My friend Jason Walton pointed out that he always felt that the oath was “to the divinity contained within”. This I cannot argue with. At the time I took it, I would have had no idea what he meant by that. Frankly, I am not sure that I do now. It would take a single subject post. I am not sure that I have the language skills that would communicate clearly on that topic. Here is a short version.
There is a macrocosmic all god that I would call Aaoz. There is my immortal soul. The first created the second but in such a manner each part of one is part of the other. This is also true of my immortal soul and the rest of me. Aaoz helps to unfold all souls. My immortal soul seeks to unfold myself so that it may unfold into full manifestation. These things are so intertwined that they are very difficult to differentiate.
But wait! How can I be such a hard core Pagan and think so monotheistically? The same way that I can curse while holding a second current of love that allows the target to open up to what they really want. Cynically, giving them what they thought they deserved to get from me distracts them away from me but it really is love to help them get what they need. These things are not either/or mutually exclusive options. They coexist.
Note: That used to be the only way I would curse someone.
Too Early
When I say that I took the Oath of the Abyss too early I meant the following.
As I said in Part II, this is an adept level post meaning that you at least have to have your HGA. When I took the oath no one would mistake me for an adept.
The catch for me was the line, "that I will interpret every phenomenon as a particular dealing of God with my soul." I was capable of seeing that communication frequently. I was capable of wanting to see it all the time. I was not able to see it all the time. Further, seeing your own ‘reality’ broken apart and reflected back to you in such a manner that you are constantly being corrected is hard. One feels under perpetual attack by the entire universe. The upside is that you are! The downside is that when those attacks come in human form it is very difficult not to resent the people doing exactly what you asked the universe to do.
There is also a contradiction akin to the one above. Just because you asked the universe to be instructive and people are unknowingly responding to the call does not mean that they are not being jerks. Herein comes the love thy enemy advice. The addendum for a theurgic magician is, “Love they enemy for they serve you as an angel serves God.” Perhaps this is why Crowley meant by “the slaves shall serve”? I have no idea but I can see a link.
I will be the first to admit that I cannot do this all the time. On the other hand, the Universe no longer sends me enemies.
It gets harder because time really does not exist. So, some “enemies” appeared before I took the oath. I can forgive myself for not recognizing them at the time of their appearance and not being wise enough to be aware of the fictional nature of time after I took the oath. Had I been, I may have reacted differently.
The fact is that I was as I was and did what I did.
And so I leave you with one last contradiction. In the long term view, my oath taking was not too early. Nothing is. However, in the mundane day-to-day, it was way too early.
It gets harder because time really does not exist. So, some “enemies” appeared before I took the oath. I can forgive myself for not recognizing them at the time of their appearance and not being wise enough to be aware of the fictional nature of time after I took the oath. Had I been, I may have reacted differently.
The fact is that I was as I was and did what I did.
And so I leave you with one last contradiction. In the long term view, my oath taking was not too early. Nothing is. However, in the mundane day-to-day, it was way too early.
1 comment:
The Macrocosm vs the Microcosm, "If that which thou seekest thou findest not within thee, thou wilt never find it without thee" - Doreen Valiente from "The Charge of the Goddess", "esho funi" or the Buddhist principle of oneness of self and environment; All of these are examples of the relationship between the divinity within or Will of Self vs the Will of the Universe. Having a Pantheistic view of the Universe; All of these perspectives are equally acceptable and relate to both the ideas of self vs outside influences as well as, the importance of freewill, from the perspective of Self Will vs True Will. What the Universal Will requires of you that is in cooperation with your personal Will is a brief and probably oversimplified description of True Will. Just as we have our personal Will so does that of other pieces that make up the whole of the Universe, and they may not be in cooperation with you, but they do not need to be against you either. Anyways; As far as when your Oath was taken; Sometimes we need to take an Oath to something bigger than ourselves before we can come close enough to understanding the ramifications and/or be able to accomplish the goals. Time is a great example of perceiving something that doesn't tangibly exist.
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