Change

I can feel it. I have an opportunity to break out of me. There may be a method or methods but in truth they are not important. There is something else. I know not what. I know that I have had this opportunity before and missed it. Even if I miss this, it will come again and again.

Someone's Observation

I thought I'd share a quote today I found on a friend's Facebook page. I mention that so no one thinks I've read the work it comes from. I simply like the quote and have little else to say today.

The Beginner scorns criticism
The wise soul carefully weighs it.
And the Master says, "But, of course!"

-- TUT - A Note from the Universe

Recapitulation

My current work has not been directly magickal. However, magickal and alchemical lessons abound. This is the lazy man's way to learn!

I have been recapitulating many of my elemental lessons. The odd part is that the lessons can come with me on either side of a given issue. Usually I have found the shoe to be on the other foot. For instance, way back when I was hot on the topic of antinomianism*. This is defined as being opposed to or denying the fixed meaning or universal application of moral law and was made famous by Martin Luther. In magickal work, it involves doing something against what you have programmed yourself, or been programmed, to do or believe. This can be a man having sex with an ugly woman because he's been told that ugly woman are unacceptable, a woman being aggressive because she had been taught to demur or in my case, getting a tattoo. For some reason, I thought only wild people or criminals had them.

My act of antinomianism did double duty. I also wanted to demonstrate my discipline by not telling anyone of my new tattoo. It turned out that circumstances compelled me to take one person into confidence just after the outline had been done. However, I kept it secret from everyone else for a couple of months after all the colorful ink had been applied. Once people found out, a good friend was hurt by my secret keeping. I took that to mean that people we are close to really do want to know what is going on in our lives. Sharing such major decisions aids in maintaining the mutual bond of friendship.

This weekend my woman friend (The Gentle Soul), Lon DuQuette and I had a blast at the Huntington and a Dodger game. Upon my return, I found a Facebook post from my mentor. He had gotten married! The news was a shock. He and his partner have been together so long I never thought marriage was being considered. His Facebook post added pictures of a party which it pulled in from his gallery.

My first impression was that he got married, invited people to celebrate, invited friends but never told me. I was a bit hurt and even a little angry. Someone important to me had not informed me of his major life decisions! Sound familiar? I experienced the same thing my friend had gone through.

It turns out he proposed to her on Saturday and they were married six hours later. No one knew in advance. I felt a bit foolish for being hurt.

* If you are interested in exploring antinomianism, I recommend Christopher Hyatt's Undoing Yourself. If you do everything he suggests and find yourself in Fresno, I will buy you lunch. No one does everything. It is HARD. The book, though, is full of great ideas such as face the other way in an elevator and start conversations with the other passengers.  If you're mean, be kind to everyone all day. If you're kind, yell at everyone all day. If you're a wacko magician like myself, wear mismatched socks to work one day.

(The Next Post is will be more personal about my trip with the Gentle Soul and Lon.)

Question for Qabalists

Does anyone know why the passwords of the Sephiroth are three-fold, 111, 222, 333 etc. when there are four qabalistic worlds? Could it be that the three digit password is associated with their triangle of origin (i.e. supernal, ethical, etc.?

Results of Prayer

Last night, I prayed to Hermes. I asked him, as per usual but always in spontaneous words, to link me to the greater universe, expose me to a facet of the whole, connect me with something more.

A bit later, I checked my email before going to sleep. A friend sent an email about the same time I was praying. It was kindly, loving and pointed me in a new direction. If nothing else, I was immediately connected to love. Yet, I feel the email pointed me to a place I must explore.

He sent me to the Orphic Hymms, specifically the Hymm of Memory.

Oh Father! Why Do I Sin?

Sin to me is anything that I do that creates the illusion of separation between me and the divine.* One cannot be truly separated. We are the whole. Humanness seems to create the illusion of the individual. I view as virtues those things that aid in revealing that connection and oneness.

A virtue that I like to practice is prayer. I love to pray in a focused and emotional way. I feel close to the gods and the All. The gods do respond. Yet, I forget to pray. I want to pray each morning and each night. I want to make it a continual devotion and expand my perception of the wholeness of all beings. I wish to serve more diligently. Prayer can achieve these things for me. And knowing this, I do not pray.

Perhaps, I am afraid of the response. I receive communication through the workings of the universe each time I pray. I fear. The fear manifests as forgetfulness. The fear manifests in the not-doing, in the not-living, in the sleeping and non-awakening.

*I do not believe in sin. I simply have no other word for the concept I am trying to share.

Dreams

I have noticed that my dreaming patterns have changed. I have one repeating dream that results in a fear reaction. That fear reaction showed me how far I am away from the path of Samekh. That dream now results in excitement mixed with only a small tinge of fear rather than being completely scary.

Other random dream situations that would have resulted in a fear reaction no longer do. For instance, the night before last, I dreamed a few nuclear weapons had gone off and more were expected. There was no fear. I was with friends. We did our best to react smoothly to the changing situation but we did not fear.

Another theme that is occurring more and more often is dreaming of being with magicians of some skill/reputation. Last night, it was my former coven leader, John Michael Greer and Don Michael Kraig. Other times it has been other folks including my mentor and ancient Japanese mages whose names I do not know etc.

Getting My Ass Kicked

Well, I am trying to arrange for this working of the Goetia. The Goetia is a book of the Lesser Key of Solomon that contains lists of demons a magician can conjure.

I am fine all day at work. Once I get home  I am exhausted, cranky and want to do nothing but sit on the couch and watch something mindless on Netflix. I am "out" of printer paper, which I know I have around here somewhere. My Goetic tools have vanished. My head is burning like I stuck it in a microwave. This guy may slow me down but he is NOT going to win this little battle. Frankly, the harder he fights the more I know I can take him on. If I couldn't raise him and set him on task for the betterment of all, he wouldn't fight me. He'd let me call him and have my ass for lunch.

Note: I received my first critique from Steve today. Damn, the whole page was red! Thanks for putting up with me so far. My writing will improve.

Edit: Now my printer will not print the seal. I was going to do this the easy way with technology. I suppose that will not be possible. The game is afoot.

Preparation

Tonight, I am preparing some work from the Lesser Key (Goetia). My circle is laid out. The names of God surround it. This time, I have added the names of the five Greek Deities I have been working with. These names are placed outside the the names. This effectively creates three circles. The Greek names are one. The names of the Shemhamporesch form another. The thin black line is the innermost circle.

There is still much more to do. Stay tuned.

Hades, Bacchus and Persephone

My partners and I have begun working with Hades and Persephone within the larger scope of the Helpful Deity work. Last night I worked with the Witch. Not long ago, I worked with them and Flower.

I am finding Hades a bit difficult to fathom. He moves from what I perceive as a void state to an authoritarian king. The latter is easy for me to understand even if that personality (godality?) is a bit difficult. The void state is different. How can one internally describe such a thing and make sense of it? There is nothing to mentally hang onto in the void. Light does not exist there. Thoughts too seem not to exist, even though I could hear and understand my partner's/Persephone's words, I did not think about them nor respond.

The odd part was that with a strong manifestation of Hades, Bacchus arrived. I carried both of them as distinct personalities for most of the long ritual.  I didn't think these too associated much. Considering the ritual chant appeared to take us down to Hel, Bacchus' appearance was more than odd. I was under the impression the only Greek Deity that could travel in and out of Hel besides Hades was Hermes. Perhaps by then we were on the common ground, shared by Zeus, Hades and Poseidon -- the earth.

After taking two large swigs from the wine bottle, Bacchus' message was of the joy of life but not really as a party god. It was more about expressing joy that comes from loving life.

Hades message focused on my sacrifice and future sacrifices along the twin paths of magick that I am following right now. I can undergo many smaller sacrifices or one large one but none so great as I have already made. The last one will be borne with laughter.

Both Hades and Persephone decried our black robes. She called them too somber. Both told us we should be wearing white.

One of the things I'm learning about Hades is the analogy between him and the Hiereus of the Golden Dawn. If you view creation as coming from the "top" downward as qabalists do, Hades is the last stop. Here you must drink from the river Lethe "forgetfulness". This makes one forget one's past life and allows for reincarnation. So too, is the job of the Hiereus but in a different fashion.

I am taking Bacchus more seriously now. I thought he was a party god akin to my experience with Dionysus. Bacchus had each of us drink wine in ritual. I drank two healthy swigs right from the bottle. This took away some silent part of me whose idea of myself prevented me from reaching that void. The wine the Witch drank removed one thought from her as well, at least for the length of the ritual.

Bacchus joy of life and living is something I would like to feel more often. This isn't the drunkenness of alcohol but on the spirit, animation and manifestation of life. The phrase, "It is great to be alive!" comes to mind as describing the attitude he shared with us.

That said the wine I drank in ritual kicked my ass. I am not a huge drinker. My partner says I had four glasses. I suppose that is enough to get me plastered but it was different. The alcohol removed the ideas that prevent connection and I stayed in connection with the void space for some time after ritual. This allowed me to understand  both of my partner's needs more clearly. I value that.

I don't think I am conveying the intensity of this ritual. The Witch's experience with Persephone was "the most intense I have every experienced." She is very experienced. My contact with Hades and Bacchus was so intense that I could not move any part of my body most of the time. My eyes closed and remained that way for nearly two hours. My personality was nearly utterly gone. I was only aware it existed but no part of it came through in the ritual. Everything I said or did was Bacchus or Hades acting through me.

Five years ago, I would have killed to be able to do this intense work. Now, it seems so normal that I have to remind myself that everyone doesn't do this in their daily lives. I am grateful the gods allow me this.

The experiences I am having of late with the Greeks is nothing short of incredible. The differ from the qabalistic workings as the former are deeper personalities, fully formed and perfect. The qabalistic god names, angels and choirs and angels are more akin to forces than anything I can interact with on a human level.

Time to Get It in Gear

Today, I had my ass chewed because I've been listening but not doing.

I have always had a dream to be writer. At first, I thought I wanted to be a novelist. Novels are sexy. Yet, I read somewhere that 90% of the books submitted for publication are fiction and 90% of the books that are published are non-fiction. I have threatened to write books and articles but I have not done so. I've written a few chapters. I've done some research but produced nothing.

Spirits have dropped quite a few hints over the years that I need to write. I have even had a psychic that didn't know me tell me, "You know you are required to write at least two books right?" She followed with, "You better do it before the gods give you no choice." Today, I got my ass chewed by a spirit. Which one I won't say but I will say it was more than a tad intimidating. I was more startled by this spirit than I have by any other. I think the gods may be getting inpatient.

I have no idea where I will find the time. I have a hot new girlfriend. I am involved in a couple of magickal groups. My grade work is fast approaching the point where study and other activities are required. Yet, I must do something.

Part of my hesitation comes from the fact that I do not feel I am a good writer. Sure, when I make an effort I can turn a neat phrase and write a few paragraphs that have impact but that does not make me skilled. So, step one is learning to write better. To that end, I've hired this guy.

Steve is a local pagan with twenty-five years experience in the news business. He also has the only non-magickal blog that I have linked here. I love his work and more or less agree with what he writes. Steve will be reading some random posts and using them as teaching tools once a month. I will make an effort to incorporate what he teaches me as I write in this space. It is my hope as my writing improves, so will my publication efforts.

Wealth by Two Definitions

I have suddenly realized that I am allowing myself to be human. In the past, I fought every single fault that I recognized. Some I have fought with success, others less so. I took every criticism to heart and very few compliments were accepted as factual. Both of those things are signs of distrust. The first was distrust of myself. The second distrust of others.

There is something that happens in the workings of spirit that solidifies the workings in the the elements. It was in working in air that I realized something along the lines of "It is what it is." There is an "isness" to things that is not to be judged, merely recognized. This was an exciting discovery for me. I worked on manifesting this knowledge to a deeper soul level. For a short time, I succeeded. Over the long term, I did not.

Now, it is different. People can say unflattering things to me and I can honor them as their perspective. I can agree or disagree internally but they cause no wounds. People can compliment me and I can accept those as their honest perspective but they cause little ego inflation. I can see disfunction and not need to validate myself by trying to fix it. I can see joy and not insert myself until asked but share in the happiness nonetheless.

There is a freedom in seeing one's faults clearly but not viewing them as a basic corruption of the soul and sharing the joy of others. Instead, I see these things as markers on the journey. I see the compliments the same way.

The other day, I posted that I saw myself for the first time as healthy mentally, emotionally and physically. I think that feeling was the result of living within the ideas presented above, even though I did not fully realize this had happened.

For me, this is a long term success of theurgy. I'd rather have this than a million dollars. Not that I would eschew the opportunity to be more financially rich.

Speaking of which, I have Jason Miller's wealth talisman. Someone that I respect that has done much better financially than I, with basically the same opportunity, presented a financial idea. The idea, coming from someone so successful, has great appeal. I am seriously considering acting on it. While it isn't some wild scheme, it does present a significant risk. SIGNIFICANT. There is also a good upside. Like all things magickal, I will try to prepare to take advantage of it while waiting for something to confirm.

Life Traffic

This is one of those posts I hate making. It is just comprised of the little things I'm going through at the moment that I can't imagine is of interest to any of my readers. I record these things as reminders to myself as I reread old posts.

• My mentor's advice is becoming so subtle that I am amazed that I even recognize it as advice. You may have noticed subtle is not my forte'. 
• I have noticed how even though an issue has been resolved the habit of dealing with said issue takes longer. For instance, my back is utterly and completely healed. If you drink aspartame, STOP! That said, I will move on occasion as if I am still in pain. I have to remind myself that I am not. I have noticed this on a few emotional issues as well. My obsession still rears its head through more of a habit of thought than anything else but there is no animosity behind it anymore. These thoughts are easy to dismiss. 
• I have been working on private classes of late.
• There was a moment at a wedding I attended the weekend before last when I realized I was perfectly healthy of mind and spirit. I was/am the person I've always wanted to be. 
• Plans for the goetic working continue. I will be buying some metal soon and fashioning a seal.

I plan on posting more interesting things in the near future. 

Stretched

My partner and I worked with new gods last night. Well, they are old gods but new to us. There wasn't a great deal of information exchanged. It was more of an experience. I feel like I've been stretched out and worked some magickal muscles I didn't know I had. I would write more but time is short.