Thursday, January 31, 2013

Incorrect Theurgic Perspective

As a long time theurgist, I have been through 'the shit' as they call it. I've run into walls more often, with greater variety and larger impact than many others. This isn't anything to brag about. It is more of a marker of where I had to start.

Through this I always asked why? What is the foundation for this problem? Where did it come from? What series of behaviors, ideas and/or experiences instilled this incorrect attitude within me? Why? Why? What? Where? When? Why and Why? I found a lot of answers. I also wasted a great deal of time and energy.

When I boil it all down I think every lesson can be reduced to two things: Don't do that, Do that.

Do not live outside of the dictates of your soul; live within your soul structure.

So, all the shit analyzing is a waste. Classify what shit you fell into and don't do that! Classify what enlivens your soul. Do that!

Simple. Life can be best lived simply.

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

The Problems with Qabalistic Training (Golden Dawn)

Over the years, I have heard a consistent complaint about qabalistic magick, theurgy and Golden Dawn in particular. The refrain goes something like, "That is just psychology." I have disagreed but never have I done so with the precision necessary to make my point.

In investigating Transpersonal Psychology, I almost immediately came across the idea that the discipline in question seeks to unify the personality with the spirit and does so by honoring altered states of awareness, peak experiences and the like. This is what theurgic magick does. At times, you have to reject parts of the personality that do not fit into the whole. At others, you have to fully integrate things that you may have wanted to reject. This is done in accordance with spirit and allows spirit to come through.

Sometimes, Spirit has to do its part to fight through too. For years, I would spontaneously exclaim, "I love [the girl that did the very bad thing]." Frankly, I didn't love her in the least. Why then did I utter such words? Because my Soul pretty much loves everyone. Love of all is now being generated by my smaller personality regarding complete strangers, friends and enemies. In order for that to happen, my Highest Soul had to push through and show me love for people that have (and maybe still would) choose to do me harm.

This is completely different from what I was taught in my previous tradition, "Love or fear no one [in that tradition] for that is how they get you." This is the path to unholy separation  Spirit always unifies. The moment you see "us and them" offered as a way of life, be it tribalism or anything else, the deepest levels of spirit have not yet arrived.

Theurgy isn't just psychological magick, it is personal unification of mind, body and soul. It just appears to by psychology because that is what the observer has the most experience with.

I have three main complaints about Golden Dawn and theurgic magick: lack of earthiness, failure to teach relationship magick and lack of attention to the body.

Theurgists have their head deeply stuck up their view of the sky. There is a lot of magick that occurs just above or just below the earth plane that is ignored. This is folly with a captial F.O.L.L.Y. The speed and immediacy of earth magick is a requirement for fully walking within one's ability as a mage. These are practices I am working on. It should be noted that one can have a huge impact on the earthly realm doing earth magick practices. The timing is just more dicey and one misses entire realms of reality.

The first entry in Robert's Rules of Magick is that all magick is relational. In GD training, you are exposed to so many things that you really do not have time to form a relationship with any of them. As I now have a more natural magick altar in my home, I can easily see how daily focus on building a relationship with the spirits one wants to partner with is necessary for meaningful success. If I missed this, someone should have shook me by the collar until I got it. If it wasn't meant to be taught, it is a serious failing of the system.

The final problem is the lack of attention to the body. OTO has yoga exercises and the like. GD has none of that. Exercise and fitness are not even mentioned. This too is a crime for what I hope are obvious reasons.

My training tradition offers a great value. I am not disparaging it. I simply feel it is remiss in some areas.

Monday, January 28, 2013

Rough Day/Good Night

I dreamed of something emotionally unpleasant. I know the subject matter but not the dream. The funk followed me all day. Tonight, I was preparing to teach my Monday Night Tarot class. As I was walking down the hallway of my home, my soul landed on me. "It is all about love." The touch was gone as soon as it came but instantly my whole mood changed. It was a very powerful moment.

Saturday, January 26, 2013


Long time readers of this space have to be exposed to a great deal of my personal angst, pain and difficulty. Many many words have been dedicated to such emotion. Now, is the time of peace and it was my wish to write as many words dedicated to that. There are not many words available.

The problem is that pain has many causes, peace but one. Pain is full of conflict and the juxtaposition of ideas. Peace is but one idea. Pain comes from a shattered heart, peace is being whole.  Pain lives in the past or fears the future. Peace is now. Pain comes from grasping for that which you do not have, peace comes bearing nothing more than itself.

Funny thing is that I have no more now than I did then. I have not obtained anything that I never had before. Everything I am was always there.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Step Away from Pride

We are often told to set aside our ego. This can take many forms. We can hold our tongue rather than share our thoughts. We can make secret donations to charity. We can eschew a quest for power in the workplace, spiritual group or over others. Our minds can cease their silent condemnations of others. We can ask for help.

The latter lesson I have learned from watching others refuse obviously needed aid. Too maintain the pride of illusionary self-sufficiency seems less than a wise course of action.

To that end, I have certain life goals that have not progressed. These include writing the MM book, writing the instructions for the triangle ritual, become educated in the spiritual life coaching field. I have therefore engaged the services of a writing instructor and another as a spiritual life coach.  Of course, the latter is as much to learn how the work is done as it is for the coaching. More the one benefit is certainly acceptable and I have been forthright in speaking with him as to my goals.

Personal Progress

Things are not the same for me. I am mentally/emotionally very healthy at this point. My attitude is quietly positive. I am slowly setting aside things I 'know' to be true about my past and re-evaluating. I am often spiritually 'high'.

Tonight, my life coach shared a scale of awareness.

1. Victim
2. I am one
3. I let the universe work through me
4. I am the universe

I am bouncing between items 2 and 3. 

Monday, January 21, 2013

A Lesson Brings Cognitive Dissonance

Some of you may remember that I had worked on a man who had a brain aneurysm.  It was new territory for me. At some point, after only a few sessions his wife, my client, asked me to stop. It was my opinion I was doing a good job and I was being very very careful. She said she noticed some things of concern in his behavior after one of my sessions. Naturally, I stopped as requested. That was some time ago.

Yesterday, we texted a bit. She told me that her husband is improving. He is more engaged and more emotionally appropriate. This didn't sound like a complete cure to me but it was a significant improvement. He has accepted professional realities now. As the conversation continued that special sense told me that this was the result of my work. I said nothing to that effect to her but a few minutes later she told me that she felt I deserved credit for the healing progress.

She asked me to recall the look on people's faces that get a cochlear implant and can hear for the first time in their lives. That is how her husband looked after my last healing session. She thought more would be too much for him. Apparently, he has been slowly coming to terms with the before and after.

She is a good friend. So, I confided in her that I think doctors are great but often they just seem to be able to tell you what is wrong but do not do such a good job at fixing it. I, on the other hand, don't much about aneurysms or Aspergers but seem to get improvement.  She said that is often because the doctor needs a patient to cooperate with the healing process but that doesn't seem to be the case with what I do. A healing can occur without the patient even knowing.


The lesson here is that magick doesn't always happen instantly in a way the magician can see it. Sometimes it takes time for things to move to manifestation. We are not living in a Disney cartoon. Often, we think that if we didn't get a result within a time frame it didn't work. Bah! Lon DuQuette says, "The oracle is always right." I say magick always works. Sometimes, we just miss it or are impatient.


I know this sounds arrogant as heck. I have now done healings that doctors cannot do. I have greatly reduced Asperger's symptoms with two or three 15 minute sessions and now this. Unless these people and others are lying to me, and why would they, that is pretty cool stuff. My mind is having a hard time rationalizing how this can happen. As another friend pointed out my rational mind has no place to put this. It is a reality shift. Yes, I think he is right.

This is heady stuff. Part of me, that part so aware of how we can become delusional with magick, is on high alert. I am not in freak out zone but I am certainly processing this.

Sunday, January 20, 2013

My Saturday Night

I performed the triangle rite for someone last night. This person also had issues with time. S/he prefers that I do not say anything that may identify him or her. I can share a few things.

First, I was more confident doing the rite for another than for myself. There was no doubt to what I was doing. Secondly, I am exhausted. Walking the triangle of Binah for another was much like a Golden Dawn Hierophant stepping on the ego of a candidate, difficult and painful. Today, I am exhausted.

Thirdly, the person's vision of the image of Binah was nearly identical to mine when I was in that position, allowing for variations in human perception. From my new position as operator, the vision was very similar but in one aspect, quite different. I saw an obvious variation on the theme.

Speaking of seeing the vision, something happened that was quite odd. I saw the vision as very far away. Yet I could see how the vision was quite near the person I was working for who was three feet in front of me. This distortion of place seemed normal at the time but, now in the normal state of consciousness, I find it extraordinary.

I also learned a great deal about the ritual technique.

I am tired of speaking of these and omitting the tech. I am writing up all the tech notes.

Spiritual Health

I am coming up with the idea that if there is such a thing as physical health, emotional health and mental health, there must be spiritual health. There must also be methods of maintaining that health. This could be meditation, compassion exercises, pray, services and the like.

Friday, January 18, 2013

Divine Peace and Joy

This morning, I did the Advanced Manifestation Meditation and asked, "What can I do for others today?" The reply was to make a Facebook post, not exactly something I consider a spiritual project. The post was, "If you are in conflict, you are in the wrong place. Step to the left, let it pass by you like a cool breeze." This is good advice for me to follow but it wasn't for me.

I have no idea if those were words for anyone or simply an exercise in my listening. I do that quite well now but you never know. I made the post. No one commented to say, "I needed this today," or anything like that.

Yet all day I was joyful, happy, peaceful. Even now so late, I can still feel totally connected to the divine. Today, nothing really happened but what a great day!


Once again, the MM is leading people in the same direction. This time, it has to do with the triangle ritual. I call it the triangle ritual but it has turned into the Tetrahedron Rite. Once I form the tetrahedron, another inverted shape appears. The target, usually myself, sits in the middle of that form. I am doing the rite for another person this weekend.

I can tell an ergegore is forming because Yvonne posted a picture of the ritual result on her blog. She was led to a teacher that shares this form rather than it forming in her head. A bit prior, she posted a hint as the the initiatory nature of the MM.

She hasn't done the Advanced MM yet.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

What About Wankers?

 Edited to omit some inflammatory language:

On January 6, I posted about compassion, Compassion is Forgiveness. I said that many advise to forgive but none tell you how to do that. Further, those that offer said advice most strenuously are usually incapable of forgiving.

I posit that by imagining the pains the other experiences that motivates a person to perform the offending act(s) and having compassion for one in such pain, one can unify with the essential humanness of the other and that understanding leads to forgiveness.

Kalibex commented, "And if harm is done to a person by someone without a conscience (IE, no inner suffering)?"

Getting past this idea is quite difficult. It is usually among the most difficult for those pursuing a life of Being. Long time readers of this blog know how hard I struggled with it. In fact, I still do from time to time. The person that damaged me has done so to many others. I believe it is her plan and that she takes some enjoyment from causing long term sexually related emotional distress. If she were male, she'd use other methods of sexual control. Instead, she uses manipulation, distortions, lies and set-up scenarios to do her work. She is about power and control over others. I also believe at a fundamental level she knows of the less than holy nature of her actions and how that reflects upon her being. Frankly, I do believe her peers should intervene and see if they can reroute her actions. They won't and I can't. However, that has nothing to do with me.

However, think of the distress she must be in to do such things. Either that our she has no humanity whatsoever. This too is worthy of compassion.

Compassion is shared suffering through sympathy and/or empathy. It is about both parties. Forgiveness is not about the other person but expanding one's own heart and being. I can have compassion for the pain she submits herself to. I can feel it quite deeply. This does not make me a weak person. On the other hand, forgiveness has nothing really to do with the other person at all. It simply means that you can experience agape for the most difficult people in your life. Those that can almost convince you that there is no G-d, no justice and no hope in aspiring; The fact that they can't quite do that is their gift.

They teach that the human spirit, our divinity, our link to the All cannot be extinguished. These things are immortal and within us all forever. We can kindle those flames when we so choose and those that attack us so are trying to make put out our light, Otherwise they must flee from it for darkness always flees from the light. Their actions our proof of our divinity, vision and purpose. Our love for them, agape, will return that same gift. It is therefore our duty, in the long term, to love our enemy.

I am closer to making that a reality.

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Observed Pattern

I heard a message loud and clear not long ago: STOP WHINING

In speaking to various occultists, two others have received the exact same message. Now Jack says his goal is to stop mocking various people. Not the same, but related. Mocking is just a humorous way of whining about someone not being like you.

I have seen patterns like this before. In the beginning, I thought egregores simply broadcast messages to their groups they were intertwined with. Now, aside from obvious theories, I have no idea what causes the same messages to be given to people that work much differently from each other.

Regardless, if you whine, now may be an excellent time to stop.

Saturday, January 12, 2013

State Vs Stage

I had a conversation with a friend last night that is in midst of a stage change. I was able to share the difference between state and stage, provide examples of others she has known that have stage changed, revealed her anxiety triggers and reflected her beauty back to her. It was my perception that I left her in a better state than when I found her.

Then I came home and found Jason's post, State vs Stage. I really do have to get back to reading Jason more. Jason writes and teaches by conveying facts and experiences. I write and teach from a very personal point of view. So, I am going to take Jason's posts and relate it to things I have gone through.

Jason writes, "A non magical example that is sometimes given for this is a case of playing music. A student may have a moment where they are able to play piano like a virtuoso [State], but it is only by work that he can make it his normal skill level.[Stage]"

In my case, I had a vision of Perfection [State] and moved up a [Stage] but not to the level of living in the state of perfection.

Note: When I use the word perfection, I am not using it like Jesus perfect. I am using it as meaing the perception of the perfect unfolding of the soul and the All. It is a perfect process in which we are in a state of perfectly being who we are at the moment. 

Seeing the Perfection of the Unfolding was spectacular. Certainly, that was a life altering experience. You simple do not discard experiences like that. At the very least, one's perceptions are modified.  Not long ago, I posted about compassion. I said, "Find the pain that motivated the hurtful action and feel compassion for the one that suffers such torment. This rips apart the notion of hate the sin and love the sinner." The 'sin' is non-existent as it is only an externalization of pain. Pay no attention to the illusion of sin, love the person, heal the pain.

My perception of wrong doing has been modified. From this perception,  can calm down a lot of conflict between others as long as I am not involved in the situation. This is why I call it a perceptual change and not a state. While I can apply the principle above in my own situations, it is harder and doesn't last as long. In short, it is a great deal of work. Again, perceptual change, not a state change.

As far as Perfection, in my day to day life, I forget about that sometimes. I get hurt, angry, live in the past, mull over the meaning of things and get myself worked up. I posted something about going through PTSD issues again and then 'remembering' perfection and calming down immediately. In that case remembering is more appropriately called internalizing. I knew perfection so well that it altered my state of consciousness in a heartbeat. I moved from one state to another because deeply remembered Perfection. Again, this not a stage.

I suppose the stage of my state of perfection would be awesome. Would I walk around in a state of bliss in love with everything, laughing as someone amputated my right leg with a hack saw? Would I give away all my possessions? I do not know. I am not there yet, if ever.

My state change has been much more mundanely human than such spiritual fantasies. Unless you bump across my PTSD issues, you cannot piss me off anymore. You can annoy me, frustrate me and irrirtate me but you cannot get me mad. My on-line discussions are calm. I make my points and move on. This is a change from getting all bent out of shape and being a jerk. When I speak with you in person, I listen intently. I notice changes in body posture, subtle vibes and am deeply interested in you. I am not distracted by the past, present or five minutes from now. I connect with what you are trying to express and I feel a bond when I have an in person discussion now more than every before.

This is a permanent shift in who I am. This is a state change. It isn't nearly as exciting as Perfection, is it? No but it is firmly grounded in reality. This is manifesting the soul here on earth one bit at time.

I can also do my meditation and get in touch with what I think is my greater neschemah. I say think because perception changes, maybe it is less. I do know that when I go there and ask for advice or input the result always is right. There is no conflict that results when I put that gnosis to work in the mundane. There is no disturbance of anyone's peace. It is awesome. You'd think I'd remember to consult all the time wouldn't you? So would I but I don't. I forget or feel something is too trivial to meditate on. WRONG.

This is an ability that has never failed me when I remember to use it. Is this a state change? I think so but I am not technically sure it qualifies.

Jason further writes, "The problems arise when people who experience a state fool themselves into believing that from that point forward they are at that stage. In the higher states of awareness we get a sense of the innate perfection of everything, how there is not a hair out of place in the whole of the universe, and how in fact we have always been in this state of being – we just have not realized it. The problem comes that as we slip into our normal modes of awareness, and we have to leave our temples and deal with the world, we start to enforce this view incorrectly."

He is spot on. The moment you 'enforce' your view you have abandoned spiritual awareness and entered the realm of politics. This is an ego-need to be correct, accepted by others, agreed with and the like.

Jason continues, "For instance if we cling to the idea of innate perfection just as things are, we can interpret this as it being OK or even pre-destined that people are poor or suffering, and neglect our duty to those around us. In fact the perfection experienced in these higher states is not reliant upon the relative level proceeding according to a grand plan, but the fact that the ultimate level of everything is so inherently perfect that its perfection cannot be stained by events on the relative."

Yes, this is why I took umbrage with the idea that since magicians are above duality we can do whatever we want. No. No. No. Such states entail greater responsibility not less. Since seeing perfection I have made more charitable contributions than I ever had before. The people that have not seen perfection are not my play things. I am aware of the pain dualistic realities impose upon those that adhere to them and seek not to create greater pain by believing I am above them. Instead, when asked, I share alternative viewpoints and reduce dualistic pain where I can. Even if that simply means shifting the dual view from the negative to the positive. On rare occassion, I can share a non-dualistic perception that resonates with who I am speaking but that is not the point, pain reduction and love are what matters.

Further, I did hesitate when it came to the sharing that particular vision because all things degrade. For instance, Christianity can degrade into the idea that one can do whatever one wants because one is forgiven anyway. The stage of true Christian spirituality cannot be corrupted by such things but exoteric belief can. The same is true with Perfection. The State or Stage cannot be corrupted but the exoteric (lack of) understanding can become just what Jason said it could. 

Jason states, "Being surrounded by students who look at you as a living god doesn’t help matters. This is one reason that are ready to call you out on your shit are a VALUABLE tool."

Again, he is most correct. When I teach the MM locally my first statement is that I am not a guru, I have no one's answers. I offer technique and experience. How your soul interpretes your experience is between you and your soul. Under no circumstances is anyone allowed to argue with anyone's perception or conclusions about their life experience. We can ask questions like, "did you consider this?" or "can you clarify that?"

I am surrounded by friends that tell me when I am wrong, incorrect or being an ass. I LIKE THAT. Sure the ego flairs a bit when that happens but that is okay. The difference is that my friends tell me when I am wrong and do not get all ass bent out of shape, defensive and lie when I am correct. This is a change in my social state.

He continues with great advice, "The message of the post is just this: no matter where you are in your path, keep some humility. Don’t get high on your own Bullshit. It is better to appear to be at a lower stage than you really are and have amazing peak experiences of higher states than it is to appear at a higher stage than you really are and lose track of just how far you have yet to go."

The problem here is that this is more than just about you.  When you get to certain stages people look to be taught or look at you as an example or inspiration. That not only means that you don't get to mess with them by giving them intentionally wonky advice it means that when you slip they get disappointed and that disappointment can seriously derail their spiritual journey. I tell lots of people I am still learning and growing and that I still make a lot of errors. I do this in hopes that my mistakes do not derail them. Most would say that isn't my responsibility. They may be right but I am going to live like this anyway.

Lastly, Jason mentions people that claim they have crossed the abyss. Here is a little secret about the MM. It doesn't work that way. One does not rise to the Greater Neschemah, It descends. If you stop and think about that for a moment, you can see how that calms down the ego trip a bit.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Major Life Change?

The MM, Triangle Ritual and life have been pushing me to move on from my current job. My work there is pointless government work that could be meaningful to others but simply isn't due to the dysfunctional work environment. I feel no satisfaction.

I do get satisfaction from helping others. The agnostic being a great success of talking as much as magick. The Asperger's child being a greater success of magick. So, I am applying for a Master's program in Transpersonal Psychology.

If you read the article linked, I think you'll find the points made line up a great deal with what I express here.

I am a bit intimidated by the requirements and work load. I am not a spring chicken but I have to try. I sent my first inquiry over the transom tonight.

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Compassion is Forgiveness

The modification of the Manifestation Meditation has yielded a gem for me.

I am not a forgiving man. I find it very difficult to forgive acts that will be repeated. This is my failing. Often, I have been advised to forgive as the lack thereof "only hurts you." No one that has offered said advice ever followed up with instructions on how to do that. Observation further demonstrated that most of those that uttered such words were not capable of forgiving themselves.

Over the last week or two an idea has been peculating  Find the pain that motivated the hurtful action and feel compassion for the one that suffers such torment.  This rips apart the notion of hate the sin and love the sinner. Hate and the love of the divine cannot be housed in the same soul.

Compassion alone brings peace. Compassion acted upon is holy. Compassion for the pain of another removes all judgement of the action, the person and projections upon the future. Compassion unfolds the soul.

Saturday, January 5, 2013

Morning Triangle Ritual

Of late, I have been struggling with my PTSD issues. They have not been horrific as they have been in the past but sleep is difficult, anger arises and I am a bit more confrontational. Overall, the intensity level is about 25% of what it was for a decade. So, at my worst, I am much improved. I think part of this stemmed from the path working I did earlier this winter and the triangle ritual. For me, that rite is intense. Given that I am a fiery guy and it is a fire-based ritual, it is only natural it will cause some issues for me.

This morning, I performed the rite and invoked water within the form. This was interesting. I received confirmation of plans for a career change that I have been 'told' will satisfy an emotional and spiritual need. I was even given some instruction on how to do magick to aid those plans coming to fruition. Towards the end of the meditation period, which only lasted a few minutes, I was given a method to make the rite more effective by adding an angelic force at a certain location within the temple space.

Can you say KABOOM?

A beautiful world tree formed beneath me and rose through me, its branches reaching to the sky--totally awesome.

I left the work space feeling very energized by fire. This I do not need in my given state but as I write I am being inundated by water. This is peaceful and cool.

For my next trick, I will create a standard circle of water and then do the triangle rite within that.

Edit: This is what I meant by my post on not holding yourself to a perfect standard. Things ebb and flow but continually improve. You can't take any set back as invalidation of yourself or your work.

Plan for Releasing the Tech

I have about 3,000 words written on the triangle ritual. I have worked on it every day for a week and am happy with the progress. The finished paper will be seven to ten thousand words. I have several options of editors to run it by. I plan on selling it here as a pdf file for five or ten dollars. I am hoping this isn't one of those writing projects that get stalled on me again. We shall see.

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Strive not For Perfection

Disclaimer: I do not believe every study that pops up out of the gloss-over-news-factory. However, I am including this one because it proves my point. Therefore, it must be correct.

NPR ran a story today on a weight loss study. The experiment sought to find out if all those sexy models  inspire us or hinder us. Half the women in the study were given a food diary with a picture of the same sexy model on every page. The other half's diary contained a picture of a tape measure. That was the only variable. Those with the sexy woman diary actually gained a little weight. Those with the tape measure lost weight.

The theory is that we see that image of perfection, realize we can never get there and get discouraged.

The same thing happens spiritually. In our culture we are held to an image of a perfect god. We can never measure up to that so we give up trying. This is not helpful.

When we move on to realize that the process of becoming perfect is perfect in and of itself a great deal of the pressure is relieved as that perspective correctly reveals we are all a work in progress and that is just fine. In fact, it is part of the design. There are other advantages:

  • If the process is perfect, then there can be no flaw in any part of the process. Given that we are part of the process, we too must be perfect.
  • Positive and negative actions then become lessons rather than moral judgement. 
  • By accepting that we have things to learn and are in a continual process of becoming, we can enjoy those lessons and the successes they later bring. This makes a spiritual life a fun life.
  • When we have to give things up to grow, we feel less deprived and more honored that another lesson has been bestowed upon us. 
Trying to be perfect right now, in a moralistic sense, does not work. Realizing it is the process that is perfect allows us to relax and see ourselves realistically. 

We are not judged by the divine but continually guided to newer versions of perfection.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Holy Man

I walked into my temple space tonight. Normally, banishings do not occur. So, the remnants of the triangle ritual still resonate. The moment I walked in I heard, felt and/or thought, "This is the space of a holy man."

It is the norm in the west to nay say the positive and own the negative about oneself. That is humility they say. They are wrong. That is masochism. Society has taught us to deny our value, nay say our virtue (in the conventional sense of term), and lower us to a state of common emotional drones. This isn't living a spiritual life. It is death by a thousand self-inflicted cuts.

I choose not to participate.

I am have committed nearly every sin known to man. I am not perfect like Jesus is said to be. That is result. The Perfection I saw, is a continual unfolding of the soul. I am the perfect of the Divinely Perfect unfolding. This is true despite being a PTSD suffering jack ass at times. This is true despite doing some really bad things. This is true despite being a selfish bastard.

I am also damn compassionate, a healer, funny as hell (if you like puns), a teacher, a mystic and magician.

I am a holy man.

Do you know the difference between me and you?

Neither do I. You are holy. You are perfect.

No you can't be you say. You did x, y, and z? You're no John the Baptist? You're no Moses? Well, as RO crudely said...Moses shook the piss out of his dick with the same hands he used to hold the ten commandments. Holy people are people. With all their failings and virtues.

You are holy. Deny it if you want. I will not deny my holiness nor yours.