The Solution to the Leo Anger Problem

No one embarks upon a journey such as my own, striving hard for the light, without knowing there are flaws to overcome, impurities needing purifying, and tests needing to be passed.

For me, the most obvious was that I was angry. There were many things to be angry with in those early years. From one point of view, I was angry at myself. From a distance, one could say I was angry at society. From yet another, it could be argued that I was angry at the actions of other people. At any one time, I could see all of these and thought, in least in seeing those variations, I had something right. If that was the case, it was a small something indeed.

While all those things were true, everybody involved with me at the time, at least that I am aware of, mislabeled the real problem. I will spare you that debate and just lay it out there. The real and only problem was too much fire.

So, in my ignorance, what did I do? I aspired to the fires of heaven! I did endless LBRPs and middle pillars ever grasping to feel the energy of G-d. All this did was stoke the inferno.

Of course, I learned all this in retrospect and quite recently.

Two weekends ago, I participated in a Mystic Faire during which I performed soul and tarot readings. I remained in a state of mystic reception for over five hours and more likely closer to six and a half. This was too much for me and I burned out.

Two days later, I was getting more and more angry. This energy had a peculiar feel to it. Coming from outside of me, it ran along the cracked edges of old fault lines. From my perspective, this fiery power existed outside of me. It was not the normal anger like one would feel getting cut off in traffic or even of betrayal. It was the fires of creation trying to get in.

I am a mage of some experience and I am well aware of what is too much for me to handle. I am not capable of internally processing the fires that were falling upon me. I dropped my spirit into the earth. I called upon earthy spirits. I focused on the feelings of air brushing past me, cool grass under my feet and cleansing waters.

The anger stopped immediately. The recovery process continued for ten days but during that time, that level of angry energy did not reappear.

That was when it dawned on me that all those years ago someone should have stopped me and had me invoking earth. They should have pointed me the divine earth or Divine Cthonic and told me to find a connection there. It is every bit as holy as that which is ‘above’. Doing this would have calmed those flames of old much faster and would have felt much more pleasant than the ten year inferno that was my life.

So, if you are angry Leo starting out or one that hasn’t learned to calm those fires, invoke the earth, earth spirits and elemental forces that are not fiery. Here I think lay the answer. I urge you to give it a shot. Living in an inferno for ten years is every bit as hellish as it sounds. You do not want to live like that.

Harlequinade: The Virtues of the Lower Souls

Some time ago, within a post entitled Habits of Spiritual Living:Being Connected, I wrote this, It is the misapplication of the virtues of the lower bodies that impede our understanding and awareness of our connection. I promised a commenter by the name of Harlequinade  that I would expand on the idea of the virtues of the lower souls and how they can be applied. 

So, let's look at some soul-levels. 

The Nephesch is the seat of the instincts. The Nephesch has a job to do, it keeps you alive (fight/flight) so you stay alive long enough to reproduce and raise your children to reproductive age. Then, its roll reduces.

Keeping us alive is a virtue of this level of the soul. Staying alive keeps us within this human experience long enough to learn our life lessons. Through reproduction, it also keeps our species going. The problem is that this soul confuses many human experiences as life threatening. This misapplication of virtue impedes our ability to learn. 

As humans, we care about how other people perceive us. We create an image to control that perception. We say and do things that empower this image and sell it to those willing to buy. The problem is that reality does not match that image. For example, I once had a plumber continually tell me what an honest guy he was, while telling me he'd work on something as a side job for half price as long as I didn't tell his boss. He internally believed he was honest but in reality he simply wanted to be. By convincing me, he would see that reflection and believe himself to be honest, even though this was obviously not the case.

Most of the time, people are more subtle and their contradictions more hidden. Trying to maintain these illusions and delusions is very stressful. Stress kills. So, this entire process works counter to what the Nephesch is trying to accomplish. Part of us, our misapplied Nephesch, believes we are our images and if those images, held in the minds of others, die we die. In truth, when we walk away from those false images and manifest our true natures, it is then we begin to live.

Most of us think that we do not create and sustain such false images but the clues are obvious. If one denies what is obviously true, one is attempting to keep a false image alive. "Honey, he fired me for no reason." The false image is, “I am a good provider for our family that is being treated unfairly.” If the wife buys that her husband’s boss woke up one day and fired him without any reason at all, he is married to an idiot. She knows him well enough to know he was drunk, smarted off one too many times, was lazy or whatever the reason was likely to be.

If you tell one person one thing and someone else another thing about the same incident, you are also in denial and projecting images (plural) which is now even more stressful. You may say privately, "Dude, I totally screwed up," but publicly say, "I have no idea why she is mad at me, do you?" Here one creates at least three illusionary bodies. The first to the private party says, "I am honest, introspective and will try to do better," or “Please pretend to ignore the obvious and be my friend. I will not do the same to you as I did to her.” The second, for public consumption place blame on a third party, "I am a good guy and that person makes totally arbitrary decisions,” and “I am reasonable and seeking an answer." The third illusion is to one’s self thinking one is smart enough to fully manage these images which one only half-believes and will never again get caught out. Can you say STRESSFUL?

Here is the really sad part. Those images that we project reflect the beauty of who we are. Those falsehoods are all true. We just haven't fully manifested the beauty of our true selves. We are just trying to convince ourselves that we have. The misapplication of this soul level prevents the full flowering of our true soul.

Keeping an image alive is a misapplied power of the Nephesch. Using that energy and drive to eat right, exercise, and not jump in front of moving vehicles properly expresses the Nesphesch.

The Ruach is a higher level of the soul but can still be misapplied. I offer my own example. The Ruach, or as I call it the Perfect Personality, rightfully embodies one's unique relationship to the divine and expresses that relationship. Years ago, I railed against Christianity. I viewed the starting point of original sin to be barbaric, dehumanizing and the author of self-loathing, a highly destructive emotion. And, while I still view original sin to be a deeply flawed and damaging concept, I am not rabidly angry anymore. Even when I was railing against it, I never truly understood why. I had not been directly damaged by that religion. 

I learned only after my awakening that my view of the Divine was that the process is perfect. We may see events as painful (bad) or joyful (good) but in reality these are just experiences we have that serve to unfold the soul. The process of bringing these good and bad things into our lives and our reactions to them (be they "good" or "bad") is perfect in and of itself. It is much like the odd little stories I read as a child.

We went on vacation this summer.

That is good.

Not really, our car broke down and we were stranded.

Oh, that is bad.

Not really, a passerby called a tow truck for us.

That is good.

Not really, he took us for $500 and that was most of our vacation money. We didn't even have enough to get home.

Oh, that is bad.

Not really, a man in a diner heard our story. He told us of being in a similar situation with his young family long ago and gave us enough money to get home. We learned people are wonderfully kind.

That is good.

Not really...

My misapplication of my Ruach was projecting that my (then unknown) perception of the Divine was being challenged and I needed to defend against that challenge. This made me an individual with my own ideas. I had a place, even if that place was more the result of a negative reaction to orthodox thinking. The proper application of my Ruach was understanding my personal relationship with the Divine and living true to that knowledge. That not only makes me an individual expression of the divine but part of the large mass of humanity, the one and the many. I may have my own ideas and expressions but I stand with all other humans, not against them because their expression is different from my own. 

These are just two examples of misapplication and proper application of the souls. I hope this is of value. More so, I hope to have shown that the misapplications of our powers reveals our true nature as much as it impedes it. If we have the courage to see our errors, we can gain deep insights into our truth. Denial serves no useful purpose.

The Appearance of the HGA

When one is first being contacted by one's HGA, the angel often takes the form of a police officer in dreams. The reason for this is that in our culture, the police officer is a sign of absolute authority. We may dispute the rightness of our politicians but rarely, even with evidence of abuse of power*, is a police officer's authority questioned by the general public. We know police officers at a subconscious level as an authority but also by a different name, peace officer. It is through these dual ideas that the angel takes it form, unquestioned authority and a keeper of peace.

Long after these appearances, he may take another form such as a corporate CEO. In this mode, we acquiesce to his authority because of what he can bestow upon us. In this capitalist society, that is a job or an investment opportunity. Of course, the arrangement is strictly voluntary. One can, at least in theory, work for anyone and invest anywhere. That said, the choosen relationship is entered into with by both parties with an eye toward profit. So it is at this stage with the HGA. The human spirit gains something. There is also a gain on the part of the angel. What that is, I cannot say.



* This is not meant as a condemnation of police officers merely the acknowledgement that some abuse their power. Nor, should one's political view of police enter one's thoughts when considering these ideas. We are speaking in long-term cultural ideas only.

Application

On March 19 and 20, I posted about things that were changing. I am beginning to understand what is happening. I underwent the inward initiation some time ago. Current events are teaching me the application of that initiation. In what I am sure will annoy someone, this isn't something that is open for discussion at the moment. What I can share is, if this is what I think it is, it is a lot of fun.

Coached Into a Compassionate Plan

Unlike many that call themselves a life coach, I actually spend considerable time and money learning how to do it properly. I attend ILCT as I learn and hone my craft. I already have more class time and coaching hours than most that call themselves a life coach.

Life coaching is not psychology or therapy. The best way I have heard it put is that therapists are experts that find what is wrong and makes it smaller. A life coach is a partner that helps you find out what is right and lets you teach yourself how to make it bigger. Given my understanding that we are all THIS close to G-d, focusing on spiritual issues by helping folks uncover what is right with them is right up my ally. I am quite tired of dealing with the magickal point of view of turning lead into gold. You are all gold people.

Part of the training to be a coach is peer-to-peer coaching. As coaches, we coach each other. As a reasonably self-aware and verbose person, I am a pretty easy client. That doesn't mean I do not learn a great deal from being coached.

Something recently bothered me a great deal. The Kenny Klien arrest hit some personal issues for me but my reaction is what shocked me. My first thought on hearing the news was, "That poor bastard. He just lost every friend he ever had. He's imperfection was been revealed to the world. He is humiliated and his life is basically over." I felt great compassion. About two minutes later, I wanted to string him up. Then I felt compassion for his victims and blameless friends.

What bothered me was how I could feel compassion for someone that did something so horrible but not so much for people I see every day, be they passersby or acquaintances. While being coached, I developed a three pronged plan for living a more compassionate life.

1. When I am out and about, I look for people that may need a little help and offer it.
2. When I go into retail situations (which drive me batty) I pause and remind myself that these people are just trying to make a living. Being treated as a number whose only function is to hand over money and an object to be subjected to 'suggestive selling' bothers me a great deal but it is not the worker's fault. I calm myself, tell myself that they don't like treating people like numbers either and go out of my way to be pleasant to them.
3. I picked two people at work to be extra compassionate with. I am not trying to do it all at once, just two people.

Item 1 is the hardest as I have to remember to look and I usually don't. Item two seems to work just fine as does item three...so far. I expect there to be difficulties but not so far.

I have a long history of being compassionate towards others but in a bit of an imbalanced way that allows me to be taken advantage of a bit. By doing things in a planned manner, I hope to bring not only some joy and happiness to others but a bit more balance to myself.

EDIT (4/7/14 12:36 PM):

I know it will be wildly unpopular to express any compassion for Klein. I am not worried about offending folks when there is no cause for them to be offended. I am not condoning what this man is accused of doing. I expressed compassion for a human being.

I do have a couple personal axioms about compassion:

1. True compassion means having compassion for the worse of us at the worst of times.
2. True compassion is expressed continually toward every one.

Yes, I am not there yet but that doesn't mean I don't know a truth when I see one.

Additonal Note (12:41 PM)

3. Having compassion for ourselves opens the door to G-d. For we are all worthy of the same compassion that we feel for others. Feeling for ourselves allows us to accept who are.

Expelling the Nephesch or The Extreme Sports of Magick

Well now, isn't this interesting...

Last night, I had a dream...holy mother of all things great and small, what a dream! I am not going to bore you with the details. I am going to hit you with the highlights...

• Five of "us", by that I mean five parts of me drown.
• I saw our bones disperse within an underground river.
• I came to in the lobby of a modern building. There I was met by a black man that helped me up. He ushered me through a door. OH WHAT A DOOR!
• There was a community of sorts. Everything was very natural. The "rooms" where things were done were half open to the elements. They were more like shelters. This community was laid out like it existed within canyon walls but there were no walls. 
• As I walked I merged with Hermes. The stars were GLORIOUS. 
• I was totally lucid.
• We where attached by something centipede like. As far as I know, no one was hurt but it was the topic of much calm discussion.
• I then found myself talking with Constance DuQuette and telling her about the dream. She made an exclamation and then said, "I would pay the necessary people to do the initiation".
• I was then in a car with Lon. He was driving. I put something in an envelope for him. Then stuck a label on it. As I handed it to him I noticed how it was addressed. I told him that I didn't think that was my address and he tossed it out the window.

I woke up immediately and realized that this had to do with the Hanged Man card.

Later in the day, I did my meditation and asked my soul what the meaning of the dream was. The answer was that I arleady had the answer. Earlier I had though that the wrong address thing meant that one part of my soul wasn't buying into this.

 Oddly, I am teaching the Hanged Man card in next Wednesday's class. I just looked it up in Crowley's Thoth Tarot.

This card, attributed to the letter Mem, represents the element of Water. It
would perhaps be better to say that it represents the spiritual function of
water in the economy of initiation; it is a baptism which is also a death. In the
Aeon of Osiris, this card represented the supreme formula of adeptship; for the
figure of the drowned or hanged man has its own special meaning. The legs are
crossed so that the right leg forms a right angle with the left leg, and the arms
are stretched out at an angle of 60° so as to form an equilateral triangle; this
gives the symbol of the Triangle surmounted by the Cross, which represents the
descent of the light into the darkness in order to re deem it. For this reason
there are green disks-green, the colour of Venus, signifies Grace-at the
terminations of the limbs and of the head. The air above the surface of the
water is also green, infiltrated by rays of the white light of Kether. The whole
figure is suspended from the Ankh, another way of figuring the formula of the
Rose and Cross, while around the left foot is the Serpent, creator and
destroyer, who operates all change. (This will be seen in the card which next
follows.)
It is notable that there is an apparent increase of darkness and solidity in
proportion as the redeeming element manifests itself; but the colour of green
is the colour of Venus, of the hope that lies in love. That depends upon the
formulation of the Rose and Cross, of the annihilation of the self in the
Beloved, the condition of progress. In this inferior darkness of death, the
serpent of new life begins to stir.

So, I do my meditation again in the context of this knowledge. I was told to do a ritual to expel my nephesch and follow that up by the Rose Cross rite. This sounds like the extreme sports of magick to me.

Stay tuned.

Different Something

I had a bit of a chat with my soul last night. It seems the problem isn't the focus of others. Instead, I am told, I am contracting. But but but....look at all this I am doing. Yes, your actions are expanding but you are contracting. Big Bang.

Okay, so here comes a transformative experience....stay tuned.