Long HGA Chat

Yesterday, I was in intense pain. I also had a long chat with my HGA on various topics. I will summarize what was said.

His voice seemed very different but I had all the other signs that I had the right spirit. Apparently, he was in a bad mood. I was taken aback by this as it never occurred to me that HGA's had moods. My back pain had angered him. His analogy was that the feeling is like being in a room with a very upset person. For humans, that upset can be contagious. My back pain effects him in the same way.

One theory of HGA's is that they are completely separate beings from ourselves. If so, how can my pain effect him like this? Addressing the issue of him being a separate being from myself he said without words, "It is complicated."

I wondered how my pain medication effects him. He said it doesn't but then offered this interesting tidbit that covered both the separate entity issue and drugs. According to him, one of the reasons that drug addicts fall so far is that the heavy recreational drugs so disturb the HGA that they have to withdrawal. The process is equivalent of having a brain damaged three year old that hits you with a hammer. Eventually, the parent must separate from the child. Any human can understand the pain any parent would experience in that situation. His use of that analogy tells me that as humans we can cause our HGAs a great deal of pain and trauma. Considering the sheer numbers of humans that turn away from their own souls, the general population of HGA spirits must live in as much pain as humans do. This is such a sad thought.

What about drugs that are said to awaken one's spirituality like LSD? He said those often chemically mimic a true spiritual experience and that the effect fools people into thinking something deeply spiritual has occurred. After some back and forth, he admitted there can be such a fine line between the drug induced spiritual experience and the real thing that distinguishing the two doesn't really matter. That isn't his entire perspective. I am putting some words in his mouth here but I think his attitude is that the drug induced spiritual experience can be very helpful but he doesn't wholly approve. At some point, I will question him on the subtleties of his point of view.

Regarding my experience with Asmodel, he told me that I should invoke the other kerubs as well. I have had some internal questions lately about having spirits change my personality for me. My thought was that the alchemical process should be mine alone. He said there are certain things one can not change but the mere recognition of that fact and the willingness to do something, even if it is seemingly external, is the Work. I would have argued with him but I couldn't find a reason.

He told me in no uncertain terms that I should not have done the binding. His argument was that you can't bind other people for reacting to one's own issues. I explained that I have been working on that issue but, in this case, the other person consciously or not was using my issues to further her drama. He still didn't care. I then explained the potential mundane fallout of this person going on about it to others in the workplace. He then agreed the spell wasn't a problem and admitted that he doesn't necessarily understand mundane implications. Towards the end of this conversation snippet, he took on the feel of my mentor. I don't like it when he does that because it makes my critical mind wonder if I am making up the conversation to sooth myself. However, in this case he took that form of emotion to comfort me and show me that he wasn't upset with me.

Yesterday, I had the idea that, after recharging Bune's seal according to Asmodel's instructions, of taking Bune's seal to various locations and showing him specifically what I need from him. This thought was inspired by Frater RO's comments on the topic of Bune. The scenario flitted through my mind during this conversation. My HGA called Bune and vibrated a word simultaneously. The sound reminded me of a the short blast of an air horn. The word sounded like Sheshat, an Egyptian god-form, but I was assured that was not the meaning. I asked him if he just commanded Bune directly. He said he did. Bune just stood there. I asked why Bune simply stood their motionless. "I have not released him yet." Sometimes, the obvious answers make me feel a bit foolish.

There are all sorts of implications to my HGA directly ordering my spirits about. I will contemplate those at a later time.

I left the conversation feeling somewhat disorientated but in a very peaceful sort of way and went straight to bed. I had two disturbing dreams in which My Gal was being separated from me by armed men. In one dream, I could not leave a recently invaded island. And in another, someone had broken into a home and held her hostage. In neither dream did I feel any imminent danger to either of us. Only upon waking would I label them disturbing.

(conversation image from: http://thepaisano.files.wordpress.com/2008/02/conversation.jpg)

Criminal Witchcraft?

As reported earlier, I picked up Paul Huson's Mastering Witchcraft. I found Huson after reading Jason Miller's excellent book, Protection and Reversal Magick. Mastering Witchcraft is in the bibliography of that work.

Despite my opinion of Jason's book, I was not impressed with Huson. I put Mastering Witchcraft down after reading it halfway through.

Several things made this work incompatible with my world view. The first was referring to the target of a spell as 'the victim'. This wording was even used when discussing seduction magick. If you're trying to get laid and refer to your potential partner as a victim, I'd say it is pretty likely you're a predator. At the very least, you probably have no respect for the other person involved. Words matter. He flatly says engaging in sex is the first duty of a witch. I'd not follow a god or goddess that took such a disrespectful/near rape coupling as an offering. This wasn't some sort of BDSM kinky "near rape" thing, the word 'victim' applies.

I found one portion laughable -- the large chapter on seduction magick. Magickally, he says to add this and that to the food of your 'victim' and to get the person (a word he doesn't use) to look into a charged bobble. He then goes on to suggest that very mundane activities such as low candle light, looking someone in the eye, preparing his favorite food, and giving him some alcohol are part of the magick. Frankly, if you did everything in this elaborate seduction scene and left out all of the so-called magick, you'd have just as good a chance of getting laid and probably better. Most people I know have a 'creep-o-meter' that would have gone off long before Huson and his ilk got into anyone's pants. While I agree mundane settings can enhance what you do as a magician/witch, this was the equivalent of calling the act putting a key in an ignition part of magickal act of driving to work in the morning. Give me a break.

Before my reader thinks that I believe using magick to gain a partner either for the night or for life is immoral, let me put that to rest here. There is simply an underlying creep factor to this book that makes my blood run cold.

There was nothing about self-exploration or building relationships with the gods. It is rare to read a theurgic book without some reference to thaumaturgy. I assumed that reading about thaumaturgy would at least contain some reference to theurgy but no. This book never even asked you to explore why you want this particular victim in your bed.

I did read some words regarding making offerings but these referred to quid pro quo activities not what solid friendships/relationships are made of -- as above so below. Even though I think those offerings and interactions would eventually lead to relationships and spiritual integration that is not the point of Huson's work. I can't place my finger on any wording that lead me to this conclusion but his interaction with gods bordered on disrespectful.

His work is about controlling others to meet your basest needs. Others may find that appealing, I do not.

I do recognize that there is no part of me that is not of the gods. That would include base wants and desires. However, that doesn't mean we have to pander to such things in such a violent manner. By violent, I mean actions that take place with no consideration whatsoever about their effect on the 'victim'. Shudder.

Please Note:

I believe Jason found this work to be influential and it may have been in his early years. Yet I can not imagine the present day Jason having such a negative or even such a "non-thought" attitude regarding a potential lover, even if that lover was a one night stand. I mean no disrespect to Jason by panning something he found useful.

I also recognize that the buzzword victim may have soured my attitude to this writer that I may have missed other useful things. But as I said above, words do matter. I did make an earlier post about his ideas for using a kamea that I did like.

Black Work - Saturn

I almost got aggressive last night and did some serious magick against someone. Like I said last night, I just don't do that sort of thing often. I settled for sealing her words that they harm me not.

In a nut shell, I did the following:

• First Degree Opening as outlined in John Michael Greer's Circles of Power
• Used my rainbow wand to invoke Saturn using the divine names of the planet
• Got nervous. Over what, I have no idea.
• I rolled up her email that started the problem and tied six strings, one for each direction around her words.
• I made the mistake of cutting 3 inch strings to correspond with the number of Saturn. This made them hard to tie and the knot dubious.
• I followed that mistake by using the wax from my one black candle to 'glue' the threads in place. This resulted in wax falling on my candle holder which in turn made it no longer a flat surface. You guessed it, I have black wax on my temple floor. Did I mention it has a white carpet?
• With each string, I said "I seal the words of X so they do me no harm, may they find nothing but a dark ever rolling abyss formless luminous and void."
• The normal banishings followed.

I take the wax spill and nervousness to mean that I still have a frustration issue to do deal with. Actually, it isn't even that, everyone gets frustrated at work. I just need to do so quieter.

At the meeting today, which included her boss. I looked good. She took a shot but it sounded pathetic. No one said a word to her comment, her words fell flat.

Of What Value Masks?

Speaking of fire and the value of spirits doing work for you, I am pissed.

I had a co-worker deliberately seek out drama today and I bit. I didn't bite too hard but the political fallout may be problematic. We'll see. I am SO SO SO tempted to bottle her up with a binding. My first thought was to get her canned but that is a bit extreme. I normally do not do such things. By not normally, I mean next to never. I am not sure how to handle this spiritually or magickally.

However, though Asmodel has been fine in keeping me very balanced, in control, patient and funny, her calmness did not withstand a direct frontal assault. So, is her calmness of benefit to me spiritually? Maybe, if it conditions me to be calmer. Maybe not if it is just a mask.

(mask image from: http://darmano.typepad.com/logic_emotion/images/mask.jpg)

My Fire

Frater RO blogged here about what he sees as the death of a Yahoo list. Without commenting on the personalities involved, I do agree with RO that the high noise ratio on that list is tiresome.

I'd like to brag about my Yahoo group, which is for magicians local to my area, but it has been deader than Abraham Lincoln for some time and no one shot it in the head.

The only reason I am even bothering to comment on RO's post is because it resonated with my Work of late. I don't think I've been concerned as much as advancing spiritually as I should. I am enjoying the peace brought to me by Asmodel but not working with it in any way except trying to keep the peace from slipping away.

Once when I felt the old me coming back, I asked Asmodel why I couldn't change myself. Why can't I put out the burning fire? He said that is like being a river and wanting not to be wet. My fire is the 9th card on a Celtic Cross spread, hopes and fears. My fire is my pure driving force and my downfall. Asmodel tends the fire and keeps it smoldering but will not extinguish the flame. Fair enough.

Is having a spirit do something for you the Work? Does that calmness represent a new form of purity or simply a mask? The mask is functional at work. In the long run though, does the mask serve a spiritual purpose?

The positive side of Asmodel experience is that I do understand the difference between active and passive will. One of the reasons my relationship with my mentor is successful is that he is very patient yet unmovable at the same time. I realized this about a week before encountering Asmodel.

I want more. I want absolute and complete unity. I want to touch to souls and heal their pains. I want to help people lift themselves up. Yet very little of my personality is suited for such things.


(Picture from: http://www.appliancist.com/john-t-unger-portable-fire-pits.jpg)

Promotion! A Rethought Dream - A New Dream

Today, I called the place to order the very expensive item I was directed to buy and consecrate by my HGA. Not so coincidentally, I received a call from my boss today telling me I will definitely be promoted. For those of you whom regularly read this space, Bune says he had nothing to do with it except making sure that, "It didn't not happen."

A week or so I posted this. If you haven't read it this next line won't make any sense. In that dream, I think the sign may have been held for the person I felt but wasn't there. The difference between her and the others I dealt with in the past is that she is a priestess instead of priestesses 'to be.'

Part of doing this Work is not resting with your first conclusions. Hence the need to write it all down and reread it once in a while. Preconceived notions are the work of the hinderer.

Two nights ago, I had a dream. I was with my coworker R and we were in a mountainous region. It was bright and sunny day. We were there for work only not. We were tourists. We walked into a deep cave with other tourists and she (R) walked over to a section of the cave that was lighted like a museum display. Behind class was dirt than had gone undisturbed for a very long time. R shouted after reading the plaque, "It says the bodies were buried in Washington State!" She was excited about that. The thought scared me.

We descended further and ran into walls of iron bars straight out of an old western jail. You could see wall after all of bars but it was also obvious that one could easily walk the maze and descend into the bowels of the mountain. No one else was there. I got scared and we left.

I found myself back with R in the daylight. We were in a mountain city like Lake Tahoe only this was older and nicer.

I feel this was an initiatory dream that I failed. Had I been 'ready', I'd have descended. Had I been lucid, I would have known what this was and gone for it. Fear does not stop me when I have a moment to think about it.

(Dollar sign from: http://axelstudios.com/files/money.jpg)
(Jail from: http://beautifycnmi.blogspot.com/2007/04/old-japanese-jail.html)

Sublime Simplicity

My gal posted about a rite of passage we participated in this weekend. She said a bunch of things that I planned on saying. Just as well, she did a better job.

On a personal magickal level, I was pleased because I found the frequency they operate on by searching through my database of knowledge until something clicked. Fun. That was just an aside because the night was not about me at all. It was about love and family religion.

Years ago, my mentor would sit me down in his temple space and talk. Later, he let me watch him talk to someone else. I sat quietly in a corner and was struck by the fact that this is the way the mysteries have been taught for thousands of years, one person teaching one person--the simplicity beautiful.

A year or two back, I had the privilege of attending a Gnostic Mass held in a converted garage. The space was awesome but we had be quiet lest the neighbors would get wind of what was happening in their midst. This is how Christianity began. Small groups of people worshiping in secret. I am sure new religious movements have started like this for ages. The cycle repeats.

At the Wiccaning this weekend, I was struck again by the religion of old. Not the "Olde Religion" (i.e. Wicca pretending to be ancient religion since 1958) but old in the cyclic sense. Here was one man, the leader of his family. Who understands what he teaches to his family. Who practices what he teaches to his family. Who lives a spiritual life with his family.

There is no building or space to pay for other than what they already have. There is no congregation of moral observers looking for a gossip inspiring slip-up. There is no collection plate.

Isn't this what religion should be? Beautiful in its simplicity.'

picture from: (http://www.worstedwitch.com/pix/2006/08/13/stones.jpg)