I performed a water initiation upon myself yesterday morning. The rite was simple. Open the triangle, create the form of the letter Mem (water) in the focal point, internalize that letter and sit there. My mind wandered to various negative things. This irritated me as I thought it was a lack of focus. Maybe that was a review of bullshit, internal and external, that had a watery impact.
The rite was weak, powerless, a whole lot of nothing. Then again, I could only sit in that spot for about five minutes before I ran from the room. The triangle ritual can be very...something. I am not trying to be coy. I don't have a word for the pressures it produces.
Last night, I watched a documentary called the Invisible War (link is to Netflix). It is about rape in the military and the incredible abuse of power wielded against the victims as commanders protect their friends and/or are simply incredibly ignorant of how to handle such things. This kicked my issues into higher gear.
Then I remembered, it is Perfect. I am Perfect. My reactions to things are Perfect. With those thoughts, the intensity level dropped immediately. That came from acknowledging certain facts and accepting that it is normal to be pained by things. I do not have to fight them. My pain reaction is not weakness but a perfect product of my life experiences.
As I told someone on Facebook that was having a hard time earlier that same day, I've seen Perfect. I know all is Perfect but sometimes in dark moments I forget. Last night, I remembered. I remembered.
Many folks will criticize modern GD-based theurgy as nothing more than occult psychology. This view is understandable, especially given posts like mine. That view does fall short. Psychology is an art that seeks to provide mental health. A knowledgeable friend of mine told me the other day that 70% of humans are mentally ill. If 70% of people are doing/being anything, it is normal. Therefore, the definition of mental illness used to determine that 70% must be in error.
In the mid 1980's a man named Walking Bear told me that religion tells us how to behave and psychology tells us why we can't do it. I would add that psychology may even provide some coping mechanisms and healing. However, it stops at the level of the mind. Spirit is transcendent. Modern theurgy allows one to shed the mind-traps to reveal spirit and be more than not-pained, more than healthy. The practice reveals the soul's evolutionary process, which is a thing entirely different from mind and human understanding.
Perfection is the process of life. Seeing that and living that are not a psychological game but a mystic state of being, of closeness to the One, of having the eyes to see, ears to hear and a heart to feel.
"Therefore, God arranged things so that man himself would be the creator of his own good and master of his own perfection...
Thus the free-willed man is the primary and essential element in creation. Everything else created is only a means for bringing about man's closeness with God. All other created things, whether above or below, exist only for his sake, to provide an environment where he can earn his place in a world which is all good."
Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan, Inner Space