Initiatory Dream

I had one last night. The topic, visuals and reasons are classified. This is just a note for myself.

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

The Saturday before Christmas, I cut my hair. I hadn't cut it in five years. It had been bothering me of late. It became 'not me'. I accidentally ate too much of it. It was a pain in the ass to comb out in the morning.

I think it wasn't a coincidence that we worked Nanta just before I did it. Nanta is a transformative angel. I am thinking that if there were any other habits or things I wanted to change in my live, Nanta just may be the one to help.

Enochian Theurgy -- Ace of Cups

A few days ago, I posted that Hcoma gave me a run down on the tarot suit of cups. She started with the Ace, moved through the court cards and provided insight into each pip, one by one. It was good stuff. Those words will be studied them for some time.

As most of you know, everything starts with the aces. Some qabalists even place the four aces in Keter on the Tree of Life. She told me the ace was the primary emotional impulse. Then she revealed how that emotion manifested through the court cards and which one 'lost' understanding. Fascinating. Maybe, I will post more on that someday.

I am fascinated by the primal emotion. The first emotional impulse. She told me that impulse is the need for unity. I thought that she was talking to just me. Surely there must be other primary impulses for other people. Then as I looked to the cards that represent the decay of that impulse or its state of corruption, I began to see things in a new light.

I stopped to consider the missteps of those I've seen around me as well as my own. Memories of the emotionally painful things that happened in my life and those I've witnessed, center on reactions to the emotional need for unity.

Do you remember high school cliques? At a time when we are becoming actualized individuals away from 24/7 supervision from our parents, we get mean. The loss of 'unity' with our parents causes us to create a false unity with our friends, who are all desperately trying to be unique by dressing the same way. Those that are different are ridiculed, marginalized and minimized.

The reject that dyes her hair fourteen different colors at puts rings through her nose is trying to embrace that she is different. Yet all she is doing is putting up a large red lettered sign saying, "I am separate and I hurt."

Think of the spouse that is cheated upon. The pain doesn't come from fifteen minutes of someone else's pleasure. It comes from an emotional loss of unity with their loved one.

Think of religions that degrade other religions. I've always been amused that most of the time these attacks target the people most like them. One look at all the Christian sects proves the point. They are saying we are in unity with "God". They are different and therefore represent disunity. Yet, the fail to see it is their rejection of others causes the own fear.

People lie at work so they stay unified to their bosses. They don't want to face the fact that they are the only one in the meeting to have made a mistake. That would make the separate from the whole.

The examples go on and on.

I've always thought I was out of touch with my emotional life. Yet, I've always craved spiritual unity. I live in a conscious quest for that unity. Perhaps, I've been embracing the one emotion that lay at the core of all the others.

Nanta and RMTO

Tonight we called these two as a pair.

I am not going to say much about tonight. It would appear that My Gal and I got much the opposite ends of the same being with RMTO. There was a thread that tied the experiences but the personality of the angel was very different. She got A and I got the B of the same creature...I think. Maybe.

Hubbub

Now that the Enochain hubbub is over, a few words.

First, one of the reasons I started this blog is for feedback. That feedback does not have to be intentional. Jason posted about problematic Enochian issues and Frater RO did the same, only more directly. As someone that has been trained to watch for external reflections of my own work, it made me ponder. The kicker was an unsolicited email from my mentor on a topic that I had not posted about regarding a message that I had not shared with him. That tied in quite nicely with everything else. So to those that issued warnings, intentional or not, they were appreciated.

Secondly, um....I will have to not type that part until I find out if it is the Enochians that don't want me to or my HGA or both and weather I should listen to their discouragement from posting. Yes yes, I know there are certain folks that hate it when I do that...

Have fun everyone.

A Response to Others

There appears to be some discussion about Enochian Magick on a few blogs this weekend. Of the one's I follow. Jason, Fr. RO, and My Gal have all commented. Having just looked Jason commented twice. I haven't read the second one yet.

Jason is concerned that Enochains are sub-lunar (i.e. demonic-like) because he got apocalyptic visions and was told to clean things around his house too. The former, would make me suspicious. However, his work was early in his career. I would bet, if viewed from a particular perspective, apocalyptic things did happen to him or were about to occur in his life. I would also bet that he receives much less of that sort of thing now. He has a richer spiritual vocabulary to draw from. It doesn't matter if that vocabulary is in words, pictures or abstract ideas. The spirits can only work through the imagery you have.

When I started, I was a literalist. I believed the concrete meaning of the words I heard. Well, not all of them. I had doubts. However, I was told that if I joined a coven, I'd get 'beaten up'. I took that to mean physically. In actuality, the beating was emotional. Apocalyptic images may only mean, "Damn, this is going to hurt, A LOT." Getting locked into one interpretation of the words received from spirit communication is a common beginner's failing.

Being concerned that house cleaning is a sign of a 'demon-like' presence, is baffling to me. I've had the same sort of thing happen when invoking Isis and Ma'at. Some forms of spirits like things less cluttered. In Book 4, Crowley points out the commonality of many practices boils down to ridding oneself of things that are not conducive to meditation. If the general disorganization of the household causes a disorganization of my mind, it is fully conducive to the Work to have a spirit encourage cleaning things up. Besides, if everything is connected, the state of my house reflects my state. Therefore, by changing one, I can change the other. Is there a better definition of magick?

RO is concerned about being used by spirits. BAH. We are all used by spirits called other humans. Had the spirit said, "You are great and I have a mission for you." I'd be highly suspicious. That is a direct appeal to the ego. Either the spirit is a bit dangerous or my ego is flaring or my tired etheric body is interfering with communications. The best approach is to wait until the long term pattern is revealed.

Being told you have a mission to do 'from god' can mean anything. It can mean that your mission is contact with your HGA, cleaning your bathroom, helping a little old lady cross the street or preparing yourself as a light snack for the demonic hordes of the netherworld. RO has no problem with pacts, yet seems to not understand the PACT known as greater service to humankind or even an act of service to a spirit. This is why I posted about being very careful before jumping at whatever the 'mission' came to be.

Speaking of which, now is the time to post new information on that.

I had an idea of what the mission was. I described this to Hcoma as "I heard". You may recall that Hcoma is not the spirit that told me of the mission. She said, "You must be more clear with yourself. Did you hear it or think it?" I said I thought it and asked if it was the mission and/or if it was a good idea. She refused to answer in much the way my mentor does. In short, she is making me think. At the moment, I don't feel used.

Apparently, that passed a test. Last night, she downloaded an interpretation of each of the water cards of the tarot, from Ace, through the court cards, to the pips. She did so in response to a particular thought about gaining an Enochian interpretation of the cards that I could use to help others. Frankly, the list was not all that different than other lists I have seen. The base concept though, was.

AONT and Hcoma

We did both of these together tonight because My Gal wanted to.

AONT is more aggressive when they are together. She has to be because she prepares the way. AONT said that it is permissible and practical to use the method of Enochian prayer I've developed to pray for more than one thing at a time. This contradicts the energy model and supports the spirit model of viewing the universe.

The rest, is private. I am feeling a bit like I'd like to be alone tonight.