Constraints

I have long been a proponent of constraints. When working to manifest the soul, one must be constrained by its attributes; one must stay within one's virtue. This is not a moral judgement. What may be within your soul-nature may fall outside of mine. It is fine for you to engage in whatever behaviors fall within the virtues of your soul even though I may be barred. Of course, the reverse is also true.

As we live within such confines, we manifest the will of our souls. While it sounds counter-intuitive, living this way is actually a freedom unsurpassed.

Then again, there is a form of constraint I do not endorse. This is constraint by fear. I have done it. I believe everyone that has walked on the path for any length of time has had such an opportunity tossed into their face. Most fail straight-away. A few take longer. The consequences can be devastating and usually lead to the first serious deconstruction one faces.

No one should fault the seeker that learns from this but s/he that continues to shake and tremble at the flames and the floods and the shadows of the night, have no part in the divine light. Harsh? Yes but true. That doesn't mean one cannot return. Indeed, since everyone fails sooner or later, it can be no other way.

Those that pander to fear have so many reasons. These can come from dogma, social morays, the opinion of others or the memories of pain. There are many ways to rationalize and only one to pass through.

Paying Attention

This will be a very short post.

The Manifestation Meditation has been very effective in providing lessons my soul felt I needed to learn. I have also managed to learn specific lessons I requested to learn. It is time to pay back myself and spend time tonight writing the book rather than here. I can't do the MM without getting a hit to write. So, off I go, to pay attention to the prompts I've been given.

Speaking of paying attention, Doing Magick received its 250th subscriber today. I appreciate your readership.

The Manifestation Meditation Scores Big

I traveled to Bakersfield this weekend for the first time in quite sometime. I was so warmly greeted by great friends. It is good to be loved.

There was some fear going in. I was expected to see an ex that I had fallen so deeply in love with and possibly her new beau Saturday night. Before arriving at the ritual site, I did the Manifestation Meditation asking that whatever happens manifest exactly as I need it. When you do this meditation, you have to be willing to accept the painful gifts along with the the joyous gifts. I was fearful of the painful gift I was about to receive. I hoped, in my selfishness, that this first time back, she would not be there. The future was fine but this time, I hoped not.

It turned out, they were not there. I thought that was the gift. It was not.

Sometime over the weekend, there was a conversation. I heard what I needed to hear. Those that practice magick understand the difference between asking for what you need and asking for the truth. In this case, one hopes they are the same but you never really know. Regardless, I got what I needed. There was some healing in that conversation, more than some. A lot of things clicked into place in a less difficult way. Immediately afterwards, there was a test. I passed.

Every time I turn around, this meditation has impact on my life in long-term positive ways. I haven't posted all of them. I cannot wait to finish this book and share this with others.

Imbolc

Saturday night's ritual held by my friend the Druid was awesome. Not only has his magick improved a great deal, which is great to see but one of his student's impressed me was well. Still, that was not the great part. The ritual was about healing. Person after person went to the fire, made a offering and prayed. Ninety-percent of the people were praying for someone else. In some cases, people the didn't know. That was awesome!

It was also cool to hear someone say a pray for a group of people that helped her and knowing part of her prayer was for me.

Only Half Way Up the Tree

I found a new blog by looking through posts on the Pagan Blog Project. The blog is called Standing at the Center.

The Frater makes the following statement: "A.'.A.'., much is made of the task of knowledge and conversation with the Holy Guardian Angel, but this experience is only half way up the Tree."

This is true. My experience with my HGA as a very tangible force was short lived. He shows up from time to time but for the most part is content with moments of inspiration. In my opinion, the task of the HGA is to take you to the next level. It knows your path back to the ultimate divine and it knows you. Therefore, It's job is to guide you there.

Mine did that with the Manifestation Meditation. He gave me the tool set. The rest of it is doing the work.

I am struggling with a contradictory mindset. On one hand, I have absolute faith in the Manifestation Meditation and what I am supposed to do with it. I am writing the book at a fair pace. Yet, I know I cannot really finish that yet because, well, I haven't gone through the entire process. That would be like a Theoricus (third initiation out of six or seven depending upon your viewpoint) writing about the Golden Dawn system. The ignorance would be astounding.  This problem is easily solved. I will write what I know and have it at the ready, modify it as I go and present the final document when I am confident I have it down via knowledge and experience.

The contradiction is that I am vacillating between this complete confidence in the  Manifestation Meditation and an utter disbelief in all things magick and mystical as simply so much delusion leading one down a path to no where. It is all in your head and it can't be real! But wait, why is your head less real than reality? Because I can just make anything up in there. But you do that out here too. Every experience is subjective;  you make it up.

I credit GD with getting me to my HGA on the one hand and seriously fucking me up on the other. The first part means that I know it works. Yet, I do not believe it works. Normally, the knowing and believing are reversed.

I am watching my life change through the  Manifestation Meditation . One obvious mundane item is that I eat 90% organic now. I can easily resist sweets, treats and unwholesome meats. My fruit and vegetable intake is huge in comparison to a few months ago. I do my own cooking and do not go out to eat anywhere unless I am out of town. This is not any work at all. There is no struggle. It simply is.

Work life has seen no frustration issues in a very long time. I see them coming now and easily stop them. It is odd watching other people get irritated now that I am detached from the insanity of my dysfunctional workplace as well as my own past insanity.

In many ways things are greatly improving. Maybe it isn't improving fast enough for me.

The night before last, I had a great MM. I was struck by a phrase I heard, "The purpose of life is to manifest the divine spark." Yes, for me that is the purpose. Maybe, I am just frustrated by the pace. I am not getting any younger. Maybe I have manifested that but I subjectively refuse to see own it.

B is for Bondage: Pagan Blog Project

Will you people get  your mind out of gutter?

There is a lot of talk about freedom in paganism. The restrictions of Christianity are as much social as they are Biblical. I once asked an evangelical what would happen if I walked into his church with long hair and wearing a gown. He said that I would be asked to leave. I told him that if Jesus walked into his church, dressed as he was at the time, his church would ask him to leave. I made the point that what they call holy and acceptable behavior has little to do with god and much to do with enforcing current social norms. We are not under the same restrictions as the dominant religion of the West or are we?

I know a very famous pagan who was chastised by his local community for not being polyamorous. After all, all real pagans are. I have heard this same thing being held against the less famous as well.  I know several woman that have a measure of the sight. They tend towards seeing the unpleasant and negative. Many people in these two woman's different communities shy away because 'they are not real'. Yet, someone with the sight that sees the positive is very welcome. I don't think one talent is more holy than the other but I do feel that the first two women are not as free to share their visions as is the one that sees positive things. I have been in communities were skyclad is more or less the norm, even at pool parties. I have been in communities that may shower fully clothed. However, the two seldom mix. Does this sound free to you?

To me, it sounds like the social rules that have nothing to do with our beliefs and everything to do with our fears. If they are naked, it will turn into a sex party! If they are not polyamorous, they think what we are doing is wrong. If she speaks of the negative things she sees, we can't pretend all is light. Boo!

This is fear based-hooha. Doubly negative because some pagans would like to be on the other side of these socially imposed rules but fear the social retribution and rightfully so. We live in bondage, just like the Christians do. If it is b.s. for them, it is b.s. for us. This is not good. We are pandering to our lower natures. We are making up rules which eventually allow us to say, "We are better than them." It doesn't matter if they are Christians or fellow pagans. We have created the same silly social dynamic.

There is a positive side to bondage. Sheesh, no, I am not talking about THAT.

A laser gains power by focusing diffuse light into a tight beam. Women have the power of birth because they can contain the fetus in an enclosed nurturing space. So too, does the Will of our soul manifest by staying within its own parameters. The fully expressed soul does not wander free but stays bound to its purpose.

Buddha was bound by his drive toward enlightenment. The fully realized artist is bound to create their art. These people would die sitting behind an accountants desk. My work appears to revolve around the manifestation meditation. I will stick close to that. If you are lucky enough to have found what your soul calls you to do, do it. Do not stray from it and weaken yourself, no matter what the social rules.

Qabala: My Perception of Soul Structure Part I

Given my emphasis on the manifestation meditation (MM), I've been using the word Neschemah a lot. This is one of the qabalistic divisions of the soul. There are other parts, Yechidah, Chiah, Greater Neschemah, Ruach, Nephesh, G'uph and the Automatic Personality. Perhaps that last one isn't orthodox. These are qabalistically accepted terms. Of course, I am not a scholar. I am a doer. Therefore, my experience with them may be different from what is generally accepted. I welcome corrections from the qabalistically educated.

The first thing you need in order to get an idea of this, is the glyph of the tree of life. Fortunately, for you, I have generously included a little picture for you that has been numbered for your convenience.

Sephira 1 (at the top) is Keter, the Crown. Attributed to it is the Yechidah. This can be translated as uniqueness. This is the part of you that is your divine spark and is a direct connect to "God". This is the most primally divine part of you  and was created as close to 'creation' as can be. It is so archetypal as to be vague and beyond real comprehension.

Sephira 2, Chockmah, Wisdom is assocated with the part of the soul called the Chiah or life force. This is male, fire and so close to creation we just cannot comprehend it either. This is a copy of of Keter in way. The Macrocosmic schtick is this was created so God could see its reflection in order to figure out what It is. Why "God" needs to know this is anyone's guess. In the microcosm, that desire (fire) to be understand ourselves and our place in the Universe and the Divine seems to come from here.

Sephira 3, is Binah, Understanding. If Chockmah is all that God is, this is what god is not. Chockmah is water, female. This is what connects us to all things in the universe. This part of the soul is the Neschemah. This is where real very deep intuition comes from. It is the mother's bond with the child. We can begin to comprehend this part of ourselves.

All three of them together, is the Greater Neschemah, the divine immortal part of your soul. This part is the only part of you that actually survives all phases of death and remembers the core lessons of all lifetimes. Drawing this down into the manifest world, in a real tangible way, is the work of the Manifestation Meditation. Clearly, I set my goals way too low.

The Ruach is composed of Sephiroth 4 through 9. I am not going to go into each one of them. This is your personality, it is planetary in form, and it is air, male. Is should be noted that the sephira 6, Tipereth, is the balance point and associated with the sun. (see references to the sun room in recent posts). It should also be noted that the first three sephira, 1, 2 and 3, when added, equal 6. This makes Tipereth the seat of the Greater Neschemah.

The ninth sphere is called Yesod, foundation. This is the home of a very problematic part of the soul called the Nephesch. This is the flight and flight instinct as well as the reproductive drive. It is airy, male and lunar. This causes all sorts of problems as it confuses normal things for life and death situations. Think of a cat startled by a book dropping to the floor about all the way across the room and bolting as if the sky was falling. This is your nephesch. Now add sex into the mix. BOOM!

The automatic personality, is composed of sephiroth seven through 10 and is elemental. This is the part of us that reacts to the programming and pain in our lives. It is ruled by the Nephesch, which interprets so much as life threatening (fear) or life continuing (sex) which in this context is really fear of death or irrelevance. Most people live here. The thoughts we have where we pretend to make rational decisions and then act are masks. They give us the illusion a better part of us is in control. Rationalization is the bane of us all.

The tenth sphere is the physical body, earthy. The part of the soul is the G'uph.

The trick of the manifestation meditation is to get all these parts of the soul lined up like a tumbler in a lock so the Greater Neschemah can manifest all the way down here. It is for this reason that it must first heal all those things that keep ourselves out of alignment before it can do the greatest of its work.

A great deal of that process, has been documented in this space.

Part II will deal with how I put these together as a personal view of the soul's operation in our lives, in accordance with the Manifestation Meditation.

Progress on Two Fronts

Stavish Progress

I have been eating nothing but organic foods. This is allowing me to nibble as I work and gives me my lunch hour to meditate. Okay, sometimes I take a quick cat nap but most days, I meditate.

Today, I realized in the middle of my meditation, that I was holding my arms out. If I was standing, I would have formed a T. Doing this with your eyes closed at work can get people talking. Fortunately, my physical arms were right where I left them. I realized my astral arms were in that outstretched position. I touched the back of my physical hands and I felt a physical tingle. I felt my closed door with the palms of my hands and I felt my palms physically tingle. So, I felt up my office for a while. This is a very good sign of growing astral ability.

Manifestation Meditation

Somewhere in 2008, I blogged about astral projecting from a dream into my physical house. I walked down my hallway, met the goetic spirit Bune and looked over his shoulder to see my temple room. The white light coming out of there was so bright that I could not look at it.

When I visit my astral temple of Malkuth, a house built on prayer, I can only get in so far before the bright light whisks me up to the sun room, which is an entirely different building. Today, I during the MM, I made the connection between those two things. The whole process is comprised of prayer and aspiration.

Humility

Tonight, I did the MM again. I was given my test of humility. Great. Joy.

Nutty

I will post more on the Greater Neschemah. In order to cover it well, it will be a lengthy post. I will get to it as it will help my define my ever-changing ontology.