Subtle Soul Lesson

My closer friend and working partner Flower posted this on her FB today:

"It's taken around 4 years of patience but Aurora is finally a snuggler. Love my sweet meow!" I was about to reply, "I torture her when you are gone. She is just running to you for protection." My soul intervened. 

I am not mean to the cat. So, saying I am would be untrue to who I am. Every time I try to make a small joke like this, my soul tells me to stop. Part of being truly authentic is to only speak your truth regardless of the reason why you want to say something else. There are two choices. Speak your truth about all things or shut up. Apparently, jokes are included. 

Not So Subtle Soul Lesson

When you live by your values and listen to your soul, life's struggles ebb away and things get easier. The other day, I passed the final exam for my first life coaching class. After 40 class hours, 80 study hours and 20 hours of peer-to-peer coaching, the test was still difficult. I thought I passed but in no way did I think I scored 98%.  Yesterday, with scant effort, I landed my first paying client after having about 20 hours with pro bono clients. 

Conflicts no longer exist with other people. I remain silent and let them flail away at their own issues. Only now, instead of judging, I pray they heal. 

I sleep great. No more insomnia.

I am making a new set of friends. 

I eat better. 

Life is good. 

Markers of the Spiritual

I had an interesting conversation with a couple of folks yesterday. The discussion centered around the behavior of the spiritual. The point was made, and I agree with it, that spiritual manifestation does not always occur as we are predisposed to believe. Some people are meant to be difficult, heck even downright barbaric. Others are saints in the conventional sense. The rest run the length of the continuum.

In my opinion, I think there are a couple of signs of those who have achieved a certain level of spirit connection.

The first is that they have integrity. By this, I do not mean anything vaguely related to morals or ethics. I mean that they are whole and their actions reflect this wholeness/holiness. They do not act in ways that are not true to who they are. This leads to a certain consistency in their behavior. You do not see the saint beating his wife, for instance. You see the predator's ambivalence towards others that are not his prey.

This is the result of manifested spirit bringing with it a sense of of place. A quick glance at the tree of life will reveal this. Take a look at Malkuth. See that X in that sephira?  That doesn't occur elsewhere. Sure, the division denotes the densest forms of the elements of creation but that is not all is shows. X marks the spot. That point at the center of the X is Hadit.

This hangs pendant too the soul above. The soul has manifested at that point. Hence the sense of place and the lack of erratic, pointless behaviors. This leads to the second marker. The manifested soul acts purposefully. If you see wild swings of behavior resulting the minutia and meaningless interactions of life, chances are you are not observing a manifested soul. The actions observed should align with the person's stated soul purpose. At the very least, behaviors should not interfere with that purpose.

I Am Now, Not Then

Over the history of this space, I have written without obfuscation. I have written revealing my brilliance and idiocy. My confusion, pains, joys and persistence have been well-documented. The long time reader can easily see a change from February to the present. There is a clear line of demarcation.

Of late, I've been confronted by people expected the pre-February Robert. What they get is decidedly different. Their confusion is usually resolved in favor of easily accepted memories and emotional imprinting. The last time this happened, it occurred with a current friend whom I respect. I was slightly hurt. While at the same time understanding where her attitude came from.

I asked myself, what do I have to do to be perceived as I am? Of course this is the wrong question. It is seeking validation from without. This is a trick of the ego that leads us to do quite silly things. So, I ignored the ego-flash and let the question sit.

Today, someone said, "You are not difficult...unusual...but not difficult." I laughed and said there are many that would disagree. It wasn't long before I realized that I had done the same thing as my friend. I don't do this often out loud. Internally, I must do this even that I don't think I do.

So, how do I allow false memories to fade away and allow new definitions to hold sway?

It may be very much like letting that old trauma fade. Now, it feels like it happened almost to someone else. No. No.

It will not be like that. It will come from the very presence of my Greater Neschemah in my aware mind. This may be my next step or a concluding step. We will see.

Complacent No More

I woke up this morning with a realization. My life coaching clients and students (for lack of a better word...I strongly dislike that word) are making more improvements in their lives than I am. My life has been going quite well in every area. Even work is calm for the moment. Though, I do see the storm coming there.

I have become complacent in my own work. I find myself having all the ability, spiritual awareness and relationships that I have always wanted. I teach without teaching, live pretty much effortlessly and enjoy 90% of my daily interactions with people. Heck that number may be low.

More of my highest soul is manifesting now than ever before. I am more than mentally healthy; I am spiritually aware. My actions are considered and not automatic. I love who I am. I love who you are and I have never met you. I know you are totally worth of God. I KNOW THAT.

There is more that I want to do. I know there is more room to grow. I know there is more to Being. I am just not sure what that is but I do know this.

I am going to find out.

Doing Dangerous Magick (Results)

In this post, I outlined some dangerous magick that I did. To sum up, a woman's ex-husband arrived from Mexico to kidnap their daughter and take her back. My magick put a stop to that. He has been deported. Due to various circumstances there is only an unlikely prospect of him ever being able to return.

Like I said in my first post, this is dangerous magick. I do not recommend doing this sort thing. VERY BAD STUFF can happen.

A Brief Exercise in Non-Duality

I have a series of small Facebook posts that start like this:

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to...

These posts are sometimes silly. Other times they are quite serious. All of them are designed to stretch reality a bit. I have been out and about and have friends of friends tell me how much they look forward to the posts. Of course, they say they perform the tasks.  I have to confess that I don't do all of them. 

Today's left me with a sense of cognitive dissonance and wonder. So, for your enjoyment, here it is:

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to write down three ways you give to others and three ways you take from others. Then seriously consider how the take column is really giving and the giving column is really taking.

Give this one a try and if you like, let me know how it goes in the comments section.

The Helpful Deity Returns

Flower and I haven't worked much together for some time.  A few months back, I had four straight nights of dreams involving snakes. In the first, a woman handed me a snake that was in the shape of an infinity symbol. She was huge and I couldn't see above her shoulders. I missed the symbolism of that. After the fourth dream, I told Flower about them. She said that she'd been dreaming of snakes too. Her little girl was also waking after dreams of snakes.

That is when it hit me. She was calling us. Just then Flower than I became quite ill with pneumonia. We made it back into circle once we healed and something unusual happened.

Flower, is quite cautious. The gods try to get her to understand what they want of her. Sometimes, like all of us, she does not get it. Other times, it seems like a refusal to understand or a refusal to put what she knows in practice. Earth signs! This time, the Helpful Deity took care of that. I could 'see' the resistance in her mind being removed. I could see earthen shelves against the wall so her mind. One moment they were there, the next the faded and in a heartbeat they were gone. Cool stuff! She said that she has never felt so comfortable with the Goddess. She has always liked male deities best.

We wondered how this would impact her life. Slowly the changes became apparent. She is becoming much more accepting of change. In fact, I have seen her start to have fun with it.

 Last week we felt the call again. We both knew it was strong beyond what we have felt before.

Our circle technique is unique. I don't know of anyone that does it this way. We sit in temple space in meditation. I am 'given' a mantra. I repeat it until I feel it is time to stand up. I repeat the mantra until the Hermes enters me and the Helpful Deity enters Flower.

The entire affair can get intense and quite stoic and They have chided us for that in the past. "Wear some color!", "Have fun", "Why so dour?" Many of our rituals are more fun but when we can wind up suddenly finding ourselves chatting with Hades in his lair to Pan playing his pipes upon a thinly forested trail to standing within a field of stars, one does have a tendency to take things seriously. Though we never shy away from where we are taken.

This time, I cannot share anything about the ritual itself. I can say this. It was the most intense ritual I have ever participated in. I laughed. I cried. I revealed in Their presence. At times, I could not tell the difference between Them and myself. As usual I spoke words that were not my own but this time there was so much less me there. If He wanted me to stand on my roof naked and cluck like a chicken, I would have. I am appreciative that He did not want this of me.

There was I time when I was full me. The big me. The one full of soul, connected spirit whose humanness is minimal. That me said, "Take everything. Take it all. Take everything." I begged and pleaded with the Goddess. "Take it!" I have little idea of what I was asking Her to take. I did so without fear. I wanted to crawl into Her toes and pop out her head. I have never been so alive.

Flower has never embodied the Goddess so completely I was proud of her. After she said like she left parts of herself all over the universe. Fits with the theme of me begging to have everything taken away.

As for the results, I will let you know

Signs You Are a Theurgist

Nick Farrell wrote signs that you might not be a real magician. You can find a beautiful counter response at Post Modern Magic. In reading these I am reminded of my response to the glass half full question. In my opinion, most folks just have the wrong sized glass.

A successful theurgist is not worried about who is doing it wrong and who is doing it right. We are concerned with doing it.

"There is a place between right thinking and wrong thinking; I will meet you there." -- Gilbran.

Habits for Spiritual Living: Needing Versus Being

The other day, I had a talk with Mr. Craig Slee, aka VI. As far as I can tell, the discussion has nothing to do with this post directly. Last night, I had a dream that also has nothing to do with this post. Some combination of the discussion and the dream led me to realize something. This is the equivalent of adding two and two and coming up with with sixteen without being aware of the intermediate steps.

2 + 2 = 4; 4 + 4 = 8 and 8 + 8 = 16.

There is a difference between those that need to help and those that are available to help. Both may have the skill set you need but the former adds too much of himself into the equation. This results in a perpetual need to return to him or her because the help you get is almost helpful. You feel like things are just around the next metaphorical bend in the road. Yet, whatever that thing is never seems to come. Those that are available to help provide assistance based on their experience combined with the just enough knowledge about yourself to be able to speak with you, in your language. They keep out of your way and let you evolve your way.

I share the Manifestation Meditation and perform as a life coach knowing these things in a way I never knew when I taught Golden Dawn stuff. The difference between my two approaches leads to an understanding of needing versus being.

When I taught before, I needed to be understood. That isn't teaching. That is seeking validation. That is needing to be the expert. Others that taught me, needed to be appreciated, loved, seen as the expounders of the mysteries. That too is seeking validation and emotionally needing to fill in an inner void. Both I and they did provide valuable insight and information. However, it was based on ego and thereby incomplete.

It is the ego that projects a false image of itself and therefore needs its projection reflected in the eyes of students. This is not a manifestation of attainment but a watery reflection that wavers as soon as a falling leaf touches the surface of a pool. That leaf being any probing question of spirit that touches the inner void space of the teacher.

Being is having an understanding of one's own universe and living 'in place'. Nothing can shake you from that place. This allows one to be available to answer questions, ask them and lend a helping hand without owning (and thus trying to control) the result. It leaves the student with the ability to answer her own questions and thus satisfy her spiritual needs.

This applies to more than teachers. I know a woman that does good work at the office but the work is a reflection of her need to be recognized. She labors under the false illusion that recognition will fill the void. It never will. So much more content would she be if she performed work directly for the benefit it offered both herself and others. Those benefits being significantly intangible. Double bonus points if she could get paid for it too. With her brains and talent she could do this. Never will she do it to fulfill a void. Never will she do it to fulfill an unnecessary need

Needs can be quite real and there is nothing negative in fulfilling them. More on that in a future post. However, one must learn to fulfill needs of being -- of spirit -- rather than the projections of ego. How do you tell? First, you recognize you are trying to fulfill a need. Then look for examples of successfully doing so. If in those moments you still have a tight gut, inner pain, and feelings of insecurity, you are fulfilling a false need of ego that will never be satisfied. When you are quiet and content for the long term, you are meeting your spirit needs. Again, more on that in a future post.

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