Living Perfection

I performed a water initiation upon myself yesterday morning. The rite was simple. Open the triangle, create the form of the letter Mem (water) in the focal point, internalize that letter and sit there. My mind wandered to various negative things. This irritated me as I thought it was a lack of focus. Maybe that was a review of bullshit, internal and external, that had a watery impact.

The rite was weak, powerless, a whole lot of nothing. Then again, I could only sit in that spot for about five minutes before I ran from the room. The triangle ritual can be very...something. I am not trying to be coy. I don't have a word for the pressures it produces.

Last night, I watched a documentary called the Invisible War (link is to Netflix). It is about rape in the military and the incredible abuse of power wielded against the victims as commanders protect their friends and/or are simply incredibly ignorant of how to handle such things. This kicked my issues into higher gear.

Then I remembered, it is Perfect. I am Perfect. My reactions to things are Perfect. With those thoughts, the intensity level dropped immediately. That came from acknowledging certain facts and accepting that it is normal to be pained by things. I do not have to fight them. My pain reaction is not weakness but a perfect product of my life experiences.

As I told someone on Facebook that was having a hard time earlier that same day, I've seen Perfect. I know all is Perfect but sometimes in dark moments I forget. Last night, I remembered. I remembered.

Many folks will criticize modern GD-based theurgy as nothing more than occult psychology. This view is understandable, especially given posts like mine. That view does fall short. Psychology is an art that seeks to provide mental health. A knowledgeable friend of mine told me the other day that 70% of humans are mentally ill. If 70% of people are doing/being anything, it is normal. Therefore, the definition of mental illness used to determine that 70% must be in error.

In the mid 1980's a man named Walking Bear told me that religion tells us how to behave and psychology tells us why we can't do it. I would add that psychology may even provide some coping mechanisms and healing. However, it stops at the level of the mind. Spirit is transcendent. Modern theurgy allows one to shed the mind-traps to reveal spirit and be more than not-pained, more than healthy. The practice reveals the soul's evolutionary process, which is a thing entirely different from mind and human understanding.

Perfection is the process of life. Seeing that and living that are not a psychological game but a mystic state of being, of closeness to the One, of having the eyes to see, ears to hear and a heart to feel.

"Therefore, God arranged things so that man himself would be the creator of his own good and master of his own perfection...

Thus the free-willed man is the primary and essential element in creation. Everything else created is only a means for bringing about man's closeness with God. All other created things, whether above or below, exist only for his sake, to provide an environment where he can earn his place in a world which is all good."

Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan, Inner Space 

Removing Fear

A man by the name of VI took me to school yesterday. I learned of the demiurge. (EDIT: Here is the Apocryphon of John which shared about the Demiurge. Though you may want to find other links that boils it down faster.)  In my mind the demiurge was a created being who could not see anything of a higher order above "him" but he could see that which was below and therefore concluded that he was the Creator.

I draw an analogy to the lower personality that can see only its own interaction with the world and therefore assumes it is the creative power one's life because it cannot look 'up' and see the soul operating above itself influencing things in subtle and not so subtle ways.

VI shared with me that the demiurge is a created being of G-d and a product of the first thought. This being was given the power to create at one point and then G-d withdrew that power and allowed the demiurge's creation to create. I assume at a lower level.

Now this is what really got me. He told me that Gnostic Christians viewed the God of the Old Testiment as the Demiurge and Christ as a direct product of the Father, not the Demiurge. Given that I look at the Bible and wonder how anyone would want to go to that psychotic god in any form, looking at him as the Demiurge makes more sense to me. As VI put it, he is the orphaned child and is therefore unbalanced and angry but given he is the product of the first thought, higher qualities do exist. The made a lot of sense to me given the bipolar nature of the Old Testament deity.

It also worked for me as I have read the Chaldean Oracles which has a phrase about the second mind whom all of mankind believes to be the first. VI tells me these ideas have different sources. I believe him as he is a scholar and I am not. However, different sources reaching the same conclusions along different paths is what I am all about. I love that stuff.

As I continually soften my harsh views on Christianity, thinking of the demiuge in this way will come into play. For instance, I am reading Kabalah now. Normally, I examine Qabala which is a magickal interpretation of the Kabalah from a non-Jewish perspective. The Kabalah is all Jewishness and a bit richer. As I was reading, I came across some pretty cool stuff and then reached a point where I was told to fear god. Hogwash. No god I will deal with needs to be feared. Respecting Its power? Hell yes. Fear as a matter of course? No way.

I simply discarded the lines about fear as a product of the demiurge psychosis and moved on. Given that the Demiurge is a product of the first mind, I can ferret out the holy from the illness and still reach for my spiritual goals.

It made me wonder, if some of the behavior I see in the famous GD leaders comes from just this idea. They reached for G-d and landed the demiurge. It is arrogant of me to guess at such things as I see all things as utterly perfect. Yet, the little Robert does so wonder. The greater Robert simply has compassion.

Personal Note:

Last night, I encountered a topic that usually sparks anger and unhealthy thought patterns. This time it did not. I believe the reason is that I have a candle that I burn every night to Gabriel, Angel of Luna. I pray to Gabriel to cool down my fires and reflect my solar nature rather than letting me sunburn folks. It seems to be working.

Manifestation Meditation Revision Result

I performed the revised Manifestation Meditation today. The symbol to the left appeared on my forehead. Qabalistically, this symbol is obvious. I do not take this to mean I have obtained this but that the new version can lead to it.

I was also given instructions on how to perform a water initiation upon myself using my triangle ritual. I will perform this ritual however I am a bit concerned for the following reasons:

• The triangle ritual is fiery, not watery
• Just the opening blows my head off
• Three other things that I haven't thought of yet.

Yet Another Project

I am well aware that I keep undertaking projects and then they fizzle.  I have been presented another. A local person wants to write a book on the magickal properties of the local plant life. She is armed with some Native American meanings. I am ignorant of such things nearly completely.

The plan is for me to skry said plants and see what I see. If it matches the Native meanings, cool. If not, I will try to use them for what I see in them. From there, we decide if we should proceed or not.

Fire Issue Success

My family Christmas was a bit different this year. A friend of a relative was there. We discussed safe topics like the Israeli/Palestinian issue and religion. I had a very pleasant conversation with him. I expressed my views and he his but not once did I get the slightest bit angry. Those were hot button issues and I was watery, accepting and calm. 

Last night, I was involved in a Facebook discussion on Pantheacon. I was expressing my disappointment but calmly and professionally. My hair was not on fire. I didn't get upset.

I think I am making huge progress with my fire issue especially given the difficulty I have been having of late.

Speaking of that, I had the Psychic take a look. she said this is my last time for looking into the face of the lion but I have to do it one more time. I hope she s right.

Technique Change, Mom Update

I have designed the Manifestation Meditation and my magickal approach upon the Qabala, which has taken from the Jewish Kabbalah and morphed it into something effective but not the original much like I morphed the Qabala into some MM techniques, tarot patterns and magickal rituals.

For Christmas I received a book I placed on my Amazon wish list years ago, Inner Space by Kaplan. This is Kabbalah. It forced me to reconsider my morph of the Qabala. I made a bubble gum and duct tape patch to my technique tonight.

This patch had to do with the prayer, imagery and intent of reaching my target. Something else takes over once I get there. In this healing, my astral vision was stronger than ever before.

"Mom's" kidneys were on fire in my vision. So where her bowels. I put out the fires with a combination of the Hebrew letters Mem and Vau (water and air) respectively. I added water and reduced air. The flames went out. I added some Jupiter for healing.

Any improvement will be in conjunction with modern medicine as her infection just began responding yesterday to conventional treatment.

On a Personal Note

My head is about to explode. The negative vibes from Christmas Eve resonated with my own issues enough that I feel that I am having some issues.

Rough Holidays

There are a lot of people out there that get depressed or mentally stressed during the holidays. I am not one of them. However, this last week has been a horrendous strain.

I haven't slept well. I have been cranky. My psychological stress last night was very close to the intensity of my break down last year. It manifested very like my issues of the past but not the same energy input and output. That was the clue. These were not my issues that I was facing.

I have become more and  more open to the energies of the universe and the like. I was (and still am but to a lesser degree) picking up on the general angst of the season from all those folks that do have holiday issues. I recognized the energy patterns that I was facing last night were not mine. The ability to do that comes from heading the admonition of the Oracle at Delphi, "Know Thyself."

You have to know who you are in order to realize that you are under the influence of something that is not you. Had I owned that energy as mine  I could have descended once again into the abyss.

Be relentless. Know thyself, even the parts you deny to others. Know yourself so well that you don't have to deny your faults. Only in this way can you be aware enough to pick up differences like this even when you are as in as bad a shape as I was last night.

The MM and the Chaldean Oracles

The other day,  I was whining to Jack Flash as my PTSD made a wimpy comeback for a short time. I think it lasted about 48 hours. He gave me the idea of doing some lunar work to calm my ever burning solar energy, "You are Sol," I think he said. Having tried everything else, and knowing Jack is always worth a listen, I gave it a shot. I am doing a daily lunar prayer and candle lighting just like I do for Aphrodite.

Last night, rather than watching Netflex, I wrote about 1,500 words on my triangle ritual. For those that do not know, the triangle ritual is a CM ritual designed to allow one's soul to guide one's magick and give it proper form. Frankly, the opening blows my head off a bit. So, I am slowly working it.

I have had two people sit at ground zero during during just the opening as a test. They both reported sacred space being created along with my other intended effect.

Tonight, I have been spendng time with the Chaldean Oracles and finding my work to be a reflection of that lofty writing. I can find the seeds of what I do within those old words. I am having fun.