Magic, Medicine and Not Killing the Ego

You can invoke all the gods you want and many spirits too but you always have to stay in control. There has to be enough 'you' left to be in control. Control, self-control, focus, purpose, this was the message but spoken and implied when I was learning magick.

I do not blog about it much but I do other things too. I have been introduced to more aboriginal things, nature things. There, I have found the experience is to lose yourself to have no self-identity. In that, one can experience the medicine* of nature.

It occurred to me this is what I did when I had my transformative experience, my inner initiation. Quite by accident, I lost all sense of self, had the experience, and came back to my self. Those moments changed my life. In that instant, I met all my known spiritual goals.

This stuff of killing the ego is misleading. You need that sense of the individual self to move about in this world. The process is more of setting it fully and completely aside for just an instant.

I think the next level is having another such moment but this time, it is losing the sense of other. I have all sorts of ideas about the lesson that may be learned from such a moment but I have learned over the years that such predictions are nearly always wrong. So, I will not fill your head with needless speculation.

If I manage to experience this, I will report here, if I can.


* I am not claiming to know about anything Native American when I use the term medicine. I am using that word to define that experience versus what the western magical experience.

My Forming Egregore

I am learning some surprising things of late.

Egregores can form quickly. I am teaching a class on qabala, meditational theurgy and tarot under the auspices of  a simple tarot class for eleven people in a private home. We meet bi-weekly. Last night, my dream hovered within the egregore forming by this polite little group. I lived within the emotional core of that spirit-body which is comprised of spiritual learning, joy, fun, friendship, appreciation, sexuality and appropriateness. I knew in theory that each gathering of people had its own egregore (wheresoever two gather in my name...) but I never expected to be able to perceive it and so easily understand its component parts.

My sources are Mary K. Greer's Tarot for Yourself, A.E. Wiate's Pictorial Key to the Tarot, Crowley's Book of Thoth,  Angeles Arrien The Tarot Handbook and Lon DuQuette's Understanding Thoth Tarot.* This class is becoming powerful for a couple of reasons. The first is that I am successfully sharing the meanings of the cards not directly found in books. For instance, the formula of the Fool is murder, acceptance, reformation and manifestation. I share examples of those vary formulas from my life and the lives of my students. Secondly, I am able to comfortably delve into the emotion of the card and inspire them to recall and feel that very emotion in their own lives. Lastly, I am a much better speaker than blogger. That one-on-one contact is more conducive to the expression of my thoughts and teachings.

Conversely the MM meetings I am holding monthly are not developing into an egregore. I believe that is because I do everything I can there not to be perceived as a teacher. Rule number one there is "I am not a guru. If you forget this rule, I will disabuse of that notion immediately." The work of the MM is so individualized that setting myself up as a focus, like in the tarot class, would be antithetical to the process. My theory is that, at least in the beginning, an egregore forms around a strong personality before it takes on a life of its own.

That said, there seems to be a consistency of process and development among the MM folks that mimics an egregore. I wrote mimics rather than is because I see no emotional bond between individuals at all. Every egregrore I have seen has that emotion tie. Therefore, I am concluding this is not an egregore but a manifesting process of development.

* I was quite pleased to see new copies of some of these books brought to class. I do take some pleasure in bringing Crowley to a small town in this conservative region.

Denial Is Beautiful

Everyone has done something that they are forced to deny. Those that seek spirit must eventually set aside such tactics but what is inherent within the human need to deny?

When we are forced to realize that we did something that has harmed another, we feel like a bad people. Denial says, "I am not a bad person." That is a great truth. The action itself is a false portrayal of who the person really is; The action is a lie. A person's goodness is the truth.

Once again, the truth is revealed with the lie.

This applies to you.

It really is that simple.

Brief Reader Q & A -- Life After Finding Peace

Reader: Tell me about your life right now.

I am at peace

Reader: Tell me more about that.

The peace started in February with that soul repair/rebirth meditation. The best way to describe it is that short circuit has been repaired. Maybe another way to describe it is that there was an electrified fence around me or a dangerous third-rail. Whatever the case, that is gone.

It would seem that peace is a natural state that occurs in the absence of damage.

The understanding of the Perfection, The Unfolding and The Wholeness of all things contributes to that as well. It may seem contradiction to what I just said but from that view nothing can be damaged. So, any bump in the road is immediately smoothed out. That can give the impression that one hasn't been tested by very negative things but that isn't true. That illusion is caused because one passes the tests so easily that it feels like one has never been tested. Those may be famous last words. We will see.

Reader: Your writing seems more Thelemic lately.

I have always been Thelemic in the broad sense of the word. I have always sought my True Will. I just know what that is now. I haven't mastered manifesting that completely yet but I do understand.

Reader: How does it feel when you look back at your life before?

Surreal. There are times when I can look back and literally feel the angst and the poisons that were my reality and wonder why I ever thought any of it was real. It is like reading a prequel to a well-loved book and being taken aback by the shocking elements in the before story that you didn't pick up from the novel. Sometimes, it is like reading the history of an ancestor that you can relate to quite well. Then I think, "Was that really me? Was that my life? Did I see things that way?" It is odd to say the least.

Reader: Tell me about the joy you are experiencing from your Manifestation Meditation (MM) class? 

The locals meet in my home once a month. I call it the Soul Sangha. Those meetings are fun because you get to see the thought processes that make sense of the realizations people have. I am not sure these thought processes ever hit the core of the issue even though the core of the issue has been owned by the person in question. Mind cannot always understand spirit and that is just fine.

My big thrills come from the random texts and notes I receive. These are usually short and sweet but reveal great emotion. "My life is SO MUCH BETTER." How can one recieve that and not be thrilled, joyful and humbled?

I am deliberately growing things slowly but I love doing the occasional lecture on the topic. Last weekend I did a lecture at the local occult shop. The audience was double their average attendance for a class. One person was taking it for the second time. Every person in attendance signed up on my mailing list to be notified of future classes. I take that as a sign they enjoy the presentations as well.

Along that same line, I did the class in a private home recently for seven people. That has evolved into bi-weekly tarot classes for eight or nine people.

I learned not long ago that my father's wife, whom I have always had a contentious relationship with, is using the MM and has been for about two years. She has found it very valuable. That surprised me more than a little but in a good way. Anytime I can contribute to anyone's life improving, I am quite happy about it.

Reader: Have you tweaked the MM in the last year?

Yes. There is the normal version which I revised a bit with the help of a man named VI. There are advanced, supreme and ultimate versions. I also base any magick I do on the same formula.

Reader: Do you teach these at your classes?

I do not teach them in the public classes. Those last over an hour already and people have a tendency to jump in too far too fast. In the Soul Sangha, I will mention the magickal formula and the advanced version. The rest I keep to myself. The Supreme and Ultimate versions are a bit too much for me to handle. So, I do not feel qualified to present those just yet.

Reader: How is work?

Work is the only place the peace hasn't fully manifested yet. It is much better and I am much calmer. I know exactly why I do not have peace there and that seriously reduces the personal angst I have over the non-peace.

Reader: How is the life coaching going?

The Soul Sangha is free but I include my lectures and classes as part of my business plan. I officially opened for business a couple of months ago and immediately broke even after my modest start-up expenses. I now have already established a consistent and significant monthly profit which is not enough to quit my real job yet but it is very encouraging. I have one contracted paying life coaching client, one free client grandfathered in from my practicing time in school and one person from school that has asked me to trade services with her. That last is pretty satisfying as she has other resources which include a nation-wide financial counseling company that she works for, strong church ties and solid connections with other coaches. I find her to coming to this Pagan with her very Christian faith in need of coaching to be more than gratifying.

I am very happy building this foundation for this new career very slowly and steadily.

Magick from the Void

When I first began writing this blog, I wrote, "Magick is a verb." Many of my friends deeply complimented me for those four words. Now, I realize that it doesn't go deep enough. Sure, you have to do magick to call yourself a magician. Yet, I am not sure that ceremony is the way to go.

I am not going to say that the ceremonial magician in me has it wrong. Suddenly, I am a bit perplexed how my chanting the god name of Hod (x8), the archangelic name of Hod (x8) and the choir name of Hod (x8) creates an atmosphere conducive to a spirit of Hod to appear. Sure, it is the equivalent of shouting, "Hey YOU, Yeah you, the army of bad asses, come here." The question is, why would they respond? They are from a different place with much more important things to do than listen to me screech at them, much less make a detour all the way down here.

Banishing with the LBRP seems to be more of the same. It is as much a mind game than anything else. It is very effective at focusing one's thoughts on the tasks at hand. I seriously doubt that waving my hands through the air in the prescribed fashion of CM keeps anything at bay in and of itself. I have totally walked through the circles of totally bad ass occultists but astrally and physically, impact of the 'circle' nada.  Then again, I stayed far away from one and just watched. Yup, drove the guy running the show a bit bonkers but no harm done.

The only thing that really can trip out an atmosphere really fast is the sacred application of fire and water. Now that, my friends, can make a holy place (like what part of the earth isn't holy anyway) really holy. Let me consecrate a room with fire and water and I can just sit there more content than a cat in a winter sun beam.

As are as creating atmosphere conducive to a spirit my more witchy friends have it closer to right. You can use herbs, incenses and objects to create a small altar that a spirit may really like and inhabit. It is the build it and they will come theory. I am not decrying that method but it isn't what I am talking about.

I will say that if you have shifted from this place to that, an altogether different place, those symbols and words work just fine. BUT. YOU. HAVE. TO. BE. THERE. You can't do it from here with anything like the effectiveness you can have THERE.

To get THERE, you have shift. It is is only a step really. One to the right and maybe one to the left. Suddenly, you are out of time. You are in the void. From there, time means nothing and never will again. Time, you see, is an illusion. You can simply focus your way out of time and into a place so dark, so vast, so alone that getting there instantly results in a little pang of fear. Thank the gods for that because taking any longer to get there would be starkly terrifying. It is just a little shift but reality will never be the same. Death no longer holds fear because you died to get there and you survived!

They come to you THERE because THERE is where everything already is. THERE, we all are and they are. Call something THERE and you experience the core of that something. Nothing will ever be the same.

THERE, you can create. Magick done anywhere is else manipulation. Here, it is creation pure and simple. Careful though, you just may take off your own head.

Here is a song that I will never look at the same way again. This is a magickal song about getting to that place. It really is just a jump to the left, and a step to the right and that pelvic thrust does all the creating. It is so totally easy and yet completely impossible to explain. So here is the Time Warp. You have to squint to see what I am getting at.

Many of you will think I have totally lost it. I am good with that because the entire point is that you have to stop thinking to get THERE.

Magick is a place.

The Time Warp -- Rocky Horror Picture Show
[my emphasis]

RiffRaff:

It's astounding;
Time is fleeting;
Madness takes its toll.
But listen closely...

Magenta:

Not for very much longer.

RiffRaff:

I've got to keep control.

I remember doing the time-warp
Drinking those moments when
The Blackness would hit me

Magenta:

And the void would be calling...

Transylvanians:

Let's do the time-warp again.
Let's do the time-warp again.

Narrator:

It's just a jump to the left.

All:

And then a step to the right.

Narrator:

Put your hands on your hips.

All:

You bring your knees in tight.
But it's the pelvic thrust
That really drives you insane.
Let's do the time-warp again.
Let's do the time-warp again.

Magenta:

It's so dreamy, oh fantasy free me.
So you can't see me, no, not at all.
In another dimension, with
voyeuristic intention,
Well secluded, I see all.

RiffRaff:

With a bit of a mind flip

Magenta:

You're into the time slip.

RiffRaff:

And nothing can ever be the same.

Magenta:

You're spaced out on sensation.

RiffRaff:

Like you're under sedation.

All:

Let's do the time-warp again.
Let's do the time-warp again.

Columbia:

Well I was walking down the street
just a-having a think
when a snake of a guy gave me an
evil wink.
He shook-a me up, he took me by surprise.
He had a pickup truck, and the
devil's eyes.
He stared at me and I felt a change.Time meant nothing, never would again.

All:

Let's do the time-warp again.
Let's do the time-warp again.

Narrator:

It's just a jump to the left.

All:

And then a step to the right.

Narrator:

Put your hands on your hips.

All:

You bring your knees in tight.
But it's the pelvic thrust
That really drives you insane.
Let's do the time-warp again.
Let's do the time-warp again.