Well I am not sure of either a gain or a shame but it seemed a good headline.
The Gain is that today I did the MM and prayed to stay in control and not blow my temper at work. It was a ridiculous day. Ridiculous. I was frustrated, depressed and utterly at a loss but I did not get mad at anyone. I didn't let my frustration make me do uncouth things.
I think the gain there may be that I anticipated roughness when there was no reason to. I prayed in advance to handle it. I think that is some indication that I am more in the flow of things. Aware even when I am not aware that I am aware.
The shame came with a healing session last night. Frankly, I did a very good job. I know I saw the right things and gave great advice. Then I saw my client naked from the waist down. It was clear as day like she was before me in real life. There was a unique detail to that vision.
She gave me a good reason for seeing her that way because of an event that happened earlier that day. That event was not sexual. However, I checked with her about a very specific detail. It was wrong. So, did I project nakedness onto her? Am I sexualizing the reading in some way? While there was no danger of me making a pass at all or even trying to flirt in the mildest way, I am disturbed.
It has been my experience that those that sexualize the type of magick I do face explosions and failure. I do not want to ever be thought of as abusing the trust given to me by my clients. Ever. No Matter What. I have no idea what this means.
I am concerned.