Something...

I came home today after a one day run out of town to go to a housewarming party at the Druid's new place. I also attended their Imbolc right. As I am more of a magician rather than pagan, I'm sometimes turned off by these rights, sometimes intrigued, sometimes touched and at other times bored.

This time, I found myself contributing. The druid led us through a short simple guided meditation.  I'd prepped by drawing energy from sky and earth as the circle was being cast and the like. I could so clearly the see the energy forming within me. My right hand contained both the fires of earth and a many stars of the night sky.

The acting high priestess and consented to the energy from the group all being shot at her. She then directed it the talisman to be charged. Given my position directly behind the priestess, I felt very much 'in line' with her and let fly in silence save the whoosh of an expended breath.

I released much more power than I have in public rites past.

I did note they way they burned their spell candles in a bowl of sand. I liked that and will steal that. 

I entered my temple space soon after arriving home and said some prayers. Metatron counseled me in a matter regarding a friend but I am feeling too "open" after wards. It feels like I am awaiting some psychic pain.

A Beginning

The altar is now officially functioning. I've made an offering to one spirit of said altar. Oddly, another flower was requested. That really isn't odd for the spirit in question. Simply odd that I'd run into two such similar offering requests.

I will post pictures once the altar cloth is complete and on the altar

An Economic Perspective on Friendships and Behavior

The economist Russ Roberts testified before congress recently. The full transcript can be found here http://www.invisibleheart.com/ I encourage you to read the transcript it is short and to the point. I can't say I disagree within anything the man had to say. I'd like to comment on one paragraph in particular.

He said, "We are what we do. Not what we wish to be. Not what we say we are. But what we do. And what we do here in Washington is rescue big companies and rich people from the consequences of their mistakes. When mistakes don’t cost you anything, you do more of them."

I need to parse this out a bit. "We are what we do. Not what we wish to be. Not what we say we are. But what we do." Have truer words ever been spoken? There are many things I want to be, wish to be, would like to grow into but the true measure of who I am is what I do. I may think myself honest but am I if I steal, lie, cheat and the like, even if it is infrequently? We want to believe in what we think we are but in reality we are what we do.

More so, we are what we do consistently. I may be an honest person that cheated once. I am not an honest person if I steal once a week, no matter how I behave the rest of the month. If I am mean spirited and destructive to those about me, but smile and giggle my way through life I am a mean spirited and destructive giggler. Most people only want to see the giggler and ignore the other side.

Here lies the rest of the quote: "And what we do here in Washington is rescue big companies and rich people from the consequences of their mistakes. When mistakes don’t cost you anything, you do more of them."

Socially the quote for the modern American could be reworked like this: And how we deal with our friends is rescue those we like from the consequences of their mistakes. When mistakes don’t cost you anything, you do more of them and now our friends make bigger and bigger mistakes.

Is it truly being a friend when we actively reward the errors? I say no. It is no more friendship that if we see one error and cast someone out. Consistently rewarding such things is purely selfish. We don't want to have a difficult conversation, we don't want our original judgment of the person proven wrong, we only want to deal with the pleasant.

Life will let one do that but the more one turns one's back on the wantonly destructive, the more one sell his own soul. The little twinges in the heart get louder and louder. Self loathing is the result. We feel we have failed because we have. Turning our back on wanton destruction does not make the world a better place. It makes us selfish. The selfish do not grow. They grasp.

So to those of you that have called me short from time to time, I thank you for being courageous enough to do so. Especially, if you were courageous enough to be my friend afterward in hopes I would grow.


Russ Roberts books are: The Price of Everything: A Parable of Possibility and Prosperity,The Invisible Heart: An Economic Romance and The Choice: A Fable of Free Trade and Protection (3rd Edition)

Divination

Jason posted outlining some of his magical strategies. Divination is part of his mix.

I have found the following technique to be more efficacious in my work. When doing a divination for future magickal work, have several avenues of 'attack' roughed out. Examples are:

• If using a thought form, the name, shape, basic composition and the command.
• If calling a spirit, know the spirit name, its origins and the request to be made. This can be a bit trickier as the conversation with the spirit may change request but I believe a positive divination for contacting factors this in.
• A list of mundane actions you will use to back up your magick.

Then divine based on the various scenarios, "What will be the result if I do magic using scenarios A and B?" Then ask, "What will be the result if I do magic using scenarios A and C?"

I've used this and found that all factors considered yielded a negative result or at least came with a price I was unwilling to pay. Other times, I've been 'coached' simply to change one word of a command to a thought form. I also do the other divinations even if the first one is positive. I can learn a lot that way as to why some things don't work for me, my deeper motivations etc.

If you haven't picked up Strategic Sorcery or Sorcerer's Secrets, I suggest you do so if you're interesting in doing any practical magickal work at all. Jason's writings are not simply another rehash of Wicca.

Discovery

I currently have a temple room. I am putting up a second altar in my office/library. It will be used to work a different form of magick which is sort of a cross between my normal ceremonial magick paradigms and Jason Miller's system.

I will post a more detailed description of the altar and maybe a picture when it is finished. For now let it suffice to say that on the middle level, there are colored candles representing the sephiroth of Tipereth, Netzach, Hod and Yesod. These surround a Buddha statue by grandfather brought home from occupied Japan.

I just finished smudging the room with sage and sealing the six directions with IAO. I left the room and it literally felt like I past between two worlds. i walked back in and could feel the membrane allow my passing.

The altar drew me in. It 'hummed' for lack of a better word. I put my hand over each candle. They all vibrated strongly. This is a great sign considering I haven't consecrated the space. The only candle not vibrating represents Yesod. This, I feel, is an indicator of my astral projection problem.

I will work on getting that candle to hum.

Simplicity

Some of my internet friends bad mouth Lon DuQuette for the simplicity of his approach. I will be taken to task as well as my ideas on the tarot become more well known.

It is my contention that the deeper one internalizes these seeming complexities, the simpler things get. Case in point, check the opening words in this post.

Planning

I am at a point in life where I want to do some active planning for the rest of it. To that end, I am reading a book called The Paradox of Choice: Why More Is Less which posits that we have so many choices that the resulting brain drain results in depression and less freedom. Basically, too many choices leads to so much wasted time trying to figure out which is right, analysis paralysis so you never get what you want, and the false creation of disappointment because you always know some other choice you didn't make is better. I will supply a complete review when I'm done.

In the meantime, I am evaluating what I really want. From there, I will make mundane and magickal plans to obtain those desires. I am looking for items in my life that I've been repeatedly drawn to or said I wanted. Magick is the primary example. From the time I was 18, I knew I wanted that in my life. I've also wanted to write. So, that is on my list. Naturally, most of this will be blogged about here.

Forgiveness

I am failing on this goal at the moment. I have not given up.

Candle Magick

In one of my earlier conversations with Metratron, he suggested that I anoint my prayer candle with a particular oil I own. It had been moved from my collection and I couldn't' find it. I found it today and quickly anointed the candle. I was overcome with the need to burn that candle and I did.

If the reader recalls the original posts on the topic of Metatron, one will remember that I was to work the entire tree in a prescribed manner. I haven't reached that point yet. But after burning that candle for a few hours I received several prompts on a long term project. I know part of the problem I am seeking to overcome regarding a magickal skill is fear. I never really knew what to do with it until this afternoon when I was advised to contact the angel of Geburah, Kamael. That was one of those "DOH!" moments. Why didn't I think of that?

Given that tonight is a void of course moon, I was going to wait until tomorrow.

Then I received a prompt to write out what I'd say to Kamael. I did. Then I was prompted to anoint a red candle while saying what I had written out and burn that. It will burn to nothing by the time I get to bed.

Blue Thoughts - Random Thoughts

Blue Moon

Today, I came across the claim on a blog that I don't follow that blue moons are especially magically efficacious. Given that this is an anomaly of a calendar and not some natural event, I'm not clear on how this can be so other than in the mind of the practitioner. Of course, whatever gets you there is fine by me for the most part. If anyone has any explanation for this, I'd be glad to see it posted in the comments section.

Forgiveness

I have noticed that when I check for that knot in my belly that is the result of a lack of forgiveness that it is getting smaller. I am now perceiving connections to other parts of my body.

I know I am making some progress because I witnessed something a weekend or two back that would have stoked the anger and the issues again. This time, I observed with some sadness but for the most part with indifferent curiosity.

Last week, I mentioned something about my former group mates regarding their lack of apologies, consideration etc. I realize that could be construed to mean current members of the group that were not main players in the explosions or current members that were not members at all during that time. This is not the case. The newer members that I am aware of have be classy in their interactions with me. Perhaps more so than I would have been with them given my attitude.

To Fellow Bloggers:

Does anyone know how to report a bug to Blogger. I can see all sorts of ways to see what has been reported but no way to report what looks like a new issue.

Offerings

As reported earlier, I'm working with a spirit to obtain something specific. The first contact was promising. Then I made an offering of the spirits choice and more progress was made.

The other day, instead of buy three yellow flowers, I printed out a picture. I wanted to keep up contact but it was late so I made due. I felt some stirrings but nothing really transpired. Today, I had a chat with the spirit. It said it would accept any offerings when I was hurting (my back hurts today) or I was in a rush but flowers were really the thing. Today, I bought three yellow flowers and off made the offering by placing them on a busy street corner.

The Time

Sometimes there is a time for writing and posting. Sometimes, inner reflection is the order of the day. These periods do not usually last long.

Off topic: But not really

This is awesome, touching and thought provoking. Yes it was made to make a buck but who cares. Think of the potential.

Results! and Forgiveness

I posted about making an offering to a spirit last night. That offering is a stepping stone to my gaining the skill of astral projection. When I first contacted the spirit, I had a dream in which I watched myself create a water eagle, the symbolic the highest aspect of Scorpio.

Last night, two things occurred. I am not sure which happened first.

I had a lucid dream which started in a nice but not overly ritzy house. My grandmother (recently deceased) was there dancing about the room joyfully. My grandfather (many years deceased) was not there. There were other people in the house I did not recognize. At some point, I became lucid. While I was fully my adult self, like a child I said,  "Grandma, watch this!" I expected to float up into the air. I didn't. I then vibrated the god name of Yesod and pushed off the ground with a walking stick of a certain color. Soon, I rose straight through the roof and out into the night.

It was a white night. This was significant because lucid dreams I've had have always been within a dark formless background.

I vibrated the archangelic name, Gabriel, hoping to see him. Instead, I rose into pure white...something.

At this point, I should mention that I have a rather large white angel perched over my house at the moment as a form of proteciton. My Gal states that it prevents her from astral projecting out of the house.

I tried to keep rising but the was some sort of barrier. I thought about where to go and I decided since Gabriel appeared out of the question, I'd visit my friend "A". My travel continued and I began to descend in an arc. Looking back it is like I never got out from under the angel and was brushing against its' robes. As I was traveling, I remembered that my friend is a practitioner and decided going directly to her home was a bad idea. So, I decided to land on her front lawn.

I did but the lawn in question was the house the dream started in.

Along the street before the suburban house, I briefly saw two figures walking away from me. One of them could have been a feminish form of the spirit I called. The other, may have been the Golden Dawn angel of the astral light. As soon as I saw them walking, I focused on the called spirit. The other was never seen again.

When he turned, it was more masculine but 'not right'. I called him over and it walked up to me. I asked him if I had him to thank for this experience. His answer was not quite right either but it eventually became 'righter'. Had I more experience on the astral I'd have left or banished immediately. He kept trying to come closer but I held him off with the walking stick that I pushed off with earlier. Eventually, I gave up and let him near. He tortuously changed into a threatening sort of countenance with some nasty teeth and a worse smell. It tried to bite me. I said, "Oh Shit" and vibrated a particular god name which brought me out of it.

In talking with the spirit I made the offering to, I never left the protection of the household angel. The spirit was the 'bad' figure. He was teaching me a lesson to be careful. Duly noted.

I believe later in the night, I woke up very scared for my friend "A". I couldn't sleep for about an hour. In contacting her today, she had received yesterday some poor results from a medical test and is very concerned about them. Even though I never left the angel's protection, I must have opened a channel to her by the mere act of trying to go to her astrally.

I am very pleased with the results so far.

Forgiveness

In the comments to yesterday's post, Frater RO asked, "You know what helps me out a lot with forgiveness? When a person is truly sorry, and demonstrates it by changing their pattern of behavior. I can "forgive" someone without an apology, but I don't trust them to the same degree. Or rather, the trust aspect of the relationship is changed by the incident that required "forgiveness."

Are you talking about unconditional forgiveness that doesn't require any kind of repentance (for lack of a better word)?"

The instigator involved has not apologized sincerely. The same actions that so damaged me have been repeated in other circumstances with significant emotional damage to those involved.

The authority figures, as far as I can tell, are unrepentant and can not even bring themselves to acknowledge I ever had any basis for hurt feelings. They haven't even gone so far as to acknowledge that even if I was 100% wrong that they are in any way sympathetic to the emotional trauma. I have not received so much as an "I am sorry you went through that," from any of the principal players. 


I'd find it easier to forgive if I thought someone apologized sincerely and stopped behaving in the same manner. Unfortunately, I've given up on that. My task is to have compassion for the fear-based decisions these folks made and continue to make. My task is to acknowledge that all humans do things, at least from time to time, to avoid facing their fears. Further, I need to understand that my perceptions of their motivations are just that. By now, all parties are so far in denial (including myself) that expecting anyone to fully appraise themselves is pointless. I've done the best I can with myself and expressed that to them in various ways. There has been zero return of that effort. They take the apologies I make for my past errors as capitulation and a validation of their actions.

My task is to forgive them their actions unilaterally, extend compassion as far as I am able while remembering enough not to fall into such traps again. I need to forgive without any repentance on their part as most of them feel they did nothing wrong. I can not change that. I can only change myself.

I simply need to open my heart to their humanness. Once I do that, I will be able to open my heart to a wide variety of other humans. That is the point. This is very very hard but I will succeed.

Offerings -- Forgiveness

Offering

A few days ago, I contacted a spirit for some assistance with a long term project. I set aside all my ceremonial magic training. Amidst my nightly prayers to the All, I simply visualized and called upon the spirit. It was my first time calling this particular spirit but I have been 'introduced' to him in an initiation ritual. He came to me readily. I asked him for a favor and, without waiting for a reply,  asked him if I could do something for him in return. He granted the favor and asked that I leave three yellow flowers on a street corner that I was 'unfamiliar' with.

I was tired and frankly had no idea where to find three yellow flowers at that time of night. I asked him if he would mind if I gave him the flowers in a few days. He was okay with that but said he would start before the offerings were received.

He did begin as I had a near lucid dream of significant import.

I've talked with him since and learned that unfamiliar meant 'going out of my way' and that he'd like a high traffic area. Tonight, I bought three yellow flowers, drove a bit out of my way and placed them near a busy intersection. I leaned them up single file and evenly spaced against a traffic light. Passersby could tell they were left in a deliberate manner, if they noticed at all.

I'm not sure the spirit's need for this but it suited my personality. Making people scratch their heads wondering why someone would do that fits the mind of a man that used to put a smattering of coins on a strangers driver side roof in the middle of the night to get the same reaction. The thought of people discussing the odd arrangement of flowers without any sign of a memorial or anything else amused me.

Forgiveness

I just thought I'd mention I am still working on this. I can't say anything constructive at the moment. So, I shall only say I am still working on it. There are signs of improvement.

Latin

Metatron explained my back issue today with two words of Latin. One word is likely the root of an English word. I suppose I could have pieced it together or come across it before, maybe. The other word fits it context to the issue and was the main word of explanation. There is no way I could have known this word in advance. Not a chance.

The word does not explain the original injury but did help to explain the flare ups. He gave me an idea to follow, which should I be successful in shifting thought patterns along these lines, be helpful in solving the problem.

We will see.

He also promised to be there whenever I called. I have never had an experience quite like Metatron.

The Four Noble Truths and the Eight Fold Path

This is likely more Metatron fallout.

For reasons I cannot explain, I looked up the Four Noble Truths. I found this site. Within this brief description is a link for the 8 fold path. I now realize the processes I've used in my seeking the divine mirrors this ancient way of thinking. There is beauty in the simplicity of these things.

I am not saying I am going to run out and become a Buddhist. However, there may be more to explore there.