Disagreements are good. Disagreements are healthy. Disagreements don't need to get fixed.
I have noticed that there are some folks that need to 'fix' disagreements amongst their friends and colleagues. I think those that do this fall under two categories. First, their are people that take a disagreements personally. They react to any disagreement as if it means the other party does not like them. Therefore, they project that feeling of rejection upon any two people they see in disagreement. They then to interfere in the dialog between the folks that are disagreeing and try to smooth things over. The second type, sees any disagreement as disunity that must be repaired because the universe should be one big happy place.
The react-project combination is what magicians work to dissolve through detachment. This isn't avoidance detachment. This is being able to step back and see a situation for what it is, rather than what our own programming tells us it is. Often, our inner programming is as dumb as a computer's. Computers know one thing, on and off. That is it. Millions of interactions, calculations and outputs make that very simple action appear complex. It isn't.
We react to different stimuli the same way. Try this exercise. Go outside and stare at a cloud. When clouds occur every day we have two choices. We ignore them as part of the environmental background or we notice them (off or on). When we notice them, a chain reaction of memories occur. Nice and fluffy clouds may remind you of a string of warm pleasant afternoons as a teen. Storm clouds may cause a little pang of fear because they are linked to a weather patterns that destroyed your barn as a child and left you feeling vulnerable. These reactions are the 'on' part of things.
Detachment allows us to look at the storm cloud, realize that rain and wind may be coming and go about our day knowing that the average storm does not destroy the average five story apartment building in which one is currently living. We can then sit by a window and watch the clouds' oncoming attack with the same feeling of peace and serenity invoked by the fluffy clouds.
Those that feel (likely unconsciously) that an argument is a sign of disunity are in the same trap. The universe is a cohesive whole. That doesn't mean conflict is not a natural part of that whole. There is a conflict between the force of a waterfall and the rocks below. Such a conflict results in beauty. There is nothing that needs to be fixed.
Those that seek to interfere in the conflict are reacting to programming. On/Off. Input/Output. The illusionary complexity of human interactions allows us to convince ourselves we are willfully applying our minds. In truth, it is detachment that does so. That detachment allows us to be fully actualized humans rather than computer-like reactionaries. That detachment allows us to be magicians with purpose, rather than a computer with a few more input/output devises.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Everything Happens for a Reason...if You So Choose
Jason wrote a blog post about how folks say everything happens for a reason. I'd reword his argument but with the internet there is no point. Click here, read it, and then use your back button to read my response.
Mr. Miller is one of my favorite bloggers. Jason stretches my magickal thinking and world view. I owe him a debt for that. One I am seeking to partially repay in the relatively near future. However, he missed the point. Well, not really, he made his point quite well.
I agree with him that saying "everything happens for a reason" to comfort someone in pain is a well meaning but vapidly empty set of words. If you need to hear them the day of the tragedy, I will not fault you. If you're still selling yourself that line a year later, get help. If you're a magician, you're not much of one. The Work is hard. It demands brutal honesty towards oneself. Let those who need them suffer their own platitudes.
A magician can make everything that has happened have a reason. Crowley has a line in the oath of the abyss, "I will interpret every phenomenon as a particular dealing of God with my soul." The events in our lives may indeed be without meaning. However, if we view them from this perspective, a meaning appears. As subjective as this may seem, it is not. Someone that practices this often enough will find himself developing a inner intuition that specifically aids him in the work.
A ruthless example after a death may be something like this, "I loved this person. I never told him. S/he was removed from my life that I may learn to express my love to others." Another example may be, "I lost my job because I even though I worked hard, my boss didn't perceive it that. This may show that I think I am working hard toward finding my HGA but I am really slacking. When is the last time I sat in meditation?"
A more difficult process occurs when you've been seriously wronged. You can blame the other person as they deserve it. Or, you can ask, why did I face this? What am I supposed to learn? It is easy to be angry and very difficult to turn the tide inward but such is necessary to complete the Work.
I once had a conversation with someone whom I thought was very wrong. The next day, I went to the grocery store. Completely out of context, the bagger used the exact same sentence, including an uncommon word, as my friend. I took that to mean my friend had a point as it related to my life, even though some other things he said were clearly incorrect. I acted on that point and feel it was the right decision.
The events that happen in life can have meaning beyond randomness. The magician can make that happen.
Mr. Miller is one of my favorite bloggers. Jason stretches my magickal thinking and world view. I owe him a debt for that. One I am seeking to partially repay in the relatively near future. However, he missed the point. Well, not really, he made his point quite well.
I agree with him that saying "everything happens for a reason" to comfort someone in pain is a well meaning but vapidly empty set of words. If you need to hear them the day of the tragedy, I will not fault you. If you're still selling yourself that line a year later, get help. If you're a magician, you're not much of one. The Work is hard. It demands brutal honesty towards oneself. Let those who need them suffer their own platitudes.
A magician can make everything that has happened have a reason. Crowley has a line in the oath of the abyss, "I will interpret every phenomenon as a particular dealing of God with my soul." The events in our lives may indeed be without meaning. However, if we view them from this perspective, a meaning appears. As subjective as this may seem, it is not. Someone that practices this often enough will find himself developing a inner intuition that specifically aids him in the work.
A ruthless example after a death may be something like this, "I loved this person. I never told him. S/he was removed from my life that I may learn to express my love to others." Another example may be, "I lost my job because I even though I worked hard, my boss didn't perceive it that. This may show that I think I am working hard toward finding my HGA but I am really slacking. When is the last time I sat in meditation?"
A more difficult process occurs when you've been seriously wronged. You can blame the other person as they deserve it. Or, you can ask, why did I face this? What am I supposed to learn? It is easy to be angry and very difficult to turn the tide inward but such is necessary to complete the Work.
I once had a conversation with someone whom I thought was very wrong. The next day, I went to the grocery store. Completely out of context, the bagger used the exact same sentence, including an uncommon word, as my friend. I took that to mean my friend had a point as it related to my life, even though some other things he said were clearly incorrect. I acted on that point and feel it was the right decision.
The events that happen in life can have meaning beyond randomness. The magician can make that happen.
Dilema
As regular readers know, the last few month's of my Work, has involved exploring the Enochian entities. Those new to this space, merely have to look for the 'labels' section to the upper right of the screen and click on the link marked Enochian or Enochian Prepartion to read all related posts.
I've enjoyed my time with the Enochians. I've learned a great deal. A significant amount of which, has not been posted here. Frankly, it is too personal. I want to do more Enochian work. However, I am a trained ceremonial magician. I believe that working from a place of balance is the best way. Far too many detractions occur when the extremes are pushed.
Balance means continually being able to return to the starting point without a fight. Balance means being well rounded in the work. Balance means that one can not focus on the Work or magick 100% of the time. One must eat, sleep, work and do other things that don't involve magick. Though, the more I do this Work, the more I find that I have no idea what those other things may be.
Yet, I digress.
My choice at this time, is to delve into the depths of the water tablet or to return to skrying the tarot and geomantic symbols. The tarot calls me now that the Enochians have clued me in. There is SO MUCH magick I can do with that information. I am even contemplating a book. Geomantic skrying is calling to me because my work with the Populus and Via made me appreciate the entire scope of geomancy. I've never liked it previously.
As of this writing I am undecided as to what to do.
I am bothered by something else. I have not sat down and simply listened for my HGA of late. Why not? I spent twenty years seeking that and now that I have it, have I taken it for granted? Do I not appreciate it? Am I afraid to throw myself into its hands and be guided toward the abyss?
I've enjoyed my time with the Enochians. I've learned a great deal. A significant amount of which, has not been posted here. Frankly, it is too personal. I want to do more Enochian work. However, I am a trained ceremonial magician. I believe that working from a place of balance is the best way. Far too many detractions occur when the extremes are pushed.
Balance means continually being able to return to the starting point without a fight. Balance means being well rounded in the work. Balance means that one can not focus on the Work or magick 100% of the time. One must eat, sleep, work and do other things that don't involve magick. Though, the more I do this Work, the more I find that I have no idea what those other things may be.
Yet, I digress.
My choice at this time, is to delve into the depths of the water tablet or to return to skrying the tarot and geomantic symbols. The tarot calls me now that the Enochians have clued me in. There is SO MUCH magick I can do with that information. I am even contemplating a book. Geomantic skrying is calling to me because my work with the Populus and Via made me appreciate the entire scope of geomancy. I've never liked it previously.
As of this writing I am undecided as to what to do.
I am bothered by something else. I have not sat down and simply listened for my HGA of late. Why not? I spent twenty years seeking that and now that I have it, have I taken it for granted? Do I not appreciate it? Am I afraid to throw myself into its hands and be guided toward the abyss?
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
The Boatman, Charon
Tonight, I went to a local park and did and LBRP and middle pillar while holding two coins. I said a little prayer to the boatman asking him to transport my grandmother and with care. I dropped the energy into the coins and tossed them into the lake. They sailed poetically over a fallen tree. I believe that was the first time, besides goetic work, where I felt an entity accept an offering.I never knew the boatman had a name but I left feeling as if I should know it. A little research shows at least one of his names is Charon.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Various Notes
My grandmother died Sunday. She was 94. The last few years of her life could not have been pleasant, especially for a woman who felt herself so dignified. Her passing is sad. However, I think, even if there is nothing afterwards but oblivion, it is better than she was. Tomorrow on my way home form work, I will stop by a park and send two coins into the lake. Payment for the boatman to take her over. This is a little practiced tradition in my culture. However, it is the last little thing I can do for her. I can not place them on her body as she, like my grandfather, donated her body to science.
The Enochian house cleaning resulted in my finding of some articles that used to be on my altar during dual transitory period. The first end was my divorce, which lead to a coven, which lead to a divorce from that. The items are from the beginning of that period. They had a huge charge of YUCK! My hands literally hurt when I touched them. I put them back in the box, punched holes in the bottom and let the smoke of asafoetida rise through the holes. Asafoetida will strip anything of its etheric field. I was careful to stay up wind from the breeze. I cleansed the item with a prayer to let old animosities disperse without malice.
This was just a few moments ago. I feel a bit dizzy.
Last night I had a dream wherein my mentor and My Gal were in my temple room. I found it odd that everything was gray. I've never had an all gray dream before. They looked like ghosts but I could tell who they were. He was complimenting our Enochian tools and temple but being very careful not to step on the red carpet.
The asafoetida brought back a memory. About six months ago, I kept smelling shit over the course of a few days. I couldn't figure out why. I think I smelled asafoetida. Someone may have been smudging something I had been in contact with our working against me. Interesting. Do I care? Not really.
The cat has taken to breaking into the temple room and sleeping in there. She never did that before.
The Enochian house cleaning resulted in my finding of some articles that used to be on my altar during dual transitory period. The first end was my divorce, which lead to a coven, which lead to a divorce from that. The items are from the beginning of that period. They had a huge charge of YUCK! My hands literally hurt when I touched them. I put them back in the box, punched holes in the bottom and let the smoke of asafoetida rise through the holes. Asafoetida will strip anything of its etheric field. I was careful to stay up wind from the breeze. I cleansed the item with a prayer to let old animosities disperse without malice.
This was just a few moments ago. I feel a bit dizzy.
Last night I had a dream wherein my mentor and My Gal were in my temple room. I found it odd that everything was gray. I've never had an all gray dream before. They looked like ghosts but I could tell who they were. He was complimenting our Enochian tools and temple but being very careful not to step on the red carpet.
The asafoetida brought back a memory. About six months ago, I kept smelling shit over the course of a few days. I couldn't figure out why. I think I smelled asafoetida. Someone may have been smudging something I had been in contact with our working against me. Interesting. Do I care? Not really.
The cat has taken to breaking into the temple room and sleeping in there. She never did that before.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Some Tarot Cards
I have no intention of stealing WitchDoctorJoe's tarot card theme. If you're reading this space and not his, you're missing something. Even if you dislike tarot cards, you'll love his writing.
At any rate, the Enochian entities have downloaded some tarot card information for me. So far, they have downloaded the cups, wands and swords. A few of the cards stood out to me. I thought I'd share.
The two of wands is called Dominion. This can be seen as power -- Mars in Aries. However, this is about exercised natural power. This is the group leader booting someone or the boss firing an employee. This is the father telling his son he can not have the car keys this weekend. This can certainly be abused quite quickly and often is. The point is the person exercising this power is in a natural position of authority that is unassailable. The person of lesser power is nearly powerless. You submit or you get hammered. Right or wrong has nothing to do with it. That is all there is to the situation.
The three of wands draws its power from the two. However, here it is twice restricted. First because the threes are in Binah. This gives the proper amount of restriction or form to raw power, allowing it to be wielded wisely and for unselfish purpose. Secondly this is the sun in Aries. The sun is stable and not subject to capricious whims. Whimsical power is a recipe for disaster. Virtue, wielding power for unselfish ends. Any question why this is one of my new favorites?
The five of wands, strife, is in my birth card series. My birth cards are Strength, Prince Wands and 5 Wands. Strife figures greatly into my history. Where conflict can be found, I have found it. I've been known to have a smoldering anger just below the surface. I can be very pointed when I say things. "What do you mean you get upset when I call you a jerk? You're acting like a jerk, aren't you?" I have calmed down a bit over recent years. Since having this card and the Ace of Cups explained to me, I've calmed down a quite a lot. This card represents frustration in being thwarted trying to create my primal emotion, unity.
Knowing that, I've worked to create unity instead of 'telling the truth'. I still speak an unrelenting truth, as I see it. However, this is more subtle now and is handled by creating a form for others to follow that things become ordered and unified
There is a rare twist for me in this card I noticed long before I associated it with this card. The brutal honesty that manifests as strife for me is applied internally. It allows me to have the rare trait of being able to like someone that does not like me and respect someone I do not like.
The power of fire that is free, directed, joyful and unrestrained. This is creative fire, having left the destruction of the suit behind. Actually, this is the suit before the destructive forces manifest in the pips (see the abused two above). This is the fire card representing hope and joy. It manifest to me through my sense of humor, my passion for magick and how I feel in moments of unity.
The Queen. She is another new favorite. I plan to skry her and learn. This is fire paused in its manifestation. The queen is pre-fire. She has all the potential of fire -- raw power; raw creative power; raw destructive power; the power of spring to bring life; and the power of the desert sun to sap it away. All of this is unmanifest. All of this is potential. Great potential. Comfortable in its ability to exercise power and not having to do so.
These are some of the cards as I understand them now.
At any rate, the Enochian entities have downloaded some tarot card information for me. So far, they have downloaded the cups, wands and swords. A few of the cards stood out to me. I thought I'd share.
The two of wands is called Dominion. This can be seen as power -- Mars in Aries. However, this is about exercised natural power. This is the group leader booting someone or the boss firing an employee. This is the father telling his son he can not have the car keys this weekend. This can certainly be abused quite quickly and often is. The point is the person exercising this power is in a natural position of authority that is unassailable. The person of lesser power is nearly powerless. You submit or you get hammered. Right or wrong has nothing to do with it. That is all there is to the situation.
The three of wands draws its power from the two. However, here it is twice restricted. First because the threes are in Binah. This gives the proper amount of restriction or form to raw power, allowing it to be wielded wisely and for unselfish purpose. Secondly this is the sun in Aries. The sun is stable and not subject to capricious whims. Whimsical power is a recipe for disaster. Virtue, wielding power for unselfish ends. Any question why this is one of my new favorites?
The five of wands, strife, is in my birth card series. My birth cards are Strength, Prince Wands and 5 Wands. Strife figures greatly into my history. Where conflict can be found, I have found it. I've been known to have a smoldering anger just below the surface. I can be very pointed when I say things. "What do you mean you get upset when I call you a jerk? You're acting like a jerk, aren't you?" I have calmed down a bit over recent years. Since having this card and the Ace of Cups explained to me, I've calmed down a quite a lot. This card represents frustration in being thwarted trying to create my primal emotion, unity.
Knowing that, I've worked to create unity instead of 'telling the truth'. I still speak an unrelenting truth, as I see it. However, this is more subtle now and is handled by creating a form for others to follow that things become ordered and unified
There is a rare twist for me in this card I noticed long before I associated it with this card. The brutal honesty that manifests as strife for me is applied internally. It allows me to have the rare trait of being able to like someone that does not like me and respect someone I do not like.
The power of fire that is free, directed, joyful and unrestrained. This is creative fire, having left the destruction of the suit behind. Actually, this is the suit before the destructive forces manifest in the pips (see the abused two above). This is the fire card representing hope and joy. It manifest to me through my sense of humor, my passion for magick and how I feel in moments of unity.
The Queen. She is another new favorite. I plan to skry her and learn. This is fire paused in its manifestation. The queen is pre-fire. She has all the potential of fire -- raw power; raw creative power; raw destructive power; the power of spring to bring life; and the power of the desert sun to sap it away. All of this is unmanifest. All of this is potential. Great potential. Comfortable in its ability to exercise power and not having to do so.
These are some of the cards as I understand them now.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Grandma
Today, my 94 year old grand mother entered the hospital. I will not bore you with medical details. She is unlikely to make it through the night. The upside, is that she is completely unaware of her surroundings. At least, I hope that is the upside.
I do not find it coincidental that I dealt with Raagiol, the severe king of the water tablet, last night and this happens today. This is one of those cases were newbies perceive the temporal proximity of events and link them as cause and effect. This is not only in error but can scare the practitioner into an early retirement. This is a matter of co-occurrence. There is meaning there. There are illustrative points being made. Raagiol did not bump off my grandmother.
Speaking of Raagiol. Before going to bed last night I was called back into my temple space. He asked permission to give me a dream. I gave him that permission. I've heard that before from spirits and I've never recalled the dream given. So, I specified to him that I should remember, that I was not to be frightened and then thanked him profusely for asking first.
Last night, I dreamed a Raagiol dream.
I do not find it coincidental that I dealt with Raagiol, the severe king of the water tablet, last night and this happens today. This is one of those cases were newbies perceive the temporal proximity of events and link them as cause and effect. This is not only in error but can scare the practitioner into an early retirement. This is a matter of co-occurrence. There is meaning there. There are illustrative points being made. Raagiol did not bump off my grandmother.
Speaking of Raagiol. Before going to bed last night I was called back into my temple space. He asked permission to give me a dream. I gave him that permission. I've heard that before from spirits and I've never recalled the dream given. So, I specified to him that I should remember, that I was not to be frightened and then thanked him profusely for asking first.
Last night, I dreamed a Raagiol dream.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Raagiol - King of the Water Tablet
Tonight, on my own, I called the King of the Water tablet. Raagiol is the severe side of the king.
The table or myself, I am not sure which, seemed to 'shift' from time to time as I chanted. The visual was out of a 70's movie where the director is trying to simulate the effect of drugs on a character from the character's point of view. The temple room superimposed itself upon itself, shifted a bit and repeated the trick.
He talked a bit fast which is a warning sign for me in dealing Enochian. He told me he cared little for scent but did like it when someone made his seal and placed it in a stream. I gave him several options and he picked a place should I care to make such an offering. He then gave me his seal. It looked very much like the seal above one of the tablets but not, to my mind, of the water tablet. Upon checking, I was wrong. It is very reminiscent of that seal.
He told me that he spoke to me because of Hcoma but then said he'd have spoken to me anyway. He told me that he is my deepest fears and wants. That he keeps away all things that interfere with Unity but the fears I have interfere with that. I see the contradiction there as I type but it made sense when he said it. He said my fear was one of low self worth that settled in me because of how I was treated by my peers at a young age. That, he said, will color this lifetime. However, I have purged much of that myself. My fears diminishing, I have made more people laugh and smile of late. This much is true. He said, that 'our' work with the water tablet will eliminate those fears.
This work was much more personal than other workings and I am not sharing all and I will not, not even with My Gal. However, I have a feeling the work with the water tablet will result in many posts that will be quite personal. Someone once said, reading my blog felt voyeuristic. If she still feels that way, it is about to get worse.
The table or myself, I am not sure which, seemed to 'shift' from time to time as I chanted. The visual was out of a 70's movie where the director is trying to simulate the effect of drugs on a character from the character's point of view. The temple room superimposed itself upon itself, shifted a bit and repeated the trick.
He talked a bit fast which is a warning sign for me in dealing Enochian. He told me he cared little for scent but did like it when someone made his seal and placed it in a stream. I gave him several options and he picked a place should I care to make such an offering. He then gave me his seal. It looked very much like the seal above one of the tablets but not, to my mind, of the water tablet. Upon checking, I was wrong. It is very reminiscent of that seal.
He told me that he spoke to me because of Hcoma but then said he'd have spoken to me anyway. He told me that he is my deepest fears and wants. That he keeps away all things that interfere with Unity but the fears I have interfere with that. I see the contradiction there as I type but it made sense when he said it. He said my fear was one of low self worth that settled in me because of how I was treated by my peers at a young age. That, he said, will color this lifetime. However, I have purged much of that myself. My fears diminishing, I have made more people laugh and smile of late. This much is true. He said, that 'our' work with the water tablet will eliminate those fears.
This work was much more personal than other workings and I am not sharing all and I will not, not even with My Gal. However, I have a feeling the work with the water tablet will result in many posts that will be quite personal. Someone once said, reading my blog felt voyeuristic. If she still feels that way, it is about to get worse.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Fear
Last night, there was a 'download' of information regarding swords. There are a lot of unpleasant realities to face there. For someone seeking unity, solidifying his HGA union and, eventually, to cross the abyss, there is no way to avoid these times. I have faced them before. I will face them again. Fear is not the right word to describe my emotions about it this time through. I know the process is not instantaneous. I know I will survive.
The fear is coming from someplace else. The fear is the deep reality I am facing. The fear comes from the understanding of a greater 'reality' behind the illusionary one. Perhaps, it is a reality I am ill equipped to deal with. No, that is a rationalization for the emotion. The emotion simply is. Maybe, once I experience that reality, I will be able to understand the source of the fear. Terror.
Perhaps, I am about to lose my fear of death. Perhaps, not.
Something is getting pealed away. Something will fill the vacuum. Maybe that something already has. I feel as if I am jumping off a high dive blindfolded. I am trusting that there is water in pool below.
The fear is coming from someplace else. The fear is the deep reality I am facing. The fear comes from the understanding of a greater 'reality' behind the illusionary one. Perhaps, it is a reality I am ill equipped to deal with. No, that is a rationalization for the emotion. The emotion simply is. Maybe, once I experience that reality, I will be able to understand the source of the fear. Terror.
Perhaps, I am about to lose my fear of death. Perhaps, not.
Something is getting pealed away. Something will fill the vacuum. Maybe that something already has. I feel as if I am jumping off a high dive blindfolded. I am trusting that there is water in pool below.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
More Tarot
Tonight a force descended or perhaps more accurately, exploded from the earth after I sent lightening into its core. My guess is this was Xcai and not Exarp given the work I've been doing. The energy that I moved through me today was rough and vertical and more likely to be in line with Xcai. I didn't ask who it was...instead, I received.
I received more explanations of the tarot. Ace, Knight (King), Queen, Prince, Princess, two, three, etc. Tonight, it was swords. Miserable suit that. To see those explanations and so much of myself. Yuck! To know that all of us face these cards in our lives -- we all go through the same processes is heart breaking. I feel sorry for my deepest enemies. Heck, I'd feel sorry for THE ENEMY where I a Christian, if he had to go through swords.
The upside is I know where I am and where I have been with that suit. I am not in a bad place. Humbling yes but bad no. Bad was before. Where so many people are and have been but so few escape. Sad sad humanity. Sad sad because our sadness is not caused by our emotions but by logic. The logic that makes us and them. The logic of individualization. PAIN! What fools we are. Fools. In these cards are the ability to utterly destroy another or be utterly destroyed. No unity is possible when we live within these sharp edges. There is nothing but bloody ideas resulting from dull and misused blades.
So far the Enochians have 'downloaded' Cups, Wands and Swords. Earth should be next. Earth. After that, I would assume the major arcana will come slower. Maybe not. Maybe not. The truth. Unity. Life. These are not found in swords. True death comes from that which dissects, separates. Oh, how humanity suffers upon weapons of their own creation. Fools. So many fools.
I received more explanations of the tarot. Ace, Knight (King), Queen, Prince, Princess, two, three, etc. Tonight, it was swords. Miserable suit that. To see those explanations and so much of myself. Yuck! To know that all of us face these cards in our lives -- we all go through the same processes is heart breaking. I feel sorry for my deepest enemies. Heck, I'd feel sorry for THE ENEMY where I a Christian, if he had to go through swords.
The upside is I know where I am and where I have been with that suit. I am not in a bad place. Humbling yes but bad no. Bad was before. Where so many people are and have been but so few escape. Sad sad humanity. Sad sad because our sadness is not caused by our emotions but by logic. The logic that makes us and them. The logic of individualization. PAIN! What fools we are. Fools. In these cards are the ability to utterly destroy another or be utterly destroyed. No unity is possible when we live within these sharp edges. There is nothing but bloody ideas resulting from dull and misused blades.
So far the Enochians have 'downloaded' Cups, Wands and Swords. Earth should be next. Earth. After that, I would assume the major arcana will come slower. Maybe not. Maybe not. The truth. Unity. Life. These are not found in swords. True death comes from that which dissects, separates. Oh, how humanity suffers upon weapons of their own creation. Fools. So many fools.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
LBRP
Today I did the LBRP in the temple with the Enochian equipment set up. With the drawing of each pentagram, I vibrated the three fold name of god from the tablet relating to the quarter. For those of you that know the three-fold names of god, what I mean to say is that I used Emor Dial Hectaga from the Earth Tablet while drawing the pent in the north. Then I vibrated EHNB the 'spirit' of the Tablet of Union while drawing a spirit wheel in the center.
When I did air, I didn't 'look'. I didn't look while doing the pent in the south (fire) but I did look at the spirit wheel. It turned into a silver-white ball that 'glinted' as if reflecting sunlight. In the west, I saw the waves crashing on the beach and the same silver-white ball. To the north, I saw the earth being created as if it was being drawn by computer and the same ball.
For the archangels, I vibrated the names from the Tablet of Union Exarp, Bitom, Hcoma and Nanta. As I did, I was greeted with their scent as they shared with me when I first worked with them. They didn't look like angels standing in the quarters. They looked like the elements spread far and wide.
The q-cross didn't seem to fit. I did it anyway.
I then did some other things as far as energy raising goes. I am not going to reveal those just yet.
When I did air, I didn't 'look'. I didn't look while doing the pent in the south (fire) but I did look at the spirit wheel. It turned into a silver-white ball that 'glinted' as if reflecting sunlight. In the west, I saw the waves crashing on the beach and the same silver-white ball. To the north, I saw the earth being created as if it was being drawn by computer and the same ball.
For the archangels, I vibrated the names from the Tablet of Union Exarp, Bitom, Hcoma and Nanta. As I did, I was greeted with their scent as they shared with me when I first worked with them. They didn't look like angels standing in the quarters. They looked like the elements spread far and wide.
The q-cross didn't seem to fit. I did it anyway.
I then did some other things as far as energy raising goes. I am not going to reveal those just yet.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Fire Download
Just as with the cups, Paam explained the tarot wands to me tonight.
I understand now, more than I ever have. I understand the poor bastards born as the 5 of wands, like myself. I understand now, how to correct the situation. I understand now what My Gal means when she says she is water for I am fire. I understand my nature so much better.
A spell is in the making for me by me. Fascinating. The five of wands, will be no more.
I understand now, more than I ever have. I understand the poor bastards born as the 5 of wands, like myself. I understand now, how to correct the situation. I understand now what My Gal means when she says she is water for I am fire. I understand my nature so much better.
A spell is in the making for me by me. Fascinating. The five of wands, will be no more.
Enochian Conclusions
A few days ago I reported that we had contacted all the vertical and horizontal angels on the Tablet of Union. So far, in no particular order, my conclusions are these:
- The system as Lon teaches it works for me. I do achieve an altered state of awareness.
- I have seen no evidence that the spirits I am contacting are external in nature. I could easily see them as psychological constructs. I do know there are spirits in general that exist independently from myself. I simply have not experienced these in a manner where I would definitely say they are external.
- Xcai was the only entity that really bothered me. I wonder if that means he is problematic or I have an air problem. I am convinced of the former but have not reached a conclusion into the latter.
- The spells I do with Enochian will remain private for now.
- Hcoma seemed to have the greatest effect upon me.
- The fire pair (Bitom and Paam) seem to be in natural conflict. This ties in with the severe and merciful King of the fire tablet having the same name, when all the others have two names. I was also oddly at peace the day or two after discovering that. I will have to explore those two a bit more.
- I want to put Enochian away for a short while and work on some of my other skrying to keep a balance. However, I'd like to do the King of the Water tablet solo before that happens.
- I am wondering if odd things happen when one keeps the temple set up in place for so long. No, I am not going to elaborate on that for now. I want to wait and see. Then I will give a full report.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
PAAM and Bitom
PAAM is the vertical name at the far right side of the Tablet of Union. Bitom is the name on the bottom horizontal row. Both are fire.
The contact was easy. PAAM dominated the conversation and said this is how it would be if I called them both. I asked him if he knew me. He said yes. He then, in so few words, said to heed Jason's post, which I had read just before entering temple. Jason's post basically said, do magick to change the world. I am not as opposed to that as I once was. In general, I feel, that the average magick user has so ignored his or her deeper self that they practice magick on a whim. That is akin to painting with a blindfold on...in someone else's living room! However, being more balanced now then I was when I so violently defended the side of theurgic magick alone, I am more pliable.
My response was, "I am no adept." PAAM said, "If you wait until you become an expert, you will not become an expert." Um...yeah. There is a certain logic there. He then went on to explain that he is that which allows the fuel to release parts of itself so a flame can be created. Bitom seemed to interject the thought that there are different forms of fire. PAAM agreed and specifically mentioned cold fire. Cold fire is in dead things. It is that which allows the body to be broken down. I asked him how I see him in my life and he said, "I am in everything that moves and everything that bears a force." The first part was easy to see. To the second, I asked, "Are you gravity." He replied, "Gravity is fire of earth." I took that to mean, yes. He also showed me a planet spinning and then in an artistic fashion showed me how he is the force that keeps the planet rotating.
I asked him how he could help me make spells. He said to call each element on the tablet and explain what I needed to do and that a spell would form. There was a specific order that I will not reveal. Trust me, the concept and images were cool!
He told me that I must work the water tablet. When I work the water tablet my spell work and magick will improve greatly. This is interesting because My Gal was told to work the fire tablet.
There seemed to be some conflicted communications between Bitom and PAAM. It was as if they had fallen into routine communication that bordered on quarreling.
I asked him about achieving balance as I am so fiery. He said to keep working with the deities I already have. I am not to expect them to work to their full extent instantly. These things take time. As much as XCAI concerned me with his ego inflating comments, PAAM comforted me with that. He did not direct me to do something with him. He referred me to other spirits outside of his system.
Apologies if this is choppy. I am not in much of a writing mood tonight.
The contact was easy. PAAM dominated the conversation and said this is how it would be if I called them both. I asked him if he knew me. He said yes. He then, in so few words, said to heed Jason's post, which I had read just before entering temple. Jason's post basically said, do magick to change the world. I am not as opposed to that as I once was. In general, I feel, that the average magick user has so ignored his or her deeper self that they practice magick on a whim. That is akin to painting with a blindfold on...in someone else's living room! However, being more balanced now then I was when I so violently defended the side of theurgic magick alone, I am more pliable.
My response was, "I am no adept." PAAM said, "If you wait until you become an expert, you will not become an expert." Um...yeah. There is a certain logic there. He then went on to explain that he is that which allows the fuel to release parts of itself so a flame can be created. Bitom seemed to interject the thought that there are different forms of fire. PAAM agreed and specifically mentioned cold fire. Cold fire is in dead things. It is that which allows the body to be broken down. I asked him how I see him in my life and he said, "I am in everything that moves and everything that bears a force." The first part was easy to see. To the second, I asked, "Are you gravity." He replied, "Gravity is fire of earth." I took that to mean, yes. He also showed me a planet spinning and then in an artistic fashion showed me how he is the force that keeps the planet rotating.
I asked him how he could help me make spells. He said to call each element on the tablet and explain what I needed to do and that a spell would form. There was a specific order that I will not reveal. Trust me, the concept and images were cool!
He told me that I must work the water tablet. When I work the water tablet my spell work and magick will improve greatly. This is interesting because My Gal was told to work the fire tablet.
There seemed to be some conflicted communications between Bitom and PAAM. It was as if they had fallen into routine communication that bordered on quarreling.
I asked him about achieving balance as I am so fiery. He said to keep working with the deities I already have. I am not to expect them to work to their full extent instantly. These things take time. As much as XCAI concerned me with his ego inflating comments, PAAM comforted me with that. He did not direct me to do something with him. He referred me to other spirits outside of his system.
Apologies if this is choppy. I am not in much of a writing mood tonight.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Initiatory Dream
I had one last night. The topic, visuals and reasons are classified. This is just a note for myself.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow
The Saturday before Christmas, I cut my hair. I hadn't cut it in five years. It had been bothering me of late. It became 'not me'. I accidentally ate too much of it. It was a pain in the ass to comb out in the morning.
I think it wasn't a coincidence that we worked Nanta just before I did it. Nanta is a transformative angel. I am thinking that if there were any other habits or things I wanted to change in my live, Nanta just may be the one to help.
Friday, January 9, 2009
Enochian Theurgy -- Ace of Cups
A few days ago, I posted that Hcoma gave me a run down on the tarot suit of cups. She started with the Ace, moved through the court cards and provided insight into each pip, one by one. It was good stuff. Those words will be studied them for some time.As most of you know, everything starts with the aces. Some qabalists even place the four aces in Keter on the Tree of Life. She told me the ace was the primary emotional impulse. Then she revealed how that emotion manifested through the court cards and which one 'lost' understanding. Fascinating. Maybe, I will post more on that someday.
I am fascinated by the primal emotion. The first emotional impulse. She told me that impulse is the need for unity. I thought that she was talking to just me. Surely there must be other primary impulses for other people. Then as I looked to the cards that represent the decay of that impulse or its state of corruption, I began to see things in a new light.
I stopped to consider the missteps of those I've seen around me as well as my own. Memories of the emotionally painful things that happened in my life and those I've witnessed, center on reactions to the emotional need for unity.
Do you remember high school cliques? At a time when we are becoming actualized individuals away from 24/7 supervision from our parents, we get mean. The loss of 'unity' with our parents causes us to create a false unity with our friends, who are all desperately trying to be unique by dressing the same way. Those that are different are ridiculed, marginalized and minimized.
The reject that dyes her hair fourteen different colors at puts rings through her nose is trying to embrace that she is different. Yet all she is doing is putting up a large red lettered sign saying, "I am separate and I hurt."
Think of the spouse that is cheated upon. The pain doesn't come from fifteen minutes of someone else's pleasure. It comes from an emotional loss of unity with their loved one.
Think of religions that degrade other religions. I've always been amused that most of the time these attacks target the people most like them. One look at all the Christian sects proves the point. They are saying we are in unity with "God". They are different and therefore represent disunity. Yet, the fail to see it is their rejection of others causes the own fear.
People lie at work so they stay unified to their bosses. They don't want to face the fact that they are the only one in the meeting to have made a mistake. That would make the separate from the whole.
The examples go on and on.
I've always thought I was out of touch with my emotional life. Yet, I've always craved spiritual unity. I live in a conscious quest for that unity. Perhaps, I've been embracing the one emotion that lay at the core of all the others.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Nanta and RMTO
Tonight we called these two as a pair.
I am not going to say much about tonight. It would appear that My Gal and I got much the opposite ends of the same being with RMTO. There was a thread that tied the experiences but the personality of the angel was very different. She got A and I got the B of the same creature...I think. Maybe.
I am not going to say much about tonight. It would appear that My Gal and I got much the opposite ends of the same being with RMTO. There was a thread that tied the experiences but the personality of the angel was very different. She got A and I got the B of the same creature...I think. Maybe.
Hubbub
Now that the Enochain hubbub is over, a few words.
First, one of the reasons I started this blog is for feedback. That feedback does not have to be intentional. Jason posted about problematic Enochian issues and Frater RO did the same, only more directly. As someone that has been trained to watch for external reflections of my own work, it made me ponder. The kicker was an unsolicited email from my mentor on a topic that I had not posted about regarding a message that I had not shared with him. That tied in quite nicely with everything else. So to those that issued warnings, intentional or not, they were appreciated.
Secondly, um....I will have to not type that part until I find out if it is the Enochians that don't want me to or my HGA or both and weather I should listen to their discouragement from posting. Yes yes, I know there are certain folks that hate it when I do that...
Have fun everyone.
First, one of the reasons I started this blog is for feedback. That feedback does not have to be intentional. Jason posted about problematic Enochian issues and Frater RO did the same, only more directly. As someone that has been trained to watch for external reflections of my own work, it made me ponder. The kicker was an unsolicited email from my mentor on a topic that I had not posted about regarding a message that I had not shared with him. That tied in quite nicely with everything else. So to those that issued warnings, intentional or not, they were appreciated.
Secondly, um....I will have to not type that part until I find out if it is the Enochians that don't want me to or my HGA or both and weather I should listen to their discouragement from posting. Yes yes, I know there are certain folks that hate it when I do that...
Have fun everyone.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
A Response to Others
There appears to be some discussion about Enochian Magick on a few blogs this weekend. Of the one's I follow. Jason, Fr. RO, and My Gal have all commented. Having just looked Jason commented twice. I haven't read the second one yet.
Jason is concerned that Enochains are sub-lunar (i.e. demonic-like) because he got apocalyptic visions and was told to clean things around his house too. The former, would make me suspicious. However, his work was early in his career. I would bet, if viewed from a particular perspective, apocalyptic things did happen to him or were about to occur in his life. I would also bet that he receives much less of that sort of thing now. He has a richer spiritual vocabulary to draw from. It doesn't matter if that vocabulary is in words, pictures or abstract ideas. The spirits can only work through the imagery you have.
When I started, I was a literalist. I believed the concrete meaning of the words I heard. Well, not all of them. I had doubts. However, I was told that if I joined a coven, I'd get 'beaten up'. I took that to mean physically. In actuality, the beating was emotional. Apocalyptic images may only mean, "Damn, this is going to hurt, A LOT." Getting locked into one interpretation of the words received from spirit communication is a common beginner's failing.
Being concerned that house cleaning is a sign of a 'demon-like' presence, is baffling to me. I've had the same sort of thing happen when invoking Isis and Ma'at. Some forms of spirits like things less cluttered. In Book 4, Crowley points out the commonality of many practices boils down to ridding oneself of things that are not conducive to meditation. If the general disorganization of the household causes a disorganization of my mind, it is fully conducive to the Work to have a spirit encourage cleaning things up. Besides, if everything is connected, the state of my house reflects my state. Therefore, by changing one, I can change the other. Is there a better definition of magick?
RO is concerned about being used by spirits. BAH. We are all used by spirits called other humans. Had the spirit said, "You are great and I have a mission for you." I'd be highly suspicious. That is a direct appeal to the ego. Either the spirit is a bit dangerous or my ego is flaring or my tired etheric body is interfering with communications. The best approach is to wait until the long term pattern is revealed.
Being told you have a mission to do 'from god' can mean anything. It can mean that your mission is contact with your HGA, cleaning your bathroom, helping a little old lady cross the street or preparing yourself as a light snack for the demonic hordes of the netherworld. RO has no problem with pacts, yet seems to not understand the PACT known as greater service to humankind or even an act of service to a spirit. This is why I posted about being very careful before jumping at whatever the 'mission' came to be.
Speaking of which, now is the time to post new information on that.
I had an idea of what the mission was. I described this to Hcoma as "I heard". You may recall that Hcoma is not the spirit that told me of the mission. She said, "You must be more clear with yourself. Did you hear it or think it?" I said I thought it and asked if it was the mission and/or if it was a good idea. She refused to answer in much the way my mentor does. In short, she is making me think. At the moment, I don't feel used.
Apparently, that passed a test. Last night, she downloaded an interpretation of each of the water cards of the tarot, from Ace, through the court cards, to the pips. She did so in response to a particular thought about gaining an Enochian interpretation of the cards that I could use to help others. Frankly, the list was not all that different than other lists I have seen. The base concept though, was.
Jason is concerned that Enochains are sub-lunar (i.e. demonic-like) because he got apocalyptic visions and was told to clean things around his house too. The former, would make me suspicious. However, his work was early in his career. I would bet, if viewed from a particular perspective, apocalyptic things did happen to him or were about to occur in his life. I would also bet that he receives much less of that sort of thing now. He has a richer spiritual vocabulary to draw from. It doesn't matter if that vocabulary is in words, pictures or abstract ideas. The spirits can only work through the imagery you have.
When I started, I was a literalist. I believed the concrete meaning of the words I heard. Well, not all of them. I had doubts. However, I was told that if I joined a coven, I'd get 'beaten up'. I took that to mean physically. In actuality, the beating was emotional. Apocalyptic images may only mean, "Damn, this is going to hurt, A LOT." Getting locked into one interpretation of the words received from spirit communication is a common beginner's failing.
Being concerned that house cleaning is a sign of a 'demon-like' presence, is baffling to me. I've had the same sort of thing happen when invoking Isis and Ma'at. Some forms of spirits like things less cluttered. In Book 4, Crowley points out the commonality of many practices boils down to ridding oneself of things that are not conducive to meditation. If the general disorganization of the household causes a disorganization of my mind, it is fully conducive to the Work to have a spirit encourage cleaning things up. Besides, if everything is connected, the state of my house reflects my state. Therefore, by changing one, I can change the other. Is there a better definition of magick?
RO is concerned about being used by spirits. BAH. We are all used by spirits called other humans. Had the spirit said, "You are great and I have a mission for you." I'd be highly suspicious. That is a direct appeal to the ego. Either the spirit is a bit dangerous or my ego is flaring or my tired etheric body is interfering with communications. The best approach is to wait until the long term pattern is revealed.
Being told you have a mission to do 'from god' can mean anything. It can mean that your mission is contact with your HGA, cleaning your bathroom, helping a little old lady cross the street or preparing yourself as a light snack for the demonic hordes of the netherworld. RO has no problem with pacts, yet seems to not understand the PACT known as greater service to humankind or even an act of service to a spirit. This is why I posted about being very careful before jumping at whatever the 'mission' came to be.
Speaking of which, now is the time to post new information on that.
I had an idea of what the mission was. I described this to Hcoma as "I heard". You may recall that Hcoma is not the spirit that told me of the mission. She said, "You must be more clear with yourself. Did you hear it or think it?" I said I thought it and asked if it was the mission and/or if it was a good idea. She refused to answer in much the way my mentor does. In short, she is making me think. At the moment, I don't feel used.
Apparently, that passed a test. Last night, she downloaded an interpretation of each of the water cards of the tarot, from Ace, through the court cards, to the pips. She did so in response to a particular thought about gaining an Enochian interpretation of the cards that I could use to help others. Frankly, the list was not all that different than other lists I have seen. The base concept though, was.
Friday, January 2, 2009
AONT and Hcoma
We did both of these together tonight because My Gal wanted to.
AONT is more aggressive when they are together. She has to be because she prepares the way. AONT said that it is permissible and practical to use the method of Enochian prayer I've developed to pray for more than one thing at a time. This contradicts the energy model and supports the spirit model of viewing the universe.
The rest, is private. I am feeling a bit like I'd like to be alone tonight.
AONT is more aggressive when they are together. She has to be because she prepares the way. AONT said that it is permissible and practical to use the method of Enochian prayer I've developed to pray for more than one thing at a time. This contradicts the energy model and supports the spirit model of viewing the universe.
The rest, is private. I am feeling a bit like I'd like to be alone tonight.
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