Thursday, April 30, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Yesterday, I posted about an idea I had to get astral. What I didn't post was that I partially enacted that idea. The idea was to make offerings to an angel of the GD tradition that is 'in charge' of such things. I changed my mind because for the moment, I like doing the offerings as a gift. Expecting anything in return makes it an obligation, not a gift.
Instead of the offering, I just said I a short silent prayer to this angel.
Last night, I dreamed I was walking above the earth. I have dreams like this quite often and I always complain to myself about not recognizing this and failing to become lucid. Over time, I have noticed that I have managed to get higher. In the beginning it was just a couple of inches off the ground. Last night, I was overjoyed to 'walk' over a one story building. It was in that moment, I became lucid.
I was lucid but I had no plan. I vibrated the hierarchy of Yesod. With astral eyes closed! I could feel the vibration and it was awesome. I could feel that astral movement but I kept wondering where I was going because I could not see.
I landed on the campus of a city college some where and realized I had left my books on the roof of that building I walked over. The symbolism is obvious. I left my 'education' behind early in the flight. I feel foolish, I've never closed my eyes before when doing this. Perhaps, it is a sign I was not ready to see. Perhaps, it is just an example of being Frater Bonehead.
This is a good sign that praying to that angel will work. I will continue with that approach.
I took it down last night. It was time. It had gone unused. Oddly, the red carpet under the table was rotating under the table while the table remained parallel to the walls.
I took it down to dedicate something to Pan. I simply could not do it. I kept looking for an excuse not to. I then sat down and meditated and tried to reach 'transcendent Pan'. I 'heard' that I still fear. I should wait until I can purge that fear. I have begun to work on that through prayer.
My back hurt today. Coincidence?
Again I performed the offerings today. I love how that makes me feel. The offering to the local spirits took the form of rain. The offering to the Universe was again a beautiful column of light. Awesome.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Given my ceremonial magick leanings, I'm a ritual stick in the mud when it comes to anything that doesn't have rigid rules. Upon seeing the spirit animal of the west was an octopus and being unaware of druids finding the octopus any more sacred than smelt, my eyebrow raised.
I was then pleasantly surprised. Prior to the ritual Brian greeted all the new comers to make them feel welcome. He and Jen then gathered everyone up and explained what was about to happen. They shared this was a Druid circle and not a Wiccan circle and that the rules were a bit different. They even explained some of the symbol set they were using. This is a step missing from most public circles. It worked.
As diligent readers of this space are aware, I'm doing a public ritual for Fresno's Spirit Fusion Festival (formerly PPD). I worked in an introductory explanation early on. Watching Llywn Swynedig has convinced me this is the right approach.
The ritual itself also resolved an issue that I have with most public rites. The energy is icky. In a CM hall the energy is clean, focused, and purposeful. It most public rituals, the energy is dirty, scattered and communal. Instead of general energy raising, they took a different tact. They had each individual raise energy according to their own abilities. They only supplied the form. Once the energy was raised it was projected into individual talismans that were then combined by the officials as both a 'lesson' and an offering. I may have changed the form of talisman based on the magickal principals I follow but I can not criticize the druid way. They did a fantastic job. This is doubly true because it was their first public rite.
Those that know me know that I wouldn't post a compliment unless I sincerely meant it.
It wasn't the type of ritual I am used to as a CM hall can feel like working within a laser beam but I learned something very important. They had sincerity of purpose. I recalled the words of Jesus, "Wheresoever two gather in my name..." They gathered in spirit and I felt spirit. Wonderful.
I also avoided eating a donut. See this post from earlier today, if you don't follow the relevance of that comment.
The local community is being studied by Fresno State anthropologist Penny Verin-Shapiro. About two years ago, I was Penny's first interview. She had no place to start. The interview lasted about a half and hour, amazingly short for a wordy person like myself. My Gal was interviewed not long ago. The depth of Penny's education showed. Her interview lasted about three and a half hours.
I am one of the locals that lectures/speaks/presents at her classes each year.
Penny approached me because my friend WitchDoctorJoe told her that I had 'got religion' recently. He was referring to Pan landing on me. I have previously posted on those events. Penny wants to interview me on that topic. I am willing to as Penny appears to be seeking to understand rather than to judge.
We are going to schedule something in late summer. I am glad for the time to put things in perspective. I will be working more with Pan. Hopefully, I will gain enough of an understanding to be a good interview.
Since reading about the ancient Greek practice of the herm, I've wanted to build a small herm near my front door. Today, I took the first steps toward that by going shopping for rocks. There will be more on that in future posts.
Following Jason Miller's advice, I once again made offerings from within my temple space. This time, when I rubbed my hands together to raise the energy, I reached down into the earth to pull it up. My normal practice is to draw it down. A beautiful column of light rose within me. I offered it to the spirits of the temple, the spirits of the house, the local spirits and the Universe. The local spirits were interesting. I saw forms of food for all the local life cats, birds, insects etc. When I gave energy to the Universe, the column of light rose into the sky. The sense of awe was profound.
I left my temple and began to read Researching Paganisms for my Cherry Hill class that starts next month. I suddenly realized that I felt like I've always wanted to. When, as a new magician, I said I sought spirit, I was looking for a feeling. I know several people that have radiated externally how I've always wanted to feel internally. Those folks are my mentor, someone that I can not name here and My Gal's mentor. I felt it from Jason Miller as well. Today, for the first time, I felt that within. I've been looking for that for over twenty years.
Having thought about it for a while, the result may be linked to the approach of my offerings. I expect nothing. My temple is already protected and peaceful, the spirits of the loci haven't harmed me to my knowledge and the Universe has treated me well. Yet, in giving, I received something special in return. It is the theory of the moment.
Soon after that realization, I understood that meditating after offerings works for me. So, I began to meditate. I've been doing this more and more since Jason's visit. He gave me one tip that has switched my viewpoint of meditation from struggle to fun. During that meditation, I realized two things.
The first had to do with myself. I view myself as a curmudgeon. I am a cranky ass. I know my faults well. On the other hand, I can be very kind when no one is looking. I prefer kindnesses to be in private. I realized that I need to change focus. I always focus on my faults and therefore deny my essential goodness. I realized I am a good person and that I should focus on that aspect of Fr.POS rather than the negative side. A declarative statement was made about my fundamental 'goodness'. This does not mean I will forget other things I need to work on, only that I refuse to let them be the main focus of my internal identity.
The second realization involved learning to astral project. Which I can do only very sporadically and spontaneously through a dream state. I may have a path to solving that problem.
Not bad results for one ritual.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
I tried to repeat offerings in the temple room. I had the same feelings. It is as if the sudden Fresno summer heat has stifled my magick.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Sunday, April 19, 2009
The bonehead comes in because I can become so focused and so myopic that I fail to see the patently obvious. The input of others is required to back me up a bit. Did Jason tell me anything during his visit that I didn't already know? Hell yes. But, more importantly, he changed my focus enough to allow me to piece some things together that I'd been missing. Some of those things others have tried to tell me. I missed them then. I have it now. Had Jason not visited, I'd still be missing them. So, for his years of effort, his willingness to share, and arriving when he did. Thank you.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Friday, April 17, 2009
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Monday, April 13, 2009
- The links to other people buried within me
- Maintaining multiple specific altars
- Using the full scope of the system you're working
- Meditation in general and a specific meditation
- The eminent versus the transcendent
- Communications and observation
- First the Working and then the work
- holistic approach to magick
- dressing candles
- Pan and my path
I will say that if you ever have a chance to learn from Jason, do so. Learn about thaumaturgy. Learn about theurgy. Are you getting the impression that I was impressed? Jason is very well versed on a wide variety of topics. That comes across on his blog but nothing like speaking with him in person. I may never see Jason again but time will tell if he makes my list of 'most influential' mages in my life. Right now that list is, my mentor, DuQuette, Webster and a cast of thousands.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Since my guest room is occupied, we gave up the bed for Jason and we slept on an air mattress in the temple room. I have always wanted to sleep in my temple room and never did. Well, now I've done it with no effect.
Though, I did have an unusual dream. It seemed like half the world came to spend the night in the temple with me. There were lots of people I knew in the dream but few I knew in real life. My Gal and my mentor appeared. I rarely encounter them in dreams. Jason appeared as well. Jason had told a young lady something. I couldn't figure why anyone would have a problem with what he said. Maybe because I didn't it. He said something like "When I do things, I am (or it is) or (it is missing) 20%" My mentor, yelled at Jason. I've never seen my mentor yell. That isn't his form of behavior when he is angry. Jason, who was going to sleep at the time never moved. My mentor pulled me aside to talk and repeated what Jason had said. I still didn't understand the problem.
Later, as everyone was milling around where Jason's talk was to be given, sirens blared and a bunch of private security company cars came into the driveway. They were lost, given directions and left.
Still later, I was driving with my mentor and he pointed out a house with a kitchen window that was very high upon a hill. The architecture was unusual and, if for some reason one crawled out of the kitchen window, dangerous. He said, "I hate it when they build kitchen windows like that." Hate is another word that I've never heard him use.
The dream also involved a couple of off-stage dogs and ferrets. We all know the meaning behind those!
Several unusual things are outside of my dream pattern: My mentor and My Gal in my dreams at all, much less at the same time, a crowd of people, very unusual behavior for my mentor.
My interpretation was that something Jason would have to say was outside the ability of at least one person in the group to handle. As I was typing most of this post Saturday morning, Jason awoke and entered my office. He said something very similar. I recall at this early hour what his exact words were but I have a policy. If I hear the same thing from two sources that have not spoken to each other, I listen. But what am I going to do? I can't stop the man from speaking about something when I don't know what he is going to say. Later in the morning, he talked about doing an voodoo invocation. That was it! No voodoo in my living room.
The talks went very well. I found Jason to be knowledgible on a wide variety of topics. The man is obviously very well studied and, more importantly, has done the Work.
I also found the number of folks that had sudden engagements, vehicles break down and other events that caused them not to arrive to be I think it was a reflection of my dream. The GD current can often emphasize the psychological model in the outer work. It is, after all, personal and alchemical. Those that view things from the psychological model at this point in their development, have little interest in dealing with spirits, reversal and the like. Why would they, if they feel all these things are in their heads? This too shall pass. Perhaps, until it does, they need to stay away from certain topics. The truth to a man not ready to hear it, is a lie. Sometimes, information presented too soon can derail the sincere seeker. This is important to keep in mind. It is just as important to let the seeker make that determination 99.9% of the time. Meddling can cause more harm than good.
On a Personal Note: Jason and I covered a lot of ground after the official part was over. I asked him the question I ask my mentor prior to each initiation. "What are my strengths and weakness?" And for Jason I added, "If you were my teacher, what would you have me work on next?" He ignored the first part and gave me great advice on the second part. The discussion that followed even touched on dealing with that which plagues me that the Stavish meditations keep stirring up. There will be more on that in future posts.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Monday, April 6, 2009
Sunday, April 5, 2009
In response to Frater RO's post on know,will, dare and keep silent. I offer this for the keep silent part. I've never been good at the keep silent part (hence this blog). I ripped this off form this blog.
Then what prevents you from seeing and hearing Him? Truly, there is so great a din in your heart, and so much loud shouting from your empty thoughts and fleshly desires that you can neither see nor hear Him. Therefore, silence this restless din, and break your love of sin and vanity. Bring into your heart a love of virtues and complete charity, and then you shall hear your Lord speak to you.
— Walter Hilton, The Stairway of Perfectio