Silent Words

We all know that what you say can impact the people around us. We also know that what we say internally can impact ourselves. What fewer people realize is that there are silent words within us that have an impact on ourselves and our magick.

Silent words are things we believe so deeply about ourselves that we do not need to speak or think them. Spiritually speaking one of the worst of these is I am unworthy. This can also be expressed as I am not good enough, I am a bad person, or Who am I to… These internalized judgments are part of the Western paradigm. In his autobiography the Dalai Lama speaks of learning about Western self-loathing for the first time. Such modes of being are unheard of in his culture. He had to ask his monks in the West to explain them to him and his fellows. This self-abasement occurs in other cultures as well.

Self-Judgment may be born of many sources, original sin, abusive parents, cultural messaging, social structure and the like.

Those that feel this pain acutely often seek to externalize it or deal with it in self-destructive ways which become a form of self-punishment. Here we have abusive parents, the terminally angry or sad, addicts (drugs or behavioral, criminals, extreme hedonists, extreme ascetics, flagellants, and the like.

No matter the source of this internal anguish, as magicians we must move past it. This is true whether we are aware of it or not.

I teach a spell based on Paul Huson’s reverse Lord’s prayer. The idea is that we write down what we do not want backwards. Only the intent -- for this example only the intent, to lose a little weight -- and the words matter. I have not included the rest of the working because it is not germane to this post. For more information see my post, Huson’s Theurgy.

The wording of my spell was something like “I am overweight.” That became “thgiewrevo ma I”. One of my students worded it “I will not care about my appearance” or “ecnaraeppa ym tuoba erac ton lliw I”

Even though the intent of the spell was the same I lost fifteen pounds. She gained about as many because she stopped caring about her appearance and therefore ate more than necessary. In magick intent plays a part but so do one’s words. It is therefore always a good idea to be mindful of the wording of your spells.

The silent words within play a role in this process. Very few spell casters would use wording like “Provide this thing that I am unworthy to receive.” This is self-contradictory wording. My opinion of Crowley is mixed but he was correct when he said that Will must be one not two. Having part of us reject our worthiness to receive something while another part asks the universe for it is splitting the Will. This is not beneficial to our magick.

The silent words of unworthiness that have been culturally or otherwise ingrained within us restrain our magick. They make our magick fail or manifest with less than fully satisfying results because every part of our being is involved in the magick we do. If those silent words are in you they are in your magick.* If they are in your magick they will impact your results.

To make our magick more effective we must rid ourselves of these silent words.

One way to achieve this is to look around at the people you know and respect. Do you think they have spent their life without committing misdemeanors similar to your own? For those transgressions do you think a job, a mate, some good luck, or contact with the gods should be withheld from them? I hope not. Accept within yourself that you are worthy of what you need or want just like they are.

Even if you do not have words like this silently poisoning you, you still may have words like “Magick does not work" or "Science has proved that magic isn't real”. These or other culturally accepted thoughts that can sneak into magical work and wreak havoc.

There is a simple exercise you can do before each act of magick which can help rid you of silent words. Better still, you can do this every day. I challenge you to do this even if you do not think that you have any silent words that restrain you.

•  Sit quietly in a straight backed chair with your feet on the floor. (Other meditative postures would work equally as well.)
• Think “I am worthy of the divine” or “I am worthy of manifesting the goal of this spell.” Use whatever phrase is appropriate. 
• Repeat this thought while paying attention to your body.
• Working from the top of your head down become aware of any area of muscle tightness. This is your resistance manifesting physically. Relax the muscles in that area knowing that you are releasing resistance and accepting your worthiness. Do not attempt to ascertain why your doubt manifests in your left arm or right hip. Figure that out later. Just relax the muscles.
• Continue this all the way down to the bottoms of your feet. Do not forget your arms. 

This next portion is a bit more difficult.

• Pay attention to areas of mental resistance. This may feel like a lack of confidence or (in computer speak) the feeling of a hard null value. By that I do not mean a place of ‘no thought’ like in meditation. This is more of a mental wall that encapsulates a thought. This is a part of your thinking that you are complicit in hiding from yourself. If you try to find the thought behind the wall you will either face massive resistance or get so distracted that you will come out of the exercise at less than your magickal best. Instead just visualize or ‘feel’ the wall disappearing. You do not want the wall to fall down, explode, or anything else. Let it fade away like the insubstantial ghost that it is. 
• Think “I am worthy of the divine” or “I am worthy of manifesting the goal of this spell.” Use whatever phrase is appropriate. 
• Repeat this thought while paying attention to your emotions.
• Any emotion that does not feel like it is unified with your purpose or quiet confidence should be gently released. Determination is not an acceptable attitude. Determination is about forcing your way through resistance. It implies you are accepting the resistance as real and potentially more real than your magick. Again, this should not be forced. Let those emotions fade away like the insubstantial phantoms they are. Emotions can also be found within various parts of the body. Perform a head to toe survey releasing resistance when necessary. Do not contemplate the emotions. Do not investigate them. Just let them go.

This is more work than it appears to be. The first time just go through it once. Give it a try. If you pay attention and are willing to accept what you find this will be an educational experience. Your magick will improve.

*They also impact your every thought, assumption, emotion and action.

Note: I feel compelled to thank an anonymous friend that assisted with this post. Her input helped clarify my ideas and writing.