Denial Will Kill You

Denial is a cold embrace, a false memory nourished by repetition. Its comfort is chilling misery. In the end, this can only end in the public death throws of the ego. 

Self-created memories are needed to fill in the gaps in one's perception of reality bringing a false light of goodness to the dark corners in the story. You did A, B, C, E, F, H but always forget to mention D and G or if you do, what comes forth is a rationalization which is just a dress-up word for self-deception. The problem friends is that when we do this, we have a tendency to build a self-image and/or an ego dependent upon those rationalizations. We can claim for that little phantom self everything from superiority to victimhood.

In the immediate moment in this lifetime, all those efforts at controlling the spin are simply too much work. There is a saying I heard while studying life coaching that goes something like this: It is harder to avoid doing what you are supposed to do than it is to do it. Think of how hard your mind has to work to avoid everything from mowing the lawn to going back to school. Think of the anxiety it creates. Own that saying is a fundamental truth.

When we apply that to denial the problem becomes exponentially greater because the things we deny reveal our shadows. Those parts of ourselves that we deny. This compounds the anxiety which is now the ghost in the machine driving all sorts of other silliness trying to keep the phantom image believable to the world. Sooner or later, the stress will get you or the flaws within the imperfect image simply become too obvious.

The trap lies in the failing to admit your errors. The trap lies in the in the inability to own those aspects of your shadow self and do something about them. You can integrate them and flip them to your service much as you'd do working with the Lesser Key spirits (Goetia) or you can find a shrink to help you avoid or understand them. I'm sure there are other things but you damn well better do something.

The first step is being able to say I did D and G and this is what I was hiding. I have done that. It is embarrassing and it is hard. However, I gained respect instead of losing it. Even in totally damaged relationships people have said at least I owned it.

The second step is doing something active to learn from the experience and grow. This must be more than acknowledging to yourself what you did. Perhaps a simple way to do this is creating a thought-form who is instructed to warn you when that same shadow is at work. Knowledge is power. Power is light. Light is love.

Fail to do this and the stress will kill of some part of you. The shadow will bury your brighter nature. You will have surrendered to your own self-created lie. This is the very definition of spiritual failure.
The upside is that a little work can make that an instant success even after decades of denial. Suddenly, I am hearing a lot of lawn mowers starting up.

Note: First paragraph revised to remove pompous wording.

Active Participation

One of the things making it hard to write here is how simple it all is. Many of us use complicated systems like the Qabala or study ancient writings until our left eye falls out. Many of us become religious and put ourselves through all kinds of dogmatic restrictions. Worse, many of us get initiated into various orders, cults and social clubs. Then it gets really sticky. We start to bash each other with shouts of 'you are doing it wrong'.

Newsflash: YOU CANNOT DO IT WRONG

Yes you can accidentally kill yourself with magick or someone else or cause severe health problems because you have no idea what you're doing. You can appear to set yourself back years, a decade or a lifetime. The unfolding will happen no matter what silliness you engage in.

Why then do we do all these things? We do them for the joy of active participation in our unfolding. We do them because we are compelled to evolve now, no matter what the price. We do them because we are ready. There is no other answer.

Got My Ass Kicked

Last night, I did the Manifestation Meditation. Once again it organically evolved on its own. I experienced a download of power and a visual but I could tell they did not align. Today, I experienced that misalignment. I became Old Robert for about two hours. When that was done, I totally freaked out. How did I go back to that?

The upside is that I learned something important.

There is a part of my manifestation that cannot handle large inputs of spiritual energy. This is why my anger/frustration issues became more and more prominent as I grew more and more serious about my spiritual practice. This is hard to describe but the upper parts of my manifested self can handle the influx of energy. My body can as well but there is some part of me in between that cannot. When that is over-stimulated my emotions and my physical body react poorly.  This time, I could feel that part of me. I cannot name it and I do not have a direct solution yet but I am encouraged. This is the beginning of the final solution.

Obviously, I have come a long way and I am proud of that. Just as obviously, I am not done with this.

Do You Get It?

Screw trying to write well. In this mystic mindset, it is impossible. So here goes some random stuff that you can grok or not.

• Take all the intellectual games magicians play and use them for what they do not what they are. You can argue with others about Plato and Iamblichus all you want. You can say this 8th century dude said that and compare it to the 9th century dude's scribblings and state categorically how Hermes Cthonos was contacted back then.  Yes, it can seriously help. Are you thinking I am going to say it means nothing unless you do the magick? I am not going to say that because you already know that. The real point is you're doing qabala. You are looking for every bit of information you can find until all those bits and pieces cancel each other out. That is when you get it. Before that, it just sounds like you get it. After you get it, you still get to write books and impressive blog posts but now you get it. Getting it is what matters. 
• You know all that shit you've done wrong? The right is in the wrong. Wrong is simply right action misapplied.
• If you are doing magick in the silence of your life to impact other people, then 90% of the time, you don't get it. Every once in a while you have to back someone off aside from that... 
• Everyone is God.
• No one or nothing is less than anything else.
• A jerk is God cleverly disguised as an asshole.
• Stop sweating it, you are already doing it right.
• If you feel better when you make someone else look bad or they are looking bad all by themselves, you don't get it. 
• The difference between a magician and a mystic is that the former imposes his will on creation and the latter receives his will from creation. Receiving is SO MUCH EASIER. 
• You deserve it.
• Never let someone else create your emotions. It is a set-up! 
• For your own work, your own divination system works better than someone else's. The trick is you have to know how your universe is created first. The universe is truly a simply place. Stop over complicating it. 

T. Thorn Coyle and Lon DuQuette

I attended their class this weekend in Oakland, California. I have never attended a T. Thorn Coyle class before and I must say that I was impressed. She is on my recommended reading list for all aspiring magicians. 

Sharing their class information here is inappropriate. They should be paid for their hard work. The did record the class. So, expect an opportunity to hear it in the future. The six hour class cost a $100 and was worth every penny.

Notes:

I know my last post was pretty difficult to follow. I promise it made sense in my head when I posted it. I will try to revisit that one in the future.

For now, I am no where near the same guy I was when I started this blog. I am finding it more than difficult to write in this space. I am in a place of indwelling peace. I am still meditating and doing magick. Things are just very different. 

That Which Is

As you know, my ontological awareness consists of:

• the perfection of the unfolding
• continual creation
• the wholeness of all things

There is a difference between knowledge and awareness. With knowledge one reads about the labels other people assign to phenomenon and adopts them as their own. We then project that information onto the world making bold claims of our wisdom and perceptual abilities. This folly is a necessary step. 

I did this with the Tree of Life, describing events as being of Geburah, Chesed or Yesod. Further, I shared my 'wisdom' that this or that was of fire, water, air or earth. Still too I use this language for it is readily understood by those that share a path in part parallel to my own. These words exist to explain or deal with phenomenon.  In such both the description and resultant action are incomplete.

Awareness is to intuit the noumenon and to Be pure within it. Such states surpass the need to perceive, not only with the senses but with any part of human mind. Here exists spirit.  We can hold that the methods used by others to add meaning to earthly events by stating that an incident bestowed power and glory or defeat and expulsion as irrelevant politics. 

The politics of man is limited by the lower nature, which in turn is wholly confused for exalted spirit. So low are these games of ego that one cannot even say people worship the second father in ignorance of the first. Instead, at such times, we worship the orphan as its own parent.

To become a part of That Which is Itself for the briefest of moments destroys faith, as that too is an illusion of the heart. Faith though is much higher than the demigod bastard born of nothing but the illusion of personal import.  Being part of, destroys too the notion of the continuum of events (non-duality). Being part of, fully part of, if only for an instant, is to experience holiness. This not some pious show of the religious or spiritual peacock but instead a full moment experiencing the divine flow. 

The instant we label that experience with an emotion word, a sense of place or any other meaning, we step away only to long for a return, which is again failure. Success, victory, for lack of better words is one of a Spirit-awareness which exists on its own but is immediately veiled once the mind grasps for meaning. 

To remain in the experience is to be no longer of this world, no longer in this world, but instead to be of and with all worlds. 

So May it Be. 

Knife Fight

Peace is an odd thing. 

This morning, I awoke early and did the MM. I asked to be reminded of the unfolding perfection, perpetual creation and completeness. I was reminded of that all day. I remained calm, in place, perfect. People treated me differently in subtle ways. A meeting that was projected to be a angry disaster and to which I was seriously and explicitly invited as 'protection' and 'cover' occurred. Seating placed me between my friend and the dangerous fellow in attendance. Who said local government is boring? The meeting was calm, orderly, professional and everyone left friends. That is what happens when you bring Jupiter to a knife fight. 

I am now ill, running a fever but utterly content. I have not a single insecurity. My past exists but is irrelevant to this self. I am in love with everybody on the planet, including past enemies. Though, it is hard to remember what that really means. I feel good and happy while I am measurably sick. 

I love this state of Being.