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There was some water damage to my house in late spring. I really didn't notice how bad it was. I eventually called the insurance and got things rolling. They took down the popcorn in my temple room and living area. I paid extra to have them replace it with a textured ceiling. This has taken two weeks. He finished today but they have to come back and paint.

I decided to hop into my temple room for a quick LBRP, BRH and Middle Pillar. I hit a whole new level. The air crackled with movement. I moved the MP energy around my body. Then I followed an intuitional prompt and moved it about the room. I could tangibly feel the energy bounce off the walls.

Obviously, water relates to emotional issues. There has been even more healing there of late. This subjective being reflected by the material construction was a neat thing to observe.

Header Change

I changed the header on the blog. The former implied that I was working Jason Miller's system. That became incorrect. While claiming titles and such things may be all the rage in some parts of the pagan community, it isn't me. While this wasn't like that, it was close enough.

I have nothing against Jason's system. I save all the lessons. I am hoping to get back to them. Now isn't the time for that. Other adventures are calling.

Necessary Destruction

The lesson of the previously posted meditation doesn't jive with the visuals. I knew immediately the lesson but I can't place exactly how I received it. Perhaps there are visual lessons, auditory lessons and lessons of place. Perhaps the very location one is in contains patterns that result in understanding.

In this case, my thought was that all creation involves destruction. Even things we think of as purely creative destroy. If I buy a nice clean brick of clay and use it to make a glorious vase, I first had to destroy the form of the brick.

This is not deeply profound but there is a new level of acceptance and understanding of the process. This is like the difference between intellectual understanding and emotional understanding.

Whose Eye Lead to Confidence?

This weekend I sat in my neutral space. This is basically like straddling a doorway on this is the doorway to the astral. I focused on Osiris. I saw him quite clearly. I didn't have anything to say really. I just wanted to see him and commune.

Suddenly, I found myself projecting through his eye. I traveled through a rectangular tunnel of lights. It wasn't a solid wall but more like lines of lights suggesting the tunnel. I emerged into what can only be described as a field of gods. Golden statues were everywhere, Anubis, Bast, Best, Horus. There were other shapes I recognized by could not name at the time. Nothing moved. I wasn't there long before I was drawn through another eye. This one looked more like an Illuminati all seeing eye. It was more human.

Then came more eyes. They varied in construction but eyes they were.

I came to a destination that I will not mention here, except to say that it dominated by a color and what can only be described as an accent color.

Last night, I looked up eye of Osiris. I remember something vaguely about Egyptian art and that a lone left eye was Osiris and the lone right Horus. I may have them reversed. I didn't find that reference but I will look again. What I did find that this color was clearly associated with Horus and his eye.

I have some idea of what this journey meant. However, what it means to me emotionally is more than that. No longer will I wonder if I saw something. I saw. Too many times have I believed in my experiences simply because I had another source of confirmation. I can do this.

This doesn't mean that I won't do error checking or that interpretation and thought are not needed. It merely means that when I travel or skry, I have as much confidence that I saw what I saw as when I walk down the street.

Going Internal

The Autumnal Equinox is the time to go internal. This year it has hit me in a big way. You may have noticed that my posting has dropped considerably.

I am doing a lot of inward focused things. I've been doing focused thinking on various topics while sitting in my astral gateway. I don't go anywhere really. I just get to the gate and think on a given topic. If I get distracted, I bring myself back to the topic. There isn't anything cool to report. Yet, I feel I am doing the right thing for the time being.

Introduction to Qabalistic Tarot

Introduction to Qabalistic Tarot
Instructor: Robert

“Post graduate work, simply presented.”
Lon DuQuette, author of The Tarot of Ceremonial Magick

The tarot, a mainstay of modern divination, has often been taught as an intuitive art, without the accompanying mystical and intellectual underpinnings found in the modern qabala. The structure at the core of the modern tarot is both profound and incredibly simple. Despite the complex lists of contradictory meanings found in many books, a simple pattern exists that makes the tarot an exciting tool of self-discovery and spiritual adventure.

The introductory course in this series examines the simple clues buried in those complex lists of meanings found in many tarot books. This will allow us to give precise definition to the aces. With that, the court and small cards come alive.

All skill levels welcome.

Course 1: Qabalitic Tarot – Introduction $10

Saturday 10/9/10 1:30-3pm
Friday 10/22/10 6:30-8pm
Sunday 10/24/10 12pm-1:30pm

The Enchanted Cottage
30 H Street Bakersfield, CA 93304
1-661-323-9929

Other Classes coming soon...

Course 2: The Linear Expression of the Suits Part I -- $13
Course 3: The Linear Expression of the Suits Part 2-- $13
Course 4: Card Groupings Part 1-- $13
Course 5: Card Groupings Part 2-- $13
Course 6: Those Surprising Court Cards-- $13

(Lon Milo DuQuette's endorsement used with his permission.)

What was Lost is Now Found!

A couple of weeks ago, I had dream. of an angel. I showed it the ring I had made when I experienced my first HGA contact. There was a discussion about various aspects of the design. None of that conversation was remembered the next morning.  I woke up and the ring was gone. I am open to the idea that the ring was off my finger, my body noticed and created a dream. I never take off the ring so it would be an unusual sensation.

During that time, I was working on a decision. I was waffling.

With the ring gone, my HGA was more on my mind. I realized my focus on the Helpful Deity distracted me from my HGA. As I burned the occasional bowl of incense to HD, I wondered what incense I could burn for my HGA. Why hadn't I put as much effort into my HGA as HD? These are good questions. However, I don't think they were relevant to the ring issue.

Tonight, I did the laundry. I've done the laundry several times since I lost the ring. The first thing I pulled out of the hamper kicked out my ring. It literally 'flew' out of the hamper and banged off a metal bar. It made a bell-like sound alerting me to its presence. It made a bell-like sound alerting me to its presence. There is no way the ring could not have been wrapped up in that piece of clothing for two weeks. It was clean when I lost the ring. As soon as I put on the ring, I realized that I had made the decision I was hesitating about. Yes, their is a link between that ring and the decision.

Bakersfield Pagan Pride Day

Yesterday, the folks in Bakersfield,California, USA held the Pagan Pride Day event, PPD. I'm sure things went awry some where and the folks that actually know something was messed up are likely a bit miffed, those of us that didn't know what was supposed to happen had a great time.

My buddy Louie and I did divinations for charity. My tarot cards generated about $100 for charity and put $20 bucks in my pocket for gas money. I under charge at $20 a throw but what the heck? That is $100 the Shiner's Children's charity wouldn't have had to buy funny hats. I'm a big fan of funny hats.

Greek Magick

I also met Tony Mierzwicki author of Graeco-Egyptian Magick: Everyday Empowerment. I had a chance to catch a good amount of his presentation before tarot duty called. I must say I was not only impressed with what he had to say but with his "work" in general. This guy doesn't write about magick, he does it. Then he writes about it. I was impressed enough that I will catch his act again at LA Pagan Pride next Sunday.

Tony has a website here.

A Lesson of Focus

I had a chat with my HGA the other night.

He explained that part of what I am going through stems from my approach to the Great Work. I've always aspired to the highest. While I haven't always succeeded through my actions, I've kept focus on that lofty aspiration. Having lofty goals is good in a way. All that energy focused in one direction for so long has created certain gateways that will prove beneficial. There is also a downside.

My mentor is fond of telling folks to enjoy where they are at. My aspiration was on the ultimate, which is good, but my focus was there as well. That is not so good. Focusing on the present, immersing myself in the work of my grade, finding the divine at all levels would have been more productive.

I am not beating myself up. Nor am I saying I've made some mistake. No one can go through the grades and learn every lesson and avoid every pitfall. I am saying this is a lesson of the moment. Enjoy who I am. Uncover the fullness of the divine within instead of aspiring to some lofty height.

Maybe, when I do that, these wild swings between fiery sarcastic disrespectful attitudes on one hand and joyous love on the other will be reconciled.

Edit: If you're not reading Rune Soup. You should be.

Getting Burned

I haven't blogged as much of late.  Things have not been good. I've been a cranky ass. It has been very difficult to be pleasant.

My problem, I think, is that I succeeded in finding a way up the tree but I went too far too fast. I am fortunate in that I have seen the forces that conflict within me in a different light. I've seen them from within and from without. I've learned about the expansion of love and severity of the sword. I've learned, actually I knew long before this, that I lean to the latter in non-physically violent ways. I have little choice now but to repair some damage I did to myself as I was learning.

Back then, I vibrated the names of Geburah a lot. I did this through fear. I thought the best way to learn magick was to build strength first. I needed to 'protect myself' from whatever I may find 'up there' on the astral. I was too green to understand but apparently talented enough to get some energy moving. I never balanced that on the other side. Now, I have little choice.

Seeing the need is one thing. Going through the emotional turmoil is another. The impact that can have on those around me is difficult for me. As I said, I think I went too far. On the other hand, if I can get there and I did get there maybe I was meant to be there. Maybe now is the time I need I need to learn. I do welcome the lesson.

Regardless, it has made me quiet, lonely, angry and fearful.

Oddly, the joy of past lessons peaks through. I can be in a great fun, loving mood in an instant but then fall back. In that joy, there is hope.

Difficult Time

A week or two ago, I had a dream. The Golden Dawn Style Hierophant wand, in esoteric view, was pointed at my face. Anyone that has an inkling of what that could mean would think, "Oh cool." Then immediately say, "Oh Shit." Two weeks later, the reason for the "Oh Shit," is becoming clear.

It wasn't long after that, when I decided to find 'my place' on the astral. I did easily enough. Though, I was a bit concerned about where it was. The attentive reader may remember a certain ritual I did where the angels came upon me and called me the "presumptuous one." Trust me, I see the tie in.

Since then, I've been going to that space and interacting with the energies there.

Allow me to type this slowly so the reader may fully grasp what I'm saying. If an angel calls you the Presumptuous One, you may be a tad full of yourself. If TWO angels call you Presumptuous...

Before I get cards, letters and comments, please take the above as a Robert attempt at humor.

The result of all this work is that I am emotionally on edge. My watery side is mixing with my fiery side. Someone has also turned up the volume on both. My head feels like it is cracking upon to sky. It feels like my brain is burning. I've experienced such feelings after particularly potent rituals and initiations. However, I have not experienced at this level of intensity. I have not experienced this level of emotional oddness either.

Needless to say, the last few days have been more than interesting.

Sex with VFF or Pagan Sexual Issues Revealed through Art

VVF is a superb artist. I wish I had half her talent in my chosen field of endeavor. It turns out she is even a better art critic. This NSFW post is funny and makes a point. You may want to read it first or the rest of this will be a little out of context.

Pan landed on me about a year and half ago. There was no question at all that it was Him. He stayed with me for days. In his lore this is a bad thing. You do not want to be taken over by Pan. For me, it was disconcerting but no harm was done. He did educate me regarding some Pan-like people I know. He did want me to throw orgies in his honor. When Pan is on you, that sounds like a good idea. However, it wasn't my first time around the block. I waited for him to leave and then viewed the idea in the cold light of day.

While perhaps sexually interesting many humans in this culture simply are not ready for an orgy or other wild sexual adventures. I know enough people that may have been up for the experience but I am pretty sure that one or two of them would have bit off a bit more than they could handle. I see little reason to put someone through that sort of trauma for a night of debauchery.The problem was I had no idea who would be fine with the experience and who wouldn't be.

VVF makes the point that there are a lot of people into nudity, not in a healthy sort of way, but in a mental hospital sort of way. She used the art surrounding the modern conception of the horned god to make her point.

In the larger pagan community, I see the same thing. I see a lot of what I perceive to be very very unhealthy sexual attitudes that are in the extremes. These range from people that would never be nude in front of someone that isn't their spouse, not out of the sacredness of sharing such things only with their spouse, but because of huge fear of perceptual body issues and the idea of enjoying the freedom of nudity is somehow 'dirty'. The other end are people that sleep with anyone under the sun or moon in the name of sexual freedom. Freedom isn't the need to boink at every possible opportunity. That is compulsion and is not a sign of personal sovereignty. Sexual freedom and the freedom to be nude is about being able to make a choice given a particular situation. I may want to boink you but is it a good idea right now? I may want to run down to the local strip mall naked but is acting on that wise?

It may have been Mae West that said that in America, sex is an obsession. In Europe it is a fact. The latter seems healthier to me.

Given how obsessed the American culture is about sex on one hand and how Puritan heritage drives home guilt, repression and other unhealthy attitudes, it is easy to see how culturally out of balance we are on the issue.This is reflected in Neo-Pagan culture. The unrealistic, freaky, explosively repressed urges and other things come out in the art*. When these things manifest in sexual behavior, much damage can be done.VVF is pointing out the need in the pagan community for some serious talks about sexuality.

We can not be both free and hang onto outdated mores of our cultural past because that combination is harmful. Given our penchant for sexual experimentation we should educate each other on achieving the self-awareness necessary to make such experimentation healthier. More importantly, we should allow those willing to safely engage in all sorts of behavior the room to do so. While those adventurous souls should give others the freedom to opt out.

I am not an expert on human sexuality nor on how to educate a subculture on personally healthy sexual psychology but I see the need for those educated in those areas within the Neo-Pagan community.

* I think also that Pan and the other horned gods are in resurgence. Given that most people do not have the tools to deal with them, that manifests as some strange and fearsome art and strange sometimes fearsome behavior. Pagan gods are close to earth. It is up to the elders of our faiths to share how such eminent gods can manifest in our behaviors and provide folks with options for healthy outlets of this energy.

The Good in Not so Good

So, I've been posting a bit about finding my astral place. It is quite a place.

I know how and why that space is mine. Therefore, I think I can figure out where others have theirs. Though, I trust my original method of finding the places of others more than such reasoning.

In the past, I have stated that I trust myself when I feel compelled or challenged to do something I don't want to do. Following what I want to do is more likely to be my lower self or an ego trap. Now, I'm not so sure. Those sort of prompts can just as easily be closer to one's true nature or prompts to mistakes one needs to make in order to uncover that nature. During a recent trip to my place, I had a thought of something I wanted to do. The thought's 'voice' was strong. I immediately rejected it for the reasons above. Then I thought, that it is silly to reject a thought because I like it. What kind of masochistic destructive self-doubting pattern is that? So, I followed the thought and found something positive.

The downside is that when I find myself between that severity and mercy, I learn. However, at work, I have had severe problems with severity. I remain imbalanced towards severity. I have a plan to solve that problem. I think I have a clue how to permanently solve it. I am hoping it doesn't get worse in the process.

Hermes

I have been praying to Hermes lately. I've never experienced a more responsive god/magick. Everything I pray for in his domain comes instantly. Naturally, I have not become greedy.

Hail Hermes!

Deep Gratitude

I mentioned last night that I found my personal place on the astral. Being there, allowed me to realize how I could be so merciful in some situations and unbelievably combative in others.

Tonight, I couldn't sleep. My back hurt just enough to keep me awake but it was really my mind at issue. I simply could not get into sleep range. During such times, I have been known to banish. I have also focused my mind into 'sinking' into the earth. Tonight, I chose to travel to my astral place. I sat up and meditated to the point of taking an astral journey to my place. Once there, I did nothing more than meditate.

It is late and I won't cover what I experienced. I may outline it tomorrow. However, at some level I managed to merge severity and mercy. Several situations of conflict and tension in my life appeared. I was able to start with new perspectives of mercy, based upon memory of other situations. That mercy, I could temper with new portions of severity.  I experienced the unification of such things. I felt the beauty of mercy and the love inherent in severity.

I learned to release the conflict of the desire to attain more and more spirituality.  Now, I can be at home with where I am. I know I can learn without discounting who I am in the moment. That alone is worth a year's work.

I traveled to a city of minarets and felt the beauty of Islam. Though, in truth, I have no idea what Islam is about in the least. I think I felt the beauty of sincere prayer. I saw the city of pyramids and another of a specific type of trees. I realized these things all mean the same thing from different religious perspectives.

I changed some of the symbols of mercy and severity to things more conventional. By that I mean, sigils I know well. The feeling of being in the magickal 'right place' was pure. This was me at my most magickally powerful. This was me changing myself. At this moment, I am so very moved in writing this.

When it was time to descend, I 'took' these realizations with me. I willed them to manifest in my daily life. Once again, I was received instruction to see these realizations on the faces of those I see. This is similar to the Helpful Deity's instruction. Only this time, I am to look for mercy. I am to see the mercy I can feel and show them. Once found, I can look for the needed severity to balance out the process.

I pray this is as life changing an experience as it feels like right now.

I am deeply grateful to three people right now.

The first is my ever so patient mentor. There is no way I could have experienced what I did tonight, without those initiations, his teachings and wise counsel but most of all his patience. As I have said before, there is no way I can repay him.

The second is Jason Miller. Jason taught me what meditation really is. Without that simple teaching tonight would not have been possible. No one else had been able to successfully communicate that to my mind.

Lastly, to the person that reminded me that the Helpful Deity had a name that represents it in Its highest sublime aspect. For it was to that name I have been praying for instruction and that instruction has been continually offered and received.

I am deeply grateful to those people. More than words can say. I can only feel it. I can only try to express it here. I can only work to prepare myself to offer the same to others some day.

Apologies for the severe lack of proofreading. It is late.

Peace.

My Place on the Astral

Earlier today, I posted that I would seek my place on the astral. For various healing workings, I've been able to find the astral home of my targets and heal from there. I do not go into this with preconceived notions. I have no targeted location. Some locations I would not have guessed but made perfect sense in retrospect, given how well I know the people involved.

Given that I haven't been feeling well physically, been depressed emotionally and the obsession is testing me in another form, though on the same topic, I thought it would be a good idea to work on some self-healing. I traveled through the same symbol honestly curious as to where I would end up.

I am not comfortable revealing much about that place here. I will say I have an understanding of the inner tension I have always felt. I understand how I can be so merciful in some situations and yet be so very combative in others. I asked Raphael to do some healing. The image I received was basically one that could have been been handled by a common sign, "Under Construction". I had the feeling these are not quick fixes. That is okay.

I was also shown a blockage that keeps my heart so closed sometime. There is a path to walk. Yet to do would be complete presumptuous at this point in my career. I may do it anyway. I am tired of my closed heart.

Death and Healing

Death

Still I am plagued by dreams. Last night's was probably the most erotic dream I've had in many years. The female figure, be she goddess or demon, was stunning, overwhelming, erotic more than sexy, beautiful. Everyone that came in contact with her wanted to do her, men and women alike. All that did, died.

This may have been the death Lon speaks of when he sings of Sweet Babalon, "Dieing in your arms is sweet salvation." It may have been a demon of some sort in its most tempting and deadly form. I don't know. I didn't die. She scared me but not so much that I wasn't aware of what was going on. I was a partner to her deeds. I assisted her in various aspects. My Gal's ex-husband and I actually assisted in moving a plague past government monitors to bring it to her. Though, that part of the dream never reached conclusion.

I do remember being on a ship of the soon to be dead. Somehow they eventually died and were off loaded onto a beach. Once on the beach, they looked like so many wooden movie props.

She always had two black dogs somewhere in the scene. Once she turned into one. My brother-in-law asked that now that the event was "over" if we should get rid of the dogs. She, in dog form, looked up at me very concerned by my answer. I said no and offered a reason I can not remember. She relaxed.

At one point, we were alone, she was being very sexy without being gross. This was not an x-rated movie. I asked her not to kill me and she smiled a wicked smile and then dream ended.

This dream was very very long. It felt like it went on half the night. I awoke quite tired. I am tired.

Depression

I have been depressed the last few days. Seriously depressed. Lethargic. Sad. In short, I am experiencing tte usual symptoms of depression. I am not sure if I have finally reached the lonely stage romantically or if the death of my lodge has thrown me into a funk. If it is the latter, it is a bit silly. I have known for some time this was coming. Anyone with eyes willing to see should have foresaw this. I knew it four years ago when a certain event happened. I knew it as I watched some seriously ego-driven group think happen in particular part of our processes in several situations.When groups focus on the lowest common denominator, they are done. So, it shouldn't have been a surprise. It was well past the date of death only no one said it officially. This should not throw me into a funk. However, given how many words I just wrote about it compared to the sensation of lonely, I'm going with the idea that it did.

Healing

My Gal has not been well of late. She's experienced extreme dizziness for reasons that I do not feel it is my right to disclose. She asked for my healing help.

I am not sure where it came from but I now have a symbol through which I can travel. When I come out the other side, I am in an astral place best suited for aiding the person in question. Each time I do this, I land in a different spot. The place is alien to me but obviously their astral home of sorts. I really don't have to do much at this point except pray generally or to spirits I chose. There is no personal expenditure of power other than my own compassion. Which, for a cranky ass, irritable, unforgiving Leo, is much larger than I have hereto given myself credit for. Looking back in various aspects of my life, it has been there and clearly demonstrated. Yet, then I focused on my faults not my virtues and I missed it.

In this case, I found her 'home' amidst a gray and turbulent sea. How she got there, I don't know but I have my suspicions. My compassion countered that cause. I built her an island, which I will not describe here, lit her a guiding lamp that she may find the place, and evoked the spirits. Once that was done, I made the place more comfortable and life affirming.

I sent her an email telling her to seek an island with a lit lamp. Her HGA took her to the place in her dreams and she described it to a T. The spirits took on other forms to her perceptions but I knew each one as she described it.

Today, she reports feeling much better.

Tonight, I will use that astral gateway to find my own astral home. That should be interesting.

Winner! Most Inspiring Post Award!

Read this at Hearthwitchery.


Something occurred the other day that caused me to immediately declare what I cannot do. However, there is so very much I can do. As this was dawning upon me, I found the post linked above.

Thanks Lavanah