B is for Bondage: Pagan Blog Project

Will you people get  your mind out of gutter?

There is a lot of talk about freedom in paganism. The restrictions of Christianity are as much social as they are Biblical. I once asked an evangelical what would happen if I walked into his church with long hair and wearing a gown. He said that I would be asked to leave. I told him that if Jesus walked into his church, dressed as he was at the time, his church would ask him to leave. I made the point that what they call holy and acceptable behavior has little to do with god and much to do with enforcing current social norms. We are not under the same restrictions as the dominant religion of the West or are we?

I know a very famous pagan who was chastised by his local community for not being polyamorous. After all, all real pagans are. I have heard this same thing being held against the less famous as well.  I know several woman that have a measure of the sight. They tend towards seeing the unpleasant and negative. Many people in these two woman's different communities shy away because 'they are not real'. Yet, someone with the sight that sees the positive is very welcome. I don't think one talent is more holy than the other but I do feel that the first two women are not as free to share their visions as is the one that sees positive things. I have been in communities were skyclad is more or less the norm, even at pool parties. I have been in communities that may shower fully clothed. However, the two seldom mix. Does this sound free to you?

To me, it sounds like the social rules that have nothing to do with our beliefs and everything to do with our fears. If they are naked, it will turn into a sex party! If they are not polyamorous, they think what we are doing is wrong. If she speaks of the negative things she sees, we can't pretend all is light. Boo!

This is fear based-hooha. Doubly negative because some pagans would like to be on the other side of these socially imposed rules but fear the social retribution and rightfully so. We live in bondage, just like the Christians do. If it is b.s. for them, it is b.s. for us. This is not good. We are pandering to our lower natures. We are making up rules which eventually allow us to say, "We are better than them." It doesn't matter if they are Christians or fellow pagans. We have created the same silly social dynamic.

There is a positive side to bondage. Sheesh, no, I am not talking about THAT.

A laser gains power by focusing diffuse light into a tight beam. Women have the power of birth because they can contain the fetus in an enclosed nurturing space. So too, does the Will of our soul manifest by staying within its own parameters. The fully expressed soul does not wander free but stays bound to its purpose.

Buddha was bound by his drive toward enlightenment. The fully realized artist is bound to create their art. These people would die sitting behind an accountants desk. My work appears to revolve around the manifestation meditation. I will stick close to that. If you are lucky enough to have found what your soul calls you to do, do it. Do not stray from it and weaken yourself, no matter what the social rules.

Qabala: My Perception of Soul Structure Part I

Given my emphasis on the manifestation meditation (MM), I've been using the word Neschemah a lot. This is one of the qabalistic divisions of the soul. There are other parts, Yechidah, Chiah, Greater Neschemah, Ruach, Nephesh, G'uph and the Automatic Personality. Perhaps that last one isn't orthodox. These are qabalistically accepted terms. Of course, I am not a scholar. I am a doer. Therefore, my experience with them may be different from what is generally accepted. I welcome corrections from the qabalistically educated.

The first thing you need in order to get an idea of this, is the glyph of the tree of life. Fortunately, for you, I have generously included a little picture for you that has been numbered for your convenience.

Sephira 1 (at the top) is Keter, the Crown. Attributed to it is the Yechidah. This can be translated as uniqueness. This is the part of you that is your divine spark and is a direct connect to "God". This is the most primally divine part of you  and was created as close to 'creation' as can be. It is so archetypal as to be vague and beyond real comprehension.

Sephira 2, Chockmah, Wisdom is assocated with the part of the soul called the Chiah or life force. This is male, fire and so close to creation we just cannot comprehend it either. This is a copy of of Keter in way. The Macrocosmic schtick is this was created so God could see its reflection in order to figure out what It is. Why "God" needs to know this is anyone's guess. In the microcosm, that desire (fire) to be understand ourselves and our place in the Universe and the Divine seems to come from here.

Sephira 3, is Binah, Understanding. If Chockmah is all that God is, this is what god is not. Chockmah is water, female. This is what connects us to all things in the universe. This part of the soul is the Neschemah. This is where real very deep intuition comes from. It is the mother's bond with the child. We can begin to comprehend this part of ourselves.

All three of them together, is the Greater Neschemah, the divine immortal part of your soul. This part is the only part of you that actually survives all phases of death and remembers the core lessons of all lifetimes. Drawing this down into the manifest world, in a real tangible way, is the work of the Manifestation Meditation. Clearly, I set my goals way too low.

The Ruach is composed of Sephiroth 4 through 9. I am not going to go into each one of them. This is your personality, it is planetary in form, and it is air, male. Is should be noted that the sephira 6, Tipereth, is the balance point and associated with the sun. (see references to the sun room in recent posts). It should also be noted that the first three sephira, 1, 2 and 3, when added, equal 6. This makes Tipereth the seat of the Greater Neschemah.

The ninth sphere is called Yesod, foundation. This is the home of a very problematic part of the soul called the Nephesch. This is the flight and flight instinct as well as the reproductive drive. It is airy, male and lunar. This causes all sorts of problems as it confuses normal things for life and death situations. Think of a cat startled by a book dropping to the floor about all the way across the room and bolting as if the sky was falling. This is your nephesch. Now add sex into the mix. BOOM!

The automatic personality, is composed of sephiroth seven through 10 and is elemental. This is the part of us that reacts to the programming and pain in our lives. It is ruled by the Nephesch, which interprets so much as life threatening (fear) or life continuing (sex) which in this context is really fear of death or irrelevance. Most people live here. The thoughts we have where we pretend to make rational decisions and then act are masks. They give us the illusion a better part of us is in control. Rationalization is the bane of us all.

The tenth sphere is the physical body, earthy. The part of the soul is the G'uph.

The trick of the manifestation meditation is to get all these parts of the soul lined up like a tumbler in a lock so the Greater Neschemah can manifest all the way down here. It is for this reason that it must first heal all those things that keep ourselves out of alignment before it can do the greatest of its work.

A great deal of that process, has been documented in this space.

Part II will deal with how I put these together as a personal view of the soul's operation in our lives, in accordance with the Manifestation Meditation.

Progress on Two Fronts

Stavish Progress

I have been eating nothing but organic foods. This is allowing me to nibble as I work and gives me my lunch hour to meditate. Okay, sometimes I take a quick cat nap but most days, I meditate.

Today, I realized in the middle of my meditation, that I was holding my arms out. If I was standing, I would have formed a T. Doing this with your eyes closed at work can get people talking. Fortunately, my physical arms were right where I left them. I realized my astral arms were in that outstretched position. I touched the back of my physical hands and I felt a physical tingle. I felt my closed door with the palms of my hands and I felt my palms physically tingle. So, I felt up my office for a while. This is a very good sign of growing astral ability.

Manifestation Meditation

Somewhere in 2008, I blogged about astral projecting from a dream into my physical house. I walked down my hallway, met the goetic spirit Bune and looked over his shoulder to see my temple room. The white light coming out of there was so bright that I could not look at it.

When I visit my astral temple of Malkuth, a house built on prayer, I can only get in so far before the bright light whisks me up to the sun room, which is an entirely different building. Today, I during the MM, I made the connection between those two things. The whole process is comprised of prayer and aspiration.

Humility

Tonight, I did the MM again. I was given my test of humility. Great. Joy.

Nutty

I will post more on the Greater Neschemah. In order to cover it well, it will be a lengthy post. I will get to it as it will help my define my ever-changing ontology.

Feeling the Neschemah

The last couple of nights doing the manifestation meditation have been startling. I've basically been told that now is the time not to worry about my Neschemah manifesting, it always does, but to FEEL it do so. In other words, being intuitively where of its direct action. This, I think, we allow me to differentiate between my stubborn 'little will' and it's divine will. I am PERFECTLY content with letting my Neschemah rule my universe. I have all but surrendered to that. If you haven't yet, I recommend it.

There are also the things I want to do. Having received no direction whatsoever to the contrary, I will pursue that. The problem lay in telling the difference. Hence, the instruction I am getting on feeling it work instead of thinking about it.

Today, I believe I felt it. I did not like the message. I will need to feel that again before acting on it. If that is the correct message I am getting, not acting is not an option. I'd rather go with it than resist. Resisting such a force that you've invoked is a bit stupid and will lead to disaster.

Also today, my mood has swung about like a confused compass. This is not me. Normally, I am reasonably study given no other influence or come back to my center for the day quite quickly. Last night and today have been a different story. I am thinking I am learning to my Neschemah through this process. Maybe.

Other

One of the people that I thought was going to take the Manifestation Meditation and run with it took one look at it, realized what it would do and said, "No Thank You." I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or proud of her.

Dreams

I did not recall any dreams last night.

Special To Anonymous

If you go to the web page instead of reading via email, http://doingmagick.blogspot.com you will see a email me button on the left. You do have to scroll down a bit. Emails are welcomed and are responded to.

Twitter

I now announce posts for the Pagan Blog Project on Twitter. Aside from those tweets and the occasional pun, I won't use that much. You can follow me there as @FraterRobert. 

Dream Progress

Manifestation Meditation

I have now sent the basic instructions to two experienced practitioners. One will grab on with both hands. The other will hesitate before doing it. The latter has agreed to let me blog about her experience.

Dream

Last night, I dreamed that I was someplace high up. I held on to one of those yellow plastic ribbon ties that hold boxes together for shipping. You sometimes see them wrapped around pallets of boxes on a truck. I asked for some instruction but then simple hung on and lowered myself to the ground. When I looked up the yellow plastic tie was blowing in the wind at least 500 feet up. I was blown away that I lowered myself all that way.

I think this is progress as I am often afraid of heights in dreams. I still think I have a ways to go as I did not realize how high I was.

Path that May Aid Theurgic Work?

Today, I learned something that disturbed me. I didn't like it but the person was honest about a past deception. I respect that as much as I was angered at the deception. This could have started the old obsession back again. I can't say what this was about but it wasn't about the topic of the obsession. It was about tangential behavior of people close to me that happened a few months ago. Once full disclosure was made during the course of the conversation, I felt better.

There is something within me that just abhors secrets. Socially, it really bothers me when the secrets are about me, like this was. On the other hand, this may be a an odd manifestation of my esoteric drive. My drive has never been for power but to manifest the best part of my soul. That manifestation is a secret of a different sort altogether. This is the healthy drive. The social stuff is the unhealthy version of the same drive.

Divine Secret -- Myself -- Social Secrets.

The last part of that is simply part of the normal decay process. This is simply what we see all the time. If we put it in Christian terms, we see the beauty of Christ's forgiveness, the devotee and the rationalization that one can do anything for all is forgiven.

Divine Gift -- Devotee -- all actions rationalized

Note that I am not saying all Christians do this, I am making an example of how something divine can degrade within our personality. I suspect, if we look at our major 'flaws' and trace them to a positive aspect, we may learn a great deal about ourselves.

I think this is a theme worth exploring as far as personal theurgic technique. Expect more thoughts on this.

The Mystery

Once I calmed down, so much more quickly than I would have even months ago, I felt an emotion. I have long said that I am not great at deciphering my own feelings. I did notice that I was experiencing something I could not name.

Because the gods are kind, I turned on a documentary about the bloodline of Christ. Likely, the documentary is bullshit. However, it instilled me with a sense of mystery. It immediately clicked that this was the emotion I could not name. A feeling of impending discovery! Maybe that discovery was the idea of looking to our self-perceived worst traits and finding a thread to something more positive.

Manifestation Meditation

Last night, I meditated it my spiffy new chair. Maybe that arrived to slowly bring me back into my temple room. Regardless, I loved the comfort of that chair as I meditated! That was money well spent and I'm cheap!

I spent that meditation in my sun room testing the compass mentioned in an earlier post. I am not sure I made any progress with that but I am going to learn how to use that well or discover it is some delusional or metaphorical form on the astral.

I moved away from that to the point of the MM. Suddenly, I felt a human form descend upon me. I think it was some part of my subtle body. It was then that I had a vision of a grey bearded man. The vision was very clear. He was smiling. this is not an unusual form in the GD egregore. Some say these are visions of the so-called secret chiefs. I am not willing to make that leap. However, vision was cool.

Did I mention that I have a new comfortable meditation chair?

Dreams


I dreamed that I was with a large family of brothers. These were rough and tumble country cowboy types. Oddly, they all were about the same age. All were married. There seemed to be a propinquity for them them to have affairs with each other's wives. This caused fist fights but everyone stayed together.

At some point, we were attempting to sleep in a desert cave mouth. We'd mine there in the morning. It was cold and I was told I would freeze without a blanket. I didn't bring one. One of the wives gave me a thin blanket that I am sure would have been little help. At this point, I woke up realizing that I had tossed my covers off in the night.

Interpretation

I am beginning to think I dream often of situations that involve betrayal. In this case, brothers having affairs with brother's wives. I am going to have to review the posts and see if I am correct. I am disappointed that I haven't had a lucid dream yet.

dream: cowboy type people, lots of brothers, sleeping with their brother's wives, lots of fights but a life style they all seemed to passively enjoy.

I was cold camping outside. They told me to get a blanket or I would freeze. I hadn't brought anything but there was something light I could use. I was cold as I had kicked off the blankets in real life.

The Joy of Listening

From the Thoth Tarot 

Today, I listened to the voice of my Greater Neschemah or whatever it is that speaks to me from the sun room and worked diligently on the Manifestation Meditation book. I cranked out 1,000 good words and 250 that will need editing. Those will kick off the next session. I have the introduction and two chapters complete enough that I would send them to an editor.

I experienced great joy and happiness as I wrote and for some time after. When you follow the dictates of your soul, joy is the result. This was captured with the Prince of Wands card of Crowley's Thoth Tarot. This is one of my birth cards.

Tonight, I plan some more writing.








Chair

Today, I installed a new meditation chair in my temple. It is mission style as I have always wanted a mission style meditation chair. I have no idea why and I don't care. I finally bought it. It is too big for the temple space. It will likely be moved to a special corner of the house dedicated only to meditation.

Dreams

I didn't sleep well last night due to physical reasons. I do not remember any dreams.