Well, I've faced frustration issues at work. I've blogged about them. I've talked about them. I've seen a shrink about them. I'm frustrated.
I work for the government. There are a lot of very hard working people there. In fact, there are not many left in my department that don't work their tails off. I've worked in both the public and private sector and while this will surprise government bashers out there, there are more diligent government workers than private sector workers. The problem isn't the workers, it is the system. The system is so complex because of the huge effort taken to make sure every tax payer dollar goes where it is supposed to that you spend two dollars proving were the other three have been spent.
I work on a computer system that tracks a certain type of services provided to a group of people in a situation that you can thank your god you are not in. My department represents the best of what society would like do for those that through no fault of their own are in a world of hurt and misery.
Yet, occasionally, I run into people that are so burnt out or so apathetic that the simply refuse do their jobs. One person can really drag these complex systems to a halt in a hurry. I am dealing with two at the moment.
Here is the problem. I am so frustrated right now that energy is coursing through my body like I can not believe. I feel like I need to take some downers. I don't do drugs. So, there seems to be a problem.
The magickal end is this. Wednesday night I did a middle pillar. In my tradition, you raise energy by drawing it down from the crown. In my experiment, I started at the feet (malkuth) and worked up the middle pillar and then back down. I did that at about 7:00 at night. I could not fall asleep until four in the morning because it raised so much energy. Last night, I slept 10 hours. Now, I am LOADED with energy sparked by that work frustration but it feels the same as that middle pillar energy only with an emotion attached. Coincidence? I don't know.
As you've read before, I just note things and record them. I will reach conclusions later.
4 comments:
By doing middle pillar in reverse you actually tap into a different energy.
The top down is ouranic, purifying, and enobling
The bottom up is chthonic, vitalizing, and atavistic
The practice I use and teach now taps into both, albeit top-down first.
The danger in the bottom up is that where the top-down energy turns the volume up on the intellect, the bottom up cranks the volume on the emotions.
It may also be a question of simply grounding the energy, rather than having it free float in your personal atmosphere. I suspect that you should have no problem calling it up selectively, when you need it, though.
As a fellow government worker, I can identify with your feelings in a major way. I became so frustrated for the same reasons you explain that physical symptoms manifested. I'm currently on medical leave because of it.
I was running on way too much energy which burned my system out. I'm working with more relaxing techniques at the moment, plus exercise to regain my stamina.
Please don't allow the apathetic to get under your skin, and take care of yourself; I'm sure you are, but if you're anything like me, take care not to allow yourself to over compensate for their lack of work ethic. Keep doing what you need to do, Middle Pillar, other work, etc.
We need more like you in the system.
It's strange that I came upon this particular post, as I too have experimented with the MP in reverse, and the energy shifts. Very cool (non) coincidence. Thank you for your blog, very well done.
Peter
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