I found myself in Bakersfield again this weekend. The Druid asked me to provide the divination for the Samhain rite he and his bride performed. I did the divination. One person said my words were 'inspirational'. Another asked if I could possibly be any more creepy. What can I say? It was Samhain. So, I used words like death, sacrifice and murderer. Some people just can't feel the love.
While I hope I provided some benefit to the community, it turned out I was not there for the public rite. I was in town to perform one tarot reading for a priestess to be.
My time in Bako, as I call it, revolves around a lot of friends. I care for these people. However, my calling to the place is not of my doing. It is giving back. It is the beginning of my suffering on the cross of obligation. The suffering at this point is really the expense, the driving, the train rides. I enjoy what I am offering to the community. I enjoy serving in this manner. It won't always be this way. Heavier responsibilities are in the wind. Maybe those will entail more intense pains. I don't know. I won't run from those responsibilities but I'm not running towards them either.
The time to bear the cross is nigh. It is my hope to do so in joy and love. I am not deluded into thinking that will always be within my ability. We serve only to the point we are able.
I was nice to be thanked today for what I am offering to the community. The thank you did not come from a place of criticism of the locals. It was gratitude for what I add to the mix.
The term suffering on the cross of obligation my seem like it is all giving and no receiving. That may be true but not so far.