Friday, September 30, 2011

I Cannot Take This Pledge

As a Pagan and Magician, I cannot take this pledge. Frankly, I don't think most pagans should. Pledges and oaths are important. I know a lot of pagans. I know most of them recycle, which is a dubiously hopeful proposition at best. I know a few more that have hybrid vehicles. 

I cannot think of any of that reduce our rampant consumerism, eschews a long long car ride for any reason, or does anything of long term significant value to reduce pollution or the other damage human beings do to the planet or each other, with one exception. I know we like to think we do but I see scant action to reinforce that self-image. There seems to be an environmental requirement to this pledge that I haven't met. 

The pledge also says that we have allegiance to all the earth supports. I have a guy that comes by to spray for bugs. I have done nothing for the people of Rwanda. You get the idea. 

Is that nitpicky? Yes but I think we should be when we take such a pledge. It speaks to character and our magickal good sense. Though, I fully support the sentiment. 

Please understand that I know some reader out there does a lot. This is not intended to insult you. I also know that everyone tries now and again to do a good thing for the planet and its inhabitants. I simply know very few that could really take this pledge. 

Pledges are important. They need to be followed by actions that reinforce them.  They need to be well-considered before and after taking them. 

The Ten Commandments has something about bearing false witness. In magickal things, our equivalent is falsely taking or breaking an oath or pledge. For essentially, we would bearing false witness to the Gods and the Universe. We'd be saying we are something that we are not. 

I haven't done enough in my life that I'd come close to taking this. Maybe someday soon, I will evolve to that point. Even so, I'd need a long track record of living like that before I would. Perhaps, for many of us, striving to be worthy of this ideal should be a goal. 

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Some Enochian

Adding the Enochian to the meditation equation last night had an energetic effect. It was a tad scary. I can't vouch that it added anything to my life. I did not recall any dreams as my sleep schedule was a mess last night. 

I just did another brief meditation trying to connect to my lesser Neschemah. This is the part of the soul that  connects us to all things. Two things happened. One was that I saw a face from profile, gender undetermined. It was propelled by flames like a bad animation. It descended from my upper left and descended towards my heart landing with a thud. What that was, I have no idea. 

The other thing that occurred was that I received some information. I was reminded not to view the names of the qabala as merely names of power but as names of God and very real places and things. Another bit of information was something that I have to keep to myself as it relates to a friend. I will see what happens with that info. 

I am sure there is more that I wanted to say tonight. If I can recall that, there may be two posts tonight. For now, I leave you with this, which I found on Facebook earlier today.

Meditation on Steroids

Tonight, I tried to up the ante with the Manifestation Meditation. I feel I am so close to greater things and a tighter connection with the highest levels of my soul. So, I added a bit of Enochian language that I have some experience with. The goal of this bit of language is to open a portal.

Portals, or doorways, to other realms are as helpful as the obvious implications inherent in those words. So,  I attempted to create a portal to my Greater Neschemah, my immortal soul.

Immediately, I saw a crystal shape descend into me. Ho hum, that image had been in my mind from reading material from early on in my career. There was a huge influx on energy that came with it. That is why I am writing this at 1 AM. I had visions of a home I will live in or is owned by people that I am very close to, perhaps related. I could almost see some faces. It was a nice place.

Is that a metaphor? I have a tendency to take things too literally sometimes.

What really hit home was the idea that the immortal soul lives in and can still be connected to imperfect personalities, "because they are a perfectly valid expression of the soul." This is freeing. I have received lots of indications that my drive to personal perfection isn't a requirement.

I am not sure why but I found this a bit scary. I will do it again. Perhaps tomorrow.


If you liked my blue hand, the artist's "art only" blog can be found here.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

A Friend Transitioned

My friend Chris Greenwood passed away last night from natural causes. I am not sure what to say right now but I needed to recognize his passing here. I am heart-broken.

Chris had a very practical view of life.

"You may not find a career but you can always find work."

"Know who you are hanging out with. It is the innocent bystander that gets shot."

He adored his little sister but he was a private man. I don't know if she knows that.

He was the first get handed a beer because they certainly weren't his to just give away.

Chris dreamed of moving to England but it wasn't meant to be this time around.

There is something often said when a person passes. "He was very well liked." In this case, it isn't politeness but truth. Chris could get along with almost anyone and rarely had a harsh word to say. He will be sorely missed.

May his Will be accomplished. Yeah, may his Will be accomplished.

An Image

I asked my friend whose blog seems to have disappeared off my roles to make a particular image for me.  I sent her a picture of my hand with my cherished mala wrapped around it a peculiar way. Then I told her what I wanted her to do with it. This is the result.

I am thrilled!

The image was one that appeared in a meditation. To me, the symbolism applies as follows:

The hand creates. It is the physical yod of the qabala.

The mala is prayer.

The blue is mercy. This mercy and love is from the qabalistic sphere of Chesed. This is also the memory of our cosmic journeys. It is that part of us that remembers we have an immortal soul.

The red is Strength. This is power from the qabalistic sphere of Geburah. This gives us the energy to overcome the obstacles and difficult lessons of the path.

The gold is Beauty. It is the beauty of the purified self, qabalistic  Tipereth. It is also the imagination that inspires us to seek the highest soul, which sparks the fires of Geburah which gives us the strength to persevere until we remember who we really are. It also is my HGA ring.

At the wrist, the beads form a double circle, below and above - as above so below. The hand within the rings demonstrates the ability to live within the virtues of one's own soul. There is no need to stray.

I did not ask for the background color. Yet it too has a significance to GD work that only a GD person would understand. Should they want to put it in context with the above, they will get it.

For years, I've heard that I should wear red and blue. I am finally beginning to understand.

Thank you Nicole, this is awesome. I am actually a bit teary writing this. You gave me a gift.

Currently, I am using this image as my google account profile picture which appears when I like a blog. It is also the image of this blog of Facebook. Little does she know, I am going to ask her to turn this into a banner for this space.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Ignoring the Self

Sorry Nutty, but I am about to get philosophical or introspective.

In the book, The Magus of Strovolos*, Daskolos, the main character, tells of a student that was using astral projection to look at naked girls. Daskolos removed that person from his circle because, "a mistake like that can set you back lifetimes."

It isn't the mistake that matters. It is knowing you are making one. The mistakes we make that we are unaware of contemporaneously to our actions are merely indicators of our state of being. They can be overcome as we purify. In that purification process, we usually face some measure of their karma, for lack of a better word.

When we know we are making a mistake and think we can get away with it or talk ourselves into doing it "just one more time" we are impacting the Work quite negatively. The 'karma' faced is much harsher. Sure, a certain amount of social spin or b.s. or even magic can delay those ramifications but they will not be stopped. I would wager that such efforts vibrate at such a level that they delay one's progress years if not lifetimes.

I can couch this in my own idiosyncratic qabalistic terms.

Binah is the part of the Greater Neschemah, the immortal soul. The English translation is Understanding but I prefer the term Comprehension.

Comprehension is a perfect way to describe to describe this issue. We comprehend that we are making a mistake but we turn our backs on our own knowledge. When we do that we are turning out backs on the messages from our own soul. This is one-hundred percent in contradiction to the oaths taken or at least the attitude taken as we embark on the Work. This forces our own higher soul to make a correction that we have no choice but to hear. We must respond. Unfortunately, that correction is usually harsh.

Binah is restrictive. Our knowledge of our own soul limits (restriction) is required for us to live within the virtues of our own soul.

This should not be mistaken for a moral issue. Morals have nothing to do with it. My mistake may be perfectly acceptable within your own soul limits but way outside of mine. This isn't about even the behavior. The specific act likely means nothing in the deep well of time (also Binah). It is specifically about failing to heed our own insights our own comprehension of our own basic natures.

By basic, I do not mean base. I mean the fundamental self, the core, exactly who we are. This is beyond the transient personality. This is our reflection of the divine. Go against it at your own peril.

*Highly Recommended Reading. If I was an AA style teacher, I would require that book.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Fire is Love

I have always associated Love with watery things. In his Book of Thoth, Crowley speaks of the Ace of Swords and says, "Love is the purpose of this ruthless analysis." The f---ing Swords are about love. I knew exactly what he meant when he wrote that.

Now, as I keep bumping up against the Neschemah I am wondering two things...

1) how is transformational fire about love in direct human terms.
2) am I bumping up against the neschemah or just hitting a deeper level of Netzach?

Netzach, Victory, has a link to my favorite tarot card the Star. The star is the sweet passing on of divine gifts without ownership. I got to stand in that current once. So, am I mistaking my Neschemah for the higher aspects contained in Netzach? Am I being told to investigate Netzach?

I know I have to trace back this idea as I was previously told and figure out how it has been transmuted into something just impure enough to lead me off track? Sorry for the ramble but I am confused.

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Doing Nothing

The Manifestation Meditation has been in full gear. I've been meditating on linking my Neschemah (Immortal Soul) to my Ruach (Personality Soul) to my Nephesch (Instinctual Soul - Fight/Flight and Reproduction) to my G'uph (Physical Body).  The meditation morphs as I pick up the pieces I need.

Today, as I sat here, I felt extreme love, not just for my friends but for everyone. It was peace and joy and a wonder. It didn't come with hyper-awareness or knowledge of some arcane thing. Love, just love.  Then suddenly, I was distracted and it was gone. 

Yet, I know what I felt was deeper and stronger than my last brush with my higher self but not as lingering. I am not sure what that contradiction means. 

Later in the day, someone popped my balloon. This is the second time this has happened. I feel like I reached a new level and someone comes along quickly and deflates me. This time though, there was not a hint of an ego problem. I am not sure why the universe poked at me. Many any ego at all is a problem but I have a hard time believing that. Egos are necessary.

My mentor warned me that the higher I rose the more often I'd find people trying to intentionally drag me down. In my case, intentionally is the wrong word but I do understand his meaning.

Edit: I realized after posting this that that love didn't go away. I can still access it. Maybe that was the lesson. The ego pokes do not matter. Maybe not. 

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Automatic Personality and Unity

I've always worked to purify the lower self. It has been a focus that I've finally been able to leave behind in large part. Not because I'm perfect but because my lower self no longer interferes in my life. You also get little confirmations telling you it is time to move on. I received one today, even though I already knew, as a friend was relating what someone else said, "Say what you want about Robert but he has done the work." Yeah. Done. Well, I am done with at least part of it. I am sure the lower self will try to jump at me from time to time.

As is often the case, when you transition from one perspective to the next, something defines what you've just been through. In this case, I ran across this article on Yeat's Vision, "The Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn." Frankly, I disagree with some of what it says. However, it gave me the perfect phrase for the lower self -- the automatic personality.

This is so true. When the lower self has control you behave without thinking. Oh, yes, we like to think we think but it is really a matter of input - unconscious programming code - output. That programming was broken for me by passing through the elemental grades. So, I will use the 'little personality' line from the Magician of Strovolos as the willful little creature that almost thinks. The one that demands its puny desires be met. The automatic personality phrase will be used to describe the part of us that does not think at all.


I did another unity meditation last night. As previously reported, this meditation is a spin off from the Manifestation Meditation.  One word: WOW I began to feel the Neschemah come into play. It was just the edges but it was still fun.

There was one of those miscommunication moments. I understood what spirit told me literally but not its application. I must be missing something. I learned that every thought is reflective of what the Greater Neschemah is trying to communicate to the aspirant. It just needs traced backwards to the source. By reverse engineering we can eliminate the impurities and find the original intent of the thought. The problem is that I've tried that in normal consciousness and got no where.

I was also given a vision of a plane trip being very important to me. All I remember is landing in a sunny locale. It could have been anywhere but it was a modern city, probably in the United States. I saw lots of suburbs surrounding the airport.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Manifestation Meditation Results in Unity

I have been performing the Manifestation Meditation mostly daily. The goal is to unify the higher self (immortal soul) with the personality and other parts of the qabalistic soul. The odd part about it is that it has been inspiring me to perform different meditations. Each meditation makes sense within the context of the goal.

Last night, the normal mantra was not working. I switched to several others before my mind snapped onto an image. I could see the pentagram of spirit hanging over my altar in my temple room. I use this when I perform my idiosyncratic version of the LIRP.

The image was easy to focus on and very clear. I began to see the other pentagrams of the ritual and how the energy connecting those resulting in a flat doughnut shape when combined with spirit. In the middle spirit was three dimensional while the ring, dispute the vertical pentagrams was two dimensional. I could also clearly see how temple space could be enhanced by the addition of the planets. outside of the elemental pentagrams.

All that was secondary.

The important part was that I internalized spirit and the angel of spirit. I applied Eheieh to myself, "I am that which I am." My mantra became my full name. I saw each part of my name to be analogous to levels of the soul. My first name was my Greater Neschemah (immortal soul), my second was the Ruach (Personality) and may last was my G'uph (body).  You would think the first two would be reversed but no.

At some point I knew myself to be merged with spirit. All of my soul was together. I don't have the words to describe that but I want to feel it again and make it permanent. After all, that is the goal of the Manifestation Meditaiton.

Speaking of which, I am trying to write that up into a small e-book on the Manifestation Mediation. I have only four pages now. This time, I am using my new LIRP information about the elements to get them to push and energize me for this project. Elements are not the best to use for this, according to general consensus. My plan is to use the automatic personality for me, rather than against me.

My next post will cover the automatic personality.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Giving Back

In my last post, I mentioned how impressed I was with this weekend's Central Valley Pagan Pride Day.

I am so impressed, that DoingMagick has just entered into an agreement to sponsor their website by donating six times the yearly cost. I am also working on a tarot symposium with myself and at least one other tarot teacher with all the donations going directly to the Central Valley Pagan Pride Day committee.

Given how cheap I am normally, this size donation must demonstrate how much impressed I am with their operation.

Sunday, September 18, 2011


Yesterday, I participated in the Central Valley Pagan Pride Day. After a hiatus of a few years, the new organizer, Audra Taylor, and her crew did a bang up job. What really impressed me that in Audra's first attempt at running such a thing, it was every bit as organized as Pantheacon. I've attended Pantheacon probably ten times and spoke there twice. So, that is no idle compliment. This "small" local event attracted an estimated 500 people. I know vendors that made a profit. Not bad after the issues that occurred with the last one.

I spoke on Golden Dawn Basics. I have a really hard time guessing how many people extended me the courtesy of their time. I am guessing from 30 to 50. At the end, I heard two young ladies spontaneously utter the word, "Wow".  Speakers don't get a much better compliment than that. The local anthropologist asked me to use these speech for the next lecture I give to her class.

Later, I met a fellow from Africa. He was speaking to the anthropologist while I was a few feet away. He called me over to join the conversation. I remember thinking that this guy is brilliant, educated, connected spiritually, and had a mind that worked much too quickly for me to follow. He then told the anthropologist that I was a moral man and how he could tell. The odd part is that this is the second time in recent memory that someone has said that. I am not sure why that has occurred recently. To me that is a nice compliment as neither implied a judgmental morality, just my own. Later he said that he called me over because resonated as a man of peace. That was quite a nice compliment given my assessment of this man prior to his saying that.

My back problems have finally been diagnosed with a physical cause. This is very nice as most doctors left me with the impression there was no physical cause. It was very nice to know there is one and that it is treatable. It won't be cured but it is treatable.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Questions from my Editor

My editor talked to me about the Spirit post. His editorial suggestion follows:

Last night, I popped into (my?) temple and did my modified version of the LIRP to call the angels of the elements. Technically, I don't need the ritual (why not?, but it does bring a sense of comfort, I suppose. (This sounds awfully ambivalent - I'm curious as to how it provides a sense of comfort?) My temple room is humming right now and I like that. So, for now, I will keep doing that ritual.

He points out things like this a lot. So, I suppose at least some of yo have the same questions. I am going to start answering his questions here in hopes of two things. First, that it will improve my writing. Secondly, I am hoping to fill out the gaps you may have. I guess if I was a marketer, I'd reverse those but I figure if these omissions really bothered you, my reader,  you'd have asked by now.

Why do I not need to do the LIRP to call the angels of the elements?

First of all, these are not archangels of the original LIRP but elemental angels. Having contacted them, I have internalized them to a point. Thus making the full ritual unnecessary. Even with that, the ritual forms allows stronger communication. I would prefer to do it for that reason.

Why does the ritual [LBRP/LIRP] bring a sense of comfort?

Some of this can be explained by the simple comfort of a repeated action. The same way that a warm cup of coffee is just as welcome on a work day as it is on a quiet Saturday morning. I suppose the mental balancing of having all the elements so aligned with spirit contributes. Maybe it is the act of taking charge of my own spiritual path and discovers is represented by this fundamental ritual. It could be that I perceive the forces to be so much present when doing this rite in my temple room. ++This is actually a very good question. I am going to have to think about it a bit more.


When I first started this blog, RO used to get mad at me. He said I would lead up to something and then leave him hanging. I told him I did not do that. He disagreed and eventually convinced me. From time to time, others have complained about the same thing. My editor even pointed it out.

So today, I am actually going to share specifically what I did today. I have replaced the names of the archangels in the LBRP/LIRP. It isn't exactly new idea in the realm of modern magick but the specifics came to me as I performed my other redaction of the LIRP when I asked the angel of air Chassan to teach me about joy. The response was that air was appropriate but I had the wrong kind of air. I needed to get specific.

What was meant was that there are many classifications of elements upon the tree. Most people think of the sephiro as associated with planets but each is also associated with an element. The classification I used involved the first place each element appears on the tree coming from the top town.

Very technically, the first place air appears is in Keter but if we think of it that way, we never get out of Keter. Everything exists in Keter. So the first place on the tree that air makes an appearance is Tipereth. Fire first appears in Chokmah, water in Binah and Earth in Malkuth. I used the the hierarchy associated with those spheres plus the angel of the of the element within the LIRP.


YHVH Eloah Va’daath
Elemental Angel: Chassan

Elemental Angel: Aral


YHVH Eloheem
Elemental Angel: Taliahad


Adonai Ha-Aretz
Elemental Angel: Phorlak

In addition, I vibrated these names as I drew the invoking pentagram for that element each time I vibrated a name. The exception was the elemental angel. For those, I drew the elemental sigil found in this article in the middle of the pentagrams as I vibrated the elemental angel's name. I view this as sealing the forces in place. 

Once I completed that, I prayed to the angel to manifest "the forces I have already invoked." My idea here was to filter the sephirotic energy through a more easily contacted medium, the elemental angel. The results were fascinating. 

With Fire: I heard the following phrase that many of you will recognize, "such a fire existeth, extending even through the rushing of air." 

Water: "primal sleep" from the Golden Dawn Neophyte ritual. I experienced an internal silence in a profound way. This was telling me that when I can live within this silence, I can not only bond with people from there because there are no mental processes to interfere, thus 'silencing my inner jerk', but truly perceive and feel the world around me.

Earth: I was told that anything I do invoking the other elements like this must manifest. I need to be very very careful. 

When I hear a warning like that I listen. I also assume it is only meant for me. This is just a key to my talents. Someone else's talents may need other avenues of expression.

Air was the purpose of this little exercise. I was given the gift of joy but I didn't feel anything. Of course, later, I was exposed to the silence of water. 

Ironically, because I was so forthcoming in this post, the following entered my head: Know, Will, Dare, Keep Silent

Know: Air, the knowledge of what you don't need to know/think
Will: Fire, Such a fire existeth, extending even through the rushing of air"
Dare: Earth, Manifestation (upon earth)
Silence:Water, inner quiet

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Public Event

I will be speaking on the topic of Golden Dawn Basics:

Central Valley Pagan Pride Day in Fresno
Saturday, September 17, 2011 2:00 PM
Sunset View Shelter, Woodward Park


Last night, I popped into temple and did my modified version of the LIRP to call the angels of the elements. Technically, I don't need the ritual but it does bring a sense of comfort, I suppose. My temple room is humming right now and I like that. So, for now, I will keep up doing that ritual.

I went to each element and gave it instructions for today. For instance, I need earth to continue to inspire me to get organized and to have everything in a neat orderly place. It has started that work with me and the results are great. I am just keeping the momentum moving. I asked water to increase its presence but in a very specific way. We will see what transpires with the rest.

The most important part was dealing with spirit. I focused on the Fool card as Spirit has previously inspired me to do. The part I was supposed to understand was that spirit plays the role of the instigator. The dog in the image is inertia. It wants everything to stay the same. Spirit ignores the dog.

This analogy cannot always be true. I am a bit of an animist so I see spirit in a rock too. Most rocks do not move so much.

The other part that mattered was that I was able to drink in spirit. I took that feeling and inhaled it until it reached my toes. Bliss. It is like making love.

When I went to bed, I reached out to many people and offered my blessing of spirit. I blessed those that would expect me to and those that would be stunned to learn that I blessed them and everyone I could think of in between. This was peaceful, like dawn.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011


Last night, I was interviewed by a local anthropologist. She has interviewed a lot of the locals here. Originally, her plan was to write a small book introducing those of us who are guest lecturers for her classes. The book may be published as a textbook with a very limited production. As part of the interview, the author asked me what symbols are and how they are used.

My answer was that each symbol represents a specific idea of cosmic reality. Symbols link the practitioner to that reality that he or she might explore and possibly manipulate what is found there. The more I practice magick the more I realize that symbols are keys. Like all keys, they only open certain locks. Unlike keys, however, another factor is in play beyond the key and lock themselves. That factor is the subjective perception of the symbol held by the magician.

I can cite a personal example of that. Many years ago, I called upon a spirit of Jupiter. I perceived that this particular area of the cosmos conveyed wealth, along with the benevolence of those in power. I was offered wealth, which I declined. Over the next few months, various people in power befriended me. This was a direct result of working with Jupiter and my understanding of that realm.

 Now, my perspective is more along the lines of cosmic memory. This allows us to remember past lessons – to recall who we are on a deeper level than we are aware of in our normal state. It doesn't matter if my new perception is correct. What does matter is that the new perspective will interact with the symbol of Jupiter that I would use if I contacted it again. It will take me to a place related to both my idea and to Jupiter. If my idea is off the mark, I will wind up in a place that is very tangential to Jupiter. However, I would wager that I could find an analogy to that sphere.

There is one more factor here -- alignment. The more you align yourself with the symbol the deeper the interaction. This alignment can be enhanced by conjuring the spirit or spirits aligned with the symbol, studying any lore associated with it, meditation on that lore or specific aspects of it, conjuring spirits that have some affiliation with the symbol in question (for instance, I learned a great deal about the tarot pips from Enochian conjurations), affirmations, gratitude (when things happen in life that can be associated with that force or symbol), prayer and a host of other things that can likely be explored.

Monday, September 12, 2011


Part of my work right now is that of recombination. When the work starts, the elements that make one up are separated. The basic idea is that when the ego forms it forms in some measure of ill-balance. So, the elements are removed, refined/purified and eventually recombined into a position of greater balance.

I have done the separation. I have done the purification. Naturally, that doesn't mean I am pure. I am not Jesus or Buddha. It means I've done as much as I can and the recombination has to take place. As far as I know, there is no instruction manual.

Today, I popped into temple and willfully started that process. I'm sure it has been going on but now I am taking an active hand. Frankly, I think I have earth and air well in hand. Spirit is also looking good. I am gaining an understanding of fire. Water is still very problematic.

I can say this. I gave each element a command today. There was no ritual. I simply spoke. All five have delivered what I asked for within twelve hours. Have you ever heard the phrase, "Be careful what you wish for?" Water! Ugh. I find working with its metaphorical side so difficult. Being disconnected from the element of unity is quite ironic.

Friday, September 9, 2011

A Personal Contradiction

I want to quit. I'm tired of the lessons. I'm tired of magick being everything, all encompassing. I keep saying this.

Despite that, there is a half made GD Style water cup behind me and a sword to be blessed for good friends. Tonight, I did my revised LIRP and asked each element to help balance me.

  • Air said that it is about sight. It will help me see more clearly.
  • Fire said it wasn't its job to balance. Let the other elements do that but just a small amount of fire can transform anything, anyone. Though a person has to want to transform. 
  • Water said that it can help me understand by allowing me to merge with things and others but I really have to want to.
  • Earth said it would build me a pillar, unassailable, upon which I could place my symbol.
  • Spirit said to draw it into my body.
That sounds ho hum. Yet, that new ritual rocks. 

Anyone else see the contradiction? I'm not going to quit doing magick. I cannot. I could stick my toe in my ear more easily. Yet, when I say I want to be done. I do. There must be a reconciling third thing. I am not sure what it is. 

It may be that my role now is no longer to purify, no longer to reconstitute. I just don't know what the new role is. I hope it comes tomorrow. I am sick of where I am at now.

There are Three of Me

Last night I had a very short but not so normal lucid dream. I am sure it was related to my temple work earlier in the evening.

There story on the television screen. The subject matter was one of my primal fears. I was doing okay until the news story showed images of that fear. YIKES! I tried to run but then I realized I had sleep paralysis. With that realization, I became aware that I was asleep but the person that realized that was not the person who had the sleep paralysis.

I did a pentagram of fire but I was shaky and insecure, not my best work. Nothing happened.

As odd as this sounds, I felt as if there were three of me at once. I cannot define the characteristics of each. I feel that information would be important.

Maybe, there is the one of primal fear (Nephesch), one that can think (Ruach) and one that can watch (Highest Self)?

Thursday, September 8, 2011

A Night of Fire

Tonight, I was reading, the AGEDE that was recommended by Ananeal Qaa. I came across some tidbits that were of interest as I am reading this with some care.

One page dealt with fire. The following quote struck me with great interest:

The ancient Greeks distinguished the Destructive (Aidêlon) Fire, associated with Hades (Aidês), from the Creative Fire, associated with Hephaistos, the Divine Smith or Craftsman. In Orphic cosmologies, as in many others, a Divine Craftsman is born from the Cosmic Egg or is responsible for opening it

Way back when I was very new to all this, before I met the Alexandrians and Golden Dawn people, a close friend was advising me on my journeys, I encountered Hephaistos. In fact, he was the first god I had encountered. Oh how I wish I kept records of what he said. I do remember he asked me to be his priest. I declined. I simply find it fascinating that this circled back into itself as the Conclave of the Greek Key is merging into the Orphic Mysteries. Here I have a link going back full circle. And my journeys then were called delusional, no.

The second item that caught my attention was this: to the radiant body. The radiant body (augoeides), also known as the astral body (astroeides) or aitherial body, is the vehicle of the Higher Soul,...

So, I popped into the temple room and using my newly modified LIRP I invoked Spirit and Fire. At the invocation of Spirit I saw a beautiful silver and gold cup and I remembered this line from Black Sabbath's Heaven and Hell,

And they'll tell you black is really white 

The moon is just the sun at night 
And when you walk in golden halls 
You get to keep the gold that falls 
It's Heaven and Hell 

It is funny how things you once thought were evil take on whole new meanings at higher levels. 

I then walked to the south and asked the spirits of fire to energize my radiant body so that I could astral project from an aware state as opposed to a dream. I received a surprise.

My feet began to tingle and then get hot. The sensation moved up my legs. It began to hurt. This was uncomfortable. It burned. The sensation was not unlike that felt when you put a nine volt on your tongue only with the additional discomfort of heat. I was offered an opportunity to stop. This was followed by an offer to continue at a later date.  I declined. The sensation moved up to my waist. Fortunately, it was less painful.

The odd part was that it returned at my head level. Later, it move to my arms. It never landed in my chest.  Eventually, the spirits of fire told me they were done. They told me that no one could claim that I have not passed through fire. It was anti-climatic. There was no astral projection. 

I banished fire. There was no way I was going to let something that created that intense of a physical sensation hang around especially when that spirit was of fire. When I moved back to the center of the circle to thank spirit, I saw a King with Scales. It reminded me of Libra. The figure acknowledge that he was of Libra and told me I was closer than I thought. I have heard that before. The image was very much like the a cross between the Rider-Waite King of Swords and Justice. It was much more like the Justice card but with the court card colors. 

Thank Yous for Those Providing Assistance

From time to time people point out various websites and other information that help me along. The two that immediately come to mind are Ananael Qaa and Pallas Renatus. Given that I am not a scholar, I don't always know that information is out there. These two have consistently supplied reading material and insights. In addition, Jack provides me with information and resources more privately. 

These people are of great assistance and I appreciate that they not on read my ramblings but offer their aid. 

Today Ananael pointed me to The Ancient Greek Esoteric Doctrine of the Elements. I am not sure if he is aware of this or not but it links my work with The Conclave of the Greek Key (Helpful Deity) to the elements through the Orphic Mysteries. Just that tidbit of information is a gold mine. I am sure that I will find more treasures as I read through this. 

So, I would like to thank these fine gentlemen and the others that have taken a moment to comment with comments, information and encouragement. The winner in the last category is probably the Nutty Professor. Her comments do buck me up on occasion, especially now that I am having such a hard time psychologically. 

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Ever Expanding Fire

This morning I meditated on the earthen bowl and flame mentioned yesterday. The meditation involved the image of bowl and flame as well as the names of the angels of the elements.

When I mentioned the name of the angel of fire a couple of curious things happened. One was that I found myself in ring of fire. This was obviously a defensive barrier. The second was much more important. The flame in the bowl went out of control. I would calm it down by asking the angel of air to withdrawal. This always worked beautifully but any time the angel of fire was thought of, the flame expanded. Eventually, I wondered why.

Fire only has one action. It expands. As long as there is fuel it will consume it while continually jumping to the next available source. There is no part of fire that enjoys the scenery. Everything is fuel. Man grows when he harnesses the power of fire while controlling its destructive aspects. This has great implications for magick and spirituality.

The point of that is that Fire expands. All it can do is expand.

Please pardon the qabalistic detour but this explains why the first of the four qabalistic worlds is the fiery Atziluth. This creates an ever unfolding and expanding universe. From here, I could say that Briah (water) cools or slows down the rate of the fire. Otherwise too much energy would exist. This, of course, brings up the Lurianic idea of the shattered spheres. Air on the other hand is the meditating force between the violent mixture of fire and water which either slows down or balances the energy before it manifests on earth. I could say all that and I just did but it isn't fully correct. Maybe as I learn more about Water and Air this can get flushed out more.

In alchemy the worlds are not viewed in the same order but as Fire, Air, Water and Earth. This brings up other analogies about its working that I should look into someday. Using multiple symbol sets can be fruitful.

This I do now know. All fire can do is expand. You must bring in other mediating forces to use it properly.

The practical application for me is this.

As a Leo, I am full of fire. I don't need any more. However, I do need to control it. There are several projects I have started but never finished. Getting determined even momentarily to finish those may be all I need, if I remember to fan the flames and keep them focused on the project. I have no doubt when working on such things I will be a bit irritable as that is a trait of fire. I can accept that, if it means getting some things done. If I can remember to starve the flames during the difficult times, I will be able to control my speech even more.

Spiritually, there is another issue. It doesn't take long to see the rabid evangelist as someone that has taken spiritual fire but not yet harnessed its destructive edge. So, they create anger, distrust and an insular belief system. These are negative aspects of fire. I can think of three bloggers that have the same problem though they manifest it differently, myself included. The accomplished magicians that I do know that do not have this problem, feel very watery to me. Therein, lay another clue. If I can calm down the fire, so it heats the emotional water just enough to express loving warm compassion, I just may learn something.

There is much to explore here. This should be interesting.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Fire and Earth

Once again I am working with simple elements. So many magicians eschew their use as beneath them. 

Today, I invoked earth, fire and spirit. The combination of these elements have always satisfied me. 

The image I received is familiar to me, a bowl dug into the earth with a flame residing in the center. The flame, calm at first, began to get out of control. It rose and got wild. Curiously, it remained in the cup. I called the spirit of earth and the bowl of earth grew. Making the bowl proportionate to the fire calmed the flame. I shrunk the bowl and the flame grew wild. I called the spirit of air to move further away. The flame reduced and became calmer. I did this three times until I was satisfied. I then reversed the process.

At no time did I work with fire directly. I worked with its supporting elements to control the flame. There is a BIG F---ING LESSON there. I flashed to my frustration issues at work. If I catch them fast enough, I can call spirits of air and ask them to move back. I can call earth and ask it to expand. At least that is what the vision showed. We will see how that works in the real world. 

That wasn't the point of the lesson. I noticed there was no fuel. Spirit told me that the proper fuel is my desires. I asked, "Isn't that fire (Netzach)?" 

"Not when you make them earthly [like wood]," was the answer. 

I understand what was being said but not quite how to do this magickally. Is this just a matter of focus? I am not sure. I do know that one of those desires is a new job. I have a plan that I am not ready to discuss yet. Future magick is going into that plan as well as mundane work. We will see.

I just knew that there was more to learn. I wasn't getting it. Then spirit told me something that humility forbids repeating. The finalizing process of that can be fuel as well. While it was nice to hear. I am not sure I want that. Apologies for being vague. My editor is going to kick my ass. 

Meditation continues. The mantra is morphing to greater specifics. More on that in a future post. 

Mostly Meditation

I have been practicing a great deal of meditation of late. I meditate a minimum of twice a day to a maximum of four times. My timer has been set for as low as ten minutes and as high as 15. Though, I have blown through the timer twice and gone thirty minutes twice. This has made my focus in my daily ritual work so much better.

The thing to note this week has been how the meditations have changed. The manifestation meditation is about allowing my conscious self to build a home for my Neschemah and holding an aware contact with it. Over the last week or so that has morphed into specific meditations. I had thought that I was moving off target. However, I think I am meditating on skills that will allow the manifestation meditation to be more effective.

For instance, the last couple of nights have focused on removing the internal walls that prevent me from sensing the occult universe. I suppose another way to say that is that it is tearing down the walls that prevent my intuition from functioning. This in turn morphed into tearing down the internal walls that keep me from fully interacting with and absorbing the energies of those around me.

Sometimes I see a reflection in the real world and I know it is a result of what I have done. In this case, I am not sure. This morning, I went for a bagel and coffee. Someone was preparing their coffee and I was behind him. Most of the the time, I experience this politely but impatiently. Today, I simply stood there. He turned around and handed me the objects I needed. I didn't ask for them. He just gave them to me. I thanked him but he didn't seem all that interested in my thanks or even that I was still there.

This pattern also applied at the local occult shop. The place is a difficult place to visit. Even out of town psychics I know refuse to go in there for all the negativity. The owner also radiates a hatred for men. I can only guess at the traumas that caused that but it is still hard to take. Today, they fell all over me with genuine  kindness. I even bought a cup that I will make into my GD style water cup soon.

This confuses me. There is a large part of me that is really done with GD and magick. Yet, I buy the cup.

Friday, September 2, 2011

Blog Changes

This blog is now up to between 5,000 and 6,000 hits a month. A large percentage of viewers are returning for over the 100th time. Blogger Ad Sense is sending me consistent messages about placing ads on the blog. So, I am going to give it a shot. The one time I made money on this blog was $20.00 from Amazon sometime last year. Obviously, getting twenty dollars is just for fun. I didn't even notice for two months. So, I am going to see how much revenue this can generate. Forty dollars a year may buy me a book or two.

Adsense uses some kind of cookie. So, I will be adding a page explaining that.

This blog has also been configured for mobile users. So, if you have a mobile device, you should be good to go.