Still I am plagued by dreams. Last night's was probably the most erotic dream I've had in many years. The female figure, be she goddess or demon, was stunning, overwhelming, erotic more than sexy, beautiful. Everyone that came in contact with her wanted to do her, men and women alike. All that did, died.
This may have been the death Lon speaks of when he sings of Sweet Babalon, "Dieing in your arms is sweet salvation." It may have been a demon of some sort in its most tempting and deadly form. I don't know. I didn't die. She scared me but not so much that I wasn't aware of what was going on. I was a partner to her deeds. I assisted her in various aspects. My Gal's ex-husband and I actually assisted in moving a plague past government monitors to bring it to her. Though, that part of the dream never reached conclusion.
I do remember being on a ship of the soon to be dead. Somehow they eventually died and were off loaded onto a beach. Once on the beach, they looked like so many wooden movie props.
She always had two black dogs somewhere in the scene. Once she turned into one. My brother-in-law asked that now that the event was "over" if we should get rid of the dogs. She, in dog form, looked up at me very concerned by my answer. I said no and offered a reason I can not remember. She relaxed.
At one point, we were alone, she was being very sexy without being gross. This was not an x-rated movie. I asked her not to kill me and she smiled a wicked smile and then dream ended.
This dream was very very long. It felt like it went on half the night. I awoke quite tired. I am tired.
I have been depressed the last few days. Seriously depressed. Lethargic. Sad. In short, I am experiencing tte usual symptoms of depression. I am not sure if I have finally reached the lonely stage romantically or if the death of my lodge has thrown me into a funk. If it is the latter, it is a bit silly. I have known for some time this was coming. Anyone with eyes willing to see should have foresaw this. I knew it four years ago when a certain event happened. I knew it as I watched some seriously ego-driven group think happen in particular part of our processes in several situations.When groups focus on the lowest common denominator, they are done. So, it shouldn't have been a surprise. It was well past the date of death only no one said it officially. This should not throw me into a funk. However, given how many words I just wrote about it compared to the sensation of lonely, I'm going with the idea that it did.
My Gal has not been well of late. She's experienced extreme dizziness for reasons that I do not feel it is my right to disclose. She asked for my healing help.
I am not sure where it came from but I now have a symbol through which I can travel. When I come out the other side, I am in an astral place best suited for aiding the person in question. Each time I do this, I land in a different spot. The place is alien to me but obviously their astral home of sorts. I really don't have to do much at this point except pray generally or to spirits I chose. There is no personal expenditure of power other than my own compassion. Which, for a cranky ass, irritable, unforgiving Leo, is much larger than I have hereto given myself credit for. Looking back in various aspects of my life, it has been there and clearly demonstrated. Yet, then I focused on my faults not my virtues and I missed it.
In this case, I found her 'home' amidst a gray and turbulent sea. How she got there, I don't know but I have my suspicions. My compassion countered that cause. I built her an island, which I will not describe here, lit her a guiding lamp that she may find the place, and evoked the spirits. Once that was done, I made the place more comfortable and life affirming.
I sent her an email telling her to seek an island with a lit lamp. Her HGA took her to the place in her dreams and she described it to a T. The spirits took on other forms to her perceptions but I knew each one as she described it.
Today, she reports feeling much better.
Tonight, I will use that astral gateway to find my own astral home. That should be interesting.