The MM has ushered in significant change. Conquering my anger issues at work has had some interesting fallout.
In work life, I couldn't care less about my job at this point. It pays well but it is so unsatisfying that I have to fight to be productive at all. This is the first time in my life for that problem. Also, given my back pain, I just don't have the fight to maintain my attendance. I don't expect to be there much longer. This will be a problem. Short term I have little hope for income except:
1. Selling classes on the MM and tarot on-line. I am very good at both but I can't imagine the income will be all that great. I suppose I could sell follow-up advice to both too.
2. Doing Soul readings for the locals. Again, I am very good at it but convincing people to part with a $100 a pop won't be easy. Again, limited income there.
Longer term is the book.
WitchDoctorJoe turned me on to the idea of studying transpersonal psychology. I am seriously considering embarking on a two year program for an MA in that. I will meditate on that but I think it may be where my life is taking me. It feels like something I would enjoy a great deal. I love watching people improve themselves with the MM. This would be another way to do that.
The other fallout is that I'm less and less angry at things in my past. I think that is because I know the true cause of my frustration issues and why I acted out on them as I did. I believe I have finally learned what I needed to and now the anger is gone.
My compassion for others has grown. My self-compassion has grown. My true personality is emerging from behind that wall of pain. I am happy about all of that.
I feel like all this work I did built up a pressure that bottle necked behind that one issue. Now that it is gone, my progression has increased and an increasing rate. By that, do not think I am getting to some delusional point that I am an ascending master. I am still Robert. I am just more fully Robert than before.
Friday, April 6, 2012
Sky Meditation and Results of MM and Alcoholism
I have been revisiting Ram Daas' Be Here Now. This is definately on Robert's Recommended Reading list. One of meditations in the book is called the Sky Meditation. Basically, one meditates on the sounds naturally occurring around one's self, notices how the rise and fall, the quality of the sound (sharp, droning, sudden, building, etc.) and realizing they all fade away to nothing. Eventually, one seeks the sky and stretches the senses looking for the same thing.
I haven't reached that last part yet.
This morning, I was sitting her listening to Flower's six year old watching a Tom and Jerry DVD in her room. Rather than being annoyed by the too loud volume, I did the sky meditation and had some realizations.
Music, which we tend to think of as one continuous sound, is made up of many sounds (yeah big realization right?) that all END. Each sound in the stream of music stops and appears to blend into a new sound but, in reality, a new sound starts. In between the sounds is the conductor or musician. It is s/he that helps turn the music into something we enjoy hearing. Music can often reach us at the soul level.
This is true of our thoughts. We think we are thinking all the time but in reality thoughts start, stop and new thoughts arise upon our internal viewer. Between those thoughts, we are. Who I am resides between my thoughts and does not arise because of my thoughts. My thoughts may be the prompts for action when I am ASLEEP but my state of being resides behind them and can be seen in the pause between them.
When our personal music is discordant it is because our musician is not guiding us, we are not aware, instead we act in the play as if the play is reality. IT IS NOT. The play is a self-thought interaction among the many people we associated with. We all try to bond, unify and be understood by each other. We want to be liked and loved.
Given that, the constant awareness of my own awareness will render those thoughts that prompt action impotent. This is one level of being awake more than I am now. This is something on which I will place some effort. I am at my most holy not when I am acting or interacting but when I am simply being.
Acting in a play written with someone else's script (thoughts) is not satisfying. I will write my play by being aware. I will choose what to say and what not to say, do and what not to do.
Being is so much more important than pantomiming one's thoughts in a play and expecting others to understand us. Being is understanding and negates the need to be understood by others. Being is peaceful. Being is compassion for myself and others.
Also today, Being allowed me to sense the turmoil in Flower's older child that will lead to health problems if she doesn't resolve it. I will say nothing as I would not be heard. Maybe, if it is meant to be, the opportunity will arise.
Being will allow me to more fully sense the needs of others and meet them rather than fully participating in the pantomime of their thoughts. In this way, I perceive something positive happening. How that will manifest I can only guess.
Results with Winter
Winter has had a drinking problem for at least a decade. She reports being drunk four days a week. The upside is that she is not a trouble-causer when drunk, no DUIs, no arrests, no violence. Nevertheless, she hates it and wants it to stop. Good for her!
She has tried AA, antabuse, going cold turkey and a host of other things. Nothing has worked. She is using the Sinclair Method for 10 days.
A couple of nights ago, I agreed to help her using my soul reading/comforting technique. I removed something from her aura. She knew what it meant and the connection to alcohol was tenuous. In that session, I was also given instructions on how to help her. Part of those was that she do the Manifestation Meditation using a specific phrase. I gave her that phrase.
She performed it for the first time last night.
Later, she started drinking. She started getting nauseous but still tried to drink. The Sinclair method is supposed to stop the endorphins so you don't enjoy your drunk. It does not keep you from getting drunk. Last night, she couldn't get drunk and poured the rest of the bottle out. It was the first time she's ever been able to do this. Prior to this, the medication that is paired with the Sinclair method had not had this impact. She says this may be the method but isn't sure. She did say that she thinks this worked because the MM aligns her soul with what she is trying to do physically.
Stay tuned for more results. Winter wants privacy. In that light, she read this post and approved it in advance.
I haven't reached that last part yet.
This morning, I was sitting her listening to Flower's six year old watching a Tom and Jerry DVD in her room. Rather than being annoyed by the too loud volume, I did the sky meditation and had some realizations.
Music, which we tend to think of as one continuous sound, is made up of many sounds (yeah big realization right?) that all END. Each sound in the stream of music stops and appears to blend into a new sound but, in reality, a new sound starts. In between the sounds is the conductor or musician. It is s/he that helps turn the music into something we enjoy hearing. Music can often reach us at the soul level.
This is true of our thoughts. We think we are thinking all the time but in reality thoughts start, stop and new thoughts arise upon our internal viewer. Between those thoughts, we are. Who I am resides between my thoughts and does not arise because of my thoughts. My thoughts may be the prompts for action when I am ASLEEP but my state of being resides behind them and can be seen in the pause between them.
When our personal music is discordant it is because our musician is not guiding us, we are not aware, instead we act in the play as if the play is reality. IT IS NOT. The play is a self-thought interaction among the many people we associated with. We all try to bond, unify and be understood by each other. We want to be liked and loved.
Given that, the constant awareness of my own awareness will render those thoughts that prompt action impotent. This is one level of being awake more than I am now. This is something on which I will place some effort. I am at my most holy not when I am acting or interacting but when I am simply being.
Acting in a play written with someone else's script (thoughts) is not satisfying. I will write my play by being aware. I will choose what to say and what not to say, do and what not to do.
Being is so much more important than pantomiming one's thoughts in a play and expecting others to understand us. Being is understanding and negates the need to be understood by others. Being is peaceful. Being is compassion for myself and others.
Also today, Being allowed me to sense the turmoil in Flower's older child that will lead to health problems if she doesn't resolve it. I will say nothing as I would not be heard. Maybe, if it is meant to be, the opportunity will arise.
Being will allow me to more fully sense the needs of others and meet them rather than fully participating in the pantomime of their thoughts. In this way, I perceive something positive happening. How that will manifest I can only guess.
Results with Winter
Winter has had a drinking problem for at least a decade. She reports being drunk four days a week. The upside is that she is not a trouble-causer when drunk, no DUIs, no arrests, no violence. Nevertheless, she hates it and wants it to stop. Good for her!
She has tried AA, antabuse, going cold turkey and a host of other things. Nothing has worked. She is using the Sinclair Method for 10 days.
A couple of nights ago, I agreed to help her using my soul reading/comforting technique. I removed something from her aura. She knew what it meant and the connection to alcohol was tenuous. In that session, I was also given instructions on how to help her. Part of those was that she do the Manifestation Meditation using a specific phrase. I gave her that phrase.
She performed it for the first time last night.
Later, she started drinking. She started getting nauseous but still tried to drink. The Sinclair method is supposed to stop the endorphins so you don't enjoy your drunk. It does not keep you from getting drunk. Last night, she couldn't get drunk and poured the rest of the bottle out. It was the first time she's ever been able to do this. Prior to this, the medication that is paired with the Sinclair method had not had this impact. She says this may be the method but isn't sure. She did say that she thinks this worked because the MM aligns her soul with what she is trying to do physically.
Stay tuned for more results. Winter wants privacy. In that light, she read this post and approved it in advance.
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
The MM and Alcoholism
This is a marker post.
Today, I entered an agreement to treat alcoholism with the Manifestation Meditation. I did my first session and gave this person, who will be called Winter, the once over. I will not reveal what I saw here as Winter reads this space.
I will say that I gave her specific instruction to the MM with specific wording. She is to do that for one week before I can do anything further.
I will also need to do a soul reading for her.
This person wants her privacy protected. So, there may be some very oddly worded posts on this topic.
As for me...
I did the MM and asked for my next spiritual lesson. I was told to back off. I am supposed to work on my physical body. This reflects what I asked for not long ago. How do I get relief from this horrible back pain? The universe has been showing me example after example of what to do.
I am, starting tomorrow, working on becoming a vegan. There will be a period of vegetarianism first.
On another topic, the removal of the mentor is exactly what I needed. The trapped thought patterns bouncing off of him have been greatly reduced. That has nothing to do with him at all by the dynamic that formed. Moving on has liberated from those thoughts that were full of insecurity, self-doubt and the like. My spirit is very liberated. My confidence level is good.
Today, I entered an agreement to treat alcoholism with the Manifestation Meditation. I did my first session and gave this person, who will be called Winter, the once over. I will not reveal what I saw here as Winter reads this space.
I will say that I gave her specific instruction to the MM with specific wording. She is to do that for one week before I can do anything further.
I will also need to do a soul reading for her.
This person wants her privacy protected. So, there may be some very oddly worded posts on this topic.
As for me...
I did the MM and asked for my next spiritual lesson. I was told to back off. I am supposed to work on my physical body. This reflects what I asked for not long ago. How do I get relief from this horrible back pain? The universe has been showing me example after example of what to do.
I am, starting tomorrow, working on becoming a vegan. There will be a period of vegetarianism first.
On another topic, the removal of the mentor is exactly what I needed. The trapped thought patterns bouncing off of him have been greatly reduced. That has nothing to do with him at all by the dynamic that formed. Moving on has liberated from those thoughts that were full of insecurity, self-doubt and the like. My spirit is very liberated. My confidence level is good.
Learning Humility
I passed a test of humility last night. I am not sure how to write that up in a way that will not compromise the feelings of the people involved. If I can figure it out, I will post it because I think it is important. Today, is not the day for subtle thinking. So, I won't be posting on that today.
I may write on it Thursday when Flower is here. Perhaps I can run it by her first and make sure it is kosher.
Healing
Using the MM to comfort the nephesch of a friend, I ended a string of nightly nightmares. She had awoken in a cold sweat daily for years. I'm sure there were some nights that were exceptions but not many. Yesterday, she reported she had been nightmare free for over ten days.
At this point, I can literally 'see' and 'comfort' a person's nephesch (animal soul). Given how fearful this part of the soul always is, I think I can relieve a lot of pain from people by doing that.
Compassion
In doing the soul reading, I think my compassion will grow. I realize intellectually that we are all in pain and have experienced harsh things in life. With the soul readings, I share that pain. I understand that pain. Hopefully, I can comfort and relieve some of that pain.
By sharing it without holding onto it, I think I am experiencing compassion for both myself and the other party. As I do that more and more, I think it will be easier to extend that compassion to those I haven't read. I know I've been trending that way anyway but I think this will give that a boost.
I may write on it Thursday when Flower is here. Perhaps I can run it by her first and make sure it is kosher.
Healing
Using the MM to comfort the nephesch of a friend, I ended a string of nightly nightmares. She had awoken in a cold sweat daily for years. I'm sure there were some nights that were exceptions but not many. Yesterday, she reported she had been nightmare free for over ten days.
At this point, I can literally 'see' and 'comfort' a person's nephesch (animal soul). Given how fearful this part of the soul always is, I think I can relieve a lot of pain from people by doing that.
Compassion
In doing the soul reading, I think my compassion will grow. I realize intellectually that we are all in pain and have experienced harsh things in life. With the soul readings, I share that pain. I understand that pain. Hopefully, I can comfort and relieve some of that pain.
By sharing it without holding onto it, I think I am experiencing compassion for both myself and the other party. As I do that more and more, I think it will be easier to extend that compassion to those I haven't read. I know I've been trending that way anyway but I think this will give that a boost.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Soul Reading
Last night, I did my first soul reading. I suppose this is just your average psychic reading but I categorize things by the levels of the soul I primarily work with.
Here and the levels and what I answer:
Nephesch - Animal Soul that only knows fight/flight and reproduction - What does it fear? The Nephesch is always in fear. It is just a matter of degree.
Automatic Personality - This part is programmed. Input A receives consistent output B. What does this impact? What specifically is the input and output? How can this be overcome? Where did it come from? On this one, I found a childhood friend from the toddler stage that created the original imprinting. I actually saw her and described her.
Ruach - This is the personality as it is supposed to be expressed per your immortal soul. It does get impacted, programmed, damaged, misaligned or whatever you may want to call it. What needs worked on? How can those things be overcome/enhanced. Enhanced because sometimes our strengths don't come through.
In this reading the answer to this one actually helped me understand my friend. I have always seen a contradiction between her compassionate actions and her vibe. Now, I know why.
Higher Self (Immortal Soul) - What is a soul purpose? How can this be manifested?
In this reading, she already knew this answer and reminded me how this had been consciously demonstrated in her life.
For this person, I stayed in trance for at least an hour, literally, according to her. She took three pages of notes and pronounced it 100% accurate. Frankly, I have more confidence in this process than I do my tarot readings, which are known for their accuracy. I think this has a likelihood of being to help more people. My tarot readings can deal with symptoms or root causes and the like. Often they are limited by the question. This actually shows what is impacting at the soul level. There are no limiting questions. Things are more open ended.
Though, in writing this, I just figured out how to develop 'soul reading' tarot spreads.
The downside is that I was exhausted after. I think I was exhausted because I wanted to be successful. I was grasping and placing value on success. I will do better when I am at ease.
Dream
I dreamed last night that I was in a restaurant. There were those of us who were asleep and those that were awake. Those people were not asleep but where not aware. Just like many in life that have not woken up. Those of us there were awake were a bit confused.
The sleepers went on with their tasks but were unaware of their sleep. Those of us that were awake were trying to piece things together. I actually pointed out to someone that the others were asleep. I felt a woman's breasts. She got annoyed and glared at me. As soon as I stopped she went right back to zombie mode.
There was a black family in the corner. Two were awake or near awake. They argued about their situation. "This was about New Orleans." "No, nothing happened in New Orleans." Yikes! Were these people dead from Katrina but didn't really know yet?
The atmosphere outside the restaurant looked a little barren,, as if a disaster had occurred.
Here and the levels and what I answer:
Nephesch - Animal Soul that only knows fight/flight and reproduction - What does it fear? The Nephesch is always in fear. It is just a matter of degree.
Automatic Personality - This part is programmed. Input A receives consistent output B. What does this impact? What specifically is the input and output? How can this be overcome? Where did it come from? On this one, I found a childhood friend from the toddler stage that created the original imprinting. I actually saw her and described her.
Ruach - This is the personality as it is supposed to be expressed per your immortal soul. It does get impacted, programmed, damaged, misaligned or whatever you may want to call it. What needs worked on? How can those things be overcome/enhanced. Enhanced because sometimes our strengths don't come through.
In this reading the answer to this one actually helped me understand my friend. I have always seen a contradiction between her compassionate actions and her vibe. Now, I know why.
Higher Self (Immortal Soul) - What is a soul purpose? How can this be manifested?
In this reading, she already knew this answer and reminded me how this had been consciously demonstrated in her life.
For this person, I stayed in trance for at least an hour, literally, according to her. She took three pages of notes and pronounced it 100% accurate. Frankly, I have more confidence in this process than I do my tarot readings, which are known for their accuracy. I think this has a likelihood of being to help more people. My tarot readings can deal with symptoms or root causes and the like. Often they are limited by the question. This actually shows what is impacting at the soul level. There are no limiting questions. Things are more open ended.
Though, in writing this, I just figured out how to develop 'soul reading' tarot spreads.
The downside is that I was exhausted after. I think I was exhausted because I wanted to be successful. I was grasping and placing value on success. I will do better when I am at ease.
Dream
I dreamed last night that I was in a restaurant. There were those of us who were asleep and those that were awake. Those people were not asleep but where not aware. Just like many in life that have not woken up. Those of us there were awake were a bit confused.
The sleepers went on with their tasks but were unaware of their sleep. Those of us that were awake were trying to piece things together. I actually pointed out to someone that the others were asleep. I felt a woman's breasts. She got annoyed and glared at me. As soon as I stopped she went right back to zombie mode.
There was a black family in the corner. Two were awake or near awake. They argued about their situation. "This was about New Orleans." "No, nothing happened in New Orleans." Yikes! Were these people dead from Katrina but didn't really know yet?
The atmosphere outside the restaurant looked a little barren,, as if a disaster had occurred.
Monday, April 2, 2012
Fun Stuff and Other Stuff
So, as promised, here is the fun stuff. I have no idea if it is fun for you but it was fun for me.
I went down to Bakersfield to do a psychic fair at the Enchanted Cottage. I did four tarot readings. It wasn't my busiest fair by any stretch but I nailed those readings. Two of the querents bragged about me to another reader. That makes my day! When people say good things to third parties you know you're doing it right and performing a service.
I was also asked to speak before the Bakersfield Pagans regarding what it is like to be a ceremonial magician. I compared and contrasted public neo-Wiccan circles to Golden Dawn initiatory rites. I managed to do this without angering anyone. Given cross-traditional garbage that goes on from time to time, I am giving myself points for pulling that off. The audience too was courteous and seemed to take in what I had to say.
The talk was informal and a bit off the cuff but I think people left with a much greater understanding of both public circles and Golden Dawn type rituals.
Odd Work
I had a rough break up not long ago. I took a lot of crap over a few days that sent me spinning. I have never understood the need to end a loving relationship with mean stuff. I have seen it and done it but not understood it. When I have done it and realized it I have made attempts to make amends. Oddly, I've never seen that done in my direction.
When people criticize me, I take it to heart. I OWN it. I figure anything from someone else's point of view is valid and my point of view may not be. This is insane.
Finally a few things clicked in the other direction and I fired. What I said was factually true and could only be denied if one was unable to admit things. However, it is also really hit home for her. I am a bit ashamed of myself. On the other hand, I feel so much better. So, I guess I know understand that meanness after a break up.
Soul Reading
Upon my return Sunday, one of the MM people needed some help. I did a tarot reading and then he asked me for advice on how to do the MM next. I dropped into 'reading' mode without any thought, I read him with great success and provided advice.
I have now offered to do soul readings and healings for my friends in the local community. I will charge for them eventually and would definitely charge for them when I am at the Enchanted Cottage. Right now, it is practicing on friends.
I am not sure if this is where my soul is taking me of it is ego. I will find out. I am doing my first one for a friend later tonight.
Whiteness
When I do the MM, I see my greater neschemah in a particular shape and color. It has changed from red to white of its own accord. I don't see a great deal of change to have caused that, save maybe the soul healing/reading I am now capable of. I do not feel more spiritual.
I do think I have a better understanding of what it is.
I went down to Bakersfield to do a psychic fair at the Enchanted Cottage. I did four tarot readings. It wasn't my busiest fair by any stretch but I nailed those readings. Two of the querents bragged about me to another reader. That makes my day! When people say good things to third parties you know you're doing it right and performing a service.
I was also asked to speak before the Bakersfield Pagans regarding what it is like to be a ceremonial magician. I compared and contrasted public neo-Wiccan circles to Golden Dawn initiatory rites. I managed to do this without angering anyone. Given cross-traditional garbage that goes on from time to time, I am giving myself points for pulling that off. The audience too was courteous and seemed to take in what I had to say.
The talk was informal and a bit off the cuff but I think people left with a much greater understanding of both public circles and Golden Dawn type rituals.
Odd Work
I had a rough break up not long ago. I took a lot of crap over a few days that sent me spinning. I have never understood the need to end a loving relationship with mean stuff. I have seen it and done it but not understood it. When I have done it and realized it I have made attempts to make amends. Oddly, I've never seen that done in my direction.
When people criticize me, I take it to heart. I OWN it. I figure anything from someone else's point of view is valid and my point of view may not be. This is insane.
Finally a few things clicked in the other direction and I fired. What I said was factually true and could only be denied if one was unable to admit things. However, it is also really hit home for her. I am a bit ashamed of myself. On the other hand, I feel so much better. So, I guess I know understand that meanness after a break up.
Soul Reading
Upon my return Sunday, one of the MM people needed some help. I did a tarot reading and then he asked me for advice on how to do the MM next. I dropped into 'reading' mode without any thought, I read him with great success and provided advice.
I have now offered to do soul readings and healings for my friends in the local community. I will charge for them eventually and would definitely charge for them when I am at the Enchanted Cottage. Right now, it is practicing on friends.
I am not sure if this is where my soul is taking me of it is ego. I will find out. I am doing my first one for a friend later tonight.
Whiteness
When I do the MM, I see my greater neschemah in a particular shape and color. It has changed from red to white of its own accord. I don't see a great deal of change to have caused that, save maybe the soul healing/reading I am now capable of. I do not feel more spiritual.
I do think I have a better understanding of what it is.
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Golden Dawn People STFU
To people that are not aware of the Golden Dawn flame wars, ignore them and ignore this.
To the rest of you, SHUT UP. Stop participating. You are making the entire tradition look like garbage. It worked for me. It has worked for a lot of folks quietly doing the work behind the scenes. You are sullying the tradition. You are becoming the Christian Evangelist Whackos that make Christianity look like a pile of crap. STOP IT.
If you were doing the Great Work, you wouldn't have time for this stuff.
Be silent, work on yourself and stop stomping on a valued tradition with your tiny little egos that think they are so important.
End of Rant.
Tomorrow this space will return to its normal subject matter. I have fun stuff to report!
To the rest of you, SHUT UP. Stop participating. You are making the entire tradition look like garbage. It worked for me. It has worked for a lot of folks quietly doing the work behind the scenes. You are sullying the tradition. You are becoming the Christian Evangelist Whackos that make Christianity look like a pile of crap. STOP IT.
If you were doing the Great Work, you wouldn't have time for this stuff.
Be silent, work on yourself and stop stomping on a valued tradition with your tiny little egos that think they are so important.
End of Rant.
Tomorrow this space will return to its normal subject matter. I have fun stuff to report!
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