Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Getting My Ass Kicked

If you do this work long enough, you come to appreciate a good ass kicking. After all, who doesn't deserve a clue by four to the head once in a while?

This time I was talking to my friend Jackie. I made the point that humans are so multi-dimensional that we often don't see other aspects of folks with think we know. She said that even worse there are parts of ourselves we refuse to see. So, and not without some trepidation, I asked her what I refuse to see in myself. I expected some negative comment. I knew that she wouldn't duck. Then she hit me with this.

"I think that you are harder on yourself than anyone else.  but, I think you know that. I rarely see you cut yourself any slack...you've done some pretty damn awesome things, and you should take some time to realize it."

She then pointed out that I talk to angels. HELLO? Yeah, that is awesome. She then went on and listed some other things that are indeed pretty cool. I expected to get my ass kicked and instead, I was told that I ignore the positive in myself and then had to deal with a list of things that are great. I under value these things.

One of the items that she mentioned, I will not mention here because it is a trait that pisses off others and most would like it if I didn't have that trait. However, my mentor has that too. The difference is in the externalization of that trait and how it is communicated. 

This is typical Leo behavior. Confident externally and beating oneself up internally, fighting the extremes of the ego. Maybe I need to give myself some credit once in a while and the occasional break.

I don't value friends that refuse to have the difficult conversations when they are needed. It displays a lack of trust. I need to learn to value the friends that also point out the positive when I need to hear it.


Karmaghna said...

Did she also tell you how approachable and helpful you can be to total strangers? Well, these are traits that helped me launch my blog.

Robert said...

Glad to be able to help.

Amethyst said...

hahaha... Oh, Robert. How many times are you going to "realize" this before it has any real impact in your life? Really, you make me laugh. :)

Robert said...

Amethyst, the process of personal development is a slow one. The lesson sometimes has to be presented repeatedly before one truly has assimilated the energies. it is also true that one can hear the lesson many times and be virtually deaf and suddenly 'get it' when another person says the same thing you've heard so many times before.

Amethyst said...

Apologies. However, it seems to me that every time this topic comes up, you present it as though it is a totally new concept that has just been revealed to you after years of ignorance. It's not. You know it's not. Yet you present it as though it is. Why?

Don't get me wrong: We've all been there. I know exactly what that feels like. You've seen me ignore multiple important lessons in exactly the same way.

However, as someone who claims to be working hard to understand himself, the world, the gods and all of humanity, I think you should be fighting harder against this common and fairly predictable form amnesia... not making excuses for it.


PhoenixAngel said...

Thank you for this post Robert. I personally go thru these same Leo issues. Just when I think I have overcome it, another issue pops into my world.

Amethyst: It's very similar to having a disability. I also compare it to my short stature. I can accept that I am short and learn any number of ways to overcompensate for the fact, for example using a stepstool for the higher parts of my kitchen cupboards. Regardless, life tends to throw obstacles in your Path when one will not be equipped with the convenience of that stepstool. Its difficult to anticipate

Amethyst said...

PhoenixAngel: I don't think your analogy quite fits. You have to accept the limitations of being short, because you are an adult and are done growing physically. You will never be able to reach the top shelves in your kitchen without help.

I won't claim to be unbiased or knowledgeable, but I stand by my earlier comments.

Anonymous said...

This is extremely helpful to me as both a Leo and a practicing whatever-i-am.

I experience exactly what you have described day in and day out. In fact, I would be eager to engage in a discussion with you regarding this crazy Leo pride/deprecation meme. I can't get out of it. And I also have people telling me how wonderful I am all the time.

I also, as a Leo, applaud the way you buried the caustic response (which I am sure came very easily to mind) to some very very rude comments.

And I am not talking edifying but rude. I am talking prideful and rude.