to get communication through her, not me. So, after my first statement of, "We wish there to be no animosity between we and thee," I asked the spirit to give us a sign for yes. The image was of a time keeping devise with time passing in one direction. I asked for an image meaning no. The result was the same device only with time passing the opposite direction. I thanked the spirit and ask it to repeat the yes answer for clarity. It did. At this time, I had no idea what images my seer was seeing only that she clearly understood the yes or no meaning of what she saw.

"Are you a spirit of the first decanate of Leo as conceived under Sidereal Astrology?" Yes.

"Are you a spirit of Fortuna Major?" Yes. This came with a rush of good feeling transmitted through my seer to me. In ritual, her emotions stimulate my heart center. Aside from that being a really cool effect, it is instant and pure communication. If she ever gets in trouble in ritual, I will know instantly and get us out of there.

The next was not a yes or no question and I wondered how it would be answered. "What is your rank in cosmology?" The number 3 appeared. What does that mean? Counting from the top down the 3rd Chthonic realm? Who knows? I knew it was too vague in the first place. 

Because this is the beginning of the year I asked a question to do with beginnings, "Can you aid me when I start my projects so that they go as I intend?" Yes.

"Can you aid me by telling me when the best time is to start my projects?" Yes.

My birth card is the five of wands, strife. You may have noticed I can walk straight into verbal conflicts and get embroiled quickly. "Can you teach me or aid me in learning the positive and negative side of conflict?" Yes.

"Can you teach or aid me in learning how to avoid conflict?" Yes.

"Can you teach me how to succeed in my endeavors?" The time in the image ran in both directions. We took that to mean maybe. So I asked an impromptu follow up question. "Does that mean you can sometimes but not always?" Yes. Makes sense that some of my endeavors would not fall within his realm.

"Can you directly help me succeed in my endeavors?" The answer was one of puzzlment, vagueness etc. So, I rephrased. "Can you use your powers to get things to happen or people to do things that will aid me in my endeavors?" Yes.

"Can you teach me the true and correct meaning of Fortuna Major in divination and all other forms of geomantic arts?" Yes and again there was strong pleasant emotion.

"What other things fall under your authority?" Time. Some follow up questions resulted in my seer perceiving that he could get things to happen at the most opportune times. He replied in the negative when asked if he could help us move back and forward into time. However, I sensed a gray area there. Some rephrasing may have yielded better results but this was not on my priority list and important things were to come.

"What offerings might you enjoy that I am able and willing to provide?" This time it was the spirit's turn to be caught off guard. It eventually gave us an answer. I asked, "Do these things relate to Cancer to you?" Yes again with strong positive emotion. "Will you teach me more about how you are related to Cancer the next time I call?" Yes.

I asked that question because I did a prior tarot reading on the success of this plan. I will not cover the entire thing but I will say the card that represents the environment was the 5 of wands. It was the PERFECT card to be there. The result card was the Chariot. The Chariot is associated with Cancer. If your thought is cancer? What the heck? That will be explained shortly.

"Will you come to my call and employ your powers to aid me?" Yes.

"What shall I call you?" Confusion, silence.
"Do you have a name?" Yes.
"Do you know our English alphabet?" No.
"Do you know the Hebrew alphabet?" Yes.
"Is the first letter of your name in the first half of the Hebrew alphabet?" No.
"Is the first letter of your name in the second half of the Hebrew alphabet?" Yes.
"Is the first letter of your name plantary?" Yes.
I asked if it was this letter or that and obtained an answer. In this manner we obtained a four-letter name. I asked if this was his name. Yes.

I asked how I should call him. Confusion [stupid human].
"Can I call you using the method we just used?" Yes.
"Can I call you just using your name?" Yes.

"Is there anything we can do that you would like?" It gave us some answers that I'd have no problem in fulfilling.

"Do you wish to depart now?" Yes.

I profusely thanked the spirit and allowed it to depart. Allowed in more of a social sense as in I'd show you to the door if you left my home. It was not in a command sense. There was no need for a dismissal.

Given the experimental nature of this rite, I was not going to exit that circle with out a good banishing. Using my sword, I did an LBRP. However, there was a difference.

In doing the Q-Cross, I uttered a statement about what the q-cross meant to me. When I called upon the archangels I spoke to each one telling them how and what I wanted them to banish. I prayed to them and asked their blessings. Gabriel responded in a way I will never forget. Michael, was next with an awesome fire blessing. Uriel towered above us. It was the only time I've called on them and seen one larger than than the rest.

This was the most peaceful, kind, warm, pleasant, loving, purifying and cleansing banishing I have ever done. A lot of prayer is entering my rites now and it is works so very well for me. My relationship with and understanding of those four angels skyrocketed last night. I was deeply moved.

Unlike working with HD, we did not sit around a stare into space in some sort of confused divine after glow. We were alert and ready to go. We wrote down the answers to the questions and talked about our perceptions.

In my case the most powerful parts of the rite had nothing to do with the spirit contact. When I consecrated with fire, the sky opened up with astral lightening. The cloudy sky had a deep red hue. This vision maintained as I walked about the circle. It was awesome. Other intense moments were as described at banishing. The rest of the time felt like normal head space.

When I did the gemantria (numerical values of letters and associated meanings) using the spirit's name. I didn't come up with much. However, the various meanings of the Hebrew letters of the name did seam appropriate. For those of you that do not know, Hebrew letters have a number, meaning, and other correspondances attached. For instance, aleph is 1, air and ox. Beth is 2, Mercury and house.

I went to bed last night and as I was fading off to sleep, it occured to me that all conflict is based on insecurity. I thought of various conflicts I have been in and found that answer correct. Then I came upon one that didn't fit. "I am not insecure about that!" "No, but she is!" This provided great insight into someone at work that that drives me and many others around the proverbial bend.

Gotcha. The first lesson from the spirit came quickly.

This morning I thought, "I have this sidereal astrology thing all wrong. If the first day of the sidereal astrology was July 23, shouldn't this be sidereal Aries?" Well the answer was no. We're in Cancer! Cancer the result of my tarot reading. Cancer which was the meaning he attributed to the offerings he asked for. I need to learn more about sidereal astrology pronto.

So my astrology was all messed up. I opened with a prayer to HD, which is not a deity I'd associated with these angels. I merged three different techniques into one rite in a way I've never done before and did a lot of last minute impromptu planning and the method of obtaining the name came out of left field. Parts of this were really f---ed up technically. My ignorance was put on display. However, there are other parts to be proud of.

Overall, given the answers and what I've learned since the calling, I am marking this as a great success as far as the opening fire consecration and the closing banishing. I am calling this a guarded success with the spirit. All the answers and knowledge I'm getting seem okay but it is like meeting anyone else for the first time. We'll see.

I did have a very pleasant dream last night. I was food and I was comfortable with that. YIKES! Having that dream after and evocation is troubling. I am not sure how or if I should respond to that. It did promise to do not harm to us, our loved ones or our property. I am very glad I got that promise.

This image shows the temple this morning.

Working with a Seer, Evocation

Last May I posted this about conjuring some geomantic spirits. I didn't follow the script outlined in the post at all. I am guardedly optimistic about the results. The spirit could be very useful if it can do what it says it can do. I will post more details tomorrow. I just wanted a place mark here in case I don't have time tomorrow.

The actual highlight of the evening was the banishing. Which was by far the most awesome banishing I have ever done. I added something new and it became wonderful.

Conclusions

Yesterday, I posted a question about my reaction to evangelists. The input I received in this space and my own contemplation have led me to the following conclusions.

Part of the issue is a string of pre-programmed reactionary thoughts.

1. It is my belief that a fundamental Christian belief is that there is only one way to "God". This may or may not be true. However, those that have tried to convert me have made this claim. I have even been hit with this claim by people that told me they don't believe this. I seriously doubt the theory that most Christians do not believe this but I could be wrong. 
2. Therefor, I conclude they have an issue with my spiritual point of view and judge it inferior, void, bankrupt etc. This is likely true for some and not others.
3. The only reason to convert me is because they believe item 2 is true. This is likely false. Though, I find it hard to believe that anyone would spend time trying convert me from my spiritual path if they did not believe one and two are true.

These thoughts make me angry, defensive and judgmental. It doesn't matter how nice Father Matthew or anyone else is. It doesn't matter what he or someone else means. These are the thoughts that go through my head. I have nothing against Father Matthew but I do have something against evangelism.


The Truth is Oft Hidden in a Lie

One of my EARLY lessons on personal alchemy fell along these same lines. Note of caution, this will offended many many of you but I do not currently believe this. I am speaking of my PAST.

In my youth, when I asked a woman out and she didn't want to go, I almost never received a no thank you. Instead, I received excuses. "Oh, I have plans that night." etc. I'd ask again and get another plausible excuse. The third time I'd figure out she she was really saying no. I viewed these excuses as lies. Which is a correct assessment, unless other plans were in fact made but often enough there were no other plans. Calling them lies is correct. However, I attached the thought that they were lying to me out of disrespect, meanness etc. This was incorrect.

The truth was they had their own concerns. They lied to me as they thought this would spare my feelings. This logic I never understood as I'm sure they figured my feelings would be hurt when I eventually figured out they didn't want to go out with me. Color me confused (then). Once or twice I got a "No, I am not interested." Which resulted in no anger or angst on my part.

My point is the truth was hidden in lie. They lied to me (true) but the conclusions I drew that their lies were disrespectful to me was the real lie. Realizing that my self-lie was indeed a lie which hid a truth (their compassionate intent) was a real eye opener. Who can argue with compassion?

NOTE: Here I use the word lie with artistic license. I do  not believe words that you believe to be true when uttered are lies. They are errors. They only become lies when you can't admit your errors and stick to your errant guns.

Using that Model I can now rework the orginal three thoughts:

1. It is my belief that a fundamental Christian belief is that there is only one way to "God". This may or may not be true. (I will hang on to this one until proven wrong.)
2. Therefor, I conclude they have an issue with my spiritual point of view and judge it inferior, void, bankrupt etc. This is likely true for some and not others. (Revised, they have no clue about my spiritual life, this is in their head for their reasons that have nothing to do with me or my beliefs/traditions etc.)
3. The only reason to convert me is because they believe item 2 is true. (Revised: I have no idea why they are trying to convert me. I am still not interested in an "only one way philosophy" and much of the rest of their faith but I can't project reasons into their heads.)

In times past, I've posted about what Taphthartharath (spirit of Mercury) told me about my poisoned logic. The first set of linked ideas is an example of that. Labeling this is a huge alchemical step.

Naming a Thing is Important

One of the steps in taking on personal alchemical issues is understanding the real issue. In the example from my past, the real issue wasn't the excuses of lies, nor was it being turned down. The real issue was my projection of their intent behind the lie. Once named, that specific concern went away almost immediately.

Repeat Performance

This evangelizing issue is obviously a variation of the dating issue. It is the same thing, projection of intent. However, I like poison logic better as a name as I fool myself with poisoned emotional logic. Regardless, when you do this kind of work and succeed, the Universe will give you a bit of a break as a way of saying congratulations. Over time, sometimes quickly sometimes not, it will present another version of the same lesson. Eventually, if you pass enough tests, the issue fades and does not return. Obviously, I didn't learn the first time, so here we go again.

The Work may be Great but no one said it was pretty.


In response to a few comments to yesterday:

I do feel that comparing my unwillingness to convince others of their need to deal with HD or GD is directly comparable to the idea of Christian evangelism. Comparing someone trying to get you to change religions to someone being excited about a new retail establishment is certainly a different level and, to me, comparing apples to oranges. We will have to agree to disagree on that one.

To those that said I have issues. Yes, I know. That is why I posted. That is one of the reasons I write this blog. My intent was/is to share how one person does the work for those that do not have the good fortune of having a mentor. I share my trials so other people can succeed in theirs.

And before you say it, that is not evangelism to me. I am not trying to get people to do the work. I am merely provide an example of method to those on or nearing the path. Fine line? Okay, I will buy that.

Lastly, I haven't read and likely will not read other blogs on this topic. All they will do is get me worked up and not help me solve my issue. Call me selfish.

So Where is the Blind Spot?

So, Jason posts on the some form of gentle evangelism. From my point of view, being the target of an evangelical is an insult. The only reason I can think of to seek to convert a person from a religion or spiritual path is if you view the path they are on to be inferior, false, bankrupt or harmful. I am seriously asking you, dear reader, to point out the flaw in that logic. Does an evangelist, be he kind or over the top, ever say to himself the target's spiritual life is good but try to get him to give it up anyway? Please help me on this one.

Why do I ask?

First, I'm tired of this topic. I have to reconcile what I view as Christian arrogance. I seek unity with all. You can't do that while having an extreme emotional reaction against any religion or maybe you can.  If there was a religion that kicked puppies every Tuesday night, would I view my opposition to that a spiritual flaw? Probably not.

Secondly, I'm reading through some famed Rosicrucian texts, Fama Fraternitatis and Confessio Fraternitatis, which can be found here. I've only read the first one. To me, it smacks of the same evangelical bend as any other form of Christianity. In Fama Fraternitatis, we discover a story of a dead man that had all the answers who goes out into the world to "correct" the "errors" of the learned. Once he was laughed out of various countries, he formed his own cloister. Of course, this story is told to us by people that never met him.

I don't know about you but as I grow spiritually the less I feel capable of correcting anyone else's errors not more. I don't view anyone else's blind spots as greater than my own. I don't go around telling people I am more spiritually evolved or at a higher rank than them. I don't feel I have all the answers. Heck, I have very few.

So, I am supposed to believe that someone enlightened does this? Maybe that is the problem. Christ did it. Buddha taught as well. Yet, I feel both of those are fundamentally different than evangelizing. Maybe because those folks had cosmic gnosis. Being Christ is much different than telling me about Christ two thousand years later. I really don't believe that cosmic gnosis is the common state of being for humans. Maybe that is the problem. Maybe every other human being is enlightened, except me. However, a look around me demonstrates that to be a dubious proposition.

Maybe I am so stuck on evangelicals that I may have the wrong interpretation of Fama as it never uses the word evangelize.

I am looking back trying to recall any trauma some evangelical inflicted upon me. I can recall some high school ostracism from some Christians that felt the music I loved was "evil". Yet, that hardly warrants the level of anger I have towards Christians that tell me I deserve to be far away from God because I don't believe as they do. Have I been so conditioned to believe them that my emotional reaction is a cover for fear that they really are right? I have no doubt evangelicals use fear to gain converts "Know Jesus its Hell without Him" is a fear tactic. Have they succeeded in getting part of me to believe it and my reaction to that is hostility?

I have no idea what is going on here but I'm pretty tired of it.

Edit: Maybe it is pride. Maybe it is simply ego to feel the emotional sting of insult even when it is logically there? 

Robert's Rules of Magick

I've never been an intuitional magician. When I was first exposed to the local pagan-magick community, the folks in the non-initiated paths would often say something like, "I do whatever feels right." This drove the folks in my first group around the bend. Eventually, it drove me to distraction as well. I have oft been amazed at how my attitudes about certain things come straight from a group whose teachings a abhor. The only thing more vexing is when I've rejected a specific teaching and later found them to be quite right!

Part of being a magician, is hearing a message without attaching one's view of the source, positive or negative, to the analysis of said message. For me, this is becoming easier and easier to do.

Regardless of that, I oft wonder how well-honed the intuition must be to pull off the "I do whatever feels right" theory of magickal practice. I've seen more the one would-be mage do serious damage to themselves by practicing magick in that manner. Two of them have serious physical health issues as a result.

When I first approached HD, I was 'given' a mantra to use. In short, the mantra popped into my head and I assume it was given by the deity but I am not sure of that. The mantra is a simple four line poem-like utterance. I'd then do whatever I felt was right. From this combination, HD arrived quite nicely.  One of the questions we asked was something like, "Why do you appear to us as you do, given your lore is different." In short, we expected X and got Y. Its response was two-fold. First, It said that we didn't know its lore as well as we thought. Further research proved this quite correct. Secondly and more importantly, It said, "I come according to the nature of the priest that calls."

This I feel is an important concept to magick that is oft overlooked.

HD is multi-dimensional. We normally get one side but we've seen flashes of another. The side we get is not part of normal, dare I say it, purple website lore. People new to paganish magick are often insecure folks that are are in powerless situations, at least they are in my neck of the woods. These folks call upon things that provide them that feeling of power and control. Unfortunately, such power often exacerbates their issues. Now, the people that push them off have a reason to do so. No one likes someone seeking power over them. The dark power they seek is often subconsciously perceived by others and the societal rejection continues.  The only way I know to change this dynamic in a lasting way is to change who one is internally. When we seek unity humans are more positively receptive than when we seek control.

This gives the well-educated magician an advantage. If he knows the various aspects of deity or spirit X and then hears about how that deity manifests to person B, he has a good insight into the current personality of B. This assumes that all deities come according to the nature of the calling party. From looking back upon my various adventures, my experience tells me this is so more often than not. If someone continually sticks with the dark power image, one can also assume that while growth may have occurred in various areas, the personality and internal landscape remains relatively fixed. Therefore, past behavior will repeat. 

Moving back to HD, we've tried another method of calling that was suggested by how we feel in ritual. We received the deity but in a form that made us both relatively uncomfortable. We both feel following the advice given would be unwise. This is the first time either of us has felt that way.

Yesterday, I called HD on my own. In the process of repeating the mantra first given my words suddenly shifted to a new mantra. While it is literally half-formed, it promises to bring a new or fuller aspect of the deity in question. Using those new lines resulted in something unusual. I am withholding this to see if anyone notices the result of this unusual thing.

So, I have a rule and Robert's addendum:

1. Deities appear according to the nature of the magician that calls.
2. Deities appear according to the method of calling.

From this I theorize that a magician that uses one technique alone of calling a deity does not know that deity to the full extent possible. This may be how the founders of the GD, who had the Egyptology wrong, still crafted a viable system. Their aspiration to create an order with a given purpose (their nature) and method of calling combined and tapped into a potential side aspect of the deities in question. Those side aspects flowed neatly into their given system.

In evocation it is said that once successfully evoked, all the magician needs to do is call upon that spirit again and it will appear. I wonder if that fully serves the magician. Would it behoove the magician to call upon said spirit again (regardless of classification) using different techniques?

This is also a hint about joining a group. If the personality of the leadership falls into the son-of-a-bitch category, the nature of the deities s/he calls will follow accordingly. This leads me to the conclusion that the aspirant is more than likely to be exposed to a higher muck quotient than may be helpful. If the personality of the leadership is milquetoast, overly merciful or otherwise imbalanced, one can expect corresponding exposure magickally, through no conscious effort of the leader. The rule here is to know the leadership of any group quite well before joining.

Rules

I have several personal rules of magick as implied by the title of this post. I've never posted them. Perhaps someday I will.

The Name

I had my first intuition today that I can reveal the name of the Helpful Deity. I will await confirmation before doing so. Though, I suspect, many of you already know.

Change of Method

Not too long ago, I mentioned that I need a broader and deeper magickal education and that I'd be doing less blogging and more magick and research.

When I was younger, I'd max out all the reading comprehension tests. I couldn't figure out why folks couldn't read something one time and not only know it but effectively compare and contrast the material. As the brain ages, it becomes less agile. I've noticed myself rereading more.

So, if I find something worth knowing. I'm going work on outlining things as I read. I am going to study what I read rather than using material for working ideas. Yes it will take longer. I can live with that.

I have a couple of GD grade texts I'm working on. I am going to try to do the same to Jason's course. The latter is more to get me back into the material but I bet you I will know it this way better anyway.

Emotions

Since the obsession was removed by the HD, I've found myself happier. Since my last visit to my mentor, I am more in control of irritability. Both of those together has not only led to a quieter happiness but a deep loving feeling directed at no one or nothing. This is most pleasant. I've noticed my thoughts being much less self-centered. I've noticed that my compassion is growing.

The obsession itself has returned. I think of it as one of those athletes you hear about from time to time that are paralyzed on the field. After being told they will not walk again, they prove the world wrong. They have one advantage over the obsession. People are helping them. I am not helping the obsession. It will be completely defeated.

That said, the anger and pain associated with it is much much less and I can turn it off. Prior to this, I could not stop myself from thinking on it. Now, if it pops up, I can 95% of the time I can. 

Quesiton form Astronaut

"Do you ever get this thing where as soon as you "get somewhere" in the Work, some other part of you seems to take over and back off in fear and force you back? What _is_ that, and how does one get rid of it?"

Yes.

In my opinion that is the guardian of the threshold. I may have the exact term wrong.

To get past it, you keep learning. I am working on some GD techniques now to get past that. Stay tuned and you just may put some things together that could help. 

Things I'm Struggling With

I wrote this post on  Friday, July 9. I am not sure why I didn't publish it then or when I am publishing it today.

Topic 1

I like the self-improvement part of magick. Readers of this space know that I have anger/frustration issues. They may not know how much they have improved. Someone recently told me that she believes them from various things people have said at work (which hurts my feelings even if I know they are true) but has never seen them in action. She'd been there over six months. There is huge external improvement there.

On the other hand, when I met Jason he made the very good point that you simply can't always live to improve the outer personality. You could spend lifetimes doing that. He is correct. For me, it is more correct to say that focusing on failings holds me back more than the failings at this point. There is a certain trust and self-understanding needed to the magick. I have that now. However, I can't abandon the personal alchemy part. I've seen too many arrogant magick users do too much damage.

So, I am trying to work more on enhancing positives and improving my work and study as a magician overall. This is a more difficult mindset switch than I would have anticipated. However, I know I can do more than what I've been doing and from a broader perspective.

Trust of more than just myself is necessary. I am developing that. Sometimes. More often than I would have thought, I have that. This is cool but oddly a struggle.

Note: More recently I posted that I will be spending more time doing magick that blogging. That is part of the above. However on Wednesday, July 7, my back went south. I've been on a lot of medication and therefore not doing any magick at all. I have managed to walk a lot of Weeds on Netflix.

Topic 2

I need to gain a deeper and broader education about magick and various practices. Yet, I have the hardest time doing that, even though I have Jason's course staring me in the face, a good library and the ability to acquire what I need. I need to make some tools. I have the funds. I have the time. And I do nothing? Seriously. WTF?

Given my lack of effort on Jason's course, I am considering taking his name off the header of the blog. Not because I do not think his course is not valuable but  because I haven't been working hard at it. I do not want to be like one of those folks that claim to be Golden Dawn after one initiation, a drop out and no work. One initiation, dropping out and still doing a lot of work is cool in my book.

If I don't get back to it soon, I will drop his name off the header. I will put it back when I actually do his course. 


Topic 3

I have a formula now to do more effective magick then I've ever done. That CM rite that allowed me to consciously project was the cat's meow. Yet, I haven't done it again. WTF?

Am I afraid to move on? Am I afraid to grow? I just realized that topics 1 through 3 are all related.


Topic 4

I am beginning to wonder if I have invoked HD a bit too often too quickly. I have had one minor ego bubble occur that busted on its own without any following. I know too much invocation can be a problem. I am being careful. However, I will have something to say on this post soon.

Decision

I've been wrestling with something, making a decision. Over the years, I've watched my very patient mentor wait until something "becomes apparent". In that vein, I'm going to practice this:

Fire made patient. Not smoldering but power contained. When fire is not fire, power is not power, but the full potential for both making it more power/fire than even the ace. It is pre-ace but manifested.

Yeah, I know I'm being cryptic. Sometimes, I have to write for me. Sorry.

Search Box

I've added  a search box to the blog page. It can search this blog and linked blogs. It is within the right column at the bottom. Again, this is there for me but it may be of use to you.

Partner -- Possible Slow Down -- Name

Partner

I have had more than a few people inquire as to the nature of my relationship with my HD partner. We are not romantically involved.

Slow Down

I has occurred to me that I spend more time writing this blog than in meditation, ritual work and study. I am going to see if I have the discipline to go back to the point of this blog which is actually doing this stuff. Writing about it should be secondary.

Name

I get a lot of grief over the name Fr. POS, which means Learn, Do, Serve. Unfortunately, it has a negative connotation many feel uncomfortable using. I've kept the name because to me that uncomfortable connotation is amusing, as I didn't think of it when selecting the name as well as humbling, and we all know Leo' can use a lot of humble.

However, after some consideration, I am disposing of that moniker. Frankly, I've been tired of on-line names for some time now.  I'd rather go by the name I was given. The blog info pages will be changed to my given name, Robert.

Another Blog with a "New" Twist

I have friend that started a blog  at http://howsthatforesoteric.blogspot.com/

She is only three posts in.

The new twist is that she is very new to this work. Like RO, she is trying to bootstrap herself up. Unlike RO she is doing it the GD way rather than the grimoire way. I know her well enough to know she is tenacious in her pursuit, will use math in her work -- she's an engineer -- and will make a great attempt at doing this work.

It should be very interesting to see someone do the work from ground zero. Normally, we see bloggers start with a lot more experience.

Planetary Order

Jason posted here claiming the folks that developed the Hermetic order of the planets got it wrong. From one perspective he is quite correct. However, from another, I will disagree.

Part of the training of a magician is to deal with what is observable.

For instance, my tarot birth card is the 5 of wands, Strife. As I observe my life, I see my combative nature. My quick jump to argumentative discourse. My anger -- that often has nothing to do with the topic at hand. I can see the events in my life that took my personality in those directions. When this is reflected back to me, or when people can not tolerate it anymore, I view it as the universe reflecting back to me what is internal to myself. I observe the outer visible and perceivable universe and correlate that to the inner.

Of course, I also see more positive sides of my personality reflected from without as well. I am a teacher, magician, manager, compassionate and very full of hope. My kindnesses are mostly unadvertised. I find my joyous times, specifically when I finally released most of that obsession, as a reflection of the Prince of Wands, another birth card.

A third party, seeing only one display of my argumentative side, may view the other party in the wrong and maybe within that context they'd be correct. However, I still see the reflection of issues I am working on. I even see them when I feel I am in the right.

The same is true with magick. When I perform an act of magick, I see how that act creates something observable in the outer universe. If I do money magick, did money actually show up? Was money taken away? Did my car get wrecked? We use what we can observe as a basis for judging our work. I have never heard of a magician doing money magick and then checking the molecular structure of the twenty dollar bills in his wallet to gauge success. Nor, have I see one pick up a telescope to see if his magick was a success either.

No, we judge our work by what we can perceive with our unaided senses.

This is reflected in the orders of the planets we use. The are ordered in a pattern observable to the the magician. That order is the relative speed of those planets as we can observe them with the naked eye from the perspective of the magician.

When this order is used for personal alchemy, it makes a lot of sense. For in the beginning we are more analogous to the moon and later to the sun. The moon reflects light into the shadows. The moon reflects our need to go with the crowd, as shown in its geomantic shape, populas. This has its purposes and uses and I am not discounting those. The sun reveals our ability to be the life giving light.

That said, there are many other systems form which a different point of view of the planets likely makes a lot of sense. In fact, one comment to Jason's post was from someone that feels he tapped into the galactic core, which for him contains more energy than the sun. From my perspective, the sun is quite powerful enough, thank you. The galactic core concept is fascinating.  Maybe I will deal with that in another lifetime.

Lust of Result

I made a Helpful Deity post about an hour ago. You may have noticed, it didn't have the same normal tone.

My partner and I had felt a tension building up the two days before. The two of us have formed some sort of psychic connection at least for the moment. Between that and feeling the HD hovering around me for a couple of days, I was beginning to develop an ego. I was beginning to expect this grand experience. To this point, each experience has been pretty grand and thoroughly enjoyable, albeit disconcerting at times. In the moment, I enjoyed them. To this point, I simply looked forward to the next one.

This time, I was looking for an experience. I expected big things. I expected there to be a so much more.

Naturally there was an experience but it was different than the others. The contact with It was very real but less fulfilling. It may have been the CM. It may have been other things but I doubt that. I think I had unrealistic expectations a lust of result. It still arrived and did not show any displeasure. Though, I wonder how much of that experience was me and how much It.

This is the first time I have felt that way. Lusting for experience does not help. Having that experience does. No doubt, I will have to learn this lesson again.

Helpful Diety

We did a CM style rite last night to contact the helpful deity. With appropriate testing we learned It is whom we thought.

I am not very fond of calling It using ceremonial magick. It felt more like an electrical presence at times then a sentient being. It was still the same entity. Other times It was just as It normally is. It clearly said all the CM was not necessary.

Telepathy

Over the years, I've felt a sensation that I have always attributed to someone thinking about me or having window into the thoughts of others. This never happened often but when it did and I thought the person wouldn't freak out,  I've asked  them if they had this or that thought about me. I don't think anyone ever confirmed. I attributed this at various times to:

• My ego, when the thoughts were something I was happy to know
• Others not wanting to admit their thoughts could be read.
• Feeling something from someone but getting the message or person incorrect.
• The other person having the thought but not remembering when I asked them.
• A time lag between my hearing the thought and them thinking it.
• Just being wrong about the whole sensation
• I am sure there are many others thoughts I've had over the years. 

Last night, I focused on the secret names for the world of Assiah as I drifted off to sleep. Today, I was at work being a good productive employee. No kidding really, I was working hard. Then I felt the sensation. I let my mind 'fall' into it and knew who was thinking of me. It was my HD partner. I texted her. She said said yes, she was thinking of me and her thought was well within the same category of what I thought it was. It wasn't a word for word thing at all. However, in keeping with the dead psychic joke I've made in this space in the past, I would have known if she was in danger, having a good time with friends, with her boss etc. This was very cool.

What I thought was extra cool was she didn't have the slightest freak out about it. I can see how from her end it could be a huge trust issue. No one wants their thoughts read. How much more private can  you get?

I may never do this again and I am skeptical of such things but unless she is lying to me, this one seems to be as close to provable (to myself) as I've ever experienced.

Now the question is, was that an HD thing getting us working together better or the mantra I said last night as I went to bed or both or neither?

We shall see. Regardless, it was fun.

 

Subjectivity, Errors and Being Human

I have a general idea of where I'm going with this post but I have no idea what is actually going to fall out of the keyboard. It may be a wild ride. This is inspired by comments to my recent post about planets from Jason and Jow as well as Rufus Opus's new found thoughts on demons of the goetic category subcategory Lesser Legematon.

One of my earliest alchemical revelations showed me something important about the development of my personality. When I was five or six, I was playing baseball outside with my friends. On this particular day, I noticed a group of cars well down the street with flowers pasted on them. When my mother came out to check on us, I pointed out the cars and said there was a funeral. My mom said that it was a wedding and all my friends laughed. To any other person, this was a very minor thing. I bet no one that was there remembers that day. That day and that comment, almost immediately turned me into a very shy and insecure kid. I'd be likely to wager if that same thing happened a month before or after, I may have had a different life. In this incarnation, it was a patterning moment.

The next day, she told me I was correct. A teenager died playing Russian Roulette.  Naturally, there was no one around to hear this correction. And that, dovetails into this...

My father would ask me for a stance on any political issue and argue the opposite of whatever it was I was saying. Once he defeated me, he'd switch to the other side and have me argue opposite to my previous point. Make a statement and I can pick any side to disagree with.

If you put these things together, you'll create someone that will argue almost any so-called fact and has a need to be right. I'm sure that trait has never appeared in this space at all. Over the years, I've really worked on tempering this and am much improved. Yet Friday, my mentor was relating something personal to himself to me and I immediately began arguing the facts instead of relating to him on a human emotional level. I have work to do.

What does that have to do with subjectivity? I see myself as very argumentative. Yet, I have many friends that have argued with me telling me that I'm not. Yes, the irony there is beautiful. Yet, in my life, it is my subjectivity that matters. This subjectivity colors my work. I judge this trait I have to be a negatively impacted Mercury. Thus, I will continue to work with Taphthartharath and other Mercurial spirits.

That was a long winded lead in to the comments of Jason and Jow. You can read them in the comments to this post. They are basically disagreeing on the nature of planets in their cosmologies.

This leads back to subjectivity. When I did the rite that allowed me to finally astrally project from a waking state, I "knew" the planetary hierarchy I was calling was of Luna and Luna had certain associations with astral projection and air. Air also has some associations with both communication and travel. I was 100% confident in these subjective relationships. I've internalized them as 'facts' and those so-called facts color how I can use these 'planets' and the element of air in my magick.

It is the depth and confidence in my belief that aided the ritual. The spirits are real and non-subjective beings just as humans are. However, just like we relate to each other through subjective judgments, we related to spirits the same way. When we treat humans in a manner they feel is conducive to the best parts of who they think they are, whether that internal subjectivity is correct or not, they respond to us better. So too do spirits. I had absolute faith that these spirits of "Luna" could do for me what I needed them to do and they responded.

Let me be clear that if I asked them to do something exclusive to the realm of "Jupiter" they may not have been able to regardless of my subjective faith in them to do so. Just as a human I had faith in to climb a mountain would fail, if he didn't have such a skill.

So, now we have Jason and Jow discussing their subjective perceptions of planets. I will leave them to it.

RO has recently revised his opinion of the usefulness of demons to his practice. His subjective opinion of their use is now a fact to him in this moment, just as his previous opinion was a fact to him in that moment.

Keep this in mind when you read the blogs or some teacher relates certain facts to you that upon closer examination are subjective. Magick, with its objective results, is a very subjective learning process for the magician. The facts of these subjective experience are personally transitory. My view of planets may change drastically once I work with them on an astral level that I can more clearly perceive.  That does not mean that someone is being misleading. It does mean that magicians and would be magicians should read facts related in this space, the other blogs, various books and their teachers with a critical eye.

A Good IDea -- Tarot/Diviniation

Gordon over at RuneSoup.com posted a brilliant idea. I am reading him more and more often of late. It is a bit harder as he doesn't appear in my blog reader, which is how I follow everyone else. So, I have to remember to go look for his stuff. I am going to have to add him to my igoogle page near the top. Gordon's posts often enlighten me about the various applications of magick or it's study that I'm not imaginative enough to come up with myself.

Unfortunately, his idea of using divination to forecast corporate activities is unnecessary. Seeing the patterns in my work place is as simple as paying attention. However, his idea is great for anyone that thinks they can divine.

Everyone is involved in some social group or other be it magickal or mundane. Do readings far enough out in advance that they should be hard to predict now. Determine the personality of a new member that will arrive. Determine the conflicts within the group as of some future date. Determine who will arrive with great personal news, unrelated to the group. Determine the positive things that will happen. People often forget to look for the positive. Write them down. Once the date arrives and  you're off but you remember a bit that you didn't write down that was correct, you're still wrong. The fact that you didn't write it down means you discarded that possibility. This will prevent selective memory. Oh yes these 10 tarot readings, rune castings, coin flips were dead on accurate! Great, how many were misses? If you write them all down, you can't forget your misses. Be honest and keep score. Imagine your disappointment when you realize you're wrong nine out of ten times. Imagine your joy when you find yourself steadily improving to seven of ten. If you get ten of ten you're either very good or lying to yourself. The future is a fickle thing.

I've been told I can flip the cards pretty well. I often know without a doubt when I am giving advice the querent needs to hear. That is different from saying the querent needs to act on  it. Sometimes, the lesson emerges from doing the wrong thing while knowing what the right thing actually is. Ignoring advice is also a good trait for a magician beginning or advanced. Make your own decisions from time to time.

Spiritual Peace

I have no idea what spiritual peace is but of late I've been feeling it. Most conflict is fading away. Most of the need to engage in it is fading away but that isn't it. It is like glowing from the inside out. It is like being in love but without a person or object being the focus of that love. Whatever it is, is pretty cool. I hope you all get to experience this in your lives, if you are not already there.

Astral Planets and Frustration

Astral Planets

Apologies if this is too qabalistically obscure. Sometimes I have to write for myself. Ther frustration topic is near the bottom under the clever header of "Frustration".

Jason posted here and mentioned his view of the universe as it applies to Hermetics and the astral.

My view of the planets is a bit different.

There are qabalistic sephiroth that have planets associated with them.

Yesod     - Luna
Hod        - Mecury
Netzach  - Venus
Tipereth - Sol
Giburah  - Mars
Chesed   -Jupiter
Binah     - Saturn

However, the planetary association is part of the overall sephira just as your home is part of a city. Some folks will call these planetary spheres. This I believe is a misnomer. They are sephiroth.

There is another term called a Heaven of Assiah. This is a planetary influence in the astral at or around Yesod. If I look at the writings I have, they are equal to Malkuth. This sort of variation is too subtle for my understanding. However, there is an entire spiritual hierarchy simply within the Heaven of Assiah. You can call the sephirotic spirits as an additional layer of hierarchy if you want. Some founding GD types thought the forces of the Heavens of Assiah qlippothic (demonic). I am not sure that is true. Those boys were a tad paranoid about such things.

The Heaven of Assiah is a lower reflection of the planetary influence from the sephiroth. Just as the moral triangle is a reflection of the supernal triangle. A heaven can be worked with just like a sephira can be worked with.

In my post about my first waking astral projection experience, I hinted at my perception that I was in a Heaven of Assiah. My mentor isn't so sure but once again, I didn't follow protocol. All I had to so was issue forth a few vibratory names and I'd have known which I was in. Sound like a familiar theme? Use the names Frater Bonehead!





Edit: Just because I have had one success with astral projection does not mean I've put away Stavish. I am still doing those meditations. I've done them every day save two since restarting two weeks ago. Those two were due to buttloads of overtime combined with friends coming by. By the time I was free those two days, I was too tired to bother.

Frustration

I have mentioned that I have struggled with frustration issues at work. I get aggressive and too the point and folks can tell I am really upset. I have fought and fought and fought to improve. Over the last two weeks all sorts of things have occurred that would have upset me. Half the time I didn't notice. Once someone wondered aloud why I wasn't upset. Not once did I get even mildly upset.

This is one of the great things about the Work. I love it when behavior changes to the point where you aren't resisting an impulse but the impulse is simply not there. Yes, I know I will be continually tested on this as other things until I prove to the universe I have learned. This is a big step. Huge. I am happy.

Why I Don't Curse...Often

I have cursed a couple people in my day. The rules are simple. You have to be actively engaged in doing me or mine harm or you have to have done so much negative in my direction so many times that I have a very reasonable suspicion you will come after me or mine again. I have never cursed anyone that I have ever called friend, lover, companion or anything like that. 

A some point in the past, someone tried to end my career. This was not unusual for this particular person and she had the power to ruin my work life permanently.That person no longer works where I work. I found out later that someone else instigated that situation for what reason I do not know. However, I did remember the words of the spirit I used for the previous curse in which he said not to call him for the next one. So, even though this person had gunned for my job and lost the battle and I thought her in a position to launch another effort, I did nothing.

I recently learned this person has a close family member that has just been diagnosed with a terminal illness. Had I cursed this person, I'd have wondered if my spell worked by impacting a third party. Many magicians would not be bothered by this at all. Many would make very logical arguments that would defeat my position. Good for them.

As a magician, I must know myself. I would not have done well thinking I caused such a thing. Nor would I have believed spirits that told me it wasn't my fault as I'd think I was just hearing what I wanted to hear. The decision not to curse saved myself some emotional turmoil.

I will make an offering to said spirit to thank him for the warning.