Sunday, July 26, 2009

odd thoughts

I have sought the divine for a long time.

I've done some cool magick.

I've seen angels in parking lots.

I've seen a shemhamphorecsh angel and he's seen me.

I've seen a path and a sphere on the astral

I've had a god (Pan) land on my head.

More than many humans have experienced and yet i want more. When I get it, I shy away. Well, at least from Pan. I looked him in the eye but did not pursue the quarry. I wonder why?

It has been over a month of sitting, of doing very little. I feel stuck. I feel close to spirit and yet a million miles away.

1 comment:

Jow said...

Pan in an intese God. It shows you have value for what you have in your life right now.

When I started working with Kali, I was all "LETS DO THIS I LURVE YOOUU!" And her method of teaching was not the kindest to me. So there were a lot of "fights". She tended to be very involved and I was a very screwed up little monkey at the time.

You shying away from Pan shows that you have some common sense. Pan is going to shake things up in your life. He is a LOT to handle. (insert obligatory penis joke here)

Think of it like eating. You can gorge yourself like a starved wolf or you can go slowly, eat your fill, and then eat more.

I have also fallen prone from time to time to get distracted by spirituality and use it as an escape. Or at least start to.

That's where I owe a lot to Trungpa and Mipham Rinpoche's work. If you look at spiritual growth and practice as opening to a greater reality instead of escaping, you are much much cooler with being here, right now.

Right here, Right now (thankyou Jesus Jones) is where the magic happens.

I've found that just passed the threshold of unspeakable boredome and distraction, breakthrough comes.

But the real question is what do you want to do?