Friday, August 31, 2012

I Wouldn’t Have Seen It If I Hadn’t Believed It

This is from Donald Michael Kraig's blog post in which he quotes Marshall McLuhan. Frankly, I have no idea who that is but I love the quote. DMK makes some good points in his post. I'd like to include my comments as well.

I do not fully agree with Don in that you have to believe that  magick works in order to see it. I believe you have to believe in it to call it magick. If you see effects and you don't believe in magick you call it coincidence, happenstance or as something that can be explained rationally. You do see the effects what you don't see is the cause.

I do agree with him in that in order to do magick, you have to believe you can do it. Well, no, I don't agree with that either. In my experience too many people believe in magick they are not doing. Oh sure, they are going through the gestures, doing rituals and the like but what they intend to happen as a result isn't happening. They then take credit for anything that happens that is vaguely similar to what they intended. I have also seen people that do not believe in magick at all get stunned when they see it happen right in front of them. Worse, I have seen people that have done magick, hoping it would work but not really believing in it scare the you-know-what-out of themselves.

If you are brand new to the arts and believe in your magick, you are not being careful. When I was learning, I did small spells looking for small results. For instance, I did spells to educate myself on spiritual and mundane mysteries. If I was in conflict with someone and I'd do a spell to reveal another similar conflict in my life that I would otherwise have not connected. The result was that I learned something.

But why would I assume something magickal happened? Isn't a better explanation that I focused my mind on the result and simply saw what was right in front of me anyway? It may be cool to call that magick but isn't a simpler explanation more likely? Would it be just as valid to call it a psychological game?

Would having no doubts on regarding my magickal abilities help me or hurt me after such a spell? Well, if I have my head screwed on right, I may get away with this sloppy thinking. If I am not quite right, meaning a bit delusional and EVERYBODY is a bit delusional, I can get over inflated and develop an ego problem.

That may lead me deeper and deeper into self-delusion, infantile megalomania or other mental states that are not helpful. 

Any magician that wants to progress has to be skeptical of his or her own work. Period. It is only by doing many more spells that result in increasingly unlikely events can one believe one is really doing magick. Once you have a realistic reason to believe in what you are doing, you can own that.

I agree with DMK that once you own it, once you drop  your doubts, your magick will increase in potency. Getting rid of doubt by constant application of both magick and critical thinking is a long term solution. The exercise that Don recommends may be helpful to some in the beginning stages but strikes me as more of a psychological game than something to build a magickal career upon.

And now to reverse track completely, those psychological tricks are building blocks that can be used to generate positive experience that allows for the application of magick and critical thinking. By disagreeing in part with Mr. Kraig, do not think that I am discounting his words or his work. I started with Modern Magick after finding Regardie's Golden Dawn indecipherable. Don sparked my magickal career.

It may be worth noting that I have touched on many of the same points DMK mentioned just differently. I respect is work.

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Odd Behaviors

I am recording this in case it matters in the future.

I have been burning a lot of purification scents of late. I have no idea why but I keep doing it. This could be because I am under some sort of attack. I can only think of one person that may be that irritated in my direction that is capable but it would be an action that is well beneath that person's development. So, if that is the case, why did I just post that instead of keeping it to myself? Yes, why indeed.

The other thing is that I am working to get rid of something within. I have no idea what that could be.

I have noticed something else. Very often when I am working on healing or soul readings and I am working to pull some realization through so I can share it with my client, I am rubbing or gripping my right calf muscle. I will rub my leg as I speak.

No, I have no clue what that means. My only wild ass guess is that I am trying to ground the energy enough to allow it to make sense to the rational mind.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Loving My Clients

In the comments from yesterday's post, Yvonne asked if I love my clients.

In the moment of healing, I love them in a very detached sort of way. I have seen the inner reflections of some very very bad behavior and I don't care. If someone told me they did these things, I may have serious time being friends with them but when I see them in that mode, I simply see it from a cosmic place and do not care. I care for the entire human so completely that past acts matter not at all. Even when I return to normal awareness, that knowledge has no impact.

So, there is a great deal of love there but it is often impersonal from a earthly perspective. From an earthy perspective, I'm more likely call it compassion. I have so much of that that it even surprises me. I am often a hard ass. There are many people that only see me as that. Though, I am much less of one lately.

This brings me to the Three of Swords, Lord of Sorrow.

I have often interpreted this card as joyful sorrow for a job well done. For instance, a mother putting her child on a plane to fly off to college. This is really a great success but it is still painful for mom. Now, I feel it regularly as the pain of the world. I often feel deeply saddened and compassionate for the pain in the world I see every day or don't see but know is there.

This is not troubling at all.

Monday, August 27, 2012

The Relationship Between Healer and Client

There are several things I am pondering regarding the relationship between healer and client.

The first is a set of curious phenomenon. Magick users tend to shy away from offers of healing assistance. Most simply demur. Others clearly state that they are afraid of what I may see. Those people that I successfully work on also tend to shy away from further work. For instance, the person with diabetic neuropathy, has gone from a $300 a month medical marijuana bill to nothing. However, I can see he still suffers from some pain. He has a standing offer for more work to knock out the rest but he hasn't taken me up on it. This is not unusual. I am not sure what causes this. I am sure each individual has a different and reasonable thought as to why. I am wondering if there is a deeper shared cause. This is not true of everyone. I have more than a few repeat clients. However, there is a significant percentage.

The odd part is that I feel very close to these people.

Yesterday, I began working on my second weight loss client. She reported that she lost four pounds between agreeing to the service and our first of three appointments. She asked if I could have healed her in advance. No, I did nothing. However, we both intended to do the magick. I have experienced this before. Once the commitment is made, sometimes the magick happens. Naturally, you do the magick anyway to complete the circle.

The cool part about the relationship is the trust that is bestowed. It is super cool to have someone trust you enough to poke around their insides, learn of their traumas intimately and then perform an obviously effective but unscientific service.

Sunday, August 26, 2012


I am sorry for multiple posts in a day of late. I am not trying to flood your inboxes. I just felt the need to publicly declared what it is in capital letters.

As you can likely tell from my last two posts something is happening with me. I am brushing against a greater awareness. By that, I do not mean a greater awareness than you just a bigger one that I have had. This does not feel like a small shift but a big one.

I do not feel like I am becoming a different person but I feel like I am becoming a different person.

I have notified my friend Bert to keep an eye on my going off the rails. I talked myself into being a bit scared. This is habit. It is wise as one is learning to have friends keep an eye on you. Someone needs to reign you in  when you are about to go off the rails and do damage to others. I am not about to do damage.

Fear is failure so be thou without fear for he the shakes and trembles at the flames and the floods and the shadows of the night, hath no part in the divine light. - Golden Dawn Neophyte Initiation Ritual


I am excited.

Touching the Neschemah

The fundamental nature of truth is that you are living it.


There is no life and death; there is simply being.

There is no good and bad; there is now.

The way to connect with "G-d" is to understand there is no disconnect.

Last night, the above thoughts raced through my mind as I made an attempt to connect with the neschemah. This is not the Greater Neschemah but the Lesser. It is the part of us that is connected to all things. While Binah (the 3rd Sephiroth) results in the ultimate definition of the individual, it must also be the link to ALL else.This is the Lesser Neschemah as I understand it at the moment.

There were many more such thoughts. I learned that what my mentor emphasized, that two competing things are reconciled by a third thing, is very true. Yet, what I did not know is that third thing may appear to be in a different category altogether. There is no good and bad only now. Now is the reconciler.

In order to understand that, I had to be exposed to an entirely different, more cosmic, sense of now. Now exists all at once. All now is happening at the same time. It may help to think of soul awareness to exist at a single point with time adding height, not length. Now, is also extremely microcosmic, personal. At the same time, everyone else is living in their now. All those nows continually occur at once.


I misunderstood the person with diabetic neuropathy when I lasted posted of him. He has now gone from a $300 a month medical marijuana user to no use at all.

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Meaningless Ramblings

I tell you now the seeker of light or the magician stuck wandering outwardly confident but fearful within or the ordinary human with spiritual aspirations looking for a place to start -- what you hide in fear of judgement of others is not what you should fear but the need to hide who you were or are. For it is only in ridding oneself of fear that one can progress. It is fear in which you live.

Others already know who you are, even if you deny it or they deny it for you. All has been revealed. All is always revealed. The truth shines forth from inert black rocks.

It is the hiding that is your cage! Your embarrassment your self-created prison! Escape is easy but you will not, cannot, until you release the fear.

Releasing the fear is easy. Tell people who you are. Yet you cannot. Why can you not?

Because the social structure teaches us to pretend we are perfect. After all, we all pretend not to see and bolster each others lies. What you do not know is this falsehood is a truth. We are all perfect but we hide that by hiding. So simple the truth is. So simple to progress.

Were you stupid, hurtful, criminal? Did you lie, cheat or steal? Are you a fraud, a deceiver?

These things become a false identity. They become the you that is revealed by your very hiding. The direct facts may be unknown but you are everyone. You cry and scream that it is not me but it is, it is.

You can release yourself but the only way is down. Down down the rabbit hole until you know that down is up. The illusion you crafted of perfection, holiness, superiority or whatever your chosen mask may be is really down masquerading is up. It is left pretending to be right. It is fear casting the faintest illusion of hope, which you grab onto with all your might. Yet what you hold is the weakest reflection of who you are. It is a pale distortion rendered by brackish waters in poor light.

You are more.

It isn't the deed but the hiding. It isn't life but the dying.

Reveal yourself in gross glory and sleekest shame. The illusionary garment will drop to the floor and you will see that it was never real protection from the bitter cold but its frigid creator.

You are more. You are warm. You are an Immortal Soul.

When you hide, you only mask this truth from yourself.

But why oh why do you do so?

Fear again fear again. It is the sense of self confused by so-called misdeeds that were perfect in every way. Perfect examples of who you were but are now no longer. Perfect examples of manifesting spirit confused by the material realm, money, power and genitalia. Perfect examples of how you are part of the plan and have been for an eternity that only lasts an instant.

Wrong doing is IMPOSSIBLE.

We see and feel and live and the experience of suffering and see a cause in another's action. Barbarian! Yet suffering is almost the point. Suffer more until you know. Until you know that nothing matters. Nothing matters at all. This is what suffering is meant to teach. Nothing matters. Do not see nihilism in the Nothing. NOTHING matters when nothing matters.

No-thing. No thing matters for larger values of thing. For things are more than objects. They are ideas, emotions, perceptions. No-thing matters.

When you learn that, you'll learn the core illusion behind the mask you wear, the need to hide what you were what you are. When you learn that, that nothing matters, you come to learn why. It is obvious and beautiful and stunning and whole complete in its simplicity.

You are you and You both are One. Slice it dice it all you want but you are One. In that One there is nothing to hide at all. In that one the things we do the things we hid and hide serve only to open one more petal of the closed flower that is our soul.

Our soul because we are One. There is no difference.

Release the fear by dropping sheer garment that conceals nothing from anyone. It simply reveals your inner illusion. Drop it and become real for real you have always been...even in hiding.

Soul to Soul Healing

This post will cover a few topics.

  • Soul to Soul Healing
  • Weight Loss Healing
  • Blood Glucose
  • Brain Mapping
  • Healing Services

Soul to Soul Healing

I am friends with a Charismatic Catholic. This person is very devout and describers herself as a "Child of Jesus." She belongs to a prayer group that prays to Jesus to heal those who request their aid. This woman has qualities that I deeply admire. She is compassionate, friendly, always laughing and very dedicated to her faith. She is also non-judgmental regarding other faiths.

Giving my long history of sleep difficulty, I asked her to say her prayers to help me sleep. I have been sleeping better ever since. On some nights, I sleep better than I have in years. There may be other healing going on as well. I am going to keep that to myself at the moment.

It is her belief that she does nothing and that Jesus is the only reason for the healing she does. This confuses me. Since she worships an omnipotent, omnipresent and all knowing god, I am at a loss to know why this sort of prayer is necessary. Wouldn't "G-d" know who needed healing? Why would He need someone to pray for that healing?

She has some answers to that but what starts logically moves to emotional reasoning and leaps of faith. I don't mean to be dismissive of these things but faith that requires one to put all logic aside is dubious to me. That said, I cannot deny what she does works as far as healing goes. If her faith is also the cause of who she is, it works well there too.

I have a different theory for the healing part. Of course, this is borne of my healing activities and my viewpoint.

I think that when one inflames the soul like one can do with ecstatic prayer, the Manifestation Meditation, or other religious/spiritual activity the abilities of the soul open up and can be used for a variety of purposes. This explains a major conflict that I have had with Christianity. I have never understood how a god that bills himself as the Prince of Peace could answer the prayers of hateful nut jobs. Well, maybe he isn't. Maybe those hateful nuts are simply inflaming parts of their souls and that energy is doing the work.

If that is true, I cannot help but feel sorry for those people. The internal misery that must cause must be horrifying. I reach this conclusion because when I read souls human misery is often the result of a conflict between one's true Soul Nature and one's behavior.

This is not to say that gods, including Jesus, are not capable of interceding in the lives of humans. It is just a theory based on my experience and the experience of an obviously talented Christian healer. I would rather believe that than believe that Jesus is so horrible as to answer the prayers of people to harm others while at the same time billing himself as the Prince of Peace.

My Pagan experience is that gods always act according to their nature. I am not aware of a god lying on that massive of a scale. The godly way seems to be to tell the truth that isn't quite interpreted correctly by the listener.

This is by no means the end of my issues with Christianity. However, it is a straw that I may be able to grab onto. We will see.

Weight Loss Healing

Two people have come to me to aid with weight loss. Of course, I am will to channel my efforts into anything that helps someone be more healthy. I am also aware that weight loss drives a multi-billion dollar a year industry that is obviously a failure. Even successful weight loss is often followed by gain in excess of that which was lost.

We will see what I can do.

Blood Glucose

My pre-diabetic friend is maintaining his blood glucose level at 110! I am thrilled. I really want to open up that  sheath in his legs. I do not believe I reached that point. Maybe we can get it down to the 'normal' of 100.

Brain Mapping

The aneurysm client I have been working with has regained his balance. I researched what part of the brain helps with that. I learned that part is the cerebellum. I learned exactly where that is located in the brain. I cannot say that part is any where near where I have worked. Either, I stimulated blood flow or a part of the brain that can compensate or it is a complete coincidence. His wife is confident it was my help. I see no reason to doubt that but I have no idea why what I did would impact that part of his brain.

Healing Services

I am gaining confidence that this will grow into something that will suppliment my retirement long term. I think that is because this week I have been contact by three repeat clients. That must mean that people are receiving value for their money.

It also gives me more confidence that I am truly helping the friends I work on gratis. I no longer allow doubt that says they are just being polite.



I am wondering if the doubt I was trained to have is cultural, as our culture claims not to believe in magick even when they are doing it. Doubt could also be the result of a natural barrier that one must overcome regardless of the culture. Doubt could also have been personal insecurity. Whatever that is, I no longer have it. I no longer doubt.

I still have a lot to learn. I want to help completely and repeatedly cure people from what ails them. Someday. Someday.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Healing for Weight Loss

There are times when I am frankly amazed at the level of trust people put in me.

Tonight, I did a weight loss session for someone I did a soul reading for. I'd refer to her by the nickname for that but I have no idea what that was.

She asked me to help with losing some weight and the physiological causes of her being unable to do so. At the moment, she is on a slow weight gain. So, we are trying to reverse that and get on a 2 pound a week weight loss track. She is also working with naturopath, a method of work I had never heard of.S She is also diabetic.

I did the following:

1. I saw a type of energy as green dots as expressing her desire to eat better. This I extended into her subconscious pleasure centers so that she was happy and received pleasure from eating for fuel rather than pleasure. In the subconscious, I found a longing or fear of losing access to the food she has always liked. I removed that in part. I didn't think doing it all was healthy.

2. I saw energy around her digestive tract that seemed to be her body absorbing as much calories as it could. It seemed healthy. I didn't want to remove that. So, I simply toned it down in a way that I can tone it back up later if need be. I am less worried about doing this for her as she is claiming to be eating in a very nutritious way.

3. I removed a little annoying fear bubble born of the idea that she'd starve to death if she dieted.

4. I did the same type of healing I have done for my diabetic friend to increase the body's to absorb insulin. Oddly, her body would not allow me to do the lower part of her left arm.

Intense Dreams, Acceptance and Magick

My internet service is nearly restored.

My spiritual life has focused on two things, acceptance and dreams.

The acceptance is for the healing that my friend the Psychic performed for me. She says she removed some blocks from my heart chakra. I am doing a lot of meditation to accept that and not let those blockages reappear. This has resulted in a couple of interesting modes of awareness.

First of all, my dreams are much more intense and memorable. Three is nothing fascinating enough to report there, except that vivid intense dreams are cool. 

Secondly, in my work to keep that chakra open my Soul is telling me that chakras work can be done for others for me but I should focus on what I know. They are different systems. This is a bit frustrating. Next time, I plan to ask if it is okay if I study that system and then work it as well. My guess is the answer will be no. That is unfortunate, I like those intense dreams. So, what will replace that?

Well, funny you should ask. 

Remember how I said I was going to repeat walking all those paths? Well, I am to walk the paths surrounding Tipereth.  That will keep that gateway open. Before you ask if that is wise? The instructions come from my Soul. I trust that source.

Lastly, my soul instructed me in creating thought-forms with the Manifestation Meditation last night. I am not fully sure why. Magick is not on its list of priorities or should I say never has been. The first one was meant to manifest in external information being provided to me. It appears this information appeared today but from within. I am not sure. 

If so, an external methodology is being hinted at by showing the workings of the internal method.

The thought form was to bring me a recommendation of a new fictional author to read. My Soul suggested a spiritual work but I wanted fiction. So today, I felt the need to by a new book. Using my Nook, I bought a book. It is a fantasy book called The Book of Deacon. Within that book was a quote on being a holy man. It struck me as a clue. Funny, even Souls have an ironic sense of humor. 


Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Healing Work - Anuerism

I have alluded to doing work for a serious illness. I have not had permission until now to post about it.

I have been working with the victim of a brain aneurism. My approach has been very cautious. Some work is done and then I back off and wait.

It has been reported to me by the man's wife that his physical balance has improved, he no longer shuffles when he walks and has begun initiating conversation. Prior to my work.he would respond but initiate very little.

I am encouraged.

Post via iPhone. I will still be without Internet access a bit longer.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

I destroyed the internet

I blew out my router doin a healing for my gal who has pneumonia. I made a rookie mistake that I will chronicle here when I do not have to post from my phone. It will be a few days until I can post anything substantial.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

I Was a Lesbian for Three Minutes

This is one of those posts that people will comment about and say, "How can he post that stuff?" I can post it because I am not embarrassed. There is no reason to be. The Work is the Work.

Many years ago, I had a dream in which I was a lesbian. This was a very real dream set in the late 1800's or early1900's. There was another woman there. We had sex. When she put two fingers in me, I learned what it is like to be a woman having sex. I am telling you that nothing a guy feels is anywhere near that good. If I was woman, I'd be a complete slut.

So, why am I mentioning this?

Of late I have experienced a couple of things. First, my friend the Psychic did some work on me. As part of that she says she removed a block in my heart chakra. From that I have become much more accepting of myself, past pains and traumas and, just as importantly, of my virtues and abilities. Something, 'popped' for lack of a better term. The removal of those doubts is a huge thing.

That pop was felt by someone else. I could feel the reaction from that person.

From that, I did the Manifestation Meditation and accepted my open heart chakra. From there, I accepted my current level of connection to all else. The first night this happened, I had a dream. I was in a fire house. Well, I knew it was a firehouse but there was no firemen. I was in a bright red jump suit. Suddenly, my ex-girlfriend is there. She is also in a bright red jump suit. The red was very very bright. Just as suddenly, I was her. I could see my red hair and myself in a mirror. In the blink of an eye I was on a bright red back and riding down the a road lined with trees on both sides.

I realized that I suddenly had a female body. Immediately, I wanted to know how those parts work. I was  going to find a place to masturbate. I felt the smallest twinge of female sexual excitement. Then the dream ended.

Oddly, both these dreams lasted the same amount of time.

This to me is a sign of being connected to another side of me. We all have a ying and a yang, a male and a female. This we know but what it implies a third thing, Unity. Unity is divinity. This comes from the acceptance of all sides of oneself. There is no denial, no rejection.

News of The Agnostic

She found a job today! I have no idea how much the Manifestation Meditation came into play in that. Only that was her starting point.


I had mentioned previously that I was going to recapitulate Qabalistic pathworking up the tree. I have now decided to do every path, every sephira until the universe tells me to stop.


The pop occurred when I consciously accepted my opening chakra. I wrote that in a bit of a convoluted order the first time.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Good News

I received some good news today. My friend with diabetic neuropathy has seriously reduced his pain medication intake! This thrills me to no end. I know what living with pain is. To help someone get past it to any significant degree leaves me more than a bit tearful.

As for me, I am doing some significant healing myself. My ability to be accepting of the very bad thing and the lessons from that is very good. After some work from the Psychic, I am more and more open to healing from other areas of my life as well.

The writing is going a bit better. I have begun examining the writing I have done. I cannot believe I sent that out for friend to read! Holy cow, it is horrible. I am not going to rewrite it. I am going to continue and then come back and rewrite. I don't want to get stuck within the same 20,000 words forever.

I know the emotion to kindle but apparently the block is still there. So, I have a plan to do some magick that will spark the emotion. I am going to get this done. I have to.

I will detail that magick here as I have done in the past. I will also be doing more tarot/pathworking that I will document here. My problem is this. How can I do all the magick and writing I want to do while working on all these healings?

Monday, August 13, 2012

Fun Soul Reading

I did a soul reading tonight. It was fun.

I think it was fun because this person has a pretty clean soul and a perfectly clear automatic personality. I've never seen the latter. The second reason is because she has a gnome for a friend and I found the gnome friendly and quite funny. I literally cracked up. There is something I find really special at being on the astral

Something did happen that was unusual. She asked for some healing in a given area and I couldn't in the mind set I was in at the time. I suggested that, if she found the reading to be of value, that we could arrange a healing session at some later date. In this state, I kind of feel like one of those fortune tellers that tells you that you are cursed and for only another $500 it can be removed. That isn't how it is but I sort of feel that way.

Healing Myself

I had done a lot of work for quite some time. I didn't feel tired. I didn't feel that I was extending myself. Then my back decided to go south. It wasn't horrendously bad but bad enough that I wouldn't feel comfortable working on another unless it was an emergency. I really wouldn't do anything that I was being paid for in that state.

It seems my body slowed me down to recharge but I am back and working again. It appears I've picked up a another client from across the pond.

I have come to some conclusions about life but I know I am not getting the last bit of the lesson. I tried to do the MM to get that last bit but I was told not to. The reason was that I shouldn't do it at night as it will upset me and keep me from sleeping. That made sense. What I didn't know is that on that night my friend the Psychic was working on me on another issue. Maybe I was shut down for that reason.

Saturday, August 11, 2012

The Parent Units and the Inner Self

I keep getting closer and closer to getting this book project off the ground but something keeps stopping me. It isn't anything odd that you'd attribute to occult interference. I just keep continuing to make the decision not to sit down and write.

Last night, I did an investigation into something I thought was odd about one of my healing clients. I was looking into the source of an illness to find out if it was magickally created or not. I can only attribute what happened next to the a bit of reward for doing something kind or I that was in the right space to do this.

In order to find what I was looking for originally, I asked to have my spirit focused on the Lesser Neschemah. This is also known as Binah on the Tree of Life. The Lesser Neschemah is what connects us to everything. It is where deep psychic connections really come from. It is also the realm of Saturn, the place of time and form. If you want to stay within the confines of your soul, you must know Binah and Saturn.

To clarify, Binah/the Lesser Neschemah is part of the immortal soul. Saturn, in this context represents the constraints needed to manifest that soul completely. This is a little like a sportscaster saying a player is trying to do too much, that he must stay within his game. Saturn is representative of what is within my spirit-game.

So, while I was there the idea hit me to drop into myself and find out why I can't get this book written. It turned out that there was something stuck within. I do not know if this was buried in my automatic personality (the programmed part of us) or if it was in my Nephesch (animal soul). Frankly, it could have been buried anywhere within. The only comment I can make is that it was buried very deep.

My father was an interesting man. I think he meant well but sometimes missed the mark. For instance, my sister wanted to be an attorney. When she told him he researched and found an article that said that by the time she graduated there would be glut of attorney's and she wouldn't be able to find work. She took the advise and changed career plans. This has haunted her. I had big dreams as a kid. I wanted to be a baseball player, musician or author. He spoke to me about the long odds of any sort of success. I'd give him that on the first two.

He was also a man that had many of what my mother called get rich quick schemes. Looking back none of these were get rich quick schemes. My dad was a hard worker. He was trying to start businesses and had big dreams for their success. Now, given the above that his view of big dreams were not likely to pan out, I can only imagine how it came to pass to all of his dreams failed to come to fruition. That inner conflict must have been difficult for him.

Regardless, the idea of big dreams being very unfruitful and disappointming combined with the idea of my mother's derision of so-called "get rich quick schemes" somewhere within my psyche or some other part of me. Immediately, this made perfect sense.

I have had several incidents like this of late. Long time struggles with life-mysteries suddenly making sense.

This combined to force me to stay in the accepted reality of 9 to 5 jobs. I hate my job.

I asked my inner self how to get past the block. Understanding the block wasn't going to be enough to solve the problem. I understood the essence of the block but not the essence of freedom to pursue the goal. There were no words of explanation just an emotion. I felt the emotion of the pursuit of the dream, unsullied by the perceptions of my parents. I can now call up that emotion and proceed as I wish.

But there is more.

The dream isn't about the book selling. The dream isn't about other people benefiting from it. The dream is the accomplishment of being published.

I need to focus that a little more. Other people will benefit from it. I've seen people benefit from the Meditation too often to believe otherwise. I take great joy in that. However, the dream of writing the book is publication. If I add the other stuff, it will trigger that old programming. So, I focus on the little dream. The bigger dreams will happen only after this first thing is accomplished.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

P is for Perceptions of Reality: Pagan Blog Project

Karmaghna Ulrik posted on Facebook the following question:

Why is it that the flow of wisdom is so often halted by the walls of the emergent self?

I am sure you've all heard the onion analogy. It works as far as it goes. This is especially true if you realize that if you keep pealing back the layers there is nothing in inside and, as Lon Milo DuQuette says, "What is bigger than God? Nothing. And that Nothing is really Something!" While that describes a truth it does not answer Karmaghna's question.

It is my opinion we know who we are as babies. By knowing, I mean we know our souls. My nephew at age four or five watched a show on the History channel with his father. The show as about the Anasazi Indians (the cliff dwellers).

He said that he used to live there. His father told him no that he had always lived with his Mommy and Daddy. "No with my other mommy," came the reply. "I lived with my other mommy there. Then, I got really big. Then, I got really small and have this mommy."

Yeah, we know who we are.

As we go through life we get hurt and damaged. Alternatively, good things happen to us. Each event creates a perspective of reality. The more we buy into that particular reality the 'harder' that view point becomes. So, let us say the first really solid reality-version formed in kindergarten. That one began to define a new, slightly less self-image AND a new slightly more untrue perspective on the outer world. This gets solid then we 'learn' something else and that new perspective is overlayed upon the first one. This pattern repeats. Basically, our outer selves become Mateyoshka dolls. We identify with the outermost shell.

The tricky part is that when we solve the mystery of the outer doll we move inward to the next 'hard reality' but it looks like we are expanding outward. So, the next wall looks further out. Really, the next wall is further in. This illusion is created because each false reality separates us more and more from 'God' and the outer universe even as it separates us from our internal divine soul.

So perhaps the walls are not of our emergent self but of our lifetime specific ego-self.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Pagan Blog Project: N is for Name

I lost track of the Pagan Blog Project some time ago. I truly wasn't inspired to write on Pagan things. I am not sure why I am classifying this as such but, last time I checked, N is a letter.

There is an idea in magick that if you know the name of a thing you have mastery over it. This is not true. I know many people's names and I am not their master. That simple logic shows the rule false. If so easily disproved, why does that knowledge persist?

Because it is true.

Like most esoteric truths the meme used to preserve it is a bit misleading.

Why not change it to this, "In order to master a thing, one must know its essence." Okay, it isn't a work of linguistic genius but it makes it point. How do you find something's or someone's essence? The same way you find your own.

 "Perfection is not achieved when there is nothing left to add but when there is nothing left to take away." -- Antoine de Saint-Exupery.

Let us take a look at theurgy.

If you engage in a behavior and you do not understand why it continues, you dig within. What is common to the situations that place you in a position of denial or to lie or to anger or placate or to or to or to? Then you go back and back and back into your life until you find the first time you did that.

The Golden Dawn teaches a ritual to go back in time. Now you know why.

When you see that first instance you will see the reward. When you seek that reward you are the heroin addict seeking the next high. That is the essence of the thing in question.

If you want to understand a person. Look to the actions they repeat. Is there a situation commonality? Is there a common resolution the person is seeking? I bet you can find it before they can. You may not be able to find their patterning life event but you can understand the essence because you have a perspective they do not.

Knowing the name of a thing is a huge part of the battle. Go deeper. Ever deeper and you will find the essence of self and other and when you do that...

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

A Little Precognition

Last night, I was very concerned for someone. I could feel this person's emotional panic but I could figure out who was panicking. Sometimes, being a little bit psychic can be problematic. I asked people that I normally help and a couple that I was pretty sure were not the source. No one copped to it.

This morning, I found out who it was but only because the person was panicking after a minor accident in a company vehicle. I was almost exactly twelve hours early.

As far as I can tell, there was no value to this pre-knowledge whatsoever.

Monday, August 6, 2012

Upcoming Magick?

As you know, it has been a while since I have done any formal magick. Basically, I do everything based on the Manifestation Meditation. However, I am getting an itch because for some reason an old post popped up on my I-Phone. Maybe that was a hint from the Universe. Maybe it was a technical glitch. Regardless, I have the itch and it looks like fun.

I am going to do walk the paths of the Tree of Life again. I am going to speak to the angels of Malkuth, the walk the paths of Shin, Tau and Qoph. Then bounce into Yesod, Hod and Netzach. Then walk a few more paths into Tipereth and beyond.

Hang on to your socks folks. This is initiatory work. It should make for an interesting read as my life goes to heck and recenters again.

Maybe I should take bets on some sort of lottery on which path causes the explosion. What would I give away to the winner?

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Some Theurgic Ideas


I worked on My Gal's cold today. I utterly failed to get result.

The prediabetic's blood sugar is staying down and did so for 24 hours without my working. There is still for me to do.

Something else:

As a theurgist, I am always looking within. I don't think this a bad thing. Though, I am the first to admit that after a time significant introspection can drive one a bit batty. I have recently realized a couple of things.

1. In order to perceive the other correctly, one must remove oneself entirely from the equation. There is a level of detachment necessary.

2. Most of the time, this is impossible.

3. When it is possible, great insight occurs.

4. The theurgist burns his impurities at the sacred fires of the great athanor.

5.  The danger on this is a focus on the impurity and a failure to notice the purity.

6. It is necessary to remind oneself of one's virtues and accompanying deeds.

7. It is also necessary to have a mind not to pat oneself on the back for these things while still remaining cognisant.

I am not sure if the latter parts are necessary for theurgy directly but they are for one's sanity. Failure to do be aware of one's virtues in an imbalance that cannot be sustained.

Saturday, August 4, 2012

Healing Scary and Fun

Healing is interesting work.

Last night, My Gal, had an odd eye issue in which she described her peripheral vision in one eye as being like an LSD trip. She also had massive allergies. I found the former most concerning. Immediately, I saw a flaring nerve that I assumed was the culprit. I calmed it down. She reported improvement.

Later in the night, it got worse. So, I told her to think of being very receptive to my work and went in again. In order to help her focus, I worked on the allergies that were keeping her from breathing and forcing her to sleep on the couch. I fried the mucas with fire and then washed the area with water. Simpe stuff that.

Then, I worked on the eye. This time, I skipped the nerve and looked for a source of the nerve problem. I am not going to describe what I saw because I do not want her to focus on the image and cause a reoccurrence.  However, I will say that I could feel it when she was cured. I am learning that when I merge with people to heal, I can feel their physical bodies at times. This can be a great aid to healing. I just haven't worked it all out yet.

She awoke just fine. Today, I made it very clear that if that happens ever again she is to report to a doctor immediately. Then she can call me.

And now for the fun part...

As mentioned the other day, I worked on my friend the Psychic the other day. Today, I received this text, "I am well. I'm feeling the healing effects more the past two days. Thank you. My soul feels calm. A significant change."

How cool is that! "My soul feels calm." Can a healer hear anything better than that besides, "Here, have a chocolate chip cookie."

And now for the learning tidbit...

The other day, I worked on the prediabetic. I felt a good bit of distrust and saw his guardian. Part of the benefit of knowing you are there to do good is that you can blow past these things. No one puts up a guardian whose job is protecting oneself from good things and friends. The healing was just as effective as any other I did for him.

I told him about that and the next time he was so open, loving and trusting that it was an extra pleasure to work on him. I am now advising people to spend a few moments opening up to me before I arrive.

Funny thing about the prediabetic. Those who know our history wonder how we can be friends as some time ago there was an unfortunate incident that involved some poor judgement on the part of more than two people.

The reason we are friends is because we never hid anything, lied to each other or tried to avoid responsibility. We talked. We looked each other in the eyes and talked. There was no hiding before, during or after. When we hurt each other we apologized very honestly and without reservation. We then accepted each other's apologies because it was obvious they were honestly made and felt. There was no equivocation and no going to third parties denying the apologies and acceptance of responsibilities.

This is the way people who are confident in their own motivations interact. It is sad more people  cannot act in such a way. The upside is that it is one of the better lessons I have learned. Have integrity and befriend those with integrity. It is as simple as that.

Friday, August 3, 2012


"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character give him power."
- Abraham Lincoln

I came across this post on FB the other night and it got me thinking. Over the last year or so I have come into my own after that horrible breakdown. I have some power and, looking at it, I am proud of the way I have used it.

Just before it all started, we had someone go nuts. I was very tolerant but when it proved to be never ending, I banished the person from my life and the group. I did this with full disclosure as to why. I left no guess work. If that person wants to use that to build herself she is welcome to do that. I hope she does.

Then when I realized running a GD lodge was not something I was suited to do, I dumped it without the slightest embarrassment and moved on.

The MM came into its own and I have used it wisely. I teach it under some simple rules:

1. The first rule is that I teach method not result. This relieves me from having to be wise. It isn't my job to determine where anyone else should be.

2. The first thing I teach people is that I am not a guru. Under no circumstances are they to look to me for answers. I don't have any. I have experience. I can offer advice. They can refuse it. Some have and I have been totally fine with it. Even if I think they are wrong, I am still fine with it. That is a huge step for me.

3. I am utilizing my ability to relieve pain and other medical symptoms liberally. I charge people I don't know well but I also do a lot for free for friends. The charge is mostly to keep me from being too busy.

4. I continue to do the MM for myself as I know I have not achieved fully. I am not resting on success.

As for the adversity part of the quote. I have always thought that men that handle adversity with class and decorum are awesome. That is the true measure of part of a man's virtue. I know I do not do well at that part. Other parts though, I am quite proud of.

The Work continues


Emergency healing today on odd eye problem and massive allergies for My Gal. She stopped responding to texts so I know I knocked her out. I do that a lot.

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Got Zapped Healing and Clarification

When I worked on the pre-diabetic last night, I asked to see what caused the cause of the problem. I saw that...and a lack of vegetables. I sought to heal the cause of the cause rather than the cause. I focused on an arm. Why? Because that is always what I see first with him. When I opened the flow, I got serious feedback. I let myself off the chair and lay on the ground as I continued the flow. I am not sure if he couldn't take the energy or I couldn't channel it.

I changed the tune to let his insulin flow as I did before and the numbers reflected success this morning.


Some back channel discussion about yesterday's post has revealed that I left the impression that I was lamenting my life or playing down my abilities and the like.

I was trying to show that people's lives lead them to certain places. For instance, Zee Budapest riled up the Pagan community over the last couple of years with her intolerance. That intolerance came from her life experience. Yet that drove her to do some things of great value to others. The fact that so many disagree matters not.

My life has lead me to heal. I am not sure that is a greater place that Zee. It is more generally socially acceptable but that, my friends, is a lousy measure of spiritual virtue.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Why I Heal

Yvonne asked in the comments to yesterday's post, "I am seeing a lot magicians who have the power but it is all about themselves. Why is the path of the selfless Healer the road less travelled?"

Ego is my answer and ego isn't necessarily bad thing.

The ego is built on childhood. For instance, I have never met a man that was neglected by his father that wasn't promiscuous at some point in his life.   Promiscuous  isn't a pejorative term. It just describes sexual behavior. I am not sure if that is because that helps them feel manly when a father never did but I do see the pattern. A person that has not outgrown this will make decisions based up on that ego-need.

(please do not argue with me about you being the exception to the above)

Men that were beaten by their parent or watched the physical abuse of one parent by another often fall into the role as the abuser. The girl that identifies with the victim often becomes one. I think this is because we internalize that these things are how we play our our gender roles.

The above is not healthy on the surface. Cosmically? Who knows? What if those roles are what cause us to learn what we are supposed to learn or do what we are supposed to do?

In my case, I grew up outside, I do not mean outdoors. I mean outside of people, social circles etc. I never fit. I remember as a child stating I was not loved and told to "be quite!" by my father. My mother, though kindly, said the same. I remember as a fourth grader my two friends having girlfriends, they french kissed in the back seat of the bus as we went to school. I had no girl. Nor, did I know why anyone wanted to do that. I did feel left out. These patterns persisted in life.

I say this not for sympathy but to answer the question.

When I first found out about magick my first thought was that if it was true, I could find out if God existed. Now, I have learned God is alive, gods exist, spirits influence us, magick is real and there is much more in heaven and earth than the average Horatio can imagine.

So to what use would my ego drive me to put such knowledge? Well, to be inside of course. I have a drive to unity, oneness, wholeness. The drive to unity with the Universe has taken my along a route that has given me a measure of unity with others. One cannot be more unified with a human than moving along his blood vessels. One cannot be more unified with a human that feeling her pain, from within, owning it as one's own and letting it go. Healing both human and healer. I suppose too, the Universe, just a little.

This is the work I do because my life led me to it. There is no more virtue to it than any other way of life.

Some magicians are about power over others. Likely, their lives have taken them along a path that allows that to make sense. I do not understand. Some magicians are about finding sex (see above) because such as been their life path. Some magicians fight for the environment, peace, causing pain, war, love, hate, being a guardian, exclusivity, alchemy or a host of other things.  These may not be so horrible or so good at any one moment to any one person at any one time.

My life has lead me to develop the nature and skill to heal. I earned that skill through pain and illness. I use that skill to help others. Yet, there should be no mistake that my use of that is by nature no different than the proverbial scorpion that stings the turtle halfway across the river. It is who I am and who I was meant to be.

I believe this is true for all others, at all times, in all aspects. One cannot be otherwise. In this is the mystery of mysteries.

Three Healings - One Night

The Pre-Diabetic

I had an odd realization today. 

I have been working on the diabetic. Last night, I sent a lot of healing his way. This morning, he reported  his blood sugar down to 130. During that time, I directed the disease to be permanently cured and thought nothing else of it. Then I took a clue by four to the back of the head. 

I asked what the problem was getting the insulin absorbed, was granted the vision and the ability to get it absorbed. I failed to ask what caused the problem! Sometimes, I am a dumb ass.

Tonight, I am going to go back and ask that question. I will post the results.

Emotional Healing

This was for my friend The Psychic. I am not going to post about it. 

Back Pain

I also worked on My Gal's back pain. I saw a physical cause that I cannot cure yet. I have seen it in others. I will work on that.


It seems to be that I am learning something important on a personal level. As documented previously, after the very bad thing, I assumed that I had done something horribly wrong or at least something perceived as vile or people that I was vile for reasons they would not express. No one would tell me the great secret.

In learning that, I realized that while I had made errors and the like. Yet the whole of the experience, the lion's share was not my fault. 

I spent a over a decade looking at myself and rooting out all that was wrong and blaming myself for every thing, bad thing related or not, that was unpleasant. I took very little credit for those things that went well. All I saw was fault within no matter how much I raged without.

Now, I am seeing lesson after lesson that there are many things that are not my fault at all. These things are the result of misunderstandings or other people's issues. Naturally, life is mix of fault, not-fault and shared fault. Just as it is a mix of virtue, non-virtue and shared virtue. That is not what I am seeing. I am seeing clearly the issues on the other side of the equation. 

It is enlightening because I am not in blame mode. I am not blaming coworkers or others for their issues but I simply note cause and effect. The trick here is removing myself from the equation. If I wasn't there, what would have happened? Low and behold, the stupid stuff would keep right on going! Imagine that. 

I know this basic to so many but to me, a slow learner, it is a revelation.