Monday, March 28, 2011

The Naked Wand - Part Duex - The Smell of Fear

As one deals with elemental initiations, one is often faced with dreams of said element. One form of theses dreams indicates success. You have learned what you’ve needed to learn. It may not be time yet to move on and face the next challenge but the ground work has been laid for success. The other form of dreams does not indicate failure but that more work needs to be done.

I had a latter such a dream over the weekend. In the early stages, one’s HGA has a tendency to show up in the guise of a cop or some other authority figure in one’s dreams. I’ve experienced that. I’ve read about it as well. I think Stavish makes a mention of it. I never noticed, I suppose because I’m am black hole dense sometimes, that they never mention the forms the HGA uses at later stages. My HGA used one in the dream. The imagery was so obvious that some light escaped from the gravitational pull of my personal black hole.

I was scared. Terrified. I woke up in sweat. My heart was pounding as this beast corralled me. He showed up because I’ve been adding to the Prayer of Jabez asking for utter and complete manifestation of my HGA. As I have said, I’ve met him. I know him. Of this, there is no doubt. My contact has never solidified to the point I believe it should. Yes, it is only a matter of remembering as my mentor says but part of that remembering is a FULL willingness to live that life. To do that, other parts of life must fade away. The remains of the lower self that still has control sometimes must be corralled and placed within the proper hierarchy.

This is more subtle than it sounds. Accomplishing this is a series of adjustments. Yes, it involves putting a leash on the lower but it also means tuning up the higher mechanisms or maybe creating the proper slot, in the proper place, so tabs A, B and C can fit in grooves D, E and F. It is more than desire, more than willingness, more than need. Doing this implies an indefinable readiness. I keep thinking I am there. And yet, that dream proved I had more work to do.

This is why I laugh at my past self when I believed I was ready so very very long ago. This is why I am proud of my past self when I truly knew I was not, which was longer ago than most of my associates and maybe my mentor would realize.

Naturally, this all links back to the Prayer of Jabez which has been very active in my life. Very active. So active in my life that I’ve been forgetting to say it and when I remember, there is a block. This block is so bad that I can begin the prayer and become so distracted that I will not remember that I tried to perform it for ten or fifteen minutes. Once I remember to perform the prayer, often after forgetting several times that I’ve started it, the long memorized words need to be ripped out of my brain before I can speak them. There is a word for this phenomenon, fear, cold, hard, fear.

As I have performed this prayer, my life has changed radically. Friendships have strengthened. I am calmer. My family life has improved. I enjoy life. And despite Jason Miller’s claims that magick does not get you a hot girlfriend, I am dating a woman that can melt my trifocals with a glance. She will be referred to here as The Gentle Soul. What is there to fear?

Is it destruction? .

No. I’ve done that and lived

Is it Death?

 Nah, I’ve done that and lived. Heck, I’ve gotten healthier.

Is it the Devil himself?

Hell, no!

Is it this guy in red?

Most probably. I have a path to walk. The path of Sagittarius ruled by Jupiter. Will the fear I didn’t know I was feeling be gone after walking this path? I don’t know. I do know that walking this path means I will be progressing.

1 comment:

Gwynt-Siarad said...

Love this post. Love you.